"Ok Olivia turn this way, yea yea you're beautiful you're gorgeous work it...Come on smile for the camera." I was tired of smiling for the camera. I was tired of having to look perfect all the time i was tired of trying so hard. I just wanted to have a piece of chocolate cake and not worry about how many calories I'm going to have to work off. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and asking my self 'does this make me look fat.' i was 17 for goodness sakes i just wanted to be normal. But i guess i was anything but normal.

I begged my mom for this life so i really couldn't back out now could i? I started modeling when i was in third grade. Just catalog stuff but by the summer between fifth and sixth grade is when my career really took off. I was modeling so much that i quit school and got a tutor. Now i would be in high school a senior and it's my last chance to go to a high school. I know, you think I'm not missing out and it's just high school but for someone who's never gone. I think I'm missing out. I mean foot ball games and pep rallies. Dances. I get to wear a beautiful dress and dance with my prince i wanted that!

I thought this job would be everything i wanted and hey maybe it was at one point but now I'm not so sure anymore. I have crazy hours i have to keep, i do school with a tutor so i left all my friends. Not only that i can't go out onto the streets with out somebody recognizing me. And the paparazzi were every where. I was always watching what i said. You don't want to give the wrong impression and say something you don't mean. Because if they catch wind you have 'views on things' like everybody else that could effect the jobs you get. Because it looks like the company may share those views as well.

Growing up i was commented on by everybody. "You are just striking, isn't she beautiful harry?" "Honey child you have the look of an angel." Boys at school liked me but girls hated me because all the boys wanted to date me. Who's dating in elementary school anyways? We know nobody. I just wanted to stop the staring so that's when i begged my mom to let me try. After my dad left my mom was still picking up the pieces so she thought a move out to New York wouldn't be so terrible. But the southern accent from Georgia still remains, thick as ever. Guess it's true you can take the girl from the country but not the country from the girl.

I've always been on the skinny side and i have mousy brown hair. But you would be surprised what some of these hair dressers can do. Highlights changed my mousy hair to fabulous. They added body and movement. The makeup artist play up my bright blue eyes and give me the pouty lips most girls dream of. I'm tall, and thin. But I've lost out on a few jobs because I'm a D cup. Most people want the flat as a board thin as a rail look.

"Olivia you ok?" Asked the photographer. "Yea sure." "Just give me five more minutes." He said holding the camera back up. I smiled and gave him my best smoldering eye and he clapped "Ok we got it, that's going to look great thank you." He said setting his camera down.     I walked over to my mom and took a seat next to her. She handed me my water bottle. "Honey what's wrong?" "What? Oh nothing I'm just a little tired." "Ok well you have an interview with J-luv magazine in an hour. Lets get some lunch shall we?" "Yea ok." I stood up and followed her out of the studio.

When i told my mom i wanted to model she was surprised. Honey, i think you're beautiful but this is going to be tough. I don't want you to be crushed if you don't make it. i told her Look let me try this if i don't make it passed the first round then we'll leave and I'll never bring it up again. But you know what dad always said. you miss 100% of the shots you never take. After that she caved and said i could try.

We had several meetings with the modeling agency who thought i had the look they wanted. So they wanted us to come to New York right away. In the middle of my third grade year of school i said good bye to my friends and the small town country life I'd known my whole life. I knew that even if i stopped modeling I'd never go back there. My mom was nervous about me modeling and she asked a ton of questions to be sure i was sure. She was worried that it would ruin me. That i was to young and maybe needed to finish school or I'd regret it. I didn't at the time but now i kind of wanted to have the normal high school experience.. It was really my last chance but i also knew if i quit that could affect my career.

M y mom is my manager she takes on everything from scheduling my interviews and getting me ready for go sees. She makes sure i don't get worn out. I brushed my long wavy hair over my shoulder and opened the car door and climbed in.  "Are you sure you're ok?" "Yes i just have a question." I said wringing my hands in my lap. "Ok shoot." "What if i was getting tired of...all this." I motioned with my hand. "Well then we would stop, nobody says you have to keep doing this you're only 17 you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do or if you want to keep doing this." "You answered that so quickly!" I said surprised at her answer. "Honey that has always been the catch, that you can quit anytime you want. You're doing something most girls would dream of but you also deserve to be happy."

"What if i decide to go to high school and it's...terrible?" I asked sighing. "What are you afraid of?" She asked looking at me. "That the kids'll be mean to me." "Why because you're pretty? Now in what world do you know the pretty girls to get picked on? Those girls are the popular ones!" "You've seen one to many tv shows." I said laughing. "Okay fine, maybe i have but honey i just want you to be happy." She squeezed my knee as she pulled into the restaurant.
       She shut off the car and turned to look at me. "Honey you and me have made a great life here." "That's right we have, what will you do if i go to school?" I asked. "Take a break!" She laughed. "For the last however many years I've ran you everywhere and I'm tired! I'm gonna go get a massage, get a pedicure, go shopping, redecorate the house, read a book, take a nap! You name it." "Good for you mom you deserve it." And she did, the fact that she moved me here and gave up her life and job for me is something I'll never forget. "Thank you." I said quietly. "For what?" She asked. "For giving up your life for me." "Honey you are my life." She said. "But i don't want you to decide this today. Next week we'll talk about it again and if you decide you want to then we can make the plans okay?" She asked. "Yea that's good, give me time to really think about it." I nodded.

