(Published November 29th, 2014)

Dolphinese Speaking Alpacas, Frank Ching Chong Fai Xia Lee Zhang, and Pothena

~~~

~Peleus the Drakon is never mentioned.

He must've gone off to Wonderland and became the Jabberwocky.

Tell Johnny Depp and Maddie I said hi.

~In Chaos's Army,  everyone has these masks or cloaks to hide themselves. Like Annabeth ain't gonna notice Percy's voice through his "mask".

~The hoods of their cloaks cover their whole face.

*Percy walks around camp with his hood on and bumps into random things. Finally he bumps into a person.*

Percy: Lord Chaos? So today I was talking to Poseidon and almost revealed I was Percy!

Person: Percy? PERCY? IT'S ANNABETH OMGS YOU'RE ALIVE AHH-

Seriously,  HOW CAN YOU SEE? Why you be walking around like you're inside Assassin's Creed? (Media)

~Poseidon gets all depressed when Percy leaves to join Chaos's army, thinking he died. He then meets Alpha (let's call Percy that), and Alpha tells Poseidon, "I have seen Percy Jackson, he is alive, but does not want to reveal his hiding place. He does not want to forgive anyone currently, but he wants me to tell you he'll always love you," or some cheesy thing like that.

Leo: CHEESE! Cheese, cheese goes on tacos, like my taco shop, THAT IS GONNA BE SHUT DOWN! I MUST SAVE IT! *runs off while dramatic music is playing*

~Some random person in Chaos's army then reveals themselves when they first get to earth when meeting the gods.

Flames: I must go to Hephaestus and reveal myself, just cuz I can.

Elevator: We're sorry, but you're ride to Olympus is closed today.

~Luke and Zoe always have a "relationship".

Um, can I just...

I have no words.

Literally, I cannot think of a comeback or commentary.

I am speechless.

That is how ridiculous this is.

~Remember earlier when I mentioned they used celestial [Insert overused color besides bronze here]? Yeah, well, Percy also has a an copy of Riptide but in celestial silver (or some other overused color), then renames it Moontide so nobody will know it was Percy because of Riptide. Yeah, because NOBODY is going to notice the exact similarity between Riptide and Moontide except the color. All the characters are now stupid.

I guess everyone was turned into Pretties.

~Leo's POV be like:

I looked down at the bloody lifeless body I held in my arms. Calypso was... Gone. She died. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. What's the point of even living? I slowly looked around to see who did this too her and I saw: Octavian's dagger just five feet away, soaked with Calypso's blood.

[Or...]

Calypso? OMG SKITTLES ARE SO GOOD! CALYPSO YOU WANNA SOME? CALYPSO? Y u no wakey uppy? Octavian, YOU WANNA SOME SKITTLES? SKITTLES ARE SO GOOD! WHO CREATED THE LOVE WE CALL SKITTLES? I MUST MARRY THEM? Bruh, Skittles are amazing. FEEL THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW OR ELSE I WILL TELL BUTCH YOU DIDN'T EAT YOUR FRUITS AND VEGGIES AND SEND HIM AFTER YOU!

Why is Leo this hyper active person who's obsessed with Skittles? Now I see what @PiecesOfDreams_ was talking about because I literally just read a book like that. -_-

Leo: WHA-

Me: DON'T.

~Everyone gives all the characters middle names, like Perseus Michael Jackson or Annabeth Hershey Chase or even Frank Ching Chong Fai Xia Chi Lee Zhang (I've seriously seen something like that). Guys, only Reyna is swag enough for all the middle names, she stole them from everyone.

Leo: -LE!

Leo: NO, WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT A MIDDLE NAME?

~Poseidon and Athena are suddenly in love:

Poseidon looked across the throneroom at Athena's face. She was just so beautiful, her grey eyes sparkling like a light cloudy day.

*Nine months later*

Athena: Omg our baby is so beautiful, what should we name it?

Poseidon: Aquamarine Pacific Green Sea Turtle Jackson.

*16 years later*

Aquamarine: I'M PERCY'S TWIN SISTER!

Percy: Dahades?

#DatPothenaSwag

~When Percy goes to meet the gods in Chaos fanfics:

I walked into the thrown room with my army behind me. Then I made myself god sized and sat down in the throne I also made. Then I turned myself into an alpaca and said to Poseidon in dolphinese "I like cupcakes". Then, still in alpaca form, I sassed Ares and fought him, stabbing him in the chest with Moontide. He went up to Hera and started crying and yelled, "MOMMY!" I smirked and turned myself into a god before teleporting to CHB.

Please. Just stop. Persassy isn't this powerful.

And alpacas don't speak Dolphinese.

Dolphinese doesn't exist.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

~"WHAT IN THE HADES' [Enter Nasty Adjective Here] UNDERWEAR?!"

Why is it always Hades? Why does everyone think there's stuff in Hades' underwear?

~ Perseus [Insert Overused Middle Name Here] Jackson: Guardian of the Hunt

*Percy barges in on a meeting with all the gods (even though it isn't a solstice) and demands to be killed for his wish from the giant war.*

Gods: .O. wut?

