(Published June 12th, 2016)

Ignorantitis, Percy Jackson the Kuzoo Rockstar, and Hitler the God

Fanfic of the Chapter: Demeter's Call by @xXGirlOfTheNightXx
(Media is the cover of the book)

[WARNING: TOA SPOILERS]

~~~

~Camp Half-Blood is now "Camp Coming-Out". Screw them orange shirts, we got them rainbow shirts. We also like to traumatize tiny children and mind control them and force gayness down their throat so that they can't reproduce and then the population will decrease and the ILLUMINATI WILL WIN.

Yep. That has been Rick Riordan's ploy the whole time.

Whoops, you caught him. Cat's out of the bag. Rick Riordan, the Troll God, the Storyteller of the gods, is actually the Illuminati.

#RickRiordanExposed2k16

#IlluminatiConfirmedΔ
.
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Bill! What did I say about infecting my books?

Bill: I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU PUNY MORTAL!

~Leo now has magical abilities where he will randomly pop up whenever someone in the world says the word "fire".

Percy: And so then I was like, "sHOTS FIRRREDDD"

Leo: *cRASHES INTO THE GROUND FROM THE SKY*

Leo:I HEARD FIRE AND I'M BACK AND IMMA LIGHT THIS PLACE ON FIRE, MOFOS

Leo: *BURNS DOWN ALL OF CAMP*

Chiron: leo wtf you've been missing for WHO KNOWS HOW FREAKING LONG WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD and then you BURN DOWN MY CAMP WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

(from @HoOforever)

~Everyone time the characters need some way to travel (like, for a quest or something), the Argo II just conveniently exists like, "oh yeah hey man, remember me? Yeah, that ship that was ZEUS FREAKING SLAPPED OUT OF EXISTENCE? Well uh yeah so I decided that Leo could just rebuild me up real quick because you gotta travel with swag amirite? Because #ImmaBeSwag. Can't be travelin' around looking like a FREAKING DEGENERATE, know what I'm saying?"

(from @InvisibleGirl456)

~I swear, some of the things I read in fanfics when things get all heated and romantic sound like The Author stole it straight from "Say No To This". Dude, no. You're not a founding father. You are not a bastard, orphan, son of whore and Scotsman--

(okay maybe you are the first three--)

You don't get to be in the room where it happens. You can just throw away your little non-existent shot because you are not Alexander Hamilton.

The world will never be the same because YOU PLAGUED IT WITH YOUR FREAKING CANCEROUS FANFIC.

(Media ;) )

~There's always that one daughter of Poseidon who's all like:
Ariel Jackson: *smothering Percy* omg you're so cool

Percy: um. Your hands are...

Ariel Jackson: what is it Percy

Percy: hands. Below sea level. Stahp.

Ariel: I don't understand lol

Percy: your hands are on my butt.

Ariel: oh.

Ariel: why does it matter lol sibling bonding

Like, I don't know what's creepier. This incest or the trashbag guy who confessed his love for LeafyIsHere:

Seriously, this video is the fuel of nightmares. Leafy was right--this video is the reason Santa does not exist.

(from @Some_Random_Demigod [yes the whole Ariel part is hers. Fite me. And yes, I spelled "fight" like "fite".])

~Okay let's just take a second and bow down to this freaking champion inspirational speech:

"One thing that amuses me is everyone complaining about whiny girls or Mary Sues and proceeding to glorify strong fictional women. But really, they're all not worth giving a hoot about. Now hear me out! The reason why people dislike Mary Sues is because they're two-dimensional. They have literally no personality besides being perfect. Now what about the strong female characters you're talking about or planning to write about? Is there anything more to them than being strong?

Personally, I don't give a rat's ass whether the character's personality is whiny, or strong, because what I care about is their character development, their diversity. Not all women are (physically) strong. Not all women are confident. Not all women are independent. Women are human, just like anyone else is. Some are insecure. Some want to be in a relationship instead of being single. Some aren't bad ass or brave.

So instead of writing these 'strong' female character or 'whiny' female characters, why not write three-dimensional, believable characters? Give them diversity. Give them unique characteristics. Make them interesting, not just 'bad ass'. Make them have feelings. Let them be weak, let them cry, let them be human, because at the end of the day, it's what we, as women, are, aren't we? Human." -@CelestialKnife

That is literally the most beautiful statement that I have ever seen on female characters, and more authors need to think this way.

>.>

<.<

I'm looking at you, James Patterson.

~BlitstoneShipper sent a message to their followers: I'm not sure if I liked The Hidden Oracle as much as Rick's other books.

