"If it's too hard to forgive, then just give."

A/N: I just finished this chapter and I wanted to publish it as soon as possible. So it's not edited, if I'm honest. I think I just skimmed it for mistakes and called it a day😅 Anyway, second to last chapter

LET'S GET IT!

(8281 words)
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The weakest people are the cowards that run from their problems. The ones who surrender without fighting because they're terrified of cutting their skin or wounding their body. They tend to run back to their past because the familiarity grants them ease, even when it's bitter and damaging.

Jimin always thought of himself as one of those weak people. He wanted Taehyung back in his life from the moment they separated. Taehyung, the boy he fell in love with only to break his heart. Taehyung, the boy who opened his eyes to insecurities because he loathed Jimin's personality. Taehyung, the kid that screamed to his face daily, resulting in Jimin's fear of loud voices even years into the future.

Jimin thought of driving to Taehyung's apartment to clarify to the golden boy that everything Jeongguk said that morning was a misunderstanding.

But he didn't. As soon as Jimin stepped into his car and drove off, his heart guided him to the most familiar place on Earth: his childhood home.

As said, Jimin always thought of himself as one of the weakest people. He was running away from Jeongguk to ask for help from the people he loved most in the world. He knew it would feel strange being at his house as a guest and not as a resident, and although he was more than prepared for that feeling, he can't help but wonder how his parents would feel. Would they feel the same?

Jimin learned that he can never fully move on from the past. But he understands that the only way a person can grow is by recapping the mistakes he already made. Who better to go to than the people who have been there for him since the day he was born to the world?

With his heart beating rapidly, Jimin gulped as he lifted his finger to press the white button of the doorbell. The loud chime echoed throughout the house, the sound traveling to where he stood. He waited, tapping his foot in anticipation, popping his fingers so the cracks could substitute the loud silence.

Not long after, a small, middle-aged woman with a bob of brown, dingy hair on her head and wrinkles on her face opened the door gingerly. When her eyes landed on the young man standing on her porch, they widened, just like the toothy smile on her face.

"Jimin! Baby, I haven't seen you in so long!" she exclaims, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug that Jimin returned. He had missed her without knowing it. "How's school, sweetheart?" she asked, head still over his shoulder.

Jimin closed his eyes, embracing his mother's loving hug. "Good, mom," he answered as they pulled away. The lady couldn't help but place a hand on Jimin's cheek, studying her son because he was here, in front of her in flesh and blood. "A lot of work though," he comments with a pout.

Her smile doesn't disappear as she pulls away, eagerly opening the door wider. "Come in, come in."

As Jimin stepped through the wooden door, his ears immediately caught the faint sound of televised cheering. The passionate narration of the announcer was the icing on the cake for Jimin to connect the dots.

"Is dad home?" he subconsciously asked.

His mother nodded. "Yes, he is. He's right there." Her finger pointed to the living room.

Jimin crossed the short hall that led to where he was told, expecting to find his dad on the couch, his legs stretched out onto the floor with his eyes peering at the televised football game, perhaps with a glass of water or beer in his hand, just like he remembers. And just like he predicted, Jimin was met with just that scene.

"Honey, look who's here!" Jimin's mom cried out. The man's eyes left the television to gaze in his wife's direction, her voice alerting him. When his eyes met Jimin's, a large, surprising smile broke out on his face, the expression of happiness similar to that of his mom's.

"Son!" The smiling middle-aged man struggles to stand and Jimin almost strolls up to him to help. But just when he was about to step up, so did his dad, the smile still present on his face and his arms spread out as he sauntered to Jimin, engulfing him in a tight hug. Jimin gladly returns it, having missed his father just as much as he missed his mom.

"So Jimin, why are you here?" his mom asks as Jimin walks away from his dad. "How are things with Jeongguk?" at the sound of his name. Jimin's smile falters, transforming into a frown.

"Uh... Jeongguk and I fought. I need a place to stay tonight..." he trails off. His parents' expression shifted to match his, sensing the atmosphere.

"Sweetie, you want to talk about what happened," his mother's claiming, caring voice made him look up at her.

He shook his head. "Not really but is it alright if I stay here tonight?"

"Is that even a question? Of course you can," his mother answers with a patient smile. Jimin smiles too, feeling a comforting warmth in his chest.

From then, his mother guided him upstairs to his old room. When she opened the familiar door, he walked in to be met with pale white, empty walls, and a bed covered with an orange floral print and similarly patterned pillows to match. His mother notified him that the room was now a guest room. Yet still, the brunette could remember every memory he made here.

The wall posters of his favorite singers were gone because he had long grown out of his phase. The sheets of writing that seemed like garbage and scratch paper to others but held a meaningful connection to him were no longer taped to the wall but in a bag hidden in his apartment's closet. Nothing has changed with his room, only its physical appearance but the sense of ease hasn't disappeared.

