Alright, I've got a confession to make, and here it is...

The reason I have so many story ideas and stuff running around my head is because my imagination is one of the major things that's letting me survive. I'd be nothing at all without this phenomenal art, music and dance by my side.

There are times when the other two seem to kind of slip away from me but writing, more specifically imagination, has always been by my side.

Why? Because it's the only thing distracting me, even if momentarily, from the sad pitiful mess my life is.

Don't get me wrong; I have a fabulous family, much more than all the basic amenities I could ask for, I don't have any health issues (at the moment), no problem at all, except that I'm lonely.

I get we all come into this world alone and leave alone too, but is it too much to ask for just a couple of people who actually understand me?

A lot of people who know me would be all like, "Oh, no, we do care, honey," but no one really understands me. No one really knows that I cry myself to sleep every night.

I hate myself more than normal, much more in fact, that I spend so much time questioning every single thing I do. It's super unnerving and unpleasant when other people also do it to me because I don't have a support system.

I think I'd be able to fill a novel of ten million words with just how much I hate myself, and maybe even write a whole series. It's pathetic because I hide myself away when I cry and still hope someone'll notice.

Crying is what someone does when they're super upset (or hungry at times). But whenever I've cried around a certain bunch of people, it's only been 'a way to get attention', 'a way to get what I want' or 'classic drama'.

I have everything I could want in the world but I don't have myself. Isn't it pathetic that I imagine stories and characters so I feel more loved?

I encourage people to do whatever they want to and that they deserve everything in the world. You might've felt I'm a positive person with all the positive things I tell others to make them feel better.

I don't want anyone to feel the way I do or have. I mean, of late, I've felt like just jumping off a building a whole lot. However, I know I won't go through with it.

You probably wouldn't believe it but many times, I get jealous of characters I've created because they have someone to vent their feelings to. They may be facing the toughest situations ever but they'll make it through whole because of this person.

Now, I've long since come to accept I'll never have a person like that even though I sometimes long for it. So I want to try my best to be that person for someone else. If I've ever put a smile on your face, it's definitely worth it.

Thank you for any support you've given me, minute or of gigantic proportions, thank you, for you've made me smile, even if only for a couple of seconds.

Now some people would tell me this is just a phase. I would be very happy if that is the truth although it doesn't seem much like it.

People don't realize that the person they just casually 'insulted' or made fun of could actually take it seriously. You'd never know if that person you just randomly called 'an elephant' stands in front of the mirror everyday, hating every bit they saw.

Writing is my only escape, and yeah. Gosh, now I'm repeating myself...

I'm just super alone...