MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!

KING GRAHAM OF DAVENTRY...

...VS...

...GUYBRUSH THREEPWOOD!!!!!!

BEGIN!

• Guybrush Threepwood: •

WATCH OUT, GRAHAM! Don't stand so close to that ledge;

A brush with this guy's prone to pushing posers over the edge.

No Silver Lining in the deal; straight—up Big Whooping your ass!

I spit it like a poison snake; my verbal venom acts fast.

I rebound your rhymes like a rubber tree;

Shut you out your Door of Destiny.

Sharpest wit and tongue on seven seas;

An adventurer, I was meant to be!

My Monkey Kombat skills are mythical;

Comeback mastery unequivocal.

Mad voodoo in every syllable;

Call a duel with me unwinnable!

Patent mighty pirate, here to plunder your throne.

Catapulting words at you like un—romanceable stones,

'Cause you're feather—lite on skill; I'm Mega—Monkey—extra—packed,

So go on yonder to the road and give a honk for Sam and Max!

Oh so skilled in insult—swordplay;

My second—biggest forte.

Be trained and famed on Mêlée,

Laying waste to those I waylay!

Get it through your thick skull: you're like Murray, all bark;

So many ways to die, call you the medieval Isaac Clarke.

It's a recipe for failure if you're looking to debunk me;

I'm a legendary sailor, fabled like a triple—monkey!

• Graham: •

Not a smart move, Gaybrush; now, I'll say this once:

To Heir is Human, but to challenge me beseems a mighty dunce.

On a quest for my crown, best come equipped with a plan;

Talking 'bout some life insurance, baby: better call Stan.

Scurvy little sack of SCUMM! This softie can't for real;

I stop a pirate in his tracks with his own copyright wheel.

Poems altogether smashing; putting out the flames of haters,

For I'm more than Rather Dashing, and you ain't no Burninator!

Don't hold your breath on seeing my death; I won't be holding ploys.

I'm the Sierra golden boy; fair Lady Williams' pride and joy.

When I deploy my Rap KQ, you'll lose yourself; my flow is endless,

Like the desert. Bust it like a wizard; you must be the princess!

Stab these rhythms reliably, like a secret society,

Of the Black Cloak variety; perfect score, undeniably!

• Guybrush Threepwood: •

I'm shaking, I'm shaking! Is that all you got?

I've heard more profound philosophy from Herman Toothrot!

I call out all of your bull, because you fight like a cow,

But I milk verses' worth in full, and you're in deep water now;

Yo, just you try to stay afloat!

I'll buck you like a billy goat;

Watch you drown in your own moat.

Ain't that a hole in a boat?

I've got the governess's vote, and the Force is strong in me;

Bury haters under snow for staying a course of wronging me.

I'll see you walk the plank Today and have your Heirs Gone by Tomorrow;

Make your queen a Princeless Bride, and leave your Kingdom full of Sorrow!

Man, my flow's a wild ride like Mr. Bones; its end is never.

You'll get fried so bad, AGD can't remake you back together.

Have the last laugh on me? That's like making Death cry,

But running you into a dead end's as easy as fruit pie!

• Graham: •

So much for being a pirate man of high moral fiber;

Now to boot you off your island like this battle was Survivor!

That your Ultimate Insult? Here's my answer to it for ya':

Shove these occult lyrics down your throat like Phantasmagoria;

Leave you looking ass—backwards like ol' Rumplestiltskin's name,

'Cause I be holding all the cards like it was Hoyle's Book of Games!

Castaway you and your wife; put that Sea Monkey under.

Raps massive; way larger than life, like Graham's Number!

The cat is in the bag, and the bag is in the river;

Systems On—Line, time to point, click, stand and deliver.

Keep your Tales of your Escapes from that old Cursed, Secret island,

And your lousy T—shirt treasures; mine are measured in diamonds.

You'll feel a strange pulling sensation when you've stepped into my trap,

And that's my raps wrapping around you like a wrap—around map.

Even the Gnomes sense not a hint of danger coming from you,

But I ain't scared to run you through with your own Cutlass of Kaflu;

I'll go Manannan on your ass if you persist to disobey me,

So lest you be turned to Ash, hail to the king, baby!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!!!!

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!