"I'm going to start making dinner," Jimin's mom brought him back to reality. "What do you want, is there anything you want me to make?"

Jimin shakes his head. "No, anything you make is fine."

She nodded with a gentle smile, closing the door as she exited to let Jimin settle down.

About an hour later, Jimin was called down for dinner. As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, the aroma of delicious food in the air greeted him. When he sat at the table, he was met with a plate of Rabokki, his favorite. Gratefully, he smiled. Just by her luck, Jimin's mother happened to see Jimin's reaction to his food and she sighed in relief, no doubt remembering how she's always made this food for special occasions. Well to her, her son returning home fit in that category.

"Thank you, mom," he calls out, just so he'd make sure she heard. And he meant it.

There were so many definitions behind those two simple words.

Thank you for making me dinner every day for 20-something years, even if you had a long day.

Thank you for staying in my room and holding me as I tried to fall back asleep after having a nightmare.

Thank you for welcoming me back into this home without hesitation.

Thank you... for everything.

The faint 'you're welcome' Jimin heard from the kitchen was more than enough to satisfy him.

His father joined his family soon after turning off the television. Spotting the hot, steaming plate of food, he complimented his wife on her cooking, as he always did, which granted a shy smile from her. The three held hands, reciting a short prayer before grabbing their chopsticks and picking them into their food.

"Jimin, how's work?" his father asked as he twisted his utensils so the noodles would gather around the plastic sticks.

"Fine," Jimin responded, taking his first bite of the delicious food. His eyes lit up at the taste. "They're treating me well and the kids are adorable."

"I still wish you could have started your own business," Jimin's dad commented with a mouthful of ramen, using his chopstick to point at his son. "You wouldn't have to work for anyone else."

Jimin only nodded at this, not really paying attention because he's been told the same thing countless times by the same person. Since he was young, his father, a business owner, always encouraged him to find a career where he could be his own boss. At one point, he even wanted Jimin to become the heir to his company.

However, Jimin never wanted to do that. While he had the privilege of taking over such a business and earning a decent income to keep him stable, watching his father suffer through endless stress, getting little sleep, hiding the pressure so his family wouldn't worry, and constantly talking on the phone with business deals kept him from following the advice.

"I'm fine, dad, really," he reassures. "I like how things are now."

The family ate in silence after that. Shortly after, the only noise that surrounded the dining room was the tapping of the plastic chopsticks hitting the dirty, empty glass bowls. Jimin's mother stood up, picking up their plates before heading to the kitchen.

"Oh Jimin, how's Jeongguk?" his mother asked as she set the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet.

"Jeongguk is good," Jimin answered simply over the sound of the water running. He honestly didn't want to talk about it. At least not right now.

"Why did you two fight?" his dad asked, his eyes on his phone, not having moved from his chair.

Jimin shook his head, waving the question off. "Doesn't matter. It's a long story."

"Well, it clearly does since you're here and not over there," his father said, clicking the side of his phone to shut it off and setting it on the table. He leaned forward a bit until his elbows rested on the wooden table. "You can tell us Jimin, maybe we can help. We have all night." From the kitchen, his mother, who had his eyes on the dishes she had already begun to wash, nodded.

As much as Jimin didn't want to talk about it, he knows his parents will nag him until he does. It's how they've always been. Besides, this is the reason Jimin came home, right? So why shouldn't he take the time to seize this opportunity?

Perhaps because he was afraid they'd judge him for his mistakes. They're his parents for Christ's sake. Their opinions matter the most to Jimin. Still, it was worth the try.

As he said, these are his parents, so why shouldn't he be able to trust them?

"Well, um..." He didn't even know where to start.

Should he mention Taehyung yet? Should he not? He didn't know.

Jimin looked up as his mother walked back to the dining table, already finished with her horse. His father waited patiently until his son spoke, tapping his index finger against the table. Jimin knew he couldn't get out of it, so the best thing to do was to ease into the confession. Starting with the most important topic.

"You remember Taehyung from elementary and middle school?"

Immediately Jimin regrets ever saying anything. The room's atmosphere changes completely. What was light and airy, Jimin now felt the crushing weight as his parents stared at him with wide, stunned eyes. He wished for the ground to just swallow him up.

"Yeah...," his mother's quiet voice cuts through the awkward silence.

"Well, I missed him... and I connected with him and yeah, we're friends again."

Stop talking, Jimin. Stop talking.

Jimin bowed his head down, ashamed and the intrusive thoughts that circled in his head didn't help at all. All he could think of now was how much of a disappointment he was. He was such a disappointment that his parents couldn't even say it. They didn't have to, he knew. He's always known.

Jimin lifted his head to catch a peek at what his parents were doing. To his surprise, they were both lost in thought, fidgeting with their hands or sleeves. Immediately, Jimin looks down and begins to play with his nails, anxiously waiting.

