CHAPTER 16: Subtle Tendencies

YEOSANG
•••

After spending a few hours studying with Hwa and Yunho, we each said our goodbyes before making our way back to our own rooms. It was nearing ten in the evening, and our first class of the day which would be at nine, the class that was holding our exam. With the luck of those two being roommates, the walk for me was one traveled alone. However, the walk back wasn't long in the slightest, especially since they were considerate enough to choose to study on my floor's empty lounge area.

Striding down the hallway I spotted my door, quickly unlocking and stepping inside to find my roommate engaged in his own work on his laptop. His headphones were over his ears, so my arrival went unnoticed.  The sight, however, was heartwarming, as he seemed to be in his own world while softly humming to the music playing.

Choosing not to bother him, I made my way over to my side of the room and placed my backpack on the floor while looking through my plastic drawer bins for sleepwear. The day was long and my body was in desperate need of sleep, but one thing I never let myself do was go without showering off before bed.

While searching for everything needed for the bathroom, Jongho cleared his throat behind me, gathering my attention quickly. "Hey. Why didn't you let me know you came back?"

Fighting back a blush, I shook my head. "You seemed really focused, so I didn't want to bother you...I'm just going to shower and then head to bed."

Jongho's expression was unreadable, but he sighed and nodded before placing his headphones back on. "Alright, but next time tap my shoulder. You're not a bother, Yeosang. Remember that."

My body froze in shock, but with a quick dismissal of growing feelings, I grabbed my stuff and speedily entered the bathroom. Staring at myself in the mirror, I took off my glasses and took in the sight reflecting back to me. The birthmark on my face was on full display next to my left eye, and with only a few people being allowed to see it, I found myself wanting nothing more than to cover it back up. Wooyoung would call it a 'mark of love', as it resembles closely to the shape of a heart, but it was one of my major insecurities to show. Having it since birth was something I grew to deal with, but if I had a choice to get rid of it, I would.

I'd never voice those thoughts to him, or else I'd face a relentless amount of kisses as payback from him...

Shying away from the mirror, I turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up while discarding my clothes. It didn't take long as I could see the steam filling up the room, giving me the signal to step inside and begin my long awaited shower.

Wooyoung was the first person I showed my birthmark to, and it was an accidental mistake. After spending a weekend together in high-school during a sleepover, he walked in on me while removing my face makeup and noticed it. One question led to another, and before you know it, I was sobbing into his arms while he continuously placed soft kisses on it and showered me with reassuring words of comfort. It also made him share one of his insecurities with me: his eating disorder. From then, we became closer than ever.

Seonghwa and Yunho were the next two people to notice when we first met during summer semester, as I was applying makeup before auditioning for San's modeling company. They respected my choice of covering it up, but always encouraged me to be free around them as they found the mark to be 'beautiful to hide'.

Safe to say, I followed their advice and let it be shown whenever I'm with them.

The last person to see it was my roommate, and it was another case of an accidental mistake.

It was one weekend during summer where I had the room to myself. Jongho was out and I decided to take a nap after having a massive headache. One of my pet peeves was wearing anything on my face, such as makeup, as the last thing I wanted was to dirty my bedsheets. So, I had taken a shower and climbed into bed to sleep.

However, when I had woken up, I noticed Jongho sitting by the edge of my bed with a soft smile on his face. Instantly realizing that he must've noticed my mark, I tried grabbing my glasses but he held them in his hands while shaking his head. Long story short, he made me promise not to hide it from him anymore and to let him see the real me.

Ever since then, we've had moments where I would think there was something more than just being roommates. We shared late night gaming sessions, helped each other study, even made sure to have weekly dinners together. All I knew was that feelings were growing, but I've accepted it to be one-sided.

Shaking my head from my thoughts, I mumbled to myself while standing underneath the stream of water. "Get it together...we're friends. That's it."

Breezing through my shower routine, I shut off the water and took a deep breath of composure before stepping out. Wrapping myself in my towel, I took time in my skincare, something I found to be a source of recovery time from my overwhelming thoughts. However, as I was finishing up, the sound of a soft knock on the bathroom door was heard.

"Yeo, would you want to eat with me?"

My chest grew warm as a small smile grew on my lips. With a teasing tone, I responded back. "You didn't eat yet? You do realize the time right?"

A chuckle was heard before he shot back. "I didn't realize, alright. Now, are you eating with me or not? I'm about to order takeout."

Part of me wasn't hungry as I had eaten earlier with the boys, but another part of me didn't want to miss out on another opportunity to spend time with the male I was enamored with. With a dramatic but playful sigh, I agreed. "Sure, why not?"

