'Rose, I have to go!' Dimitri called out from the lounge as I lay in bed scrolling through my phone which was beginning to not be such a chore.

'Okay, I'll see you later.' I spoke back, not caring if it was loud enough to here. It was just possible that I was in a bit of a mood. Dimitri had just picked up a job as self-defense class trainer due to his height and build, the Russian accent helped along the way and now had to leave me at home alone more than the majority of the time.

It wasn't as if I didn't like independence but at that time, independence really wasn't what would be good for me. And then there was the real reason I was annoyed, in place of Dimitri, he asked his friends to babysit me.

It was a Saturday so neither Jill nor Mia had school and Lissa was joining them on the journey, much to my pleas against it. Lissa and I were both on broken glass but it seemed Lissa didn't know that each time she spoke, she was just stepping on another shard of glass.

She was oblivious. Oblivious to everything. There was no, 'I'm sorry, Rose' or even 'what did I do wrong?', she simply acted as if everything was okay. Maybe it was, maybe I was just being sensitive. Lissa really didn't say anything that bad. Yet, somehow, it had dug deep into me and I was holding a grudge against my newest friend and...I wasn't really sure why. Was it her anger that Dimitri and I were close? Was it the look she had given me afterwards? Was it just...everything?

I couldn't decide nor did I want to, I simply felt content in forgetting her existence which didn't seem like it would hold up today as the doorbell rang and I was forced out of the comfort of my bed and pulled on a hoodie to cover my slim fitting pyjamas which didn't seem to protect any part of my skin from the cold.

I finally reached the couch and opened the door, still in slight of a groggy daze, and mumbled hello to the other girls. I gestured for them to come inside and immediately stumbled to the coffee machine to make myself a coffee to get through the day. Whilst that was brewing, I reached up into the cupboard above me and took out the chocolate doughnut box and, hiding it from the others, I stuffed three in my mouth. Delicious, chocolate doughnuts would never stop being delicious.

'So...what are we going to do today?' I asked, filling the abundance of silence surrounding us after I had finished my doughnut...s. Jill and Mia shrugged and looked to Lissa who seemed to have her game face on. Although, I stayed looking at the other two, trying to pretend Lissa wasn't there.

'Rose, didn't you say you didn't go to school? Doesn't every girl have to go to school, I mean, it is the law...' She rambled on whilst I zoned in and out until she finished her point. 'We should look at schools you could go to.' I flung my head around to her, a glare set in place on my face.

'I'd rather not, Lissa.' I mumbled, practically growling into my now finished cup of coffee. I went to sit on the sofa, opposite the others who were scattered around on chairs.

'But it will be fun!' Lissa pouted, not actually persuading me in the slightest but when both Jill and Mia said it would be a good idea, I agreed reluctantly and got Dimitri's laptop from his room and typed in his password. 'Rose123'. Original.

Lissa gaped at me. 'You know the password to Dimitri's laptop?! He doesn't tell a soul that password!' I snorted and continued to get up an internet browser. Of course, he wouldn't tell anyone, it was my name- we were trying to keep suspicions on the low and that wasn't exactly something that would help us.

I shrugged, sitting in silence as I brought up the search engine and looked over to others; I was unsure of what to type in. I had never actively tried to get into a school; I often did the exact opposite. I was renown in multiple schools for trying to get out of them, even back when my parents were still alive.

'Just type in schools local to this area.' Lissa smiled and continued a mundane conversation with the other two whilst I looked through a few searches for something that either: wasn't one of my old schools, looked nice or didn't require a great record to get in.

I had always been a trouble maker and moving into foster care had only made that worse.

I finally found a school, not within walkable distance but I was sure it was within a bus length journey. 'St Vladimir's.' Despite the posh name, it seemed to let in apparently 'troubled' kids and it seemed perfect for me, at least in the others' opinions.

I had differing ideas. I wanted to stay at home rather than be sent off to some fancy school for troubled kids. It felt like they would be sending me to rehab, not my exact notion of fun. I also wanted to stay with Dimitri and although he had work and this school was a boarding school, I knew we would grow distant.

I was a teenage girl, desperate for attention and Dimitri would give that to me. Not only for my safety but my own greedy cravings...I guess they were his too. We were dancing on broken glass and one moment we were fine whilst the next we would be torn apart.

The girls started to squeal with excitement, crowding around the laptop and motioning to parts of the screen to click on.

'You will tell Dimitri, right?' Jill asked, smiling at me with wide, innocent eyes. I nodded, unable to spit a lie out, hoping they would believe me. There was no doubt that something inside of me wanted to say yes, I would tell him and all would go back to normal- as much as it could anyway- but I couldn't. I was greedy and I gave into that greed for lack of better knowledge.

My parents had given me everything in abundance whilst foster care barely gave me enough to live off. My life was so contradicting and I couldn't seem to grasp at the stability that others had.

I felt alone despite the others surrounding me, caring for me. I felt alone. I believed I was alone. I believed no one cared for me.

So much, that I was alone.

word count: 1105

published: 20/01/17