"How has he been?" he hears his mother's hesitant voice.

"He's fine. Very good actually," he answers, now refusing to look up at all.

"Well, that's good Jimin. To have an old friend back in your life." God, he could hear the forced smile coming out of her lips. She understood what she was doing but in all honesty, it made him feel worse.

"Yeah, it is..." Jimin trails off.

"You okay there, bud?" his father asks, noticing how distressed Jimin looked. To comfort him, the middle-aged man reached over to place his hand on Jimin's shoulder, rubbing it slightly. The contact is what made Jimin look up at him, surprised to see a loving gaze in his eyes.

Wasn't he just disappointed?

Feeling uncomfortable, Jimin rolled the shoulder his father's hand laid on. His father retrieved his hand like Jimin signaled him to. "Yoongi was the one who gave me the information to contact him," he thought he should let them know. "After seeing that he missed me too, we met up."

"You met up?" his mother asked, shocked. He could feel his parents becoming overprotective.

"Yes, but Taehyung has changed, okay? He cares about me now. He doesn't hurt me, he doesn't yell at me, nothing like that. But he doesn't care about himself. I even give him some advice but he still doesn't follow it."

"And what does Jeongguk have to do with this?"

Jimin's lips pursed at his father's question, hesitant to answer it. "...he wants me to stop seeing him."

"I think you should listen to him, Jimin."

"Dad, he's changed-"

"That's what they all say, Jimin."

"Dad, he was just a kid back then"

"So were you ," his father reminds him. The room went silent again.

Once again, Jimin felt defeated. He didn't know how he'd be able to get back up, even though he knew his parents were just trying to help him. But they didn't understand, they'd never understand.

Jimin's mom didn't take her eyes off her son, looking at him in a quiet epiphany before she decided to voice it out. "Jimin, do you love him? Taehyung?"

Astounded, Jimin looked up to meet her worried eyes. "Not in the way I used to. I still care about him, of course. But I don't think it's love," he admits. "If I'm honest, I missed him during our time apart. Even if Jeongguk came into my life to replace him, he couldn't. No one can. I think I need him in my life and I know he needs me to help him."

"Help him?" his mother questions.

"He's... suicidal, mom. I see what he does to himself and as much as I try to help him, nothing changes. Plus, he has no one else he leans on for this kind of stuff, so."

"Does it drain you?"

"No!" he immediately defends. "Of course not. I want to help him."

"Jimin, are you sure he's not draining you? It seems like he is."

Jimin had to think about what his mother had said. Perhaps he does get a little annoyed at the fact that no matter how much he tries, it can never be good enough for Taehyung. No matter how much he talks to him, and how many supplies he buys to give him the options of alternative self-harm, it's never enough. Jimin feels like a horrible person admitting that to himself. He wishes he could be better, a better person, just better. Good enough.

"Yeah... I guess it does get a little draining."

"And let me guess, Jeongguk is telling you to stay away from him because he knows this is not good for you?" his father concluded. "And you fought with him because he's trying to do what's best for you."

Jimin blinks like he's taking in everything his father just summarized. "H-How did you know that?"

"We're your parents, Jimin. We love you too and we will always look after you," his mother says.

"There's no doubt Jeongguk loves you bud. And I have to agree with him on this one."

"But Taehyung has changed," Jimin repeats.

"But he's still hurting you, Jimin. He's hurting you by hurting himself and if he doesn't want help, we can't give it to him."

Jimin bows his head, remembering when someone else said those same words to him. "Jeongguk said something like that too."

"Baby, why can't you let him go?" his mother wondered, voicing it out softly.

"Because he makes me happy..." he responded, although Jimin himself didn't know how truthful his response was.

"Don't depend on others for your happiness Jimin," his father advised. "In the end, the two of you are only going to hurt each other."

It's not worth it. Jimin realizes this for the first time. It's not worth it to be the only one putting effort only for nothing to change. It's not worth it hurting yourself, sacrificing yourself for something that won't bat an eye in your direction. Taehyung isn't trying so why should he?

As much as it pains him to see his childhood friend suffer, Jimin... is done.

The dam that he so desperately tried to keep closed for so long finally cracks and he finds himself breaking down into tears in front of his parents. Palms to his face, loud sobs echoing the room; on instinct, his mom and dad stand up and hug him, soothing him.

Jimin only keeps thinking about Taehyung. How scared he was to lose him. But, he had lost him a long time ago, didn't he?

It's tough when someone has you as their anchor. Constantly having to worry about your friend or the fact that you might not be there to protect them. And if you're not, you're a bad friend and a selfish person.

Yet, giving up on someone is not selfish as everyone thinks. These people have fought so hard to where they burnt themselves out. The only selfish one is the people who continue to push others, just so they won't lose something they believe to be worth saving. But it comes to the point where you can't hang onto them. After many exhausting years, Jimin... is giving up.

