Part 35: Is It Too Late To Apologize?
June's point of view
I slowly approached the doorstep, not knowing what to do or what to say to the Jackson standing there. The sympathetic smile on her face let me know that she knew the situation between Michael and I, which made me even more confused about her being here.
Is she here to deliver me a message from Michael? Is she here to comfort me? Am I hallucinating because of the alcohol I had the previous night?
I had no idea. I didn't even know if I was happy to see her or not. This was just too confusing for me.
"Uh, I'm going to take your lugguages out of the car. Pleasure to see you, Ms Jackson," Damon smiled before walking past Janet.
As I slowly approached her, Janet threw her arms around me, and embraced me tightly, rubbing my back. It felt good seeing her again, even though the circumstances weren't really bright. Janet is like a sister to me -- actually, every single Jackson is family to me.
"I missed you," she softly said to me.
"Yeah, I missed you too, Jan," I admitted in a whisper.
I was on the verege to become emotional at that point, and I didn't know why. Maybe was it because Michael and her look so much alike that I had the feeling it was him I had in my arms? Certainly.
"What are you doing here?" I finally asked once I pulled away from her.
"Oh, um... I uh, I heard you were back in New York, and I was there working so I just popped up to check up on you. Is that okay?" She asked, touching her nose.
She was lying, and I knew it just by her body language: every time she's nervous or lying, Janet has this habit to touch her nose, just like Michael.
Even though I knew she was lying to me, I didn't want to let her know, and just enjoyed the fact that she was here with me.
"Of course it is, come on in before someone recognize you," I said, taking a step aside to let her in. "You're lucky, I just got here," I informed her, closing the door behind me.
"Oh I know," she declared, and I frowned. "Oh uh, I mean, I know I'm lucky!" She nervously chuckled.
"What's the matter with you, Janet Damita?"
"Nothing!" She quickly answered. "I'm just a little hyper."
"And why is that?"
"I um, I'm working on new material, and I can't wait for all of you to listen to it!"
"Oh," is all I said, giving her a bright smile. "Come on, my family's here, I'm sure they'd like to see you."
"Uh no no, wait!" She exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "I just want to talk to you one on one before."
"About Michael," I mumbled, nodding. "What is it?"
"Are you angry at Michael?"
What kinda question is that? I asked myself.
"I mean, how much angry are you at him?" Janet corrected herself, probably because she saw the look on my face that said 'Really?'.
"He broke my heart. He just-- I laid myself bare for him, Jan. I never declared my love like this to anyone before Michael, and I never proposed to anyone before him, that tells you just how much I love him. And what did he do? He just left. He left me standing there alone, without explanations. How much do you think I'm angry?"
"A lot," she sighed. "I can get that. It wasn't a thing to do from Michael. It was just so awkward and--"
"This wasn't awkward, Janet. This was mean. He was angry because he thought I cheated on him with Prince. He did that on purpose, just to hurt me."
"Were you? Cheating, I mean."
"The fuck, Janet? Of course not!" I exclaimed. "Who do you think I am?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just... I know Prince."
"Everybody tell me this, but you don't know him. Really."
"You think I don't know the sweet, kind, caring and charming Prince? I do, that's why I'm asking you if you cheated or not. He's a great, good looking guy, and I know it's easy to fall for this kinda guy."
"I don't have to fall for another guy when I already had perfection by my side," I said, referring to Michael.
"Do you have feelings for him? Prince?" Janet asked in a sympathetic tone.
It took me a few seconds to think about the question I never asked myself, and apparently it alarmed Janet.
"You do, don't you?" She concluded in a low voice.
"I don't know, I don't know anything anymore. It's like Michael took a part of me with him when he left. I can't think straight, I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, I...," I trailed off, exhaling heavily. "Prince was there when Michael wasn't during the last couple of months, and I felt safe with him. He was there to comfort me, he was the one I talked to when I needed someone to cheer me up, and now I lost him as well. I lost them both," I breathed the last part, as I tried not to cry again.
"You didn't answer my question here, sweetie," Janet pointed out with a little smile. "I know you love Michael with everything you have, but it's not impossible to have feelings for another guy, even though he's been a real douche with you."
"I can't hate h--," I began, but trailed off when I realized something. "Wait, how do you know about him being a douche? Who told you that?" I asked Janet, frowning.
This entire conversation got me even more confused as Janet kept talking. She was hiding something, it was obvious to me.
