(Published August 26th, 2015)

HIDE YOUR TUFO TACOS! THE TUFO-EATING BURGERS HAVE RISEN TO CONQUER US ALL!

~~~

~"Piper ate a hamburger."

She's a vegetarian.

Piper: BUT THE BURGER- THE BURGER IS SO GOOODDDEEEE.

But you're a vegetarian.

Piper: MEEEAAATTT.

Whatever happened to Leo's tofu tacos?

Piper: MY HAMBURGER ATE THEM!

Okkkaaayyyy then.

(from BrokenTimeTurner)

~Descriptions are either like this:

"I put on my blue seafoam green Gucci skirt with the rainbow bedazzle unicorn sparkles. My shirt is a whip-cream white with so many fluffy frills it would make Queen Elizabeth jelly. It had silver sprinkles and cupcakes (like real cupcakes) on it. My shoes are neon pink gladiator sandals that go up to my knees with little emoji poops on them. I put on my "Lol Bella Swan Was Actually Killed By A Vampire Red" lipstick on my perfect full lips. I then applied "Ariel's Entrails Seafoam" eyeshadow to make my sea green orbs pop. My mascara is a "Pollution Grey" and I put my "I Stole An Emo Girls Black Eyeliner" in a cat-eye design. Then I put on my "My Cheeks Are So Pink I Might As Well Faint" blush on my high beautiful cheekbones. I started to curl my golden hair with natural aqua blue tips with my $500 "Sexy Curly Beast" curling iron. Last but not least I put my $18,649,576 diamond hair clip in my hair then went with the rest of my cabin to the mess hall for breakfast."

Or

"I threw on the first thing I saw then left."

Okay, have fun sporting a phone and nightstand!

~The Author needs more variety in their characters because the readers are sick of reading about white chicks.

So they make characters of other races.

For example:

ShaNayNay: The Black Chick that loves fried chicken and kool-aid.

Chia Chong: Some Asian girl that gets straight A's and has no life.

Like, can't you have an Asian named Rosie?

Author: No, the Asian must be Chia Ching, so the audience knows they're Asian.

Rosie: BISH I AIN'T CHIA CHING!

~Chuck, Mellie, and Coach Hedge have flown to China because they aren't mentioned anywhere.

How are the Kung-Fu lessons?

~ "Oceane Jackson is a daughter of Poseidon but doesn't know who her mother is. She goes to CHB and Meets Percy Jackson. Then Oceane goes on a quest with her new boyfriend Nico Di Angelo to defeat Kronos and gaea.

(I SUCK AT SUMMARIES JUST READ DA BOOK IT'S RLLY GOOD.)"

Bro, can you even summarize?

Ain't nobody gonna read a book with a sucky summary. Your summary quality reflects your book quality, if it sucks, then so does your book.

But there's a Summary-Writing Camp right down the road!

(from Sun-Sky-And-Sea)

~ *Some really bad fanfic with incorrect facts*

Author: plz dont flame i kno its not rite but its my stroy so imma make it how i wanna.

Somebody call 911 because there's about to be some arsenic around here.

....

SOMEBODY CALL 911

FANGIRL FIRE BURNIN' ON THIS FANFIC

OH WOAH!

*coughs awkwardly* Sorry, couldn't contain myself.

~Regular demigods come into camp and be looking like Quasimodo when they first fight.

OCs come into camp and be looking like Bruce Lee when they first fight.

Girl please.

Sit your butt down 'cause you ain't talented.

~All the love interests in fanfics are heterosexual white people or Nico di Angelo.

It's like somebody put the white-wash filter on the characters. (from GreyAngel200)

~If there aren't only white-as-chalk characters, then there's characters that are only black, or Indian, or Chinese, or ect. Have you not heard of mixed people?

I guess we're just too cool to be included in yo trashy fics.

#TeamMixedKids

~When you see this in a fanfic:

"I'm sorry, there's no Percabeth [or some other overhyped ship] because I hate it."

