Me: I need to cut my nails.

Mom: Bite them! :D

Me: You're telling me to bite my nails?! What kind of mother are you? -_- How about you buy a nail clipper?

Mom: You can use a knife! *grabs knife off counter* Give me your hand! :D

Me: 0_0 :O NO! *hides hands* Crazy woman...

Mom: :'D