AN

This story spoils the end of my book "Captive" and represent an alternate version of the last chapter of "Mission Dressrosa".

It can also be taken as a wrap-up of the two stories, OR be read as a stand-alone.

Song + lyrics above

*

Song: There's no going back

By: Sick Puppies

[I had a plan and it made God laugh
It didn't work, should've checked the math
I hit the wall 'cause I lived too fast
I didn't know it could hurt that bad]

«I'm so sorry you are not here, Y/n! We decided we were doing it together, but...»

«Koby.»

Your voice was firm and dry, from the other side of the Den Den Mushi. Empty, almost.

The captain forced himself to stop, fingers grabbing the receiver a little too tightly. Helmeppo, leaning against a pillar nearby, sighed.

In the dim light of the basement, your hand rubbed your forehead, then your eyes.

«I... I'm sorry too. But that's how it is.»

Among the ruins of former Marineford, Koby nodded, signalling his men to proceed.

«Eight times to say goodbye and eight times to say welcome.»

The Ox Bell stood in the plaza, in front of him and his crew.

Despite the destruction of the Paramount war, despite Strawhat Luffy using the sacred bell for his own purpose, the Marines didn't want to let the ancient tradition go ruined. They were the winner of that war, after all.

Koby had personally requested to be in charge of the ringing, that year. He mainly did it for you, though, to give you the opportunity to leave a horrific year behind and start again.

But you were not there.

Lost in his thoughts, the marine's gaze wandered across the inscriptions on the bell. Helmeppo's hand placed on his shoulder took him back to reality.

«Captain Koby, it's time.»

«Oh, yes.» he brought the receiver closer to his mouth «Listen, Y/n. This is the goodbye. Let the Ox Bell take everything away, okay? Let go of all that happened.»

Your features curled in a grimace as you leaned against the wooden wall. Beyond the porthole, the New World's sea was dark and agitated.

Just ring the damn bell already!

Koby gestured the order with his arm, and one man tugged the rope, moving the bell.

Eight rings to say goodbye.

One.

The sound vibrated across the plaza and through the Den Den Mushi.

There was something terribly powerful and pure in it. It travelled from your ear to your brain, then down to your guts.

This is meant for me to say goodbye.

And there were a lot of things you were supposed to say goodbye to.

...right, Aokiji-sensei?

[I took the hope where there was none
I should've known that was so dumb]

He left after the duel against Akainu. He left without a word for you.

The memory was still blurred in your mind, almost overlapped with a dream.

You remembered the flames and the ice of Punk Hazard, the unbearable temperature, although you couldn't tell cold and blaze apart anymore. His broken body. How he walked away without turning, no matter how hard you screamed for him to wait, no matter how burning your tears were on your cheeks, no matter how fast you tried to reach him.

He asked for you not to follow, and that was all.

You knew I would have followed you till Hell's gates. You knew you were like a father to me, my only rock.

You never knew anything about him from that moment on.

Two.

[I was a dick when I was seventeen,
I thought the world brought me everything
But who am I knew I'd never be
It's all the shit that happened in between]

Sakazuki questioned your loyalty to the cause. He had his reasons, after all.

Vice Admiral Smoker asked for you to be transferred to G5, maybe as a last courtesy for his former friend. The permission was denied, you were meant to stay in Marineford.

Koby and Helmeppo did try their best to plough through the thick layer of loneliness you wrapped yourself into, but you were just too blind to see it.

You could tell now, it was your fault too how you pushed everyone away. The only person worth your affection and grief was the one who found you as a shitty orphan on a shitty island, made you a marine and left.

Tsuru asked you to join her crew, maybe to protect you from the missions Akainu dropped on your head, knowing that you had just worked in pair with Aokiji for years. You refused.

Three.

Eventually, you were promoted captain. As Sakazuki said:

"Not because you are capable of leading anyone, not because anyone would ever follow you. But at least you can go off alone and handle yourself, since you're terrible at listening to orders."

