(Published June 22nd, 2015)

Antarctic Realtor, Creeper Guy, and Return of the Fluffy Pies

~~~

~"Travis looked at his twin brother."

OKAY STOP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. STOP RIGHT THERE MISTER.

Person: *mouth full of food* Huh?

Me: Bring me that Fluffy Pie, NOW.

Person: *-o- *sighs and gives me the Fluffy Pie*

Me: THANK YOU. *Eats Fluffy Pie* Anyway, Travis and Connor are NOT twins. One of them's older (I forgot who to be honest, maybe Travis is older), so that means they're not twins. In the Sea of Monsters Percy even SAID they're not twins, but they looked so much alike that they might as well be.

~The average username:

-Percabeth[Enter random numbers here]

-[Enter ship name here]4Eves/Ever

-ILoveLeoValdez[Enter random numbers here]

-percyjacksonfan[Enter random numbers here]

-[Enter random character name and numbers here]

~Chaos acts like a complete baby in Chaos fics.

It's not like you have an army to lead or anything.

Chaos: ... Nah, I'll just leave that to Percy. YAY! FREE PONY RIDES!

Percy: *Lifts head from blue cookie jar* Huh?

~Average Chaos Names:

Percy: Omega Hurricane Wave. Oh, and Void. How can I forget Void?

Luke: Alpha Hero

Beckendorf: Fire Flames Builder Blaster

Silena: Beauty Pegasus Love

Bianca: Angel Huntress

Zoe: Huntress Star

~*Le Comment Section*

Water_Bender684: I hate Leo, he's so annoying! I honestly don't know why everyone likes him!

Replies

LeoValdezIsBae_: HOW DARE YOU!

Caleo4EvesAndEves: YOU HAVE BEEN DISOWNED BY THE FANDOM!

ScrewCaleo_Lucleo4Eves: How can you call yourself a demigod?

Percabeth63654376437348764856237531874: They're not a demigod, no true fan of PJO/HoO hates Leo!

chikinriccebol: y r u reedin dis? u shuld go 2 taurtaurus. we h8 u. go kíll urself. no 1 liks u.

LolImAsian: Ya'll need to calm the Hades down and stop actin ratchet. Leo is bae. Leave Shanaynay alone so they can go kill themselves.

This comment has been reported offensive.

Chilea: Guys, seriously, stop. The whole fandom doesn't like Leo, or Nico, or Percy for that matter. Not everyone ships Percabeth or Caleo or Solangelo. Let people say their opinion, don't go bullying them.

~Why is there always some random hacker that goes and changes everyone's username on the PJO/HoO facebook stories? WHY DO THE CHARACTERS HAVE A FACEBOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHO STILL USES FACEBOOK?

~*Le Chaos Cabin*

Omega Hurrican Wave (Percy): Alpha, snfufid dtji tujdn uyssib rykgsibeg jibgif!

Alpha Hero (Luke): Haha! Guhf dasj hEvjki, Angel libvUg!

Angel (Bianca): GEEP NILIAHD UPTA FESERIT!!!!

Fire Blaster Builder (Beckendorf): Psh, hufr glip, Angel.

Beauty Pegasus (Silena): *sighs* EgYbert weqzy, Fire.

Huntress Star: YEET.

Everyone: Huh?

Huntress Star: YEET! Ameyfgui lanytiet! Sunmit buiting.

Everyone: Oh... YEET!

Chaos: YEET!

Hazel: WAYGSR? JGASOA!

Annabeth: *Why are you guys so ratchet? Just go and-- HAZEL THAT IS STILL NASTY!

Chilea: Why does Chaos' Army have some weird secret language? English is just fine!

~In Coach Hedge's Eyes, everyone is a Cupcake.

~"His voice was extremely sexy."

IS THERE NO OTHER WAY YOU CAN DESCRIBE HIS VOICE? MELODIC? HARMONIOUS? BEAUTIFUL? SEXY IS NOT THE ONLY ADJECTIVE IN THE DICTIONARY.

~ "I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding"

Mary Sue: *Holding breath*

~Le Ten Minutes Later~

Mary Sue: *Exhales* FAINTS

~ "He smirked"

*Cue Creeper Guy Smile*

~ "When he looked into my ears from five feet away, my heart began pumping so fast I knew he could hear it."