Love is a damaging force that makes something commit stupid acts such as sacrifice. Sacrifices reward people by naming them as a hero. Now, Jimin, he's no hero. He's a human being. And while he's giving up on helping his friend himself, he's not giving up the hope that Taehyung will get the help he needs.

As Jimin lets go of the person that changed his life the most, his first love, his first friend, his guardian angel, no matter what, Jimin will always be cheering for Taehyung from behind without either of them knowing.

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Jimin was exhausted after dinner. The food coma kicked in quickly, for when he headed back upstairs to his room, he fell comfortably asleep in the blink of an eye. That night, his insomnia decided to leave him alone.

Jimin didn't dream of anything, which is probably what made the slumber so peaceful. In the morning, he woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. Tiredly, he turns his phone off and rubs his eyes before looking around the room in confusion until he remembers where he was. Once he's fully awake, he doesn't move, just lets his eyes wander and the white walls and curtains that weren't there before.

When he lived here, there weren't many changes Jimin made to his room. He had developed a fear of change, often gaining a sense of attachment to most of his things. In a way, it was adorable because he stayed loyal to a few of the possessions he had been gifted as a toddler. On the other hand, it was unhealthy.

Up until middle school, Jimin had a cotton blanket his parents had gifted him when he was a baby. For years, Jimin had used that blanket as a pillow or as something to hold while he slept, taking it on trips and sleepovers until it was nothing but scraps. Eventually, his mother threw them away without telling Jimin and he cried the night he found out but got over it within a week or two.

What replaced the blanket was a pillowcase that Jimin accidentally stained one day. The stains were stubborn and permanent, refusing to be washed off, thus leaving behind holes by how much the material was stretched, washed, and dried. When the pillow lost its color, he knew it had to go. He cried that night too.

There are many things Jimin got attached to that his heart broke when they left him. It wasn't just items, he got attached to people too. Taehyung is one of those people.

Jimin cried upon realizing he and Taehyung would not attend the same high school. After they split, he believed reuniting with his childhood friend was something he wanted for years, but now he wasn't sure whether that was ever true. Last night, he promised his parents he'd let go of the guy that was more of a bully than a friend, but he didn't know how he was going to do it. It took him years to let go of his blanket and pillowcase, how was he going to let go of a human?

As he got ready for the day, Jimin didn't have a plan. Maybe if he went with the flow, and ate breakfast before heading over to Taehyung's apartment, it would sort itself out.

With his mind circling with thoughts and doubts, Jimin strolled down the stairs wearing a basic white shirt and black trousers. Entering the dining room, his nostrils caught the mouthwatering aroma of his mother's pancakes, which paused his train of thoughts. Once again, he was hit with deja vu, the weekend mornings when his mother would wake up early to make his favorite breakfast came to mind.

His dad was already seated at the table, his phone face down on it as it blasted some old song that Jimin might have heard once upon a time ago. Upon seeing her sleepy son, his mother waved, greeting him with a chirpy "good morning." His father's smile was the same as Jimin sat down to eat.

He ate in silence, listening to his parents' conversation that he didn't understand but satisfied with just hearing their happy voices. He was thankful he had come back. When he began to mature and figure out the world, the only thing he wanted to do was to distance himself from his parents. Being here today in a room with them after he no longer lives in their house, he realizes he can never fully leave them. He loves them, more than anything or anyone else in the world.

After eating, he notifies his parents about his departure. They understand, standing from their seats to engulf their son in a tight group hug, wishing him luck. Jimin hugs them back just as tight before he heads out the door, looking back at the house for a brief moment with a smile on his face before walking to his car.

It's understandable how Jimin's heart was beating at an uncontrollable fast rate. He was nervous, very nervous, and very scared. If anything, he was scared of Taehyung's reaction.

Yes, Jimin strongly believes Taehyung is a changed man, however, it's very common for a person to relapse into... instinctual behaviors. With Taehyung having grown up and now much stronger, Jimin couldn't help but overthink what would happen to him.

As much as he thinks he knows him, Jimin can sadly never fully trust Taehyung.

Obsession, what Jeongguk called it yesterday, makes a person do crazy things, manic things. This attachment that grows for one person can be so beautiful but so toxic.

It's not love.

Love is what he has for his parents. Love is what he had for Taehyung long ago. This... was not love. And Jimin doesn't ever want to confuse attachment with love ever again.

They say first love is the toughest love to forget. It's the love where one dips their feet in the water and explores what it is they want. It's all for experience, so it's the most confusing love that might hurt you the most. Everyone experiences first love on different terms.

Taehyung will always have a special place in Jimin's heart. Even as years pass by, Jimin will never forget the warm feeling he first experienced with his first best friend. With that said, now that he's experienced being hurt by Taehyung, Jimin will never let himself go through that hell again.

