(Published March 5th, 2016)

Falling Boys, Gay Sluts, and Pixie D- Oh Wait, I'll Be Grounded if I Finish That

~~~

~Breakups are worse than a soap opera.

Girl: Hai boy!

Boy (we all know it's Percy/Nico/Leo): Sorry girl but *dramatic gasp and looks away* I'M IN LOVE WITH WILL/NICO/PERCY!!!!!!!!! *sobs*

Girl: NUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!!!!!

Boy: And I have a secret to tell you. *whispers* I'm pregnant.

Girl: *le dramatic gasp*

(From @X_Pinecone_Face_X ;-;)

~ "I looked at Nico's perfectly toned body, blah, blah, blah"

*spews out water*

HA HA

YOU FUNNY BRO

YOU THINK NICO IS THE GOTH GOD OF HOTNESS?

PFFFFFFFFTTTT *looks at actual scrawny and gaunt Nico*

You must be talking about Anubis.

~All everyone does at Camp Jupiter when it does exist is have snow ball fights.

THERE'S NO FLIPPIN' SNOW IN THE BERKELEY HILLS!!!

(from @alannahfor)

~Hey, yo, somebody call up them Gray Sisters, I need a ride to New York.

Oh, I'm sorry, what?

They're currently unavailable?

They got lost giving someone a ride to the Land of Stories?

Well then. Guess I'll have to Apparate like every other PJO OC.

~Hippocampi are now extinct.

They must've drowned on land.

Tyson is sad.

Lol wait, Tyson is extinct too, never mind.

:D

~So, I guess cabin inspections are no longer required now?

Wow, the cabins at Camp Half-Blood must be messier than my locker at school.

~Me: PERCY. AIN'T. CUTE.

99.9% of Humanity: YES HE IS WOMAN. HE IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF SEXINESS GO SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.

Me: ...

Me: I give up trying to show you all the light.

Me: *face flops into Tartarus*

~George and Martha are always obsessed with r—

George: RATS.

Me: See what I'm sa—

Martha: RATS.

Me: Martha you're not even obsessed with ra—

George: EAT RATS

Me: Stop i—

Martha: RATS RATS RATS RATRATRATARARATARARARRATATARARTATARARAATARARRATATARATATTARATAT

Fall Out Boy: RAT A TAT TAT RAT A TAT TAT TAT HEY

Hermes: shUT THE HADES UP.

Hades: HEY. STOP SAYING MY NAME IN VAIN.

Hermes: MAKE ME.

Hades: MOOOOOOOM

Rhea: Do you want me to call your father? He won't be very happy with the way you're acting.

Hermes O.O

Hades: no...

Fall Out Boy: Well, we're just gonna-- *leaves*

Demeter: *shakes head* You kids with your falling boys. I'll never understand pop culture.

(From @Orange_Elephant)

~Annabeth and Leo walked up to the campers with a big smile on their faces.

"After many long weeks of hardship and sweat and screaming away at our papers and tools, we have finally designed something everyone has been waiting for." Annabeth gave Leo a curt nod, who gave her a wider grin in return before she continued on with her speech. "We present to you, the first ever monster-proof phone!"

Leo held up the phone high in the air, and the crowd of campers erupted in cheers.

"It comes with—"

"FRESH DEMIGOD MEAT YES!" A wave of monsters surged into camp and ate everyone.

the end.

~That moment when non-canon ships that literally make no sense like Brason and Pertemis get more attention than canon ships like Gruniper and Frazel.

~Everyone talks about the Apollo kids with their healing powers and so-called "sunlight" powers.

But no one ever mentions the fact that they can curse people to rhyme in couplets.

Seriously, make one of them mad and you'll be droppin' rhymes like the last lines of Shakespeare's Sonnet 18.

Seriously, somebody give me a beat for this kid who angered Will Solace.

~Will spends all day in the infirmary.

It's not like he has a schedule full of other activities or anything.

~Capture the Flag isn't the only all-camp activity. There's also the archery knockout, volleyball, unarmed combat...

I mean, it's all in Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Ultimate Guide

But I'm not surprised nobody knows what that is since PJO doesn't exist.

~Will: *has no weapon/bow/dagger*

Nico: *has sword*

Lou Ellen: *has pig balls*

Cecil: *has BASEBALL BAT*

Last time I checked, Cecil fought with a dagger, not a baseball bat. Yes, Sabertooth-Raccoon is amazing (but draws some, uh, possibly traumatizing stuff), but seriously, DID YOU THINK HE FOUGHT THE ROMANS BY GOING ALL COACH HEDGE ON THEM?

