Note:  

I was told to warn you guys that there might be some triggers here for suicide. There will be times where it will seem that Izuku/Tsuna is considering it, but I promise that does not actually cross his mind. It is not even directly referenced.

That being said, please take care of yourselves. Please don't read the story if you feel it might trigger anything.

Other than that, I decided a while ago that I was going to write something for Dareagon, but I only just got to it. I hope you like it Dare!

Tsuna wasn't entirely sure as to when he started to remember. Did he dream of heroes as a baby? Did he see old friends in the kids at preschool? Did he slowly just remember moments long past in his much too common fits of daydreams? He sometimes wondered about this, but not too often. To do so more often would require will power, something he once had but has been missing for years.

People seemed to think that he needed to motivate himself, find a passion, a drive. But it wasn't simple. His will isn't just dormant, it is gone, and that is another thing that he sometimes wonders about. But instead of wondering when he remembered, he wonders when he forgot.

He knows that he hasn't always been like this. He remembers days where his will, and his will alone, was what kept him standing. Days where he had desperately clung to hope. Days where all the odds were against him. Days where he was all alone. Through all of this, will power is what had helped him beat the odds. And he knows that it didn't go away once he was reborn, he had it once in this life too.

But now he simply lacks it.

Maybe in another world, another life, he would get scared of his lack of will and ability, and eventually become scared of everything. He would be constantly nervous, leaving him klutzy and far too likely to panic. Everything would constantly be too much, and there were times where it got so bad that he would have times where the sensory overload was so intense he would completely shut down. It would seem like he was daydreaming, but it was anything but.

The difference was those memories he would wonder about. He could remember what it was like to be normal. He understood more about his situation. He isn't scared like he might have been. Instead he is just so, so numb.

There are moments, though, where it doesn't seem so far away. Moments where he will get a very welcome rush of what feels like adrenaline in his systems. It helps him get away from some of the meaner bullies, actually get his homework done sometimes, and clean his room every once in a while. It only happens every once in a while, but he finds himself living for those moments.

In those moments he can make Mom happy. He can come up with hopeful dreams for the future. He can make sense of what is being taught at school. Those precious times make him feel less like Dame-Tsuna, in those moments he is Deku, the number one hero and symbol of peace. The boy with friends, ambitions, and the will he so often lacks.

Then he will suddenly be Dame-Tsuna again. The world will lose some of its color. He loses energy. He becomes apathetic. He just doesn't care, because nothing matters. "Why bother?" he mutters to himself, "It's not like I could do anything anyways."

And that is the cold, hard truth. He knows because he tried at first. He would try to smile at his Mom. He would try to make friends. He would try to keep up with his studies. But nothing worked, so he gave up. Life is so, so empty most of the time. And he knows what he's missing, which makes everything so much worse.

So he dreams of learning in school, even when his teachers and classmates were against him. He dreams of feeling everything so vividly that he is known for crying about the smallest things, happy tears, sad tears, laughing tears, hurt tears. He dreams of having friends he supports and how he supports them. He wouldn't change those dreams for the world, but, then again, the world isn't worth much to him anyways.

His life is an endless cycle of having, missing, doing, dreaming, hoping, and keeping. He keeps this all to himself. He doesn't have any friends, Dad is overseas, and Mom does so much already. He doesn't want to burden her with his problems. There's nothing she can do about them anyways, so it's better to just keep it to himself.

He tells himself that he's fine, that nothing is wrong. But deep, deep inside, he knows that's a lie. So maybe that's why he's not so upset when Reborn arrives.

His life changed more than he ever could have imagined when he opened his front door to find a small child. It's only been ten minutes since his first encounter with Reborn, as he introduced himself, and his life has been turned on its head. Apparently the World's Greatest Hitman is a child who can't be more than three years old. Apparently a chameleon can turn into weapons. Apparently Mom thinks Reborn is a home tutor.

He decides it isn't worth bothering too much with and heads off the school. So, of course, Reborn decides to go to school with him by sitting on his head. Reborn seems to think it's a great place to sit and Tsuna really, really doesn't want to bother at this point. This seems to be the sort of situation where no one cares what he wants anyways.

Then he runs into Kyoko and things get even more confusing. He's always admired Kyoko for how vibrant she seems to be. She seems to have everything he's ever wanted and he wishes he could be like her. And Reborn picks up on that and completely misinterprets the cause of his admiration.

Him having a crush on Kyoko? He can see why Reborn might think that, but that's really, really not a thing. He tries to explain this to Reborn, slightly flustered about idea of Kyoko hearing that and getting the wrong idea. Unfortunately, that only seems to reinforce Reborn's belief in this crush.

And then Reborn orders him to confess to her. He tries again to explain that he doesn't actually have a crush on her, but apparently Reborn doesn't like that response. Since Reborn is, apparently, in the mafia, he seems to have decided to take care of the mafia way and pulls out a gun.
Then Reborn shoots him right in the forehead.

He feels himself falling, dying but all of a sudden he feels his will. It's a part of him again and willing, wanting is as natural as breathing. He doesn't want to die, he wants to live this moment. These moments are what he lives for and he will not let death keep him from a moment like this.

Oh, and he wants to clear up Reborn's misconception- but that's really just a side note. He doesn't want to die. He wants to live. He wants to will. And so he does.

When he opens his eyes the world is vibrant again. He feels his will so strongly, more than he has felt it in what seems like forever. The feeling is so strong that he can feel himself tearing up. He feels more like Izuku now than either Deku or Tsuna, so he does what Izuku would do- he drops to his knees and cries and cries and cries. He cries not just because he's happy, but because he finally can.

The numbness will hurt more when it comes back. Reborn will want to know what happened. There is no way he will be able to make it to school on time. But right here, right now, he just doesn't care. All he cares about is this moment, and he wishes, with all his will, that this will last forever.

More Notes: Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated as well. I hope you all have a nice day.