He had a point.

One of the Marines' best snipers on solo missions or accompanying other officials. Sounded good for you.

Till they fucking abandoned the warship to one of the most vicious crews in the New World, with you on it to cover their retreat.

Four.

As another ring propagated from the plaza, your chest clenched.

The Kid Pirates.

You spent a month as their prisoner.

That was the main reason Koby had insisted so much for you to go with him to the former Marineford and attend the ritual.

He wanted you to leave all your kidnapping behind. He wanted a fresh new start for you, fighting to forget the horror.

Your teeth found your lower lip, biting it down.

I'm sorry, Koby. After all you've done for me, I'm still lying.

[There's no going back,
When life's a loaded gun, you pull the trigger, trigger]

You never told him what happened on that ship, and he never asked.

Sakazuki did. Several psychologists of the Marines did. Even Sengoku.

Not a word ever left your mouth.

You claimed you didn't remember most of it, and the therapists confirmed it was due to the trauma. The doctors reported your lesions as compatible with torture and sexual abuse.

You never denied.

[There's no going back
The past is in the past]

Five.

Oh, Eustass Kid did torture you. That pirate was a sadistic bastard.

His devilish smile, the fire burning in his reptilian eyes, the way his tongue swirled on his purple lips in front of your naked body. Those images were forever carved in your mind.

You were a virgin before being forced on his ship. This drove him crazy.

[Thank god it doesn't last forever]

Six.

If someone had asked, you wouldn't have known the answer.

Why you didn't kill him when you had the chance. How you found yourself fighting alongside his crew against the Big Mom Pirates.

Why he didn't rape you.

How you ended up in his bed anyway.

Maybe because you shared the same childhood dream about the One Piece? Maybe because you had a massive case of Banaro syndrome*?

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Seven.

[Yesterday was another life
Turning left didn't turn out right
Stuck in hell when I was twenty-five]

Your escape plans were blown off every time. Killer would always intercept you halfway before the door to the basement, were the lifeboats were. After the third battle together, it became merely a game more than an actual attempt. He always won.

Heat was the sweet one, the one always making sure you ate your lunch, your wounds were attended and everyone was treating you well. Wire and the Mohican often laughed at him, calling him "softie". He just shrugged at their mocking.

You tried so hard to keep them away, at first. You were a marine and a prisoner.

The problem was they really didn't care.

[You can't regret what you don't decide]

Never in your life had you experienced the feelings you had among the crew, during the party nights you spent on the deck after a battle. It felt warm and light, despite Kid's blazing gaze on your skin.

Every night ended in the same way, with your ragged moans filling the ship, so the captain could remind his crew whom the "marine girl" belonged to.

Eight.

But it comes the time when you have to say goodbye.

Your fingers instinctively reached the thin bracelet around your right wrist, a refined turquoise band with a thin stripe of seaprism in the middle.

"It's too tight to be pulled out and there's no lock. You simply cannot take it off, birdie. It's for you to always remember that you're a prisoner. My prisoner."

Still, you remembered the blurred figure of his back walking away, through your watery eyes.

Another back, just like Aokiji's, snowy white.

But as red as blood, this time.

[I should have stayed, should have let go
Should've, could've means you'll never know]

«Y/n?»

Koby's voice sounded slightly worried from the other side of the device.

«Yes, I'm still here!» you hurried, blinking at the gears in front of you.

«Great! Could you hear the rings?»

«Yes. Thank you Koby, it was... wow.»

Helmeppo slowly shook his head when an unconscious smile curled the lips of his best friend.

He may had one of the best Observation Haki among the Marines, but he was totally clueless when it came to you.

For the blond marine, it was so obvious you were hiding something, since you escaped the Kid Pirates.

His Den Den Mushi suddenly rang from his pocket. Without detaching his eyes from the captain, Helmeppo answered.

«Lieutenant Commander Helmeppo.»

«Oi, oi, chill down brat!»

«Garp-sensei?» the young marine gasped.