"I did," Jer chimed in behind us, and I turned around to look at him. He gave Janet a nod, and went on, "Janet called me to check up on you, as she didn't want to call you because she knew you were devastated. I told her what happened with Prince."
"Why didn't you tell me? Jer come on, I'm f--"
"Do not say that. You're not fine at all, and you have the right to."
"You can't always be strong, June. You have the right to let go for a while. If I were you, I wouldn't even be able to stand."
"I need to be strong though. I have a job, I have newbies to take care of, and those kids need me. I can't let them down," I explained, shaking my head. "I just can't let my private life invades my professional life."
"It's hard for us to see you this way though," Jer said in a low voice, rubbing my lower back.
"She'll get better soon," Janet smiled at Jer. "That I can tell you."
"Maybe, maybe not," Jer retorted. "We don't know."
"Apparently you guys know something I don't. Y'all are acting weird since I got here. What is going on? Is there something I should know?"
"You'll see. Sooner than you may think," Janet smiled, patting my shoulder.
I furrowed my brows, for I was once again more confused than I was before. Something was going on, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"You guys are scarrying me. I'm not staying near you any longer," I said, walking away from them.
"June, wait!" Janet called, but Jer interrupted her, shaking his head. "Uh well, no. Go ahead."
"Weirdos," I muttered, making my way back to the living room where my family and Dave were.
I took a look over my shoulder, and frowned at the scene before my eyes: Jer was whispering something in Janet's ear, and she kept nodding her head in understanding.
"There you are," my mom smiled, and I turned my head in her direction. "So Janet's here, huh? We didn't know she'd come! What a surprise!"
Again, this was all lies. My mom has always been a terrible liar, and by the tone in her voice, I knew this was a big bad lie.
"Okay guys, what the hell is going on here? Why are you all lying to my face? Why is Janet here? Why are you all here?" I questionned, tired to be left aside.
"We didn't see you in months, we just wanted to be all gathered here to welcome you. We missed you," Josh spoke. "Aren't you happy?"
"Of course, but you're acting all weird. I don't get it. If you're trying to avoid talking about Michael, then you're miserably failing, because you're acting all fake, and it's not even funny," I admitted, sitting down on the couch. "Now can my favorite little boy come and give me another hug?" I asked Tim who was sitting on his father's lap.
"Uh, can I, daddy?" He asked his father, which I found really odd, once again.
"Seriously guys? Tim knows too?" I asked in disbelief. "If you're planning any kind of surprise to me, just cancel. I'm not really in the mood for surprises."
As Tim finally came to sit on my lap, Josh mumbled something which caused Dave to snicker.
"This is really annoying," I sighed. "Hey buddy, would you tell your auntie what's going on here?"
"Nothing auntie June, really," Tim assured me, playing with my promise ring around my finger.
"Are you sure? Look at me in the eyes, and tell me that again," I challenged my godson.
He winced a little, and looked in my eyes, "Truth comes out of children's mouth, right?" he giggled nervously.
"Sweetheart, stop. Nothing's going on," my mom assured me, and I almost believed her.
"I don't get something though. Why aren't y'all questionning me about what happened exactly with Michael? You're not concerned enough. It's not like you."
"Because we already talked about this before you got here. We know it's a sensitive topic to talk about," Dave answered.
"So you know everything?"
"Yes."
"Fantastic," I sarcastically said.
"Hey June, here's your luggages," Day announced when he enterred the living room, closely followed by Jer and Janet. "Maybe you could go upstairs and put away your stuff?"
"Just leave them there, I'll put them away later," I waved a hand, showing it wasn't a big deal.
"Hey guys," Janet waved with a little smile. "Sorry to come by uninvited, but I was in town and I heard June was here as well, so I just popped up."
"Oh come on Janet, don't pretend they didn't know you were coming while I know they knew," I said, setting Tim next to me to stand up from the couch. "Now you're all here, tell me what's going on before I go insane."
Nervous stares were exchanged in the room, and you could easily feel the tension between every single person that was in the living room.
"You heard something about me, don't you?" I asked to nobody in particular.
No answers.
"Damn it people! Is someone gonna talk? Stop fucking with me, 'cause I ain't in the mood for games and surprises!" I shouted.
It was just too much for me to handle.
"You should calm down, and go upstairs to settle your things down," Jer advised, touching my shoulder.
