CHAPTER 17: Finding Normalcy

SAN
•••

While conversation with Eunchae gave me a different perspective on the situation with Wooyoung, part of me decided to still leave a lingering mark on the male. It was inevitable that my once simple thought of intrigue had now manifested into something more, but I wanted to respect his wishes regarding our living arrangement. Being cordial, that was the idea, something that would preserve the peace for the semester. However, that didn't mean I couldn't keep a close eye on him and help out whenever the opportunity arose.

I could tell that the idea of being friends was a front on his end, a protective measure of sorts to keep things as normal as possible between us. Friends were something I was never good at making, let alone keeping. People were either associated with me by familial ties, business measures, or my play things that I would use whenever I felt bored and in need of sexual release. With my father's funeral on Sunday, I'd only be faced with all three without a choice for hours.

Wooyoung, however, was someone who didn't fit the category. All I knew from the moment I had a slight taste of him, the word 'friend' was a term unfathomable.

And I'll be damned if I get friend-zoned by him...

Now back in our shared room, the task of studying together was the priority at hand. Both of us had our laptops open, but my mind was still focused on ways I could slowly insert myself into his life without ever making him realize. The goal was to maintain the peace, but still grow close enough to be considered someone worthy of potentially more.

"San...are you even studying?"

"Huh?" I shook my head quickly to clear my thoughts. "Sorry...I was thinking about something.."

Wooyoung tilted his head. "...do you want to share?"

"It's fine, let's just focus on our work."

He took a moment to stare at me before sighing and shutting his laptop. "Whatever it was, it had you spaced out for over ten minutes. Therefore, I know you're not really in the right mindset to study."

"You were timing me?" I teased. "You were supposed to be studying yourself, Woo. Not focusing on me."

"Ha, ha." He deadpanned, placing his laptop next to him before looking at me with curious eyes. "You can tell me what it was. I promise I won't judge."

"It's not that important honestly...I just have my father's funeral to attend on Sunday."

Wooyoung looked at me wide-eyed. "San, what the hell? How is that not important?"

"I'm pretty sure I told you that we never had the best relationship..." I sighed. "I rather not go into the details, but truthfully, the funeral is going to be basically filled with strangers and old business partners. I'm his only child and living blood relative who even wants to show their face on his behalf, so I have no choice but to go."

"So is that what's bothering you? You having to show face in front of people who practically wasn't actual family to him?"

With a small nod, I shrugged. "I prepared my mind for it already, so it's fine."

A silence overcame the room for a moment before he spoke in a small whisper. "...Would you want me to go with you?"

This time my eyes grew wide. "W-What?"

"Would you like me to go with you? So at least you're not alone...?" He asked again, this time looking straight into my eyes. "You shouldn't have to be alone during something like that..."

I could feel my heart swell at the genuine concern radiating off the male as he looked at me with seriousness in his eyes. Despite trying to play my part on his request of friendship, the thought of him accompanying me to events made me more than happy, a feeling I haven't felt in years. However, with a shake of my head, I granted him a gentle smile. "It's okay, Woo. Surprisingly enough, my cousin Jongho is also going."

"When he told me about you being related to him, it came off as if you two were strangers. It was almost as if him telling me was some sort of super top secret or something." He teased.

"It's complicated...but long story short, he's my cousin on my mother's side. Ever since she died, my aunt basically blamed my father for her death and kept us apart because of it." I explained. "We don't talk much, but if either of us needed anything, we would do it in a heartbeat."

Wooyoung smiled softly. "Well that's nice...I'm glad you have someone like that then...despite the circumstances."

Returning the smile, I ruffled his hair. "Enough about sad things, we have a test to prepare for."

"Try to focus this time, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

The room filled warm air around us as we resumed our studies in a comfortable silence, a silence I found myself wanting to cherish.

The sound of Wooyoung's alarm clock blaring was what woke me up, making me instantly realize that we both had fallen asleep on the floor surrounded by paper and flashcards. I stood up quickly, shutting it off before it caused anymore noise. Glancing down at my feet, I saw Wooyoung wrapped in his hoodie while slightly drooling on his purple rug. Biting back a smile, I gently bent down and rubbed his head with my hand. "Woo, wake up..."

He groaned, nuzzling closer to my hand before murmuring softly. "Five more minutes..."

"We have our test today...don't want to be late."