«Yeah, it's me. Listen up, kid: is Koby there? He's not picking up.»

«He's ringing the Ox Bell. Did something happen?»

«Kind of. I wanted to talk to him before this gets big, but I can tell you if he's busy.»

Helmeppo shot a glance to his best friend, the smile that wasn't leaving his face while talking to you.

«You can tell me, I'll fill him in.»

«Okay. You two are friends with that sniper girl, right? The one who was always with Aokiji.»

The eyes of the blond sharpened, still glued to Koby.

«What about her?»

«Do you happen to know where she is?»

«What do you mean, sensei? Her warship is supposed to be on its way back from Impel Down.»

«Well, it is. The girl is not, though.»

[There's no going back
When life's a loaded gun, you pull the trigger, trigger]

«What?!»

A few men turned to him, surprised by his high pitch.

Helmeppo cleared his voice and moved among the ruins, distancing himself from Koby and the team.

«I mean, what?»

On the other side, Garp sighed.

«I just had a talk with Sengoku. After the battle against Jack, they stopped to the base of Applenine to restock and she was grounded there.»

«Grounded? Why?»

«Are we on a protected line?»

«You called me on my private line, so I guess so. Garp-sense, what the hell is going on?»

«Fine, but mind this is not official yet! Sengoku told me the girl snapped on her own against Jack's ship. He ordered the men to wait for his signal before attacking, but she didn't. She also boarded by herself.»

«She attacked Jack alone?!»

«Of course Sengoku, Tsuru and Fujitora were forced to back her up immediately. But as far as I know, she did a pretty good mess.»

«Shit! So she's on Applenine right now?»

«...no.»

[There's no going back
The past is in the past]

Helmeppo pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted.

«Sensei!»

«After they dropped Doflamingo in Impel Down, Sengoku called the base to check on her, since they had to take her back to the headquarter. Looks like nobody can find her anymore.»

[Thank god it doesn't last forever]

«Maybe she set off for New Marineford already?»

«I think Sengoku would know by now. He called me because you guys are the only ones she's close to... well, kinda. There's Smoker, but he's far away. We're just trying to solve this before Sakazuki gets to know, but that girl is making it damn hard, you know?»

«Yeah, that's what she does.»

The lips of the Lieutenant were tight in a rigid line as he stared at Koby's Den Den Mushi. He couldn't hear his words from that distance.

«Disobeying a direct order is serious. Of course the whole Kid Pirates thing is a mitigation, but...» Garp's voice was low now «there's no coming back from a desertion. So if you guys know anything that might help her, you have to tell me fast.»

«I understand. I'll talk to Koby, see if we can contact her. I will keep you updated.»

«Thanks, boy.»

Helmeppo cut the call off and approached his captain. It wasn't a long walk, yet a new piece of the puzzle suddenly clicked in his head after every step.

The clash with Kaido's ship was three days before, all the officials were notified. Three days before was when Koby had called you, hectic to give you the "incredible news".

The Kid Pirates had been blown away by Kaido.

The same day, you went berserk against Jack.

Helmeppo's hand closed in a fist.

She lied, she was lying all the time.

[There's no going back
Fuck that going back]

«Koby!»

The captain blinked at his harsh voice.

«What is it?»

«Are you still on with Y/n?»

«Of course, why–»

Koby frowned at the note his friend furiously scribbled on a paper and slammed in front of his eyes.

"Y/n is not on the warship

Nobody knows where she is

This is desertion."

[There's no going back
Fuck that going back]

Observation haki develops in different way on different people.

Koby, for example, was able to sense people's emotions, their nature, even their intentions when he focused enough. You, on the other hand, were able to detect enemies on a great distance and localize your target without having to see it.

Although they worked differently, your abilities matched, more or less. Except that Koby was never able to use his power on you, and for the simplest reason: love makes us all blind.

You failed to use it on Eustass Kid, after all.