Um, I'm gonna call BS on that.

*Girl flips over card*

Me: Yeah, take that whole pile.

~Average Age of Le Mary Sue: 15-18

Why? I know most people on here are, like, 12 or under. Aren't you interested in 12-year-old things? Don't you want your character to be more relatable? PJO/HoO is a middle school series anyway! And besides, with some of the fanfics I see on here, it looks like 18 year olds have the mindset of a ten year old.

~Sirius BlackxArtemis. WTF?

~Gay people in fanfics be like:

Gay Guy: OMGS I LO-OVE YOUR DRESS? WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

Girl: Uh--

Gay Guy: Your lipstick is TO DIE FOR! Can I borrow it?

Girl: Well--

Gay Guy: That boy over there is SOOO HOT!

Girl: That's my boyfriend.

Gay Guy: Well, when you're through with him, why don't you hand over over to me, okay hun?

Girl: What the Tartarus? *Leaves*

Gay Guy: WAIT! YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHERE YOU GOT YOUR DRESS! *runs after her*

Not all gay guys act like valley girls. Okay, to be honest, I actually do know a gay guy who acts like that, but that's beside the point. If you're going to put a gay guy in your story, give him a normal personality. Gay guys can act like boys too, you know. They can have guy friends. And they don't always wear pink. AND THEY'RE NOT ALL SONS OF APHRODITE AND IRIS.

~Everyone must have exotic names:

-Orchid Plumb Feather

-Peacock Cherry Blossom

-Phoenix Fireball

-Snowflake Cheery Lake

Whatever happened to names like Emma Johnson?

~ "Annabeth read a 1,000 page book in five minutes."

First off, no, that's physically impossible. Second off, any chance of her doing that was ruined by the fact that SHE'S DYSLEXIC.

~Frank: I LOVE ICE CREAM!

Me: Oh no you don't. You're lactose intolerant.

Annabeth: HAHA!

Frank: AT LEAST I CAN READ.

Annabeth: ....

Me: STOP ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER.

~Let's be real: Did anyone in the series get blessed? No? Then sit yo white Mary Sue butt down, you ain't special.

~Neeks is Nico's official new name. Don't listen to that liar Rick Riordan, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

~Does anyone remember the watch Tyson gave to Person that doubles as a shield? Why do I never see it anywhere? Did it break or something? Did I miss something when I was reading the series?

~Maybe I already mentioned this but... Where is Chris? I've seen Clarisse in a bit of fanfics, but did her brutality make you forget about her crazy boyfriend Chris Rodriguez?

~I know I've gone over this before, but let's go over the LOGIC of Chaos fanfics:

-New guy comes to camp, somehow Percy's long-lost brother (Let's name him Nat.)

-Nat gets everyone to hate Percy for the two days he's there.

-Annabeth falls in love with Nat on the third day and cheats on Percy.

-Five minutes after Percy finds out Chaos for no reason whatsoever takes Percy away to "Planet Cha--

~Why the heck is it named "Planet Chaos"? Why are they on a different planet ENTIRELY? Can't they just be on a remote island? I heard Antarctica has huge lots for cheap.

~Percy and Co. are just too powerful.

*On Olympus*

Zeus: I SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH FOR NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER!!!!

Percy: Nah, I don't feel like dying today.

*Seven disappears*

~Why is Annabeth always the one cheating in the relationship? I know that Percy has his whole "Loyal" thing going on, but if you're going to do something as unrealistic as breaking up Percabeth by Annabeth cheating on Percy, then loyalty is out of the question.

(A/N) BIG THANKS TO @Greek_Goddess_ FOR BEING SUCH A BIG HELP ON THIS CHAPTER AND TELLING ME CLICHÉ STUFF! And credit to @lostamongstars to pointing out that first one! Really guys, without your help, this chapter wouldn't be here right now! I know it's short, but I got hit in the head with a huge Writer's Brick and I'm still recovering. Anyway, as always, BYERSIEBYES MY FLUFFY ENCHILEADAS!!!

Stay Perky,

With Love, Pacific Green Sea Turtles, and Fluffy Pies,

~Chilea, daughter of Demeter and legacy of Apollo.❀ ☼