"Don't fucking touch me," I said, swatting Jer's hand away. "You claimed you're my best friend, but you keep lying to me, what kinda friend is this, huh?"
In the corner of my eyes, I saw Josh covering Tim's ears so he doesn't hear my cursing, and I felt guilty getting angry in front of him like this. The thing is, I was so tired and emotionally drained that I couldn't control my emotions anymore. The slightest thing got on my nerves, and just thinking that my family was keeping something from me was just the ice on the cake that I couldn't take.
"June, baby, calm down," my mother soothed, making her way up to me. "What's your problem?"
"My problem?" I laughed sarcastically. "Are you seriously asking me what my problem is? You're the ones who have a problem! You're all lying to my face!"
"We're not," my mom assured me. "You're just tired, and sad and angry. You should go upstairs and take a nap."
"You know what? Yeah, I don't even want to see you all. I feel like I'm too much right now anyways. Bye fam, I'll see y'all when you'll be tired of lying to me," I said, bumping into Jer's shoulder on my way to my room.
I picked up my luggages, and headed upstairs, more than angry at that point.
I couldn't get the entire situation, everything was just so confusing to me, and the fact I couldn't find what my family was hiding from me just pissed me off.
As I was walking to my room, the voices whispering from downstairs got on my nerves. Now I was gone, they could speak freely without being scared I'd hear what was being said.
"You're pathetic!" I yelled from the top of the stairs.
At that point, the tears gathered in my eyes and were ready to fall on my cheeks. Being so emotional over something so meaningless wasn't like me, and I knew it was the tiredness that was talking and acting, it was not me. I was acting like a frustrated teenage girl, and a part of me knew my mother was right: I needed some rest.
I was hurt though. I was hurt that my entire family was against me in whatever they were planning. I really felt like I wasn't wanted here, and it's not a good feeling to have.
I finally reached my bedroom, and opened the door with my elbow before pushing it open with my back so I didn't have to put my bags down.
"Fuck that shit!" I shouted with tears in my eyes as I threw my bags on the floor.
All my emotions were coming back to me at once, and the pain they were causing was just unbearable. I covered my face with my hands and cried in them: I didn't have any strength left to fight the tears back.
This was all too much for me to bear.
"June," a soft voice almost whispered from behind me.
Oh my God.
His voice.
His scent.
Him.
It was him.
I turned around and fell face to face with Michael who was dressed in a black suit with a bouquet of red roses in his hands.
When I came in the room in the first place, tears were pooling my eyes and I was so frustrated that I didn't even notice that my entire room was decorated with flowers everywhere, rose petals on the floor, and hundreds of candles lit all around the room. I'd lie if I said it wasn't beautiful.
It was magnificent.
The flowers' aroma was filling my nose, but it was soon replaced by Michael's sweet vanilla scent as he was approaching me.
He awkwardly handed me the flowers he had in his hands, and I looked down at it.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered to me. "Can we talk?"
I looked from the bouquet of flowers in his hands to his sorrowful face, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand without saying a single word.
I didn't know what to say.
It's like I couldn't speak, anyways, like the words were taken away from me for a little while.
"June, I need you," Michael begged, looking down. "I need you so much. Please say something."
I looked up at his wattery eyes, and finally, I found the little strength I had left in me to voice my following words.
"I hate you," I breathed, stepping in his face. "Get out."
"Please June, I'm so sorry," he said and his voice cracked a little.
"No, shut up. Now get out."
"June--"
"Get out!" I shouted, pointing at the door with my finger as fresh new tears ran down my cheeks.
Michael's presence was the last thing I needed considering the state I was in. I was angry, sad, tired and heartbroken, and I knew I'd say things I didn't mean if we had this conversation.
"I'm not budging," he refused, setting the roses on my bed. "I'm here to talk to you, to give you explanations, to make things--"
"I'm outta here," I declared, picking up my bags from the floor again before leaving the room.
"Wait, June!" Michael called after me, following me downstairs where everybody seemed entertained by our little show. "Please!"
"Awesome! Everybody's here! It was nice seeing y'all hypocrites, but I'm leaving this motherfucking house," I declared, walking to the front door.
Michael was calling my name in agony behind me, but I kept walking, tears blurring my vision.
How does it feel to be left behind this way, Mikey?
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Short and boring chapter, but next one should be more lively and long. I have so much in store for you guys!!
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