• Scott Pilgrim: •

...What a freaking nut that guy was; good thing I made him go boom!

Taylor Swift: Oh, it's not over; of my exes, you'll be fighting six more soon,

And our relationship can't bloom until the lot of them are finished!

??????: Number two'll leave you flatter than his ollies in two minutes!

• Rodney Mullen: •

Once I start Godzilla-railing, flipping out, you'd best submit,

Because my boards come Über Light, but I spit heavy-duty shit,

And it's no V.R.; I'm for real! You're dealing with a sport's Godfather,

So sign off now, and I'll let you live; I wouldn't refuse that offer!

There's no skater-innovator greater: I've got tricks galore;

Face off against me in the Ex Games, and end up like Caleb Moore!

This Rod's a distant cry from Dangerfield; gets nothing but respect!

Call this place Paranoid Park, Pilgrim: I'm skateboarding you to death!

My Tensor Trucks have sold in scores; it's patent that I've earned my keep.

All your garage band music's garbage; take it to the Rubbish Heap!

I pull off stunts, no trouble; see me filling in for Benny Stiller!

Taking names since age fourteen, I'm the street scene's most steady pillar!

You can't match the Mutt; not even Almost! Boy, you're no Daewon Song,

So there'll be no second round; this track is gonna be your swan song,

And I do those talks for T.E.D. to motivate the kids,

But you'll find it Impossible to get back up again from this.

• Scott Pilgrim: •

Since when'd you Darkslide over to the dark side, eh? I never knew;

I guess you did the kind of "heel-flip" that professional wrestlers do!

You've Dwindled in freestyle-skill; those improv raps were nothing special,

And your "A-Team" made the one with Liam Neeson look successful!

How can you switch up your stance with newfound tactics as you fight me

When your Plan B crashed and burned already way back in the nineties?

I don't want your autograph; need not hear any more from you

As I set out to rectify your record: thirty-four to two.

• Rodney Mullen: •

Well, not to sound like my old man, but I'd be hesitant to start:

The baddest of the Bones Brigade'll break your skeleton apart!

I'll post new footage: let the world watch me shred Taylor's latest toy,

And that conniving snake will rue the day she dumped this Skater Boi!

• Taylor Swift: •

Come on; you've never been and never will be good enough for me!

Scott Pilgrim: Hell, you're just here 'cause Tony Hawk already had an E.R.B.!

You're past your peak; with age, grown rusty. Man, you've let your technique slide:

I bet you couldn't even rail-grind down that stairway if you tried!

• Rodney Mullen: •

If you expect I'll fall for that one, then you must be brain-impaired;

That's two-thirds of two hundred steps!

Taylor Swift: Oh, what's the matter; are you scared?

Rodney Mullen: Well, I'm more Fearless than you, bitch; in fact, I'll prove it to your ass!

Enjoi this spectacle of my swell skills, Scott; it'll be your last...

...

......

.........

(*BOOM!*)

Ganon: DIE!

• Scott Pilgrim: •

Holy crap, it worked; the Mutt struck terminal velocity!

I guess he somehow never read his own autobiography...

??????: Am I glad he's in pieces down there and that we're alive up here!

Scott Pilgrim: Tell me about it, right... wait, who is this?

• Casey Kasem: •

A veggie-head to fear!

Hello there; my name's Casey Kasem. Welcome to your...

Joey Tempest: FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Casey Kasem: It's the European Top Forty reasons why you're getting trounced, clown!

When I'm at the bat, it's your third strike: I'll knock you out the park,

And all the way up to the moon; you'll leave a crater of a mark!

How's that for "reaching for the stars"? Don't even try to keep your footing;

Known for never eating meat, but still I'll turn you into pudding!

It's the end of you and Tay's road once I swooce right in to drop you:

Boy, you never should've come here; didn't your mama tell you not to?

My show grew from seven stations to a damn-near-everywhere craze;

Spent about a thousand weeks at number one across the airwaves,

And I played a stoner coward, but you'd best be frightened, dope:

Watch me tear into you without reluctance like a lycanthrope!

My next broadcast will have this bit: Whatever happened to Scott Pilgrim?

Well, I'll tell you; drum roll, please...

(*DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DUN!*)

...I fucking killed him!

Now, Long-Distance Dedication time; this comes from California:

Travis T. writes, "School this poser, Casey! I'll be rooting for ya'..."

• Scott Pilgrim: •

Wow; so much for your peace-loving dedication to nonviolence!

Crossing me was your worst move since opting out of Zombie Island!

Voicing Shaggy ended by the Sword? So will this extra life;

I'll put more anguish in your final hours than your second wife,

Then bury you right on the spot, to spare your kids another quandary.

Clash against this demon on the mic, and get headbutted promptly!

Once, you munched on Scooby Snacks, but now, you must be smoking spliffs,

So just take after your Transformers role, and jump right off a cliff!

• Casey Kasem: •

Oh, don't bring up those racist robots, with their wack ersatz Gaddafi;

Kid, I'll end your meddling for good, and walk off from it Scott-free!