Jimin's grown, he's not a child anymore. He knows what he wants and what he needs. So here he is, in front of Taehyung's apartment, yet still not ready to face him but confident in why he's here. For the first time in a while, Jimin is finally thinking for himself.

From now on, Jimin will be selfish. Yet can you call it selfish if he's also thinking this will be best for Taehyung? The two have been dependent on each other, too dependent that it placed pressure on the two of them. Jimin never realized until now that separation was always the key. Taehyung and Jimin need time away from each other to individually heal the scars they've printed on each other. Hopefully, in the future, they can lead happier lives without each other. That's all Jimin has ever wanted: happiness.

He pressed the familiar white intercom button, waiting to hear Taehyung's voice.

"Hello? " a faint groggy voice whispers to him. A knot formed in his throat by the sound of it.

"T-Taehyung?"

"Jimin?" There was hope, Jimin could hear it.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen-" The door opened before he could finish his sentence. He stopped talking, deciding it would be better to continue this conversation in person. With a gulp, he prepares himself as he heads to the apartment.

When he finally arrived on the floor and walked down the hallway, he spotted Taehyung already standing outside his apartment door waiting for him. The world froze when Jimin met Taehyung's puffy red eyes and disheveled golden hair. Suddenly, the boy ran, practically spirited to Jimin's direction. Before the brunette notices, Taehyung has embraced him in a tight hug, burying his face into Jimin's neck. For a second, Jimin is confused until he remembers his purpose in being here.

Does Taehyung know?

Did Taehyung take Jeongguk's words to heart and was actually going to stay away from him?

Was this hug his way of saying goodbye?

Jimin was speechless, not knowing what to say or do. Should he comfort the boy or get to the point? Without a "Hi Taehyung" or a sweet, "I missed you," instead, Jimin decided to do the latter. Because he knew if he soothed the boy and let his guard down, all the confidence he developed on his way here would be for nothing. "Taehyung, I came to talk to you about something."

Jimin knew Taehyung could read along the lines of those words because he tightened his hold on Jimin, his tears beginning to shed onto Jimin's shoulder. Unable to resist doing so, Jimin brought his hand up to run it along Taehyung's back as he let his tears out.

Strong, he reminded himself. He has to be strong.

"Taehyung," he softly calls after a few minutes, pulling away. "Can we talk about this in your apartment?"

Wistfully, Taehyung nods, turning around to walk Jimin to his apartment.

Once they're inside, Jimin is met with an unusual dirty mess. Clothes and shoes were scattered everywhere on the floor and filthy dishes in the sink which would no doubt attract ants or rats if someone didn't clean them as soon as possible. Across the room, Jimin noticed Taehyung's unmade bed, pillows and sheets toppled to create a mountain on the mattress. For a second, he wanted to gag but knowing it'd be disrespectful to do so, he didn't say anything. What overall disturbed him was the vape pen and the almost empty wine bottle on the kitchen table.

Glancing at Taehyung, Jimin watched as the other stared at him, his expression was not ashamed or proud, but numb. Jimin had the biggest urge to take a hit from the vape pen near him, just as he had done in college one time just to try it. Maybe he'll listen to people and take more than one hit this time, to numb himself like Taehyung. Or maybe, he'll gulp down a glass of wine just so he can regain the confidence he lost when he stepped into the apartment.

Jimin knew better, both of those options would be stupid. He reminds himself that the opportunity to tell Taehyung everything is here, that he would no longer have to carry the burden of keeping a secret just to not hurt the other. He gulps before opening his mouth.

"Jeongguk came to see you, right? And he told you to stay away from me?" Taehyung caught Jimin looking at the table of drugs. His curiosity wondered whether Jimin had the same habits, or if he had made the same mistakes as him. Up until now, Jimin seemed so perfect that Taehyung refused to believe he had struggled like him once upon a time ago. Realizing Jimin was still waiting for an answer, he nodded his head, deciding to keep his mouth shut instead.

Before continuing, Jimin pointed to the chair by the kitchen table where the drugs stayed calling out to the bother of them. Taehyung understood what he meant by the gesture and nodded again, walking up to the tables well. Jimi pulled the chair and sat down, pushing the material to the edge with his forearm until they bumped with the wall. Taehyung sat across from him, folding his hands on the table, anticipation in his eyes as he looked at the brunette.

On the other hand, Jimin was nervous to continue, his heart pumping as if it could leap out of his chest. "Taehyung, there's something I haven't told you yet and I think it's something you need to know because I can not deal with it anymore" he rambles.

By how fast Jimin talked, so fast it was like he had just spoken a single word, Taehyung perked his ears.

He never liked seeing Jimin unhappy or anxious, so now as the nervous boy in front of him played with his nails, he couldn't help but worry about him. Taehyung gestured for Jimin to continue and after a few minutes, he took a deep breath, not letting his eyes leave the table's surface.