Replies:

chikinriccebol: U WOT M8? U FUKIN WOT? FITE ME (ง'̀-'́)ง

DaDemigod: ***** IMMA FITE YOU

BlitstoneShipper: Um--

ScrewingSolace: U A HOMOPHOBIC MOFO WE GONNA BURN YOU LIKE DA GAY KKK

BlitstoneShipper: I didn't mean--

Percabeth63654376437348764856237531874: WE GONNA STUFF YOU IN A FREAKING MICROWAVE LIKE YOU SOME HOT POCKET

BlitstoneShipper: What?

LolImAsian: Bruh, does this kid even deserve to live, tho? People who don't like THO are weak and natural selection will wipe them out. So don't waste your time fighting with them cuz they gonna die anyway lol

BlitstoneShipper: I don't think it works like that--

EvalionIsBae: IMMA SHOVE YOU IN THE FREAKING AUSCHWITZ CONCENTRATION CAMP BECAUSE I'M NOW HITLER LOL

BlitstoneShipper: Dude, a Hitler joke? Seriously?

EvalionIsBae: hITLER WAS NOT A JOKE HE WAS A GOD--IS A GOD. HITLER IS AN IMMORTAL BEING AND THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED.

BlitstoneShipper: ... Why are you all following me?

Seriously though, the fandom needs to chill. This may be an over-exaggerated version of what I've seen, but still. Not everyone is going to like THO, and not everyone dislikes THO because of the homosexual references. Respect people's opinions, guys. Unless they support Evalion. In that case you need to shove freaking bleach down their throat.

~ *Avengers Fanfic*

[WARNING: Mentions of suicide. Guess I gotta put this here because triggering]

Everything was gone. My whole life was taken away from me. Annabeth was dead, my parents were dead, camp for some reason didn't care for me anymore. I was depressed. I went to the beach to go slit my wrists because I was bored and depressed. Just before I could slit my wrists with Riptide, this band of weirdly dressed people who look like they came straight out of ComicCon landed right in front of me! So I did what any sane person would do: I roasted them like the freaking sassy savage I am (oh and I also kicked their butts all at once, but that wasn't important). After I finished roasting them, a woman with short red hair came up to me and said:

"Hello Percy Jackson, I'm Natasha Romanoff and I am your aunt. You're going to come live with us and join the Avengers, even though you probably have a life and everything and YOU'RE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL but we don't care."

"But my mom's whole family is dead--" I began.

"Yeah I know that but The Author needed an excuse to write this terrible crossover so now I'm your aunt and you can DEAL WITH IT." Natasha (and the other Avengers but they're not important right now lmao) then whisked me away into the subset and all was happiness and rainbows.

~Everything is romanticized:

Boy: *gives girl a Dorito*

Girl: *takes Dorito*

Girl: *sees of paper on Dorito and reads it*

Paper: Prom?

Girl: Omgs, of course I'll go to prom with you! This is the most romantic way anyone could ask someone out to prom ever!

~People always freak out over the smallest things:

Percy: bro you look like a... a grapefruit. Yeah, a grapefruit.

All of CHB: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH SAAAAVVVAAAGGGEEE #PERSASSY

OC: nO I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF! THIS IS TOO MUCH! GOODBYE WORLD!

Percy: Here, have a parting gift.

Percy: *hands OC a giant bottle of bleach*

~Hecate is no longer relevant. Seriously, in all of these "Mist Disappears" fanfics, Hecate gets kidnapped and the Mist begins to lift. And what do the demigods do about it? Go and save her? Nah, that would require too much work. Instead they go to freaking school.

I mean, who needs the Mist? Gotta keep them grades up though.

#LearningNeverStops

(From @ZoeNightshade6577)

~The demigods be like: oh look, the Mist is gone. Let me just reveal myself to all these mortals because YOLOUYAEACR.

Mortals: aight ur cool

Um, no. It would go something more like this:

Demigods: so we're demig--

Mortals: *running around screaming, tearing out their hair, curled up into balls and crying*

Demigods: Um--

Mortals: *lighting themselves on fire*

Demigods: wait--

Mortals: *flinging themselves off of skyscrapers*

Yeah, mortals would never be calm if the Mist lifted. They'd be flipping their schist. I mean, look at Tristan McLean:

Tristan: *rocking back and forth* never again... never again...

(From @ZoeNightshade6577)

~Yes, Percy is actually a rock star on the kuzoo.

Just ask Annabeth and Magnus.

~*scrolling through Wattpad*

I need some quality fanfics. You know, the super original ones that make you feel good.

