A FEW DAYS LATER....

"Tu ajj kal chup kiu hai?"

(Now a days you're very silent! Why?)

He asked when I was reading my course book.

"Exam hone wale hain  tention ho rahi hai"

( I am worried as my exams are near)

I replied without glancing at him.

"Ab tu men'nu waqt hi nahi deti! Sara waqt sirf kitaba wich lagi rahindi hai"

(Now you don't give me time, all the time you only stay busy in books)

He complaint rightfully and this time I lift my gaze towards him disappointment was clearly peeping out from his small eyes.

"Tum bhi to meri koi baat nahi maante! Kitna samjhati hu ke ab ham gaaw me nhi sheher main rehte hain, apni aadato ko badlo, tum meri koi baat sunte ho kya?"

(You also don't pay attention to what I want to make you understand! Since long time I'm trying to make you understand that now we are living in city not village that's why you should change your habits as well as manners but you don't care about my choice and wish)

I asked with anger as well as disappointment and again started giving my eyes to the books.

"Tu Jalli hai"

(you're an idiot)

Saying that he lightly pulled me, but the jolt wasn't light for me as that was unexpected; my book fell down from my hand and I literally collided with his chest, he encircled an arm around me and kissed my forehead.

Which I didn't like a single bit. After almost five years of marriage I was understanding that since day first to then I never like him touching me but due to the lessons I got regarding fulfilling of husband's desire I was tolerating that on the name of duty of a wife.

"Shahir wich aaune de baad ten'nu gussa wadia ane lagia hai"

( after coming to city you've become  angry cat)

He said like he was trying to tease me, which was exactly opposite to his nature but I didn't like that too. I felt his other hand on back, under my shirt which made me shivered. I was still weak after abortion and I couldn't afford another pregnancy.

"Pleas... " I held his hand while trying to creep backward but his grip was enough tight to hold me against his chest, before I could even complete my sentences he started kissing me and my tears came out from my eyes. My heart was beating very fast and I was shivering with fear of that pain which I don't want to experience again in my whole life. Soon his kisses started converting into passionate one and a sob left from my mouth, for a moment he stopped and watched me and I felt satisfied that he would stop then but he wiped my tears and kissed my forehead before again started his wild kissing.

"Ruk jaao... Please... Ruk jaao"

(Stop it... Please... Stop it)

I literally begged in front of him and creeped away from him, he was looking shocked. That was the first time after our marriage when I stopped him to come closer to me.

"Ki hoya?"

(what's wrong?)

I was answerless on that question! I wanted to tell him that I didn't wanted him to come close to me! I was scared of the pain of abortion, I didn't had courage in me to tolerate that again, he was the reason behind that pain! And moreover I too had a heart and soul! I too had some right to express my wish and choice! I wasn't a puppet whom he could use to fulfil his needs. He never asked me about my choice but always forced himself on me! I was so naive in the beginning that could even understand what was going on with me but passing time made me realise about what happened with me in my teenage!

Even I was still a teen! Only nineteen!

"Ki hoya shama?"

(Shama what's wrong?)

He repeat the question and this time I wiped my tears with my plams.

"M.. Mujhe parhna hai, kal exam hai"

(To.. Tomorrow is my exam so I've to study)

I said without meeting eyes with him and he keep watching me for a long moment.

"Tu parh le"

(Fine! You do study)

Saying so he closed his eyes again and I scoot out from room. Hugging my knees I cried out loudly.

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Breeze was playing with his hair by lifting them and again leaving them to fall on his forehead, and he was reversing its action again and again by running his fingers through his fluffy hair. He was sitting in the corner of college garden; at a good distance and busy in doing some kind of research in his laptop for his project. Meanwhile someone came to him and they both talked for few minutes which gave smile to his lips and my heart skipped a beat. His charming smile the shine of his eyes were enough to glow the feeling of my heart even more than before.

"Shama" I almost jump on my place when a hand touched my shoulder.

"Richa... You made me scared" I complaint and she sat down beside me, she was looking serious unlike  her babbled and mischievous nature!

"tell me one thing, do you and Zamil are in relationship?" She asked and I felt a jolt in my heart but immediately shook my head while shifting my sight on my book which was laying on my thighs begging for few minutes of my attention.

"Do you love him?" Richa asked and u again shook my head without wasting a single moment.

"Not at all. " I replied and started reading the book but Richa took that from my hands.

"Then why were you watching him like that?" she asked and I felt embarrassed that she catches me watching him, but I didn't had any answer regarding that question so I prefer to stay silent.

"Shama try to understand.... Zamil loves you very much, he told us about his feelings when you went back to your village" Richa told me but I stay silent.

"Richa I know... I respect him, we're good friends but I can't accept this... Its impossible" I muttered and she slightly glare me.