He asked Taehyung if he remembered the time he had asked him about elementary or middle school. Taehyung nodded, recalling that he said he didn't recall anything from his youth. "Well, see," Jimin paused, not knowing how to word it. "I think I know why you don't remember."

Jimin studies psychology, specifically child psychology. In college, he learned the most common memories are the ones people want to remember because they're important to them. When his professor told him this for the first time, he reflected on it before concluding that it was correct. In the study to prove his point, the teacher put on a presentation where he showed a slide of different landscapes. One of the landscapes was a galaxy full of stars that reminded him of one of his favorite songs. That's how he memorized the picture when he was about it again: he had attached a memory, something important to him.

In that same class, his professor taught him that every seven seconds, the brain forgets something to make room for new information. As long as one holds onto it, one can never forget it. Jimin wondered whether it was the same case for memories he pushed far back to forget them. Jimin has tried so hard to forget the kind of person Taehyung used to be but he can't. Although he can't remember in detail, he remembers vague memories that haunted him for a while.

The first thing Jimin talks to Taehyung about was the day they first met. This was one of the memories that brought a fond smile to his lips, especially as Taehyung added his own pieces of recalls with a smile.

"I have so many good memories of you Taehyung," Jimin let him know.

The next story he decided to talk about was another happy one. When Jimin and Taehyung sat next to each other in the same History class, Jimin carried a small box of paper accessories that the boys would set up in his desk at the beginning of class, then take down at the end. With their imagination, Jimin's desk became a mini pizzeria, where an eraser that Taehyung had drawn a smiley face on was the customer. Taehyung would walk his eraser into Jimin's desk like a doll, whisper into Jimin's ear his fake order, and Jimin would draw a tiny pizza on a piece of lined paper, color it, cut it out, then give it to Taehyung.

Jimin begins to recall many special memories. Such as the time the two made the poster of Milton Hershey together. Or the many times they pretended to be superheroes with powers during recess. Any moment, big or small, that brought a smile to Jimin's face, he retold it and Taehyung listened.

But suddenly the euphoria was gone and Jimin was brought back to reality. "But, uh..." He brought his hand to his mouth, clearing his throat before setting it on the table again. "I also remember other things."

This is it. The moment he always dreaded was here but he was not going to hold back anymore.

Be selfish, he tells himself. Think for yourself. You need to heal.

"Taehyung, I know you don't remember what happened back then but I do. Fuck, I wish I could have forgotten it like you but I didn't. I still remember so much."

Taehyung had no clue what Jimin rambled about but he wanted to know. If it was making Jimin feel like this, he wanted to know everything. Jimin could see that and he knew, if he was honest, there's no way Taehyung is going to be angry with him.

"You and I weren't friends back then, Taehyung. Not in the way we should have been anyways. Back then, I always felt like I disappointed you and I always wanted to apologize for it. So I'm doing it now. I don't know what I did to make you disappointed in me." Jimin caught sight of Taehyung shaking his head rapidly to his words but he didn't stop talking. "I know I was annoying and I'm sorry. I really am sorry for who I was back then. The fact that you had to yell at me for me to stop hugging you..." Jimin chuckles painfully. "I get it, yeah. But, Taehyung I don't understand . Yelling at me, screaming I should say-"

"Ji-"

"Don't interrupt me, okay ? I'm done, I'm tired. I've been holding onto this for too damn long I can't fucking take it anymore, Taehyung! I don't know what the fuck I did and I wish I fucking knew but shit! You don't even fucking remember and it's not even your fucking fault. Well, let me remind you. Every single fucking day, you screamed at me as if you hated me. And possibly you did but how I was supposed to know that? You screaming at me only made me scream back at you and for that, my own family was afraid of me because I would easily lose my temper. Now every time someone yells at me, the suicidal thoughts come back. Not to mention, you used to always, always make comments about everything fucking thing I did. I didn't care back then, Taehyung. I didn't give a shit about what people said until you pointed out every insecurity I could possibly have. Shit, and love . Fuck, the day I confessed only hurt me more because you knew! You fucking knew I was in love with you and you left! You drifted away from and left me alone. Again. I just don't get it, Taehyung. I don't get why you did all that shit. I don't understand. And shit, you're not even like that anymore but I can't see you any differently."

By the time Jimin stopped talking, he was on the floor, holding himself as he sobbed. At some point during his rant, he had gotten up, imagining it was the kid Taehyung he was talking to. He felt so bad for yelling at Taehyung the way he did but he also cried with relief. The heavy weight was finally heard by the person he kept locked in for. He was free but Jimin couldn't enjoy it with the guilt that began to eat him up.