*scrolls through a bunch of fanfics that are all rip offs of each other*

Yep. These all look good. Wonderful. Best fanfics I've ever seen. Even though they're all just plagiarizing one fanfic in general and they're all cheap knock offs, I'm sure these fanfics will be the ones to inspire originality. 👌 11/10

~Every chapter is about 500 words long.

No one cares about quality length chapters.

Gotta get them views, know what I'm saying?

~Leo is now super obsessed with coffee.

Even though he hates coffee, for The Author's convenience to make a stupid hyper joke that nobody laughs at, Leo now loves coffee.

Forget about them Fonzies, Leo now owns all the Starbucks. In fact, Leo is no longer Latino. He's now your basic white hipster Tumblr Aesthetic girl.

He and Jason must've switched races.

~*a year and a half ago*

Fetus Chilea: nICO ISN'T GAY OKAY HE'S BI AND I'M ALSO HOMOPHOBIC HAHA LMAO

Rick Riordan: Actually Nico's gay.

Fetus Chilea: *lE GASP* .O.

Semi-Fetus Chilea: *is no longer homophobic*

Semi-Fetus Chilea: *adds that side note saying Nico is gay*

Rick Riordan: actually Nico's just confused lmao sike

No Rick Troll Riordan, you're confused.

~In all these Goode Fanfics, Percy is this over confident god who has all these girls chasing after him.

And just in case you were wondering, yes, this is the same boy who was too shy to ask Annabeth to dance in The Titan's Curse.

(Inspired by @That_Weird_Brunette)

~"Aqua pulled out her weapon, Editpir (dat's riptide backwards lmao i culdn't tink of any goode names)".

How about just "sword"?

You're acting like every weapon a demigod has is their freaking child. If you're going to name your weapon, then at least have some spiritual connection with it.

~Dear readers that constantly scream, "UPDATE!",

kys

Love,

Every single author on Wattpad

(Inspired by @neverlanded)

~WARNING:

There has been recent evidence of a new epidemic on Wattpad causing readers to be mindless selfish brats. This new disease, Ignorantitis, has been causing many defenseless readers to suddenly shout stupid accusations at the innocent author, not only annoying the author, but also making the reader look stupid. Readers are most likely to catch Ignorantitis if you're:

-Super defensive about a ship

-Super defensive about a character

-Strongly hates a character

-Or you have an extremely strong opinion and are very closed minded.

Those that are also prone to catch Ignorantitis are the readers that don't check the publish date for each chapter on this book before screaming, "SOLANGELO IS CANON. KYS YOU FREAKING MUFFIN".

There is no cure for this disease.

Have a good day!

:D

(Inspired by @neverlanded)

~Ha! I can't believe some of you actually think I wrote this book to help you avoid clichés in fanfictions! What a dumb idea!

Obviously this book was for people to advertise their own books on here because who doesn't love getting notifications thinking that someone wrote a legit comment on their story but instead it's just an advertisement for the reader's own book.

I mean, duh.

~In Goode fanfics, Argus is only relevant to be their personal chauffeur. Because everyone has personal chauffeurs.

What? You don't?

Have you been living under a rock?

~Poor Tyson. He's only relevant when everyone's trying to traumatized him by telling him what a period is or how babies are made.

~The demigods now actually have extra time on their hands for a good ol' game of Truth or Dare.

Pfffttt, who has time to participate in activities or go on quests?

~There are barely any books about just canon characters going on quests.

Ha, demigods don't go on quests. You think that have time for that? Nah, they have to spend their time on the important stuff: playing Truth or Dare and screwing around on Facebook.

~ "I've yet to read a fanfic where Leo is mentioned to be a cook and that Piper snores because both are so fucking canon I can't even." -@AsiaMoonfield

Pffft Kishia, haven't you heard? Liper is no longer the BrOTP.

It's Leoffee.

~Hestia must've burned in a a fire because she no longer exists.

RIP Hestia

Looks like #HestiaForQueen2k16 won't be a thing anymore.

(A/N)

First of all, I just want to apologize again for what happened on Wednesday. For those of you who are wondering why you couldn't see the update from Wednesday, it's because I took it down due to the fact I was cyberbullying. I apologized to everyone (including the author), so I hope everything us good now.

Also, fanfic of the chapter is Demeter's Call by @xXGirlOfTheNightXx. It's an amazing fanfic for a numerous of reasons (such as mentions of Loucil, Tysella, they go on a quest, the main character is a daughter of Demeter, GROVER IS ACTUALLY ON THE QUEST WITH THEM, it actually avoids pretty much all the clichés, the main character is hilarious). It doesn't get the amount of attention that it deserves, so I thought I'd mention it here.

Again, thank you guys for all the support, I love you all so much!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.