(Published November 30th, 2020)

[Fanfic of the Chapter: Endless Night by @ivoryshadows ]

Hooligan Schist, Clam Chowder, and Percy's sWoRd ;)

~~~

~Why do we put disclaimers tho

It's not like Uncle Rick is on Wattpad writing cringy fanfiction lmao

~Why are the titles for the chaos books hella long with random comma splices?

"Percy Jackson, Betrayed Hero Now, Omega Assassin of Chaos"

~Everyone at CHB in chaos fanfics: 

Children of the big three: 

~Inserting an OC into the original PJO books

Like bro what

I know Outer Banks fanfics have this problem, but why do we need to have it?

Like at least be original enough to come up with your own plot

~Sally just doesn't exist except when it's time to make Percy blue cookies.

Oh wait, that's Annabeth's job.

Percy is now officially an orphan.

There's now zero difference between him and Harry Potter (well except the fact that he's the long lost son of Voldemort--)

Percy: *swears* wHERE DID MY NOSE GO????

~Have I mentioned the Nico x Apollo x Will fanfics?

~smut: *is happening*

Readers under 14: oMG GET THE BLEACH I'M DYING WHY AM I STILL HERE MY INNOCENCE

readers over 14: *nonexistent*

~all these authors out here making a playlist for their fic like the readers are actually gonna listen to that

Like c'mon no one is gonna take the time

Even if you insert it in the media, no one is gonna take the time.

Give me a show of hands of people who listened to the song I put in that Annabell Chase chapter 5 years ago

Exactly.

~The average username of 2016, updated:

-itsya[entername]

~Annabeth is a sex animal

Annabeth looked at Percy with a fiery desire. "Seaweed brain," she began, biting her bottom lip, "can I play with your sword?"

Percy shrugged. "Yeaaah sure..." He pulled out Riptide and uncapped it. The sword grew to its full length, the celestial bronze reflecting in the golden sunlight.

Annabeth looked at Riptide with disappointment. "No babe, I meant your OTHER sword." She glanced down at a certain area where the sun don't shine 'cept Tuesdays and today was Tuesday.

Percy scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "I only have one sword, Wise Girl."

Leo suddenly jumped in the room, screaming, "bRO SHE WANT THAT DI--"

"SWUMP!" Hazel threw soap in Leo's mouth before he could finish.

~ First-time sex is NEVER painful in smut fanfics

Clearly, the author is still a virgin who watches way too much porn/reads too much smut

Nothing wrong with being a virgin (*waves*) and writing smut. Just make it a tad more realistic.

Unless your fic is just a porno. If that's the case, then this doesn't apply to you

~Okay, okay, but y'all can tell when someone who's never had sex is writing (hetero!) smut because both the guy and the girl climax at the same time

No honey, that boy is gonna last 11 seconds.

And the girl is gonna last longer than that

Plus why you always gotta leave hickeys

Like dam

Just let them be exposed

(As for gay sex, I have no idea how it logistically works 😂)

~y'all

we now got books intentionally written in lowercase

the bandoms and the aesthetics have taken over

((but tbh books that are written in lowercase actually have quality content))

~Demigods be running around at night on campgrounds doing whatever hooligan schist

I guess the Harpies that were supposed to keep watch over the campgrounds after curfew just took a permanent vacation to Middle Earth with the rest of the monsters.

~Authors that delete their books because they're "don't feel like it anymore" or "#immabeswag"

Bruh you got like thousands of fans who love your book okay if you don't wanna see your writing anymore just leave the website instead of deleting your books.

Would you like it if Rick Riordan suddenly didn't like PJO anymore and so he magically made every single book disappear?

Entire Freaking Universe: NO.

point made

~Some of y'all writing these demigods in high school fanfics have never gone to high school and it shows

~I don't know about y'all, but I went to three different high schools and NONE of them had a popularity hierarchy or some other schist.

Like that stuff only mattered in middle school lmao

I can sense 12-year-olds from miles away

Why?

Because all y'all gonna comment "hi im 12 and im mature for my age"

((Don't worry, I still love y'all 😂))

~Have I done something on Piper hating using her charmspeak?

Yes?

Well, for the people in the back: Piper hates using charmspeak

This is for you, Rick Riordan

Idk why you got Piper using her charmspeak like it's free candy at a diabetic's convention in The Burning Maze like dafuq

~Fandom: ew Jason is so boring! Percy is waaayyy better

Rick: oh rEaLlY?¿?

Jason: *dies*

Fandom: nO NO BRING HIM BACK WE LOVE HIM HE WAS OUR FAVORITE!

~"something stirred inside his pants"

oh look my soup is ready

it's chowder

Clam chowder

~Leo apparently came straight out of Tyler, the Creator's mind:

~"Annabeth cheats on Percy."

*or Annabeth is a slut

*or there's this magnificent being called Percy's Half Brother who is "possessed" by Chaos, causing him to sever his loyalty to Percy

*or Annabeth cheats on Percy with Jason. As if.

*or Nico

*never Frank because there's no Frank

(direct quote from @charmantes )

~THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ORDER. CHAOS DOES NOT HAVE A BROTHER NAMED ORDER. STAHP.

And why is order always evil? Shouldn't Chaos be evil because he/she is FREAKING CHAOS AND CHAOS IS BAD, I MEAN LOOK AT APOPHUS

~Leo: *gets nervous*

Leo: *starts tapping "I love you" in Morse code*

The Author: Leo wtf stop tapping the table in Braille

Me: ... 😑

Leo: wHALE

me: Leo no that's an EMOJI

~Camp Half-Blood is known as Delphi Strawberry Fields to mortals

And Argus delivers these strawberries

And everyone helps grow the strawberries, not just the Demeter kids. What, you think that the Demeter kids are slaves or something?

Because last I checked, Harriett Tubman was a descendant of Hermes

Harriet: whoa wait wHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING--

Me: *running away* MOVING ON!

~Children of Athena are claimed at birth

I mean it's pretty obvious when they're busting out of Athena's head and not her--

Hazel: *holds up soap* bOI IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH

~Hecate Kid: wINGARDIUM LEVIOSA

nO. THERE IS A WHOLE FORMAT TO SPELLS

it starts with Incantare: [insert Latin words for a spell here]

~~~

Fanfic of the Chapter: Endless Night by ivoryshadows

Sorry, another Loucil fanfic, but y'all know me with my Loucil! It is soooo good and it's written so well! It's inspired me to get back into Hecate's Revenge, so for all my HR fans, I highly recommend giving it a read!

Oh, and if you have any good fanfics you'd like me to read, put them in the comments and I'll try to check 'em out!

~

(A/N) Wow six months later and another update

College be stressful, y'all

Anyway I hope you all have an awesome holiday szn

idk when the next update will be because this is pretty much all the material I had from June lol

anyway

BYERSIEBYES MY FLUFFY ENCHILEADAS

Stay Perky!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, Daughter of Demeter (and very very very DISTANT legacy of Apollo)