(Published November 3rd, 2014)

Bowling Greens, The Dead Language of Hazelish, and Wheatie Babiez

~~~

~There is clearly no dress code when they go to school.

OC: I put on my light pink tube top with my white booty shorts that looked more like underwear than pants. Then I walked into the school.

Nobody dress codes them.

Like, ever.

The administrators have vanished.

~Artemis only has girls, because gods forbid she has a boy since she a maiden, even though she broke her vow with a man.

Screw boys.

Aphrodite: Well, that's obviously what Artemis is do-

Me: MOVING ON.

~Grover. I have found him. Let the Earth sing and rejoice.

Gaea: MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS, HUN! *starts to twerk*

Grover: AHHHH!!!!! I'VE BEEN TRAUMATIZED!

Drew: She stole my catchphrase!             

Percy -> (·.·)/ <(Nuh uh girlfriend, I can do it way better!) *snaps*
             <)  )
               /  \

Annabeth: PERCY, DON'T-

Percy: *joins Gaea*

Leo: MY EYES! IT BURNS! MAKE IT STOP!

Octavian: It's clear who is best out of all of you *points at self*.

Reyna: You wouldn't.

Octavian: *Joins Percy and Gaea*

Me: MOVING ON!

Sorry you had to see that.

~Have you ever noticed, how in a lot of HoO fanfics, the characters are like 'No, it's just too painful to talk about' or just too full on dramatic! Like.... Zeus, the god of sass.
Zeus: 'OMGS I want to give you awesome immortality!'
Random demigod: Why?
Zeus: It's just too painful too talk about. (From @_Lady_Artemis)

~Nico is scared of light.

Hazel ran into the Hades cabin and open the curtains. "Nico, wake up! It's 4 in the afternoon!"

"AHH, THE LIGHT, IT BURNS!" Nico pulls the blankets over his head and began to burn.

~Hazel doesn't know anything, and she abbreviates everything to try to fit in.

*On le facebook*

Hazel Leveseque: What does "BFF" mean?

Percy: Omgs Hazel, you don't know what BFF means?

Hazel: Omgs?

Percy: Seriously Hazel, wth is wrong with you?

Hazel: Wth?

Percy: UGH! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING? :/

Hazel: :/?

*Le next day*

Hazel: SMFP! HIG! ILF! CYBIJHMFCN? IWA! DYEKWIS? UYACGTT!!!!!! IHY!!!! D!

Everyone: Um....

(Translation: Sup my fluffy peeps! How's it goin'? I love Frank! Can you believe I just had my first chicken nugget? It was awesome! Do you even know what I'm saying? You all can go to Tartarus!!! I hate you! Die!)

~Leo is obsessed with whales

*On same facebook conversation*

Percy: What?

Hazel: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HIG MEANS? WTCN IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Percy: ... -_-

Leo: WHALE!

Seriously, why is Leo obsessed with whales, out of all animals?

~Annabeth is a huge grammar nazi and magically knows the rare language of Hazelish

*On same conversation*

Hazel: YNTUCSP!

Annabeth: *You need to understand common slang, Percy*

Hazel: SEAKWIS!

Annabeth: *See, even Annabeth knows what I'm saying*

Hazel: UYGNTGASOLSUM!!!!!

Annabeth: *Ugh, you guys need to-* HAZEL! THAT IS NASTY!

Percy: -?- wha-

Annabeth: *what?*

~People always speak in text speak and use weird emojis.

I walked up to Ana, "OMG ICERN I NEED A DOCTOR!!!!! /(OoO)\"

Ana gasped, "DID UR OTP DY? NOOOO, MY PERCABETH!!!! *dies* *.*"

Why? Just why?

~Piper always talks about her "OTPs" and makes all these ships.

Mitchell: "So today I asked Nyssa to-"

Piper: "GO ON A DATE WITH YOU? OMGS YOU AND NYSSA ARE MY OTP YOU HAVE TO GO OUT TOGETHER IT WOULD BE SO CUTE OMG I CAN'T EVEN I SHIP MITCHYSSA SOOOOOO MUCH! *dies*"

Mitchell: "Um..." *leaves*

~Similar to Piper, Aphrodite flies around camp taking pictures of couples and being all stalkerish and posting the pictures on Twitter and HephaestusTV. Because Aphrodite isn't a major goddess that has stuff to do in her daily life of being a goddess, so instead she goes around taking pictures of irrelevant demigods.

~In almost every Truth or Dare story I read, Nico is dared to kiss Thalia in front of an IM to Artemis and Hades. Why? Just why? Are there NO other dares you can think of for Thalico or...

~Why is EVERY game of Truth or Dare in the Poseidon cabin? Why not the Zeus cabin or the Hades cabin? THEY'RE JUST AS EMPTY!

~The only thing everyone has against Octavian is that he killed Percy's pillow pet Perry (alliteration!). Like seriously, he also blackmailed Hazel, tried to kill Gwen, went against Reyna's orders and tried to kill the Greeks, attempts to take Reyna's spot as praetor, a bunch of other stuff in BOO (But I won't say because some peeps haven't read it yet), but no, he killed Perry the Panda, HE KILLED PERRY THE PANDA, IT IS THE WORST CRIME ANYONE HAS EVER COMMITTED.

Me: -_-

Leo: WHALE!

~Everyone spells "stole" as "stoll". Just... Just... stop. It's okay if it's in a comment, but in a story... No.

~Children of Apollo are obsessed with singing.

Chris: Oh no, Clarisse has a huge gash in her arm! Apollo cabin, how do we heal her?

Will Solace: WE SING!

Chris: Wha?

