MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES... SEASON 2, BITCHES!!!!!

MEGA MAN...

...VS...

...SALLY ACORN!!!!!!!!

BEGIN!

Sally Acorn:

Flynn made a mess, and some fans threw a fit,

But it was when that douchebag Kenny sued that everything wentapeshit,

So they cast my hide aside, resolution to my plight denied,

While they brought in your rusty little rear and made the mess called Worlds Collide!

And from that poor man's "Crisis" on one Mobius and one Earth,

My homeworld's seen some major changes we can't legally reverse:

Just ask my brother or my mother. Wait, you can't; they don't exist,

But I'm still here - back in the flesh, with lightsabers on my wrists!

Burst that Bubble Lead of yours before, now watch me do it again:

Biggest mega-disgrace to your legacy since Captain-Fucking-N!

I'll be immune to every attack, when I go hard like a Mettaur's hat,

Spitting sharp words like the spikes that kill you at the slightest contact.

You know who I roll with; best believe I go fast.

Call me Iron Queen: usurp your sinking franchise from your washed-up ass!

You could say I'm like Tron Bonne, 'cause I'll be serving you forty times:

Just like her lawsuits against Gru over their henchmen's designs!(*Minion laugh*)

I'm a strong, independent rebel princess who don't need no help from Obi-Wan;

The day I let you out-rap me is the day I marry Antoine,

Because for all your talk of lasting peace, you couldn't be more reliant on violence,

So shut your whiny trap, and go pester Naugus in the Zone of Silence.

Come at me fully-Powered Up, nine E-Tanks in supply;

This Freedom Fighter queen will beat you 'til she runs those reserves dry!

No need to weasel my way through this; beating you is just my Nack.

This Acorn's like a macadamia: she's one tough nut to crack!

Mega Man:

Enough from you, Ricky; don't you make one more squeak:

You're insufferable as Squirrel Girl, if she wasn't tongue-in-cheek!

Dug up some dirt on you with Rush, so I could give you the Blues,

Like Proto Man, who did some major whistle-blowing for me, too!

I'll make your TV comeback hopes go "BOOM!" like French animators;

Make this cannon on my arm your Ultimate Annihilator!

Thunder Beam you 'cross the room in pieces like a Yellow Devil,

Then use your soul to make a new S-Model Biometal!

Kill you in cold blood, then say you had the Sigma Virus;

Claiming self-defense, like I was Zero and you're Iris.

Robo-hero legend speaking - not just any Sniper Joe.

Screw Marvel vs. Capcom; viva Super Smash Bros.!

I beat the robo-solar system, from Neptune to Venus.

Haul off to AoStH's world; go suck a PINGAS!

You're the Knothole Village bicycle, and even Rotor knows;

Took censors twenty years to give this skank a full set of clothes!

The Hercules of automatons: I always go the distance.

You're like Wily himself, because you fail at existence!

I'll shoot the brown clean off your coat and turn your ass pink,

While my Navi self deletes a certain virtual lynx.

Light up the Night; wreak Vengeance to the sounds of my own rock opera.

Go so hard, you'd think I'm doped on Force Metal-Supra,

'Cause my power score's a million, times a hundred and ten!

Your mega-ownage isn't over either, bitch; I brought a friend:

Don't you call me "friend", Rock - you will address me as "Master";

When it comes to robo-heroes, I'm the Omega Factor!

Astro Boy:

I'm Astro-nomical; the God of manga's favored pride and joy,

And you've got about as much chance of beating me as Robotboy!

Royal rodent of the West, come face the far-East Mickey Mouse;

Not even Thor is gonna stop me when I bring down your Acorn House!

Seems we're alike in at least one way: not afraid to go 'round shirtless,

But girl, I'm in the Robot Hall of Fame; you belong in a furry circus!

I'm the Pinocchio of sci-fi, and that's no lie; screw you, A.I.!

Such intense focus on this rhythm, it's as if I had a third eye!

I freely fly across the sky; don't need no doggie adaptor.

Got a heart of gold that doubles as a nuclear reactor.

Had so many different series, it's confusing just to list them,

And I'll hurl you way past Pluto, into a whole different Star System!

Sacrificed myself to save the sun, long before Cillian Murphy did

Go back to reading bedtime stories, Sally; you're not worthy, kid!

Ask anyone in Niiza, where my name's duly enshrined:

The Mighty Atom simply can't be smashed, even by Albert Rothstein!

(Beat stops, screen abruptly goes black)

Geno:

This shooting star'll sink your ship soon as he comes on board,

Crashing down into this battle like a giant-ass sword.

I know about timed rhymes; they're my most critical priority,

And when I'm on the mic, I'm my own highest authority!

Yo, I come fully-stacked at 99 Flower Points.

