I just need to get this out of my system.

I wanted to watch The Last of Us for twofold reasons. First, when I was 16 or 17 and the game came out, I was drawn to Ellie on the posters at Target because of her simple, basic, slightly androgynous clothing style, which appealed to me (yes, it literally all started with her clothes). I started YouTubing the game and ended up watching most of the cut scenes. I related to Ellie. I imagined playing her in a movie.

Second, I love apocalyptic and dystopian settings, and this world is both.

Fast forward ten years—the show is out and I had almost forgotten about the video game. I'm so far removed from that kid at Target who imagined being Ellie. But the trailers sucked me in (the trailers were REALLY well made). I knew I would eventually get around to watching it. Finally, the time came.

I was not sold at the first two episodes. They were gritty, they were dark, they elevated my heart rate. Ellie was so much more of an annoying dork than I remembered, but I did love Joel.

Then came episode three.

It's almost like a side quest—introducing two new characters who are only in this episode, and only affect our heroes, Joel and Ellie, briefly in passing. At first, it made me laugh, and I loved it for breaking the tension. The prepper character and his insane, amazing ideas just scratched my brain. And then it was achingly beautiful. And then it made me cry inside and even though I knew what was coming it was perfect and could not have happened any other way. This episode was compared, rightfully, to the opening sequence in Up for telling a story of a lifetime with so few words in such a short period.

And I thought, this show is gorgeous.

I don't know when Ellie went from the chuckle-worthy dork to my baby girl, but she did. She is funny, she is smart-mouthed, she is smart as a whip but make mistakes, she is so good hearted, and dear lord does the actor sell it. She is so tough, so street-hardened, and such a baby. In those few scenes where her fear took over and she just screamed, I almost physically couldn't listen to it. The sound tore my heart to shreds. And then she is her playful self again pestering everyone with puns, and my heart healed.

Ellie has no reason to be, but she is so full of life. All the kids in this show are. They see death and violence every day, and it has affected them very realistically, but they're still going to pounce on a soccer ball and play together as soon as they get the chance. Still going to feel braver when they wear their superhero mask.

And oh does Pedro Pascal pull off his role. I've never really seen him in anything else, so maybe this is easy to say, but he wasn't Pedro Pascal to me. He was Joel. Heartbroken Joel stifling every feeling so that when he finally broke into tears, it came as a relief to the viewer. Hardened Joel who will never let himself get hurt again. Joel who becomes Ellie's father, who delights in her joy and desperately tries to quell her sadness. Joel who will tell the greatest lie of all if it means keeping Ellie safe.

Make no mistake, this show can be (and often is) brutal. But it is not about zombies or death, nor is it about surviving. It is about living, and the wonder in a young girl's eyes when she sees her first carousel. The humor in a giraffe's tongue. This show is about love.

Most things I watch or read fall in three categories. The stories I don't like, which is rare. The things I enjoy, which is nearly everything. And the things that nestle into my heart and will stay there forever, which is perhaps rarest of all. I suspect Joel and Ellie's story lands in the third category.