*starts song*

Apollo Cabin: Let's go bowling on Bowling Greens, Bowling Greens, Bowling Greens

Let's go bowling on Bowling Greens so early in the morning.

Will: We can't bowling on Bowling Greens.

Apollo Cabin: Why can't we go bowling on Bowling Greens?

Will: Because of the king.

Apollo Cabin: What king?

Will: Father of the prince!

Cabin: What prince?

Will & Cabin: Hand prince, finger prince, foot prince, here prince! *whistles like calling a dog*

And then there's Granny, swingin' on the outhouse door.

Without a nightie, swingin' on the outhouse door.

Will: And the moral of this story is...

Cabin: Don't confuse asthma *dramatically inhales* with passion *exhales dreamily*

Chris: -_-

Leo: WHALE!

Clarisse: IMMA PUNCH YOU!

~Apollo kids can suddenly control light.

Will, Cecil, Lou Ellen, and Nico arrived in the dark tunnel. The door behind them shut, letting the darkness swirl around them.

"It's dark in here," Will said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Cecil rolled his eyes, "No freaking der."

"I know!" Will stopped the other three demigods in their tracks. "Imma make it shine!" Will brought his hands out of his pockets and created a ball of light. "See, I've got a pocketful of sunshine!"

"Seriously Will?" Cecil asked with annoyance.

"NO, MAKE IT GO AWAY! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!" Nico melted away into the shadows.

Lou Ellen stared at where Nico used to be standing. "Okay...?"

(Does anyone else think these four should go on a quest or is it just me?)

~Leo got ready for school. He put on his belt and his suspenders and left.

WHY? WHY? Why is Leo obsessed with wearing suspenders? I mean, he wears a CAMO jacket, not SUSPENDERS. Why is he even associated with suspenders? Hm, let's see... Oh right, SAMMY. Sammy wore suspenders because that was the style of the 1940'S, NOT THE 2010'S!

~All the guys crush on Annabeth and not Piper.

It's not like Piper's a daughter of the goddess of beauty or anything.

~Children of Apollo can't live without sunlight.

Nico: *turns off lights*

Will: NO, SUNLIGHT! I NEED SUNLIGHT! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!! *turns on light*

Nico: NO, DARKNESS, I NEED DARKNESS OR I'M GONNA BURN TO DEATH *turns off light*

And this is why Solangelo isn't gonna work.

~Demeter has mental issues.

Zeus: We have all come here to discuss Demeter's... Problem.

Demeter: Problem?

Persephone: You are obsessed with grains.

Demeter: *Gasp* Don't talk about Grainy like that! *Pets a small bunch of grains*

Hera: Demi? That's a bunch of grain.

Demeter: No it's not! She's part of my Wheatie Babiez collection!

Poseidon: Yeah, you're crazy.

Demeter: It's okay Grainy, you're the best child I've ever had.

Persephone: MO-OM!

Hades: nr.

Demeter: I love you Grainy.

Persephone: WHAT ABOUT ME?

Demeter: You were... a mistake *angrily flashes eyes at Zeus*

Persephone: ......

~There are no classes during the day at school except for Greek mythology.

Cuz they too swag for school.

~Seriously, whose school has a Greek class? And how would all of the demigods coincedentally have the same period?

~Sons of Aphrodite are all gay.

Sorry Mitchell, you too.

Piper: Yeah, he's too gay to function.

Mitchell: .... -_-

Leo: WHALE!

~The gods are always like "We are forcing you to go to school." Since when do the gods actually CARE if the demigods live, much less have a decent education?

 ~Chiron and Mr. D are gone. Like seriously, they are never around when...

-Stolls blow up the Demeter Cabin (or some equally ridiculous prank)

-People randomly making out and doing inapropro stuff

-Big fights going on between campers

-Campers "Bunking" lessons (from @Katie_Gardner)

-Big parties

-Truth or Dare in Poseidon cabin

-When people from one cabin eat at another cabin's table

-When quests are issued

But Mr. D and Chiron are there for unimportant things like Free Pony Rides for Tyson or turning people into dolphins for no reason whatsoever but just to show that Chiron and Mr. D still exist.

~Everyone gets healed from a deadly injury in, like, 3 seconds.

The monster chopped my boyfriend up into little tiny pieces. Then the monster died. I cried for a long time, and I accidentally spilled my nectar on his remains. Then he came back to life we made out.

Um, I'm pretty sure if you get chopped up into little tiny pieces you can't come back to life with nectar.

Sorry, Nectar Insurance doesn't support slaughter.

Have a good day!

~Daughters of Aphrodite are super dumb

Daughter of Aphrodite: Hi, my name's Claire Lily Beauty Pegasus Aphro Spongebob Sqaurepants© Nail Clippings Wonderbread® Olaf Harriet Styles, and I'm 16 yrs old. And yes, I am Harry Styles long lost daughter. Wait, what's my name again? Claire Lily Beautiful Pegasai, no, Blaire Liliana, nope, um... One second... HARRIS, WHAT'S MY NAME AGAIN?

Harry Styles: IT'S HARRY!

Daughter of Aphrodite: Oh, so my name is Harry Lily Beaut-ugh, that's not right either! How come I got such a long name?

Random Person: Wait, how are you Harry's daughter if you're sixteen?

Harry's Mom: He learned young, child.

Random Person: O.O

(A/N Whew! That's done! I was supposed to post this like 2 weeks from now, but whateves. Okay, so I have a couple of surprises coming soon, and one includes Arabell. But enough on that, this chappie is dedicated to @Songbook22 for the totes adorbs ship Smathena (Small BobxAthena). Seriously, there needs to be fanart for that. Oh, and has anyone heard of "Alex from Target"? Tell me if you have. Anyway, BYERSIEBYES!!!

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