They gave me this upbeat tune to call your dirge, but I ain't angered,

'Cause who gives a shit? This guy from Canada's a total wanker!

• Taylor Swift: •

You signed off your last with me on top, and think that scores you credit,

But as Robin, you left less of an impact than Gordon-Levitt!

Scott Pilgrim: Although it's against his diet, and might even make him sick,

This gawky, shit-talky disc jockey needs to go and eat a dick!

• Radio Chorus: •

CUE VEGAN POWER-ACTIVATION!

Casey Kasem: It's high time that I struck back;

The voice of NBC will rip this no-bite clod a new butt-crack:

Armed with the perks of peaceful living, seal your violent fate, but first,

A toast to your impending doom, seeing as I need to quench my thirst...

(*GULP!*)

Taylor Swift: That was milk you just drank, dude.

Casey Kasem: Wait, what?!

(*KER-SMASH!*)

Judge Dredd: Hands up, and freeze;

You've violated protocol, Kemal!

Casey Kasem: Whoa, wait a minute; please!

Judge Dredd: The law declares your powers forfeit for your actions on this day,

And so I'm setting my Lawgiver to Deveganizing Ray!

Lawgiver: HI-EX...

(*BOOM!*)

• Judge Dredd: •

Gruddammit, not again; curse you, poor vocal recognition!

Look, can you forget you saw that?

Scott Pilgrim: Have no fear, Judge; all's forgiven.

(*BEEPY-BOOP!*)

A 1-up? Cool; I must have scored a lot of points then!

So now, Taylor, when can I destroy the next of your ex-boyfriends?

Taylor Swift: Exes, you mean.

Scott Pilgrim: What's the difference?

??????: So, you haven't let him know?

Taylor Swift: Hey, go get bent!

• Avatar Korra: •

Oh, I'm the one who does the bending when I flow!

It's a performance in the making ten millennia, and worth it:

Watch me spit harmonically, my words converging into verses!

Boy, your brain will crack in two, and not from any realization;

Wage Turf-War against this fourfold threat, and face annihilation!

I'm one bi-furious bitch your spurious, dirty tricks won't sell to,

And there's not a damn thing you can do; forget what Varrick tells you.

I'll project enormous power; rip your soul right out, no challenge,

For my rhymes release so rapidly, they're like the Book of Balance!

Who did you expect; Katara? Man, you'd best prepare to die,

And your end won't be subtle; Mike and Bryan needn't clarify.

I'd haunt your dreams, 'cause I'm known for unlocking the intangible,

But ain't the Freddy Krueger type, though I've cosplayed as Hannibal!

I fought equality, harmony, freedom; even unity!

What in five nations could some shaggy-headed slacker do to me?

I'm with the Future's Iron Lady, and she'll be the first to say...

Asami Sato: We're gonna pop the biggest bottles when your death occurs today!

• Scott Pilgrim: •

Yeah, you're the Avatar, and dissing you is how I'm dealing with it;

It's your Last Stand if you'd step to this: you've got me feeling livid!

Swallowed whole by my dark lyrics, you won't recollect what hit you;

You're a lost soul, foggy-minded: don't know what you're getting into!

My chaotic raps will fracture you, like Ba Sing Se in anarchy;

I'll make your wack recap-announcer go...

Shiro Shinobi: Oh, the humanity!

Scott Pilgrim: That mercury derailed you into three years of depression?

That's no way to cope when handed poison lemons; just ask Tenzin!

• Avatar Korra: •

I just had some down-to-Earth discourse with Avatar Kyoshi;

She says...

Avatar Kyoshi: Bathe in this brat's blood, and make his severed head a trophy!

Avatar Korra: Like my basis in girls' M.M.A., I fight with mad Conviction;

You've less hope than Mako, touching me: not even in fan-fiction!

• Taylor Swift: •

Methinks I should take a swing here; you two ain't on equal ground.

We've got Bad Blood now, babe; in fact, I liked you better wheelchair-bound!

Have you told Carmen Sandiego here about our college drama?

I've seen Benders with more eloquence than you on Futurama!

• Avatar Korra: •

What's the matter, queenie; out of breath already? Typical:

All that you'll ever be is Mean; I'm living at the pinnacle!

I'll put a sock in you to stop the flow of verbal diarrhea;

Could I turn back time, I'd tell your parents: you're a bad idea!

• Scott Pilgrim: •

In mind-blowing circumstances, your arch-foe discovered flight,

And just as well, I'll take a level, and unlock the lover's might;

That's right, I'm armed! You're like Ming-Hua now; brace for your next new beginning...

(*SLICE!*)

New question for the other Quora: how's that for "love winning"?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hahahahahaha... serves you right for being inappropriate for little kids, bitch! Hahahahahahah- (*BANG!*)

Invader Zim: I've been waiting a long time to do that. Now, to cement my conquest of Nickelodeon once and for all... T.V. movie, here I come!

(*BOOM!*)