[The future I'm living now
Is not what I'd thought it'd be]

The silence on the other side told you something had changed, and this made you cautious. It was a pirate Den Den Mushi you were using, but you knew it wasn't going to work forever.

«Koby?»

«Uh? Oh, yeah.»

«Isn't it almost time to ring the Ox Bell again?»

«Y-Yes. In about one minute, so the last ring will correspond to the start of the new year...»

«Cool.»

You jumped down the pile of cordage you were sitting on. The lifeboats were aligned in front of the side hatch.

«Y/n, can I talk with Tsuru-sama?»

You started to free one of the tenders from the ropes securing it on the ship.

«Nah.»

«Sengoku-sama, then.»

«I don't think so, Koby.»

The boat was soon ready. A glance to the porthole and you discovered the snow was silently falling on the black cold sea.

«Y/n, where are you?»

«One minute passed.»

«Wha–»

«Eight rings for a new beginning.»

The first ring of the Ox Bell reverberated on the plaza and through the receiver.

Eight.

Long Ring Long Land was green and fragrant, a soft breeze blew from the sea, tickling the ridge. You were lying on the grass on your stomach, the rifle resting beside you, lazily swinging your legs in the air.

«Aokiji-sensei.»

The Admiral was leaning against a tree, the sleeping mask covering his eyes. After all those years, though, you could perfectly tell when he was actually sleeping and when he was not.

«Hm?»

«What does "Justice" mean?»

«Too difficult question.»

You chuckled.

«It's just... the books you gave me...»

Aokiji didn't move, nor he took his mask off.

«You can forget about them if you want. It's your choice now. I was just waiting to entrust them to someone smart enough.»

Your chin dropped on your folded arms as you looked at the sea below.

«I read them.»

«Were you able to understand?»

«Something. It's hard, I need more time.»

«Whatever, girl.»

A few seconds of silence.

«You were in Ohara.» you slowly said «Was that justice? Are those books your way to make amends?»

More silence.

«You are a troublesome little woman.»

[The person I was before
Is nothing like me]

Seven.

«Damn that bell!»

Koby's curse was yelled from the device as he tried to put some distance from him and the relic.

«Y/n, where the hell are you?!»

«On a ship.»

«Stop messing with me! Are you crazy? This is desertion, you'll be executed!»

You scoffed, testing the firmness of the hatch's opening system.

«Just tell them I'm missing, they won't notice.»

«They already did!»

Gosh, that kid didn't really get sarcasm.

«They won't miss me then.»

Helmeppo's frenzy shouts were audible as the captain tried to push him back.

«I... I will miss you, goddammit!»

You closed your eyes, stopping for a moment.

«Look, if this is about the Kid Pirates... we can fix it. I'm sure we can. I don't care what that fucking Eustass Kid did to you! He won't be a problem anymore. I will heal you, I promise!»

«Koby...» you swallowed «You can't "fix" what Eustass Kid did to me.»

Six.

«Birdie.»

Outside the captain's cabin, a storm was roaring through the night.

The men were running around the deck and climbing the mast in attempt to keep the ship steady under Killer's shouted orders.

None of that mattered inside the stillness of the cabin.

«Yes.»

His scarred muscles were hard as steel, yet there was no other place you wanted to rest your cheek on. The shadow of his metallic fingers idly playing with your locks was projected on the wooden wall.

«When did you stop chasing the One Piece?»

The fine, sweet sadness in your chest spread inside you.

When I stopped believing in myself.

You couldn't say that to Eustass Kid, though. He was not a man who respected weakness, though he somehow showed you his and you did the same.

But he was a pirate, and you were a marine. You both knew it wasn't meant to last.

Your finger lightly traced the red scar on his torso.

«Kid.»

«Yeah.»

«Promise me you'll become the King of the Pirates.»

The devilish smile deformed his purple lips and his hands snapped on your wrists. He straddled you with a quick movement.

His wolfish expression hovered over your face, burning eyes in yours, hot breaths mixing.