I watched as his eyes fluttered open, looking at me with sleepiness still lingering. "When did we even fall asleep...?"

"Not sure. All I remember was going over the cells in the body." I teased.

He sat up on the floor and yawned. "You can shower first. I'll wait."

I shook my head, helping him stand up to his feet. "No way. Last thing I need is you accidentally falling asleep again. You can shower first and wake up, then I'll follow behind."

Not having the energy to argue back, he nodded with a sleepy smile before making his way to the bathroom. "Thanks, Sannie..."

My breath hitched, realizing that it was the second time he called me by that forsaken nickname. Anytime I would hear that supposedly endearing term, all I could remember was someone who I fought long and hard to forget.

The name my now dead first love would call me...

His name was Eunwoo, a kind-hearted soul who allowed me to feel comfortable enough to embrace myself and my sexuality. He was patient, kind, and had this sense of humor that anyone could easily fall for. We met in middle school, becoming close friends quite easily due to his persistence on winning my attention. It didn't take long for the friendship to turn into more, and I found myself hopelessly falling in love with him.

However, on the night of my 15th birthday, I learned from Hyunjin that he had been in a terrible car accident with his family, with the result of no survivors. My heart was shattered, completely broken as the last words he ever shared with me was part of the first ever words ever spoken between us.

Happy Birthday, Sannie. I love you...

My father refused to let me go to the funeral, as I had assumed at the time to be completely unaware of the relationship I had with him. However, it wasn't until my father was on his death bed that he finally revealed the truth of why he kept me from attending.

He was the one who caused the accident.

Now, hearing that nickname from someone new was bittersweet. It felt as though God was playing a sick prank on me by bringing me someone who gave off the same energy as Eunwoo, and yet, was someone who shined brighter in their own way. Hearing him say that term filled me with warmth, and despite having lingering doubts of never having closure with my past, I tried my hardest to keep moving forward.

It's what Eunwoo would've wanted...

"San, the bathroom is all yours!" Wooyoung grinned, stepping out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist.

Fighting back tears, I nodded with a smile. "I hope you're awake now. You took forever."

He stuck out his tongue playfully, rolling his eyes as he opened his closet to find an outfit. "Oh shut up and go shower. You're lucky I came out."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going."

•••

"You all only have fifteen minutes left before class is over and to turn in your quiz." Professor J stated.

Wooyoung sat in between Felix and I, but there was also an empty seat between both of us to keep a good amount of distance while testing. We managed to get to class early, early enough to quickly run through a speed-mini quiz session with Felix before other students piled into the hall. Now with only minutes left to spare, the goal was to put everything I learned to use.

Looking at the contents within the small packet, I was deeply grateful for Wooyoung's support in studying. Some of the questions were things learned in high-school, but with the added help from the flashcards, I was able to get through the entire quiz with ease.

As I was finishing the last few questions, Wooyoung stood up from his seat first and made his way to the front with a proud smile, handing his packet to Professor J before stepping out of the lecture hall. It didn't take long for Felix to finish next, leaving me to trail behind him in handing in our own packets. The other students were still inside, their faces clearly showing evidence of stress and lack of understanding of the material.

Making my way out of the hall, Wooyoung looked at me with hopeful eyes. "So...how did you do?"

I smirked proudly. "Your flashcards were actually useful. I know I passed."

He rolled his eyes, biting back a smile. "You're welcome, asshole..."

"You two seem to be getting along better." Felix teased, curiously glancing between the two of us. "Did something in the air change or is this a sign of a peace treaty?"

"Ha, ha. Who knew you were a comedian." Wooyoung deadpanned. "At least it's over now and the weekend is finally here."

Felix smiled. "That's true, I'm happy. I'm going to take my leave now, but good luck on your interview tomorrow, okay Woo?"

Wooyoung smiled and nodded, allowing Felix to walk away and leave the two of us together. Turning to the male, I smiled. "I'll see you in English class, then."

I watched as a faint blush on his cheeks grew as he nodded. "Right...See you later."

Going our separate ways, I began my walk to my next and favorite class in the next building over: Photography 101. There still was the pressing need to ask Wooyoung to be my muse for my project, but the timing to ask was never properly apparent enough for an opportunity to present itself. However, time was available to eventually ask, I just needed to be patient.

"It would be much easier if I could just have him become one of my models...but in due time San..." I told myself.

In due time indeed...