"Do you know what happened when you weren't here?" she asked and I shook my head. How do I know what happened in my absence!!

"when you went back to village Zamil was silent for three days. He was craving to you Shama." my heart beat differently after listening that but my brain gave me a reminder

You're already married Shama, and Abbas is your husband!

"Nothing like that, we're just friends" I replied with a small smile on which Richa held her forehead like she was tired of trying to make me understand. And then she started narrating me whole incident.

"Vihu don't you think someone is missing someone?" Richa asked to Vihaan to tease Zamil. That wasn't difficult for them to notice Zamil's attention towards Shama

"Come on guys.... I'm not missing Shama" Zamil defend himself and Richa dramatically made an O with her lips.

"Have I said that Zamil is missing Shama... I just said that someone is missing someome" Richa raised her brow with clever smile on her face and Vihaan burst into laughter but Zamil was smiling on their behaviour.

"Okay... I'm admitting... I'm missing Shama... Yaar she is such a nice and sweet girl" Zamil said and Richa raised her brow as so Vihaan.

"Bro don't think about her she won't be impress with you" Vihaan said and Zamil shook his head

"I don't think so, Shama is not arrogant" Zamil defend her and Richa nodded with a genuine smile.

"What quality she is having which would make her proud and arrogant?" Vihaan made Shama's fun, which Richa and Zamil both didn't like a single bit. Richa glare him for that but Zamil stay silent.

"Shut up Vihu'' Richa scolded him ans looked towards Zamil

"Zamil it's true that She is not arrogant, but it's also true that shama is not a good match for you. She belongs to village. Her behaviour, background, ideology and many more things are different... completely  different from us" Richa told Zamil who smiled dreamily.

"There is something in her different personality what makes her unique" Zamil said with a smile and Vihaan rolled his eyes.

"I never expected that you would like that budhi Aatma... Such a poor choice you have" Vihaan said in duh tone

{Budhi Aatma= young person who behave like old one}

"Both of you, don't let her know about all this discussion" First Zamil glare Vihaan but then order them on which they both nodded.

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I came back from college but my brain was still recalling what Richa had told me about Zamil's feelings about me. If I would be unmarried then I didn't had any reason to refuse Zamil's proposal but I had a husband so Zamil and his love was like a no entry zone for me.

"Suno"

(Listen)

I said in hushed tone and Abbas turned his head towards me, I sat down in front of him, for a couple of minutes I was just watching in his eyes  in order to trying to find out the feelings which was always visible in Zamil's eyes. He always smile whenever I talk to him but Abbas doesn't make me feel like that.

"bool"

(say)

He demands and I looked away, I'd nothing to say. So I decided to made my way towards kitchen but he catched my wrist.

"Beeth it'the"

(sit here)

He ordered me

"Tu men'nu nazarandaaz kyu kr rhi hai? Pichhle kuch hafto to main dekh raha hu"

(What's the reason of your ignorance? I'm noticing since last few weeks that you're not  my Shama)

I felt a hurt feeling in his eyes which made me realise that he was noticing me ignoring him. His small sentence made me guilty in my own eyes.

"Mujhe maaf kar do lekin kam se kam baat samajhane ki koshish to karo, Tumhe apne aap ko aur apni aadaton ko badalana chaahie, tum ghee khaana band kar do, ye tumhari sehat ko nukasaan pahunchega. Tum pehle hi itne moote ho rahe ho, is se dil ki bimariya ho jati hain"

(I'm sorry, forgive me but please try to understand, you should change yourself and your habits. Stop eating Ghee, it will harm your health. You're already overweight, it can lead heart problems)

I apologise and try to made him understand.

"Ghee khane to taqat mildi hai"

(Ghee gives us energy)

"Taqat nahi milti, metabolism weak hota hai.."

( it doesn't give energy but weak the  metabolism)

I tried to give some knowledge but....

"Meto-bolo! ye Meto-bolo kya cheez hundi hai?"

(Meto-bolo! What is this Meto-bolo?)

He asked after pulling a weird face

"Meto-bolo... Nhi, METABOLISM!"

(it's not Meto-bolo... But Metabolism!)

I started explaining what is metabolism as well as side effect of his diet on his body but even after giving lecture of half an hour he was struck down his same point that ghee give us energy because we have been listening this thing since childhood in our villages!

I really wanted to hit my head on the wall, what was my fault? what I was doing wrong? I just wanted to groom his personality so that I could introduce him with my friends, I didn't want Vihaan to make his fun due to his overweight and an attractive personality. I wanted to introduce him as an ideal husband who allowed his wife to study further. Its true that my heart was going towards Zamil but I was controlling myself as well as my heart to do anything wrong but Abbas wasn't helping me in that! While living in city I'd adopted culture and life style of city but unfortunately he wasn't ready for the same.

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