OMFG I GOT A BEAUTIFUL WATERCOLOURED GIFT BY Elm_nova AND I SCREAMED ❤❤❤❤❤

IT'S MY GORL BAILEY AND I'M LITERALLY SO HAPPY. YOUR WATER COLOURING SKILLS ARE SO AMAZING?!??! AND YOUR ART STYLE IS SO FUCKING CUTE 💙💙💙💙💙💙

Please follow Elm_nova, I really recommend them! Their art is so beautiful and just so cute! 

I also received a commission today! 

LKDSJFkds This is so fucking cute and I really love it sm. I feel like I need more art of Billie as a feral because she's really cute as a four-legged dork. 

Seeing these pieces made me really happy. I'm in a really good mood today and I did seriously smile when seeing these. (I don't smile often) 

No one can bring me down on this day. 

👀❤

Also, I kinda wanted to talk about what happened to me today. I'm pretty proud of myself even though I had to be bribed with gummies. lmao. It worked but it really motivated me. 

So today, around 9 ish. My therapist that I haven't seen in months (mostly because we can't afford) gave us a call and said that I should visit. She said that she wanted to see me today and was very concerned about me. Of course, I didn't want to go. Like I didn't have any motivation to get up today. At all. 

But of course, Jess bribed me with gummies. I love gummies so much, especially Starmix. I hauled my ass up and cleaned up just for gummies. I didn't care about anything really. I just wanted to go and leave. 

When we got there, (took around 20 minutes) I felt an immediate dread. Like it really wasn't worth gummies at all and I started to beg to turn back. Obviously, she calmed me down and told me to go. SO I did. I grew some big balls today. 

So we walked in and immediately, the COLD AC in the receptionist area just fucking blasted in my face and the mummers of other people just surrounded me. I was fucking petrified. While Jess checked me in, I sat down and tried to draw. (I brought a sketchbook and coloured pencils like a dork I am) (( I'll post my sketches in a few ))

I was really paranoid and nervous and I had the hugest urge to vomit. So I speed walk like a fucking soccer mom to the bathroom. I gagged but no vomit came out. After a while, I did calm down and collect all my mind marbles lmao. My dumbass took a whole ass photoshoot in the bathroom. 

Here's like one photo from my whole ass photoshoot. Ignore my tattered ass shoes, they represent my mental stability. 

So once I felt better, I went to go sit down again. Not too long after, I saw one of my old friends from group!!! (I haven't been to group in a long time) And we began to conversate. She told me that everyone missed me from group and they can't wait till I come back. 

I actually felt so loved?? Like I thought no one would miss me but they do. My friend though even though she's super-duper sweet and literally has no meanness in her body, not an inch, did start to go off with stories that didn't exist. Like she told me that she had fun with me on Thursday when we went to the beach. (We didn't go to the beach together😩 I haven't talked to her in a LONG time) Obviously, I still went along with her story and pretended that we did go. She's so nice and her mom is too. I gave her some of my gummies before the receptionist told me that I had to go. My friend really liked the gummies. 

When that happened my anxiety spiked so fucking hard. Like I felt my shivers go all the way to my non-existent testicles. But after our session, I felt really confident again. After I was led back to the receptionist room, I felt so powerful and unstoppable??? I don't know why but I felt like I completed something. Even though it was so small. 

I know some of you are gonna be like, "Oh that's stupid! I go outside all the time!" But today, I'm so proud of myself and I'm so happy today. I got a lot of motivation and jazz in my ass. 

It really motivated me to continue to go but we are broke. 😩 But my therapist recommended payment plans and she gave me a discount because she wanted to see me twice a week. Usually, a 90-minute session costs 130$

But other than that, I feel really good today and super happy. Like I'm so happy. Nothing can bring me down right now. If you try, that's fine because you won't . :) 

Also, when I was drawing in the check in, I drew some really good ass sketches. I'm really proud of them ngl. I wanted to talk to my friends while I waited but for some reason, they didn't have public wifi and the reception there was ass. Literal ass. 

I really hope you guys are having a good day and if you're not, I really hope things get better for you! I just feel so happy and uplifted. I hope this feeling never goes away. 

Question of the day: 

What's your favourite animal? 

I love snails and cats sm. Like literally, if you give me a Giant African Land Snail, I will love you. I have 6 cats and I love them all so much skldjfklds. 

The only breed of dog that I like is the breed of Spencer. The rest of the dog breeds are o k a y. I guess lmao.