There was a brief moment of silence before he spoke again. "Your usual, right?"

Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I nodded to myself with a deep blush on my face. "Yes please...."

"Got it!"

I don't think I'll ever get over this or him...

JONGHO
•••

The sound of Yeosang agreeing to eat with me made me happy in ways I couldn't comprehend. I found myself wanting to spend as much time with him alone as I possibly could, especially since our majors have the both of us extremely busy with our conflicting schedules. It was the small moments available that I wouldn't take for granted.

Being paired with him as a roommate at first was a normal occurrence, one where someone who begins their college experience would have to share a space throughout a certain timeframe with a stranger. However, what I didn't expect was to be paired with someone who I found myself internally conflicted with. Seeing a male who essentially blurred the lines between handsome and pretty was a shock in itself, and it didn't help that his personality only complimented the matter. It was the first time I've ever seen someone who made me question myself, but I chose to ignore it and treat him like a regular roommate.

However, it was one day where I had returned back to the room and saw him sleeping. Something about how peaceful he looked made me drawn to him, and as I approached him closer to cover him up, I spotted the most beautiful birthmark on his face. It wasn't the first time I've took a look at him, but it was clear that he would put makeup on everyday before heading to class.

Part of me felt angered, angered at the lingering thought of him wanting to hide himself from others, including me. However, another part of me felt sad, sad that he felt ashamed of himself and felt the need to cover up his beauty mark from the world. So, when he woke up and noticed me, I made sure to have him promise to never hide himself from me. He could choose to hide himself from others, but not from me.

That's when the weekly dinners, gaming nights, and joint study sessions began. Every second spent with him stirred something within me, but I pushed the feelings down. For as long as I have known, I was straight and I liked girls. Therefore, I took the feelings as just pure admiration for the male and nothing more.

Boy, was he really testing that resolve...

Making my way back over to my desk, I completed the order for our takeout, including his favorite choice of fried chicken and my choice of ramen. Fried chicken was something we both enjoyed to eat, so I made sure to always get it just to make him happy. Once receiving confirmation of delivery, the bathroom door opened and reveal him stepping out with his choice of sleeping clothes on and a hand towel to dry his hair. My eyes were stuck on him, but his question shook me out of my daze. "How long is it going to take to get here?"

"A-About 20 minutes or so..."

He hummed, making his way over to my desk. Peeking at my laptop, he raised an eyebrow curiously. "What are you working on?"

Turning my head away to ignore the closeness of his presence, I cleared my throat. "Just trying to find some inspiration and write a song to sing for my Music Theory class... no luck though."

"Would you want some help?"

"How would you help me with this?"

Yeosang rolled his eyes playfully before chuckling. "I may not be a singer, Jongho, but I am a dancer. I'm just not studying to be one."

"You dance?" I asked surprised. "Why am I just now finding out about this?"

"Because you never asked." He teased. "I used to dance a lot, actually. My best friend and I were basically dancing fools together back in high-school."

This time, I chuckled. "Wooyoung, right? That actually makes sense....but that still doesn't answer how you would be able to help me in this?"

"I'll ask you three questions and it should help you figure out something, if not help find a possible start in the right direction." He smiled, grabbing his desk chair and pulling it next to mine. "Is that okay?"

I nodded hesitantly, watching him take my notebook in his hands. He scanned through my notes and nodded before handing it back to me with a smirk. "First question: what makes you happy? Don't say singing, either."

You...you make me happy...

"Um...I think just helping people makes me happy. I like the feeling I get when someone else feels better."

"Second question: do you like the sunrise or the sunset, and why?"

Raising an eyebrow at the male, I tilted my head in confusion. "How does that help?"

"Answer the question, Jongie." He smiled.

"Uh-um..." fighting back a blush from rising onto my cheeks from the sudden nickname, I blurted out a response. "Sunrise...as it marks a start of a brand new day."

Yeosang's smile grew wider as he nodded in agreement. "Same for me. Alright, last one. You ready?"

I nodded. "Yeah... I'm ready."

"Do you have anything you regret?"

I regret not telling you how I feel...

I opened my mouth to respond, but my phone vibrated with a message that our takeout was downstairs. Placing my phone up for him to see, I smiled before standing up from my chair. "Our food is here. I'll be back."

Yeosang nodded with a soft smile. "Alright, and by the way, you can answer the last question privately. It's something you should figure out yourself. I don't need to know."

With a subtle nod of agreement, I made my way out of our room toward the elevator to retrieve our food. The timing was impeccable, as I knew deep down that I couldn't tell the truth of one of my biggest regrets.

I rather not ruin something good...

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