~Let's all take a second and read this little rant on Nico:

Now. Let that sink in. And think about that when you write about Nico.

~Percy meeting his brother in Chaos fics be like:

*Percy's brother (Let's call him Tanner) walks in*

Percy: Uh, excuse me?

Tanner: Helloooo

Percy: Who the Hades are you?

Tanner: Who the Hades are you?

Percy: I asked you first.

Tanner: I asked you second.

Grover: Oh, huh, *gasp* He's Percy Jackson, duh, head of the AHS swim team, son of Poseidon, savior of Olympus.

Tanner: *disgusted* Oh.

Percy: Who. The. Hades. Are. You?

Tanner: I'm Tanner. I'm new. And I'm here to steal your life.

Percy: ...

Percy: WHO THE HADES LET YOU IN HERE?

(Media for the reference. ;) )

~ 

You see that?

Mrs. O'Leary exists.

SHE CAN MAKE NICO HAPPY TOO, OKAY?

WILL AIN'T THE ONLY PIECE OF SUNSHINE IN NICO'S LIFE.

~ "Apollo and Hyacinthus were only friends"

Pffft okay.

I guess making out and confessing your love for each other is only a thing friends do.

Ye gods, I wonder what lovers do then.

*sips tea in corner*

But seriously...

#BringBackHyacinthus2k16

(from Ame_Tasogare)

~Every OC is this perfect chick who's done nothing bad in their whole life.

Uh, there's this thing called "Being a human", yeah, you should try it sometime.

~Leo is now a super hyperactive child who is high on Sharpies 24/7.

Leo: sUCK MY PIXIE D-

Hazel: I WILL SHOVE THIS SOAP UP YOUR PIXIE D—

Calypso: O.O

Frank: Hazel, I think you've been hanging out with Leo too much.

~The Hunters of Artemis be like:

Hunters: lET'S GO RAPE SOME TEENAGE GUY

Artemis: wut

Hunter: HOW ABOUT PERCY?

Percy: O.O

Artemis: WUT

*All the Hunters team up together and rape Percy...

At once*

(Inspired by Some_Random_Demigod)

~The OCs always talk about this perfect guy... And then he rapes her. And she's completely okay with it.

Yeah no.

You don't just get raped and "be okay" with it.

Sorry.

~ "Percy and Jason are now gay sluts who are always trying to rape Nico" -TheTurtBurglar

~Shy characters no longer exist. Everyone must be bold or mysterious or flirty or sassy.

Buh-bye shy and introverted characters. Have fun in the Vortex of Oblivion.

Frank and Grover: nuuuuuuuuuuuu— *gets sucked in*

~Platonic relationships? Pfft, what's that? Those don't exist.

OC:*twirls strand of hair around index finger* Aren't those, like, earthquakes?

Me: (-/_-) Those are tectonic plates.

~ "He muttered under his breast"

Oh yes.

The wonders of typos.

~Let's be real: we all know that all the PJO Cliche Rant Book writers steal from each other. Yes. Even I have. *glances at a past chapter*

*sighs* I am such a hypocrite.

~There are two types of role-players:

-1. The RPers Who Actually Tell You What's Going On.

-2. The RPers That Just Put a Name and Dialogue.

~Every book has that one perverted commenter.

You know who you are.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~There's a time and place for everything when role playing, guys.

It's not a good place to roleplay smut in public comments.

~Godplaying

Your OCs are not gods. Unless they are. Then this doesn't pertain to you.

~Percy is a dork.

Please stop turning him into this buff sexy sassy guy.

Thank you,

-Canon! Percy fans.

~Come on Fanon! Will, into the oven you go.

Fanon! Will: What for?

Me: Oh, you'll see.

*later*

Me: Nico, look, I baked you a pie!

Nico: Oh boy, what flavor?

Me: ...

Me: WILL FLAVORED.

Nico: O.O

Solangelo Trash: Oh Nico, we all know that's your favorite flavor of pie. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~No one is ever betrayed.

Seriously, where's that heart-wrenching "Et tu, Bruté?" moment?

Like, I wanna gasp like I did whenever I found out Luke betrayed Percy, or whenever I found out Silena was a spy.