Forget bronze, silver or gold; I be spitting straight Frog Coins!

I take the cake, make no mistake: it's like my name was Bundt;

Cannon-blasting wack machines of war and Chipette reject cu-

(*Record scratch*)

Announcer:

WOAH, WOAH, HOLD IT; NOBODY INVITED YOU!

YOUR WISH IS TO BE IN THIS? WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA COME TRUE!

GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE FOREST; LEAVE THE RAPPING TO THE OTHERS.

YOU ARE NOT IN THIS BATTLE, AND YOU'RE NOT IN SMASH BROTHERS!

Geno:

Oh, come on now, Papa Mole! Don't treat me like a stranger;

I help Mario battle bad guys like the Axem Rangers.

Geno's whirling up onto the stage by popular demand,

And if you don't let me stay here, dude, I'm blowing up Japan!(Holds up detonator)

Announcer:

HOLY CRAP; TALK ABOUT AN ACT OF GENOCIDE!

OKAY, FINE, CHUCKY, YOU WIN; STAY ALONG FOR THE RIDE!

Geno:

Yeah, when nutjobs mess with this here piece of wood, they get cracked;

Toss you clear across the field like an NY quarterback.

I'll weave a verbal maze to spend the rest of your rapping lives,

'Cause you're a bunch of Squares, like the guys who own my legal rights!

Sally Acorn:

THAT'S IT! I've had enough upstaging for one life,

But before I let this slide. I'd sooner be a monkey's wife!

I came here for a grudge match, not a battle royale,

But now, I'm left with no choice; Hey Rock, you asked for this, pal:

Sonic the Hedgehog:

It's my world, when I come out and step it up into the zone;

Chaotic raps! Like this was Camelot, I'm stealing the throne!

Throw you for a Shuttle Loop with that mad Spin Dash.

YOU'RE TOO SLOW to take me on; let me battle the Flash!

Score that S-Rank with flying Colors when I Unleash my rhymes,

With 700 rings in hand, and I'll Crush you 40 times!

And I can't promise that you'll Live, but you're sure as Iblis Learn

Just What I'm Made Of, when my speed gives you all wack friction burns!

Sally Acorn:

Wait, what? No! Hey, you - announcer voice up above,

That's the modern Sega Sonic, not the man I know and love;

Get my real boyfriend in here so we can properly win this!

Announcer:

WELL, SALLY, IS THERE EVEN REALLY THAT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE?

Sally Acorn:

For the love of Furry-Jesus, of course there is! Yes!

Announcer:

WELL, GEE, IN THAT CASE, EXCUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS!

Sally Acorn:

Look, I don't want to argue; please just make this whole mess right:

Bring in the character as played on TV by Jaleel White!

Announcer:

AS THE JOKER WOULD SAY, SALLY, VERY POOR CHOICE OF WORDS:

I'M GONNA EXPLOIT THE HELL OUT OF WHAT I JUST HEARD!

Sonic the Hedgehog:

(Has been continuing to rap during the above exchange, seeming oblivious to it and his lines in the background audible only as "blah blah blah", etc.)

...Cracked so many eggs, could live on omelet- GAAAAHHH!

(*Is suddenly impaled from behind by an offscreen assailant, and then explodes for no reason. The screen goes dark.*)

Hehehehe... Did I do that?

Steve Urkel:

Heidi-ho! It's me, Steve, but this ain't Blue's Clues;

No, it's the Urk-Man in this Full House, giving y'all the Urkel Blues!

Always the life of the party when I get down to dance;

Total pro at stealing shows, so hang on to your pants,

'Cause I'll be wearing you down until you fall and can't get up.

Being me is pretty hard work, but Thank God I'm Fly enough!

I'm a breakout when I break loose on the television set,

And I'll break you Perfect Strangers without breaking a sweat.

Screw Family: I'm what Matters! I'm the ultimate geek.

When I show up on the scene, just watch those ratings start to peak!

This grumpy little doll seems to think he's badass and medieval,

But wait and see how tough he is once he meets up with Stevil.

Rock over here may have a franchise, but I'll ruin that advantage

When I make Capcom go flat-bankrupt from property damage!

This other 'bot's the fruit of some guy trying to clone his dead son,

But I can make real clones; just ask Stephan.

Hey, what's wrong, Sal? You ain't looking like you should.

Do I make you feel uncomfortable? Aw, that's no good!

Well, I don't need you to be anybody I wanna be,

Literally: swapped genes with folks like Elvis and Bruce Lee.

Besides, no one's gonna be replacing Laura in my heart,

And girl, you ain't even Myra, so don't you even start,

Or else I'll stalk you home tonight and put an A-bomb in your dinner,

'Cause I'm cooler than the Fonz, so just accept it: I'm the winner!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

I DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!