Taehyung stared at the brunette with a knot on his throat, pity in his teary eyes. Jimin's sobs got louder by the second. With how long he'd been staring at his broken friend, the tears Taehyung tried to blink back spilled free and rolled down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he sobs, tumbling to the floor to practically crawl to Jimin. "I'm so sorry, Jimin. I didn't- I didn't" He cries as he hugs the other boy. Together, they let their emotions out, the first steps to mending their broken hearts. Jimin held his friend closer, not even sure why he was crying anymore. He had gotten what he wanted, Taehyung apologized, what else was missing? When their sobs settled and turned into shaking breaths and sniffles, Jimin figured out why it was that he felt so guilty.

"I've been waiting... so long for you to apologize. But Taehyung, I'm sorry but I can't forgive you."

As said, he had gotten what he wanted, for Taehyung to hear his story and to apologize for what he did. But it wasn't the same for Jimin.

Forgiveness wasn't an easy thing and Jimin didn't want to give it out if he didn't truly mean it.

And of course, Taehyung didn't blame Jimin for not forgiving him. He saw it coming after processing everything Jimin told him. If he were in his position, Taehyung wouldn't forgive himself either. So he nods, pulling away from Jimin to wipe his tears with the back of his hand. "Yeah, I understand."

They sat a few inches away, the atmosphere quiet and calm like they had no idea what to do next. Both of them wanted to do something , speak or stand, just something. But neither of them moved. Occasionally, they stole glances at one another when the other wasn't looking.

"Tae...," Jimin whispered. Taehyung lifted his head to look at the brunette, concerned. "I think Jeongguk was right."

"About what? That I should stay away from you... or something else?"

With Taehyung's words, it was Jimin's turn to lift his head. "What's something else?"

Taehyung pursed his lips before letting them go with a pop. "Jeongguk said I should start going to therapy. He says he's even willing to pay for me if I don't have the money, just as long as I get help." Taehyung dragged his eyes back to Jimin, seeing him only nod as a response. "What do you think?"

"Hmm?" Jimin let out, caught off guard by the question.

"Taehyung...," he hesitated for a second until he decided to continue. "I'm going to be honest with you... I agree."

Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him. "You think I need help?"

"Look around you Taehyung," Jimin exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air to make his point. Instead, Taehyung cranes his head, looking at the dirty mess of his apartment and the drugs on his table. "Don't you think you need help?"

"I don't need help Jimin. I have you," the golden-haired boy crossed his arms over his chest, a stubborn frown on his face.

Jimin's breath hitches.

I have you.

Flashbacks flooded through JImin's mind when he would use the same strategy during his lowest memories. However, on Jimin's part, Jeongguk was Jimin's Jimin.

"I have him, I'll be okay."

Almost every day, he repeated those words to himself, believing he had Jeongguk for himself. The first time Jimin attended was the day Jeongguk kindly asked if he could spend time with some friends Jimin didn't know. Jimin let him, not wanting to act like a jealous friend, even though the monstrous feeling of possession wouldn't go away as he saw his best friend smiling with other people.

It was when he got home and saw no texts from Jeongguk that the intrusive thought began to kick in. It didn't help that he was home alone when his parents were at a church meeting. The next day, he didn't go to school.

Jeongguk found out what Jimin had done the morning before school. For that reason, he didn't go either but his mother drove him to the hospital instead. As Jeongguk cried holding Jimin's hand, blaming himself, something his Jimin woke up.

Seeing Jeongguk and his parents crying for him, was when he realized he needed help. The day he woke up in the hospital was the worst day of his life, and still is.

Jimin doesn't want Taehyung to go through the same thing, especially since he has no idea how to help him and he knows he'll let Taehyung down someday.

"No, Taehyung. No."

"Jimin-"

"I'm just as broken as you are. How will I help you?" Jimin voiced out. "Besides, you don't follow anything I tell you."

"How do you know that?" Taehyung was starting to get defenseless.

"Look at yourself! You're not okay, Taehyung!" Taehyung's mouth was open, speechless. Jimin waits for Taehyung to respond but when he doesn't, he stands from the floor with a scoff. " Please listen to us, we're just trying to help you."

"I don't need your help Jimin," Taehyung says as he stands up, his eyebrows furrowed together. "Hell, I don't even deserve your help!"

"You deserve the whole fucking world, Taehyung and you're too blind to see that."

" What is the fucking point, Jimin? You're leaving, aren't you? That's what you're trying to tell me."

"How would you know?"

"I figured." he shrugged it off. "I'm losing you now so what's the point? Don't you dare start with your happiness bullshit because you know I don't believe that."

"Love," he says gently, an answer different from what Taehyung was expecting but nonetheless, the same, which leads to a scoff escaping Taehyung's lips.

"Love. Yeah, right. Who the fuck would ever love a broken person that drains others?"

Jimin wanted to say something beautiful, something Taehyung deserved to hear. He wanted to say anyone would be lucky to love him. But he couldn't lie like that.

Loving a broken person was possible but not probable. Society has brainwashed people into believing a person must love oneself before loving someone else. They don't tell you that love is a difficult task to do.