Zeus: You can be guardian of da hunt! They need a guardian even though Artemis has done a good job protecting it for thousands of years.

Artemis: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

*After Percy becomes le Guardian*

Girls of Hunt: We don't like him! Oh, let's prank him until he dies!

*Pranks Percy a bunch of times*

Percy: NOOOOOOO, THEY PRANKED ME SO MUCH NOW I'M DEPRESSED EVEN THOUGH I WENT THROUGH WORSE THINGS LIKE TARTARUS, BUT THE PRANKS ARE THE WORST THINGS I WILL EVER RECEIVE!

Artemis: I love Percy, but I can't love him, because if I love him a bunch of people will hate me for breaking my oath but-- Oh screw it, I LOVE YOU PERCY!

*Annabeth dies somewhere in there*

THE END. (from Snarky_Teen on Fanfiction.net)

~Everyone says "said"

"I think it's time for the Prophecy of Annabell to take place." Hazel said.

"Percy kinda gave you the best child I've ever met." Thalia said.

"Aw, thank you!" Annabeth said.

"We try hard." Percy said.

SEE? HE SAID SHE SAID THEY SAID WE SAID! STOP WITH THE SAID! ONLY CHRIS COLFER AND J. K. ROWLING CAN USE SAID A BIJILION TIMES! (from @_Bianca_Di_Angelo)

~Speaking of dialogue... Sorry guys, more grammar:

I walked up to the seven and began to discuss our plan for the prank. "So how are we gonna get back at the Stolls?" Leo looked up. "I CAN CATCH THEM ON FIRE!" "I can throw a bunch of jewels in their face." "I can charmspeak them into painting themselves green." I nodded. "Let's do all three." Then we were off.

I seriously hope you see what's wrong with that paragraph. If not, then I've lost all hope and you and you should reconsider writing.

~Perjasico fanfics be like:

Percy's POV

"I love you, Nico." I whispered as I kissed his neck. (A/N Well, that's one way not to beat around the bush.)

"I love you more," Nico mumbled, caught up in the moment.

Soon it turned into a full make out session-our tongues wrestling for dominance, Nico losing and letting me explore his mouth. (A/N What a... lovely description *throws up*)

Soon the conch horn blew for dinner. Nico and I raced to the pavilion, passing Annabeth and Piper who were making out, grasping at each other's clothing.(A/N WHY DOES NO ONE SEE THIS? LIKE CHIRON OR MR. D? They're probably making out in the Big House or something...) (Pipabeth=Random. Really, it's unneeded.)

I sat down to dinner and quickly at my food. (A/N Seriously, after that long description of your make out scene, it's just "I sat down and ate me food"?)

Nico's POV

Oh just look at Percy, that gorgeous fish. During the whole dinner, Jason was staring at me, so I confronted him about as Percy was still eating.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked him.

"Because you're beautiful," he replied nonchalantly. (A/N Okay then...)

"W-what?" I stumbled, at a loss for words. (A/N Don't worry Nico, I am too.)

"Will you go out with me, Nico di Angelo?" (A/N Well that escalated quickly.)

"Well...Lets both talk to Percy after dinner in his cabin."

▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫▪▫

"Percy?" I asked softly.

"Yes, my little death puppy?" (A/N Dat pet name tho)

"The three us should all talk," I said, shoving Jason toward the doorway.

"Umm....okay then." Percy replied uncertainly.

We all sat on the floor of the Poseidon cabin.

"Here's the thing," I started. "I love you, Percy, but I also love Jason. And I just don't know who to choose." (A/N What? Where did you EVER say you LOVED Jason. Aren't you over exaggerating a bit?)

"Why don't the three of us date, you know, as a threesome?" Jason suggested. "I've always had a crush on Percy." (A/N Randomly adds "I like Percy" so it'll work.)

"Then it's settled. We'll be a threesome." Percy announced, kissing me and Jason. (A/N Um, how does that even work...? You know what? I don't wanna know.)

"Now it's getting dark, we should get to bed." (A/N Where's Chiron?)

Soon enough, the three of us fell asleep. I was more comfortable than ever, snuggled up in between the son of Jupiter and son of Poseidon. (A/N And now for the sequel... Nico's Pregnant!) (from @aem_shark)

I don't mean to be offensive or anything, but... Is this not what Perjasico fanfics looks like? (No seriously, I don't mean to be offensive)

 ~When there are British people in the story:

OC: Hello!

Brit: Cheerio, my name is Elizabeth!

OC: Hi!

Brit: Top of the mornin' to ya, do you have a telly I could borrow? I need to speak to my father King William.

OC: Um...

Brit: I like crumpets and tea! Do you like crumpets and tea?

OC: Sure...

Brit: Have you seen the Red Telly Box? Is there a black cab I could ride in to go see the man in the bowler hat.

OC: Oh, that guy from Meet the Robinson's?

Brit: No chap, he's from London, like every other Brit in the world is for some reason!

