MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!

REIMU HAKUREI...

...VS...

...GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEGIN!!!

Reimu Hakurei:

Think I'm scared of you just 'cause I barely come up to your toes?

Prepare to learn how deep the Shanghai Alice rabbit hole goes:

I'm a one—girl army, dreamt up by a one—man team,

Flying around past seas of bullets, spamming neon laser beams;

Near—untouchably nimble, and my hitbox is so small.

Yours is big as they come, and all the harder you'll fall!

I'm an oriental cutie with an elegant aura,

Taking the biggest dump on you since your duel with Hedorah!

Come a long way since I started bouncing 'round that Yin—Yang ball,

And nowadays, my friends and I have half the internet enthralled.

You're old news, Goji, like an apple gone rotten;

Leave you like the old PC cast: obsolete and forgotten!

I'm no slacker when it comes to double—dealing verbal pain:

Enough rhymes to blow your mind across both of your brains!

I'll 1CC this battle without bombs on Lunatic Mode,

Tie you down, and pour a truckload of tea down your throat!

Godzilla:

Old Godzilla's hip—hopping around,

About to stomp this patron saint of weeaboos into the ground!

Still incumbent, reigning King of Monsters after six decades,

Pointing out the many follies of this destitute shrine maid:

Sure, by little girl standards, you may be a superhero,

But I'm so far past your league, I might as well be fighting Cirno,

'Cause you're on par with my pussy son Minilla at best,

And your verses are more padding—filled than Sakuya's chest!

Highly responsive to your bullshit, and I'll counter every diss.

I'm a relentless force of nature, and nature is pissed!

No Emmerich Iguanas here, as anyone can plainly see,

So spell my name with that capital G-O-D!

I've terrorized Japan from Tokyo to Fukuoka,

And I'll squash your puny shrine like a one—level pagoda.

Replay this match on every single setting, only to find

That in all seven secret endings, victory is still mine!

Reimu Hakurei:

Your voice sounds like a glove, scraping a bass with rusty wires!

Talk about a far cry from all the music we've inspired,

"We" being me and all my friends; got so many, I lost track.

In fact, I'll show you right now; let my main homegirl take a crack:

Marisa Kirisame:

Just let me borrow that mic and watch me steal some precious thunder

With my grimoires' worth of verses that I didn't even plunder!

Like so many books and forums, I'm hijacking this fight,

Packing heat by the star—full, and I'll be knocking out your lights;

Look like an ordinary witch, with pointy hat and little broom,

But bitch, I've got a mushroom—fueled furnace of fiery doom!

Self—trained, and my power's both material and present.

Wanna talk about "leagues"? I'm pretty much in League of Legends!

My words will hit you hard like Gigan, pierce you 'til you're bleeding;

As Patchouli can attest, I really did all of my reading.

Such a swagger queen, got seven different themes to my name;

Plus a Master Spark to overpower your atomic flame,

And though I'm not as strong as Reimu, go ask Alice if I'm hotter.

Either way, we'll blow your whole island of misfits out the water,

'Less you back off; take it easy, as those floating heads would say.

You're in Gensokyo now, Tokyo bloke. Yo, understand, da ze?

Reimu Hakurei:

For each remotely scary line you have, a dozen more are goofy;

Congrats on being so spot on with the history of your movies.

Wipe that purposeful grimace from your ugly face, you brute,

Because we'll drop you in three minutes, like your wretched Shodai suit!

Godzilla:

Even Gamera's less full of crap than you two baka wenches!

When you mess with this G—Man, prepare for obviousconsequences.

If you wanna have a tag—team match, I'll meet you there just fine;

I'd wondered when I'd get to raid again with this old pal of mine:

Anguirus:

Huh, what do you want? Oh, yeah; that's right:

The monster king's calling upon his man—at—arms to join the fight,

And he's backing up these words he's barking with one helluva bite,

Thorny carapace and hide imperishable as the night!

I'm one repugnant, Battra—shit insane, ass—kicking Ankylosaur;

Redundant brains to keep me ticking, and a Super Metroid roar.

The first apprentice to the master of the art of destruction,

Butting heads with Big G way back since his second production!

Full—time Killer of the Living, and I need no fancy gimmicks:

Simple, solid strength; no cheap tricks for Marisa to mimic.

We'll take you to the farthest place down from your "Fantasy Heaven";

Screw "Bullet Hell": our kind comes straight from Dante's Circle Seven!

Giant monsters go all—out when we attack; no holds are barred.

Watch us play 52 Pickup with your deck of Spell Cards!

You girls may think you're vicious, table—turning killers like Hard Candy,

But step up to any kaiju, and you'll end up like Bambi!

Godzilla:

You're like Jet Jaguar juxtaposed with us: out—of—place and laughable;

A following so bloated, it makes my own size look natural!

Your whole fandom's one big circle jerk, fapping to armpits;

You just need their art because your maker can't draw worth a shit!

Reimu Hakurei:

There must be some alien cockroach up there, clouding your thinking!

Marisa Kirisame:

...Either that, or someone's broken Suika's record for drinking!

Reimu Hakurei:

Two not—so—little monsters, strongest under the sun,

But then our secret weapon came along, and then there werenone!

Flandre Scarlet:

The name's Doctor F—L—A—N Dre!

Basement's unlocked, now I'm out to play,

Like the Warriors, and I, too, am an army of the night;

Take you through the Extra Stage, then to your burial site!

I'm bringing one wicked case of Scarlet Fever,

And I'm not talking 'bout Cee Lo's girls, either.

Sister of the bloody Devil, bloodier than Bloody Mary,

And I'll blast you with the strength of ten entire militaries!

It's curtains for you when I open curtain fire;

Raining danmaku on Monsterland until it's but a pyre.

Nowhere to run; no water body can hide you,

When this Scarlet Witch says "No more kaiju."

You'll go flying backwards, not propelled by your breath,

But from my tension—crushing psychic hand—squeeze of death!

Can't mistake it, even when I'm going Four—of—a—Kind:

There's no vampiress more volatile in all of design.

When my rhymes set this whole place ablaze,

Even Reimu won't leave with her face ungrazed;

I murdered Loki, stole his sword,

Caused Ragnarok, and did it 'cause I was bored!

Only in one game, 'cause I'm so OP,

But without me, the rest feel so empty,

And F.Y.I., Aggie Christie:

You dropped the ball; U.N. Owen was ME!

Marisa Kirisame:

Well use your bones as instruments when this incident's over,

Then upload the brand new song we've made to Nico Nico Douga!

Reimu Hakurei:

So forget your Destoroyah and that Ghidorah clown;

We're the triple threat that's bringing 'bout your final meltdown!

Godzilla:

Relying on two backups? You're no good girl at all!

Anguirus:

Not even sure if she's a girl; that kind of tactic takes balls.

Plus, bringing up "clowns"? That's biting more than I could chew;

I've got three words for this "trump card" of yours: RAN RAN RUU!

Godzilla:

Seems that crazy womanchild's where you're riding all your money,

But from where I stand, she's just another useless little bunny!

Could retaliate with Mothra, but that won't be necessary,

And besides, this battle already has far too many fairies!

Dropping bombs like the nukes that made this massive mutant

On the pitiful programmings of one drunken college student;

I'll leave you on life support, and then it's your extermination,

When they pull the plug on you for lack of organ donations.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!!!!!!

MOLEMAN'S... (*Godzilla roar*) ...EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!