It had been an amazing week, in Ryan's opinion. He and Isaac had made three whole, cute, little live CDs, even including some songs where Ryan had simply played out some chords or melodies and Isaac had sung nonsense off the top of his head. Those, really, were most definitely the most adorable. And they'd gone into the mountains, heard bedtime stories, practiced instruments and gone swimming enough that the small boy wasn't anywhere near afraid of the water anymore. Sure, he'd missed Lucía more than he could even explain, having never been away from her for even a whole day since he'd gotten her, but her daily phone calls and artsy letter had convinced him that his daughter was more than all right, which reassured him that he was right in being unwilling to trade the past week for anything. Having spent time with his mother, too, had been great. He missed the woman often and being able to be around her and simply talk to her without having her voice come out of a phone had been amazing. And it was made even better by the fact that she and Isaac had taken to each other immediately, although he was a bit unsure of how Isaac's sudden habit of calling her 'Gramma' was going to go down with Brendon. Well, they'd weather that storm when it hit. Right now he was in the car, Isaac strapped securely into the seat next to him, on their way to the airport to pick up Brendon and Lucía, and Isaac was jittery and excited and an absolute joy. "Looking forward to seeing your Dad again?" Ryan asked with a laugh, half sarcastically, since the boy could hardly have been more obvious about it. Besides, he kind of had the feeling that Isaac was one of those incredibly rare kids who actually understood sarcasm and found it funny, so he didn't hold it back around the boy as much as he would around Lucía.

Isaac giggled, looking up at Ryan and jumping around in his seat. "Uncle Spencer showed Keely his work and all the kids there and the playroom with the big red door, and Papa said it was fun," he said in one breath, nodding, eyebrows raised. "They have a swing inside!" he exclaimed, not for the first time since his father had called and told them about their day at the Children's Center. Isaac didn't much like talking on phones, but he did like listening to his Papa. He sat back and kicked his feet back and forth, excited to be seeing his Papa, because he had missed him so, even if he had had a lot of fun with Ryan and he had sung quite a bit.

"Papa will like our cds!" he announced, sounding quite sure of himself.

"Of course he will," Ryan agreed with a chuckle. Reaching out with one hand to muss up the boy's hair. "I don't see how anyone could not like our CDs. You sound great on them." He made to still keep an eye on the road, even as he continued speaking with Isaac. "And it sounds as though they've had nearly as much fun as we did, huh?" He took a turn and there was the parking lot. With habitual ease, he maneuvered the car into a free spot as close to the building as possible before getting out and shutting his door. He rounded the car to the other side and opened the passenger side door where he unbuckled Isaac and helped him off Lucía's old kiddie seat. "There are a lot of people here, okay? So don't let go of my hand," he instructed before starting to walk with short, slow steps towards the airport, doing his best to make it easy, or at least manageable, for the boy to keep up.

"I want up," Isaac said childishly. Yes, he could walk, but he loved being carried. "Papa said Uncle Spe'cer and Jon got into a fight," he said conversationally, giggling into his hand. "Spencer and Jon fight all the time 'bout nothing," he mimicked his father's words perfectly before laughing again. He looked over at Ryan curiously, tilting his head to the side. "Did they fight lots when you knew them, too?" he asked.

Ryan leaned down and easily scooped Isaac up, chuckling slightly as he helped the small boy get situated on his own diminutive hip. "Did he say what they were fighting about?" he asked curiously. "And they did. It was never anything serious. Sometimes I think they did it for fun. It was very fun to watch at least." He looked up at the computers, now that they'd entered the main building, and gouged which terminal they needed to be at before setting off in that direction. "One time they had a fight about who had forgotten to take an old note off the notice board on the wall in their dorm room."

Isaac giggled again and shook his head, his whole body swaying along. "Papa said it was 'bout nothing. Absolutely nothing!" he said dramatically, then leaned in closer. "I think it was about Petrol," he said, smiling. "Maybe he messed up Jon's bed and Spencer laughed at him!" he suggested, because he knew Jon wouldn't like someone messing up his bed, and he just knew Spencer would laugh about it and Jon would pretend to be angry for a bit and start a fight just because. "Papa said he wanted to put them in time out," Isaac said, eyes wide. "And then I said he was being mean!"

"Your papa likes to think he's the voice of reason," Ryan stated with a laugh. "But let's just be nice and avoid bursting his bubble just yet, shall we?" He put on a thoughtful look, hoisting Isaac up a little. "The Petrol thing sounds quite likely, though. I think that doggie likes to cause some havoc when he can." He cocked an eyebrow, still smiling. "Maybe Spencer told Jon to grow up. You know he likes to do that. And Jon pretended to get mad and started an argument just because."

"Papa likes calling Jon a teenager and a child," Isaac said knowingly, nodding. "Where is he!?" he asked suddenly, excited to see his father. He hummed absently, twisting his fingers into Ryan's shirt and leaning his head on the man's shoulder. "Do you think they brought back gifts?" he asked, giggling.