And then the comments:

Percabeth63654376437348764856237531874: HBYMTVBSXFVGGRJSR,JGD,JZ YOU ARE NO REAL PJO FAN IF YOU HATE PERCABETH.

DaDemigod: nfsjtekjr,mhfgnhgdsmhgs gd Bro, do you even Percy Jackson?

chikinriccebol: jrjhdndndgh prcabet iz da besst shyp inn da word. goo kil ursellf. mhfsnfhdnhdmfmhfmhhmg

Horus_LovesPossessing_InnocentChildren: yall are stupid, didnt you see that this was a percico fanfic in the title?

Chilea: That moment when all the comments look like the person smeared their face all over the keyboard. Well, except chikinriccebol, that just looks like their normal english.

~In comments:

LolImAsian: LOLZ. Dis reminded me of that time in HoH where Calypso yelled at Leo like a ratchet old lady. Caleo is bae. Theyre so cute at da end of BOO.

MooWannaGoSkateboards: THANKS FOR SPOILING IT YOU JERK! I HAVEN'T FINISHED SoN yet!

LolImAsian: Wtf? Why iz yo ratchet butt reading fics on it den?

Percy: I AM AWESOME!

Everyone: Wha--

If you haven't read the whole series, then why are you reading fanfics? Sorry for "spoiling" the series, we just kinda assumed that you read it because THE FIC IS BASED OFF ALL THE BOOKS.

~ "I drank the nectar and it healed my decapitated head."

Yeah, okay, and? Don't any of you guys remember that nectar gives you warmth and happy memories as well as healing you (and tasting like your comfort food)?

~Types of Authors:

-The Author that threatens to not update if they don't get enough votes.

-The Author that hasn't read the books.

-The Self-Insert.

-The Copy-Cat.

-The Author that brags about their popularity.

-The Author that yells at every hater.

-The Author that writes irrelevant A/Ns.

-The super friendly Author that knows everything about everyone.

-The 12 Year Old.

-The Wattpad Obsessed Author.

-The Author With No Life.

-The "Plz dont flamez mii" Author.

-The Oblivious Author.

-The Author that never updates.

-The Author that makes excuses for not updating.

~Even though Chaos talks about have hundreds of heroes and how he's the ruler of the universe, you only see that Earth heroes. And, out of those Earth heroes, you only see the PJO Crew. Not like Odysseus or Theseus or anything (which they talk about having in the Army).

I guess all the other heroes are just too good for Earth and would defeat Kronos and Gaea in five seconds.

Much how Leo, Jason, and Piper defeated Gaea.

Seriously, no war or anything!

(from Lady_Demeter)

~*A daughter of Athena, Artemis, and Leo are on a quest*

Leo: So... How are we gettin' home? Because Festus broke down and we're pretty much screwed...

Daughter of Artemis: I have money on me, let's just take a plane!

Daughter of Athena: NOOOOO!1!! WE CANTS DO DATS BECUZ ZUES WOOD KÏLL UZ WIT DA SKYS AND STUFF!!!1!!11!

Leo: ... Idiots. Idiots everywhere.

So guys, why doesn't anyone take planes on quest? The whole "Zeus is gonna blast us out of the sky" thing only affects children of Hades and Poseidon. *mutters* But since that's half of the population, I can see why...\

(From Greek_Goddess_)

~Rachel is only relevant for prophecies.

Demigod: OMGS I NEED DA PROPHECY SO I CAN GO ON DA QUESTS!

*Rachel pops up out of nowhere*

Rachel: Daughter of Athena shall raise,

The twinkle in her eyes will be the end of Gaea's days.

What the Hades is wrong with this prophecy?

You're desperately trying to rhyme, I see.

Please end this torture.

The Oracle and Rachel can't take it--

Demigod: Kay thanks!

*Rachel disappears back to the kingdom of Luna*

Rachel: Dang it, I ain't even pretty enough to be here!

(Again, from Greek_Goddess_)

~"Frank stayed on the ship because he didn't like malls because he was fat and Asian!"

Fanfics are a jerk to Asians. And Franks.

(And lastly, from Greek_Goddess_)