Okay guys, British people DO NOT talk like that! This is coming from a person who has met someone who was BORN and RAISED in England, and she did not talk like that. I'm pretty sure there are some Brits reading this too and are screaming "YES, THANK YOU!"

~This one isn't normally found in fanfiction (thank the gods), but it is quite common in teen fiction:

(Random 16-year-old girl) I can't wait to start my junior year! I walked into my chemistry class and sat down next to this really hot senior. He looked like a bad boy who probably was a player, but I can probably make him fall in love with me. Anyway, so then our chemistry teacher walked in.

"Hello class, my name is Old CreeperGuy." He began. "My first name is spelled O-L-D, but pronounced Ald. And my last name is actually "Hottie" in Hazelish." The boy sitting next to me nudged my shoulder.

"That's my great-great-great-great-grandfather." He flipped his black hair and flexed his arm to show me his tattoo. "I'm Tanner, by the way."

*Time lapse, because people nowadays are too lazy to make a page break even though it takes more time and effort to write "Time lapse"*

So I was struggling in chemistry so I went to Mr. CreeperGuy for help on my assignment even though I could've gone to my hot-lab partner but whatever, I can go to my teacher. So then I was, like, sitting there, when all of a sudden Mr. CreeperGuy took off his shirt. HE HAD AN EIGHT PACK! HE WAS SO HOT! I got so distracted that I had to leave because MR. CREEPERGUY HAD AN EIGHT-PACK!

The next day I told my friend about the eight-pack. "Isn't Mr. CreeperGuy, like, really old?" She flipped her hair because everyone loves flipping her hair. "Shouldn't he be all wrinkly?"

"Yeah, but whenever I see him, he's this hot 20-year-old," I said. "Besides, age doesn't matter, I love Mr. CreeperGuy."

So I kept going to tutorials and Mr. CreeperGuy kept taking off his shirt for no reason whatsoever. Then one day I decided to kiss him, even though I didn't know if he had a wife or not. We made out for like 5 minutes before Tanner came in the room.

"OH MY FREAKING GOSH THAT IS SO NASTY, RANDOM 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL, YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH MY GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHER!" I let go of Mr. CreeperGuy and started crying.

"STOP JUDGING ME, I CAN LOVE WHOEVER I LOVE, EVEN IF IT'S THIS OLD MAN WHO'S PROBABLY OVER 100 YEARS OLD!" I cried but Mr. CreeperGuy stopped my sobs with another make out session. Later on that afternoon we got married and had 9 babies together. THE END.

WTCN GUYS. Like seriously, I'll be on Wattpad, scrolling through some good teen fiction to read because I don't feel like reading fics, and I find THIS. I'm with Tanner, that is so nasty and wrong in so many ways. Even if the teacher isn't over 100 years old, the teacher is usually 30 or 40, and the main character is either 15 or 16. This would be okay if it were a manga, because Japanese culture is different, but the last time I checked, teen fiction isn't supposed to be one big manga fanfiction.

~The only person Will can talk to is Nico, and the only words can he can say is "Doctor's orders". Also, the only person he can help heal is Nico even though he saved Annabeth's life in TLO, and he can only be in the infirmary (but he has to be with Nico).

Basically, Will has no life.

Sorry.

~(Pre-BOO) When the 7 name their kids:

Percabeth: Zoe Bianca Silena Jackson and Luke Beckendorf Ethan Jackson

Jiper: Sky Storm Thundercloud Grace, Silena Love Dove Grace

Frazel: Sammy Nico Bianca Zhang, Diamond Zhang, Ching Chong Ping Chang Zhang, or some random animal like Orangutang Zhang.

Caleo: Leo Jr, Festus Beckendorf McShizzle Valdez

Reynico (PRE-BOO, OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY SOLANGELO. PRE-BOO. OKAY, CAN I CONTINUE? KAY GOOD): Bianca Hazel Hylla Lupa Luca Nick Death War Alvarez Garcia-Shapiro di Angelo (Or some random long name like that)

Can't they just have normal names like Tara and David or Bryce and Juliana or Cath and Levi (Did anyone see what I did there?). WHY DO YOU GOT TO BE NAMING YOUR KIDS AFTER DEAD PEEPS? AGAIN, LET THEM LIVE IN ELYSIUM PEACEFULLY!!!

(A/N OMG I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPPIE I'VE EVER WRITTEN! (^X^) *hugs self* ABOUT 2500 WORDS! Anyway, wow, there was a lot of Chaos in there. But I've been reading a lot of Chaos fics lately, including Percy Jackson, The Missing Hero by @chococookie1607. Their story has definately given me some... What's the word?... Ah yes, INSPIRATION. {I'm seriously thinking all the clichés started from them, which means that they are original}. So anyway, this is dedicated to @aem_shark for sending me that awesome Perjasico one-shot type-thing. I'm going to also post another Perjasico chappie because I got another entry type-thing which was also really funny, so you'll see that soon. I'm also planning to update next Saturday too (Which will be a normal Annabell Chase chappie), so be looking forward to that. Well, that's all I have to say! BYERSIEBYES!!!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