We hopped out of the car and walked over to the restaurant.  "Hey aren't you Olivia Haynes?" Asked a guys voice. "Yes." i said on auto pilot. I was imagining me dancing with a cute boy under the lights at prom. "Do you think i could get your number?" He asked. " Sure, Whatever you want." "Really i could? Sweet!"  My mom tapped my shoulder and leaned down. "He just asked you for your phone number." I snapped out of it and looked at the guy standing in front of me.  I suppose he was cute, but this guy didn't really know me. All he knew was i was model and therefor thought he'd like my number. And what guy just goes up to a girl they don't even know and asks for their number? Why because I'm famous it's normal or even okay? This is just way to weird. I used to dream some boy wouldn't know who i was and he'd like me anyways. I guess that is all it will ever be, a dream. My face in the last year was everywhere. I even saw me on a bus. "No I'm sorry i guess i wasn't paying attention. No I'd rather not give you my number. Sorry." I said politely stepping around him. "Well i can give you mine and you can call me when you have a chance." I held my hand out and he placed a tiny slip of paper in my hand with his number on it. I kept walking. "You're not gonna call me are you?" He asked. I shook my head no laughing a bit. "Well dang as least turn around and hold the paper out?" He shrugged. I did and he snapped a photo. "Just so my friends'll think I'm cool?" He said sheepishly. I waved at the guy and turned back around.

My mom held the door open for me. "Thanks." I told her. We picked a table by the window. It was nice and sunny out. I took a look at the menu making careful note of the calories. The waiter came over. "Oh my gosh you're Olivia Haynes. Would you sign uh...this menu?" She asked grabbing one off a spare table and holding it out. "Sure..." I said digging a pen out of my purse. I signed it and handed it to her. "Oh thank you so much i just love your work i think you are so beautiful." "Thanks so are you." I said to be polite. "Really?" She squealed. "Do you think i could ever be a model?" What do you say to that? That was a question i got asked all the time. Could i model? What does it take? I don't want to lie and tell every girl yes but i couldn't be mean and crush them i just couldn't. But people knew when they should be models and shouldn't. If you have bad hair, braces and acne then Maybe wait a few years. Get rid of your braces and use some acne cream. But even the girls who are pretty won't necessarily become models either.
         That was the funny thing. Some really pretty girls don't take great pictures.    "Sure..." I said using my industry fake smile. The girl looked to be around 20 she had long thick blonde hair. She was short but had a pretty face i suppose. "Oh my gosh i totally forgot to ask you what you wanted to drink." She said nervously pulling her pad and pen out. "Water." I said on autopilot. Oh what i would do for a coke right about now. "Uh water too." My mom said also on auto pilot she was really good about not eating things around me that i couldn't have. "Ok I'll get those right out to you." She said scrambling off. She came back quick with the waters. "Ok what do you want to eat?" She asked pen poised over the pad. "I'll have the baked chicken with a side of vegies." Said my mom. "Just a salad low fat dressing." I said handing the menu to her. "Will that be all?" She asked. I saw a piece of chocolate cake on the back of the menu. It called out to me, it always did. If i was ever given a piece of cake i would devour the whole thing! "Yes." I smiled at her. "Ok I'll put that in right away." She said walking off.

She pulled her date book out of her purse. "You are booked up for the next two weeks but after that if you wanted to seriously consider quitting then we can do that. It's the middle of the school year but that shouldn't be a problem." "What if i make the wrong decision?" I asked. "Well i don't see how you could. If you quit for high school you could always come back and model later." She patted my hand. "You'll be okay." She said smiling. I hoped she was right.
       The waitress brought our food to the table and we ate in silence.  My mom was good about knowing when to just back off and let me think. I wanted nothing more than to go back to high school, to sit in the bleachers at a football game. To go with my friends to look for a prom dress and then spend hours getting ready for when Mr. Right would come to my door and he would sweep me away and we would dance the night away. To have midnight slumber parties where you eat ice cream and pop corn, and weekends where you got to sleep in. I looked down at my bowl and realized i had already finished eating everything that was in it but of course as usual i was still hungry. "Do you want some of my chicken?" My mom asked. Yes. "No thanks I'm full." I said. "Of course." She said putting her fork down.

"This is another reason I'd like you to take a break." "Yea?" She nodded. "You could finally have pizza again!" "I miss pizza, but i should really lose some weight." I said sounding like one of the designers. "Oh honey child, you've been doing this way to long." She said putting some money on the table. "Are you ready to go?" She asked me. "Yep ready as ever." We walked outside into the crisp Autumn day. I had a lot to do today. But that had become my life.  We got in the car and headed to the studio.