«Keep watching me, birdie. You will see.»

Five.

[The future I'm living now
Is the way that I want it to be]

When you rampaged alone on Jack's ship, you were filled with rage, but you were no idiot. You perfectly knew you couldn't face him directly and the big shots of the Marines would have been forced to join the battle.

Your sniper skills and the special boots Vegapunk designed for you allowed you to spread the chaos among the pirates and reach below deck just before Fujitora's attack.

There, luck assisted you. A certain man called Sheepshead was tied and beaten inside. You just had to mess a little bit with his wounds to make him answer your question.

[The minute I walk through the door]

«Where is Eustass Kid?»

[I slam it behind me]

Four.

Dressrosa, a few days before.

The Birdcage was advancing across the city.

You knocked out a few victims of Doflamingo's parasitic technique and placed them on a cart that was now being carried away. The most unlikely ally assisted you.

«I'm afraid our paths depart now, officer.» he said, touching his black hat in a polite greet.

You crossed your arms.

«Hey, Mr. Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army.»

The blond turned at your call.

«What?»

«You seem fond of people.» you said, hinting at the cart with your head «You are aware that, if you guys manage to trigger the revolution, thousands of innocents will die, aren't you?»

A fatalistic smile depicted his clever expression.

«Still, I believe it's worth fighting for it.»

You sharpened your eyes.

«What? What on earth should be worth it?»

A pure light glowed in Sabo's gaze.

«Freedom.»

[There's no going back
When life's a loaded gun, you pull the trigger, trigger]

Three.

«Freedom! Freedom is what I want! What you guys took from me!» you snapped, hitting the railing of the ship with your fist.

Killer didn't reply, his face hidden by his mask, as always.

But, of course, he was able to read your emotions like you were transparent, just like he was able to read his captain in the same way.
«What freedom are you talking about, Marine girl? The freedom to go?»
He turned his head towards the bow of the ship and you followed his gaze.
Eustass Kid was staring at the wide sea, wind in his fur and his hair.
You surprised yourself guessing his expression. Killer bent on you, lowering his voice.
«...or the freedom to stay?»

[There's no going back]

Two.

The hatch was heavy, but slowly opening.

«That's it!» you heard Helmeppo yelling «You there! Track the call!»

«Y/n!» Koby uttered «Whatever he did, I'll make you forget! Just give me a chance!»

Waves of an angry sea started to wet the pavement.

«I'm sorry, Koby.»

A few steps, and you were facing the wide horizon.

You took a deep breath and started to whisper your words quickly in the receiver, before the last ring spread on the Plaza.

«I'm sorry I was so blind I couldn't see the beauty in you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you always were. I'm sorry I lied to you.»

«What are you saying? Is this... is this a goodbye?»

«You know... with you part of the Marines, I will always believe there's some good left in this world. Protect them, Koby. Helmeppo, Tashigi, Smoker, Tsuru-sama, old Garp, the soldiers... protect them all.»

«Y/n, please.» his whisper was ragged «Don't go.»

With a push of your feet, the boat splashed in the sea.

«Thank you for everything.»

«Y/n, I love you.»

Your eyes closed and your features wrinkled.

«I've always loved you.»

Despite the chaos on the other side of the Den Den Mushi, the silence was more thunderous.

«Let this be our new beginning, shall we?»

[The past is in the past]

You disconnected the device from the snail, throwing the first in the waves and easing down the animal on the cordage, then you jumped on the tender.

[...thank god it doesn't last forever]

One.

The cold was cutting through your heavy clothes and the little boat dangerously rolled on the agitated sea.

The far black outline of an island was barely visible on the horizon.

Wano.

With a slow movement, you lifted your red scarf to cover most of your face.

You made me a promise, Eustass "fucking" Kid. So you better be alive.

And, whatever you were going to face, you felt freer than you ever had before.

[There's no going back.
Fuck that going back.]

~

*Banaro syndrome = Stockholm syndrome renamed for the sake of One Piece setting