Taehyung doesn't love himself, Jimin doesn't love himself, so how could they love other people? More importantly, how could they let other people love them when they think of themselves as monsters? The truth is, in this world, they were scared of hurting others and of being hurt again.

"You were my first love, Taehyung," Jimin reminds him timidly, stepping closer to the latter. "You were loved by me."

Taehyung goes silent, lifting his hanging head to tearfully look at Jimin. The brunette didn't know why he placed his palm on Taehyung's warm cheek, looking deep into the brown eyes that held so many emotions hidden from the world. Taehyung wasn't hiding them now, especially in front of Jimin. His breath hitches from the sudden touch, relaxing after letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I love you, I have always loved you. Maybe not in the way I used to but I do. Remember that guardian angel you promised me you'd be? Well, now I'm letting you go so you can spread your wings." Jimin tries to keep smiling but he feels his own tears welling up in his eyes as he pulls away. It's really happening. "Thank you Taehyung. Thank you for being my first friend, my first love, and my first heartbreak-"

"Are you leaving now?" The first tear slips from Jimin's eye when he hears the fear audible in the other's voice. He closed his eyes for a second, swallowing the knot in his throat that wouldn't let him speak.

"I'm going to be away for a while, Taehyung. I don't know if I'll see you again but, wow," he lets out a broken chuckle. "It was a wild ride wasn't it?"

Taehyung nodded, some tears streaming down his face that he quickly wiped with his hands. Jimin's lips quiver, knowing he couldn't just without a proper goodbye. He lets his heart take over his actions, running up to Taehyung and wrapping his arms around his neck in a tight hug. Instantly, Taehyung wraps his arms around Jimin's waist, burying his nose in Jimin's neck, taking in his scent, and letting his sobs freely slip out. Jimin cried on Taehyung's shoulder too.

"Please take care of yourself, please," Jimin whispers, looking up at Taehyung, who nodded at the words he couldn't promise, not even to himself.

"You too Jimin, and I'm sorry, for a lot of things."

Jimin forced out a smile as he turned around to walk to the door. He didn't look back, it felt too painful to do so.

He mentally thanked Taehyung for staying silent because he knew if he said something about this decision, he would have more than likely stayed. But what was there to argue about?

They both knew this was the best for them. And if Taehyung wasn't doing it for himself, he was doing it for Jimin. If this is the way Jimin will live a happy life then he must let him go, even if his heart clenched at the thought of being away from Jimin.

He should have seen it coming in the first place, they weren't meant to be in each other's lives. lives forever. But that's alright.

Jimin will always be a part of his story, just like Taehyung will always be a part of Jimin's story. And that was enough for him to say goodbye.

"Goodbye, Taehyung," Jimin lets out, not taking his eyes off the cool doorknob resting in his palm. I hope you live a long, happy life."

Jimin didn't wait for Taehyung to answer, but he left in peace knowing he had heard him

Walking down the hallway for the last time felt different than other times. Today, Jimin felt like he was flying, like he was on top of the world. He no longer felt strings holding him back or rocks pushing him down. He could finally breathe in this great sense of relief that made the sky appear bluer and the trees appear greener. It brought tears to his eyes, a wide thankful smile breaking out on his face once he stepped into the elevator.

Back in the lonesome apartment, as soon as his friend closed the door, Taehyung collapsed to the ground, sobbing. While it hurt that the most precious jewel of his life was gone again, it was worth it if it meant he had done something good and selfless to make up for his past regrets.

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Jimin took a long drive around the city in the next thirty minutes as his favorite acoustic songs played on the car's aux. When saw the blue sky change into a shade of orange-purple, he decided it was late enough to return home. In those thirty minutes, he had prepared himself to talk with Jeongguk, and now, he felt ready.

He was ready to prepare himself for a frowning Jeongguk on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest and he'd ask where he had been. Jimin planned to answer truthfully because he had nothing to hide, but he was also nervous that Jeongguk wouldn't forgive him.

If they got into a fight or disagreement today, he'd ask if they would continue tomorrow because right now, Jimin felt exhausted by all the tears he shed a while ago.

He slipped his key into the keyhole and twisted it, his other hand opening the door. He prepared himself for the worst, subconsciously keeping his eyes on the floor in shame, but the reaction he was expecting was never given to him.

Instead, he hears a relieved voice call out his name that forces him to pick his head, and suddenly, a body is wrapping itself around him.

The smell of the recognizable person's shirt makes him smile because they hugged him tightly, not saying anything. He lets himself enjoy the feeling of care before his smile dies of the guilt that began to weigh on him.

"Jeongguk, I'm sorry-" he began weakly but Jeongguk shushed him.

"I don't want to talk about anything. I'm just glad you're back."

And back Jimin was.

Back home. It took Jimin so long to find his way and he'll never leave it again.

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A/N: Ahhh last chapter is next!!