"I think everyone does," Ryan said, looking up at the screen showing arrivals. "They won't be here for another fifteen minutes. Do you need anything to eat or drink?" He smiled at the feeling of the small head on his shoulder. It was a scary prospect in some ways, really, but somewhere in his future he could truly see himself loving Isaac as much as he loved Lucía. Hopefully that realization didn't make him an even worse father than he already was. "And if they haven't brought gifts we'll push them in the pool when we get back. How's that?"

Isaac nodded against Ryan's shoulder, chewing on the material of his own shirt. He paused for a second to ask, "Can I have some milk?" before starting again. He was so excited to see his Papa, even if it had only been a few days. It had felt like much longer. Nights, especially, had been bad, and he remembered crying on the first night because it was so unfamiliar. But Ryan had been there, and it had gone better after that.

"Sure, kiddo," Ryan answered with a small smile, sending another glance to the boy in his arms. Isaac was clearly exhausted, but then again he'd been so excited the whole night that it was doubtful whether he'd gotten any sleep at all. Ryan hoisted Isaac up once more and turned around, making his way back to the kiosk they had just passed where he bought a carton of milk and a small Mickey Mouse water bottle. Then he went into the toilets and poured out the water, depositing Isaac on the floor while he carefully poured milk into the bottle before handing it over with a smile, satisfied that Isaac would at least be able to drink from that, as opposed to the carton. "Enjoy," he instructed with a laugh, pouring the rest of the milk down the sink and the carton in the trash before picking the boy up again and heading for the terminal.

Isaac gulped the milk greedily, glad that he didn't have to walk. There were people everywhere and he watched them with wide eyes. They all looked in a terrible hurry and very tired, but still excited. There were a lot of children, too, most of them running around, laughing loudly, or crying just as loudly. He frowned. "Why are they crying and running and being very loud?" he asked quietly. Didn't they know they had to behave in public?Ryan shrugged, being careful not to dislodge Isaac or the milk. "I'm guessing it's because they're seeing people they love whom they haven't seen for a while, or just because they're going on vacation. That would be the noise and the laughter, though, not the crying. Do you like vacations?" He shifted his grip as they got closer to the terminal. "Look," he directed, pointing out the window. "There's a plane landing. I think that's the one they're in." "Yes, I like vacations because I go with my Papa, and sometimes Spencer, and sometimes we come see you," Isaac replied before gasping loudly and smiling. "I hope they have gifts," he said, giggling. His Papa always brought back the best gifts, after all. "Oh, yes," Ryan said, widening his eyes over-dramatically. "I would love to come see me too." He smiled softly. "Travelling really is fun," he added. "Maybe we should convince your papa that Rome or Greece could be fun at some point, huh?" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "If they bring gifts, though," he stated. "That's going to make us look really bad since we only have CDs for them." Isaac grinned. "No!" he scolded, shaking his head forcefully. "Our cds are going to be much better than the gifts because we made them ourselves!" he lectured, patting Ryan's face with his hand. "Where's Greece and Rome?" he asked, and went back to looking around for his father as he awaited an answer.

Ryan hummed softly. "I suppose you're right about that," he finally acquiesced. "Rome is in Italy. If you've ever seen a map of Europe, that's the boot country. And Greece... that's a little further away, but very beautiful too. One day we could even drive the car down to Suez and catch a ferry across to Africa, wouldn't that be exciting?" A moment later he looked over to see that people were entering the reception area. "Oh, better keep your eyes open now."

Isaac nodded dutifully and craned his neck, trying to catch glimpse of his father. When he did, he yelled "Papa!" and stretched out his arms to the man running towards him. Brendon was grinning and holding Lucía's hand as she dragged him along as quickly as she could go. When they reached Ryan and Isaac, Brendon swooped his son into his arms and showered him with kisses even as the boy giggled and told him to "arrète papa!".

Crouching down, Ryan pulled Lucía tightly to him, burying his face in her loose, soft blond hair even as he felt her arms wrapping around his neck, so tightly he thought she would never let go again. After a few minutes he held her out a little, smiling. "Did you have a good time?" he asked softly, yet loudly enough to be heard over the general noise of the airport.

Lucía nodded enthusiastically. "I had a brilliant time!" she exclaimed. "We saw so much! And some of the kids at the Children's Center were really rude, but I liked it there anyway." Then her face adopted a premature concern and she looked him over carefully. "Are you all right, Daddy? You remembered to eat, right? And you didn't get scared in the night or have panic attacks?" Ryan chuckled slightly although he couldn't help but feel sad at the questions. "I had a great time, although I missed you very, very much," he answered lowly. "And don't I look all right to you, young lady? I had your Grandma and Señora hounding me about, so I should think things worked out." He winked slightly, but sobered when he saw her sad look. "No one knows me as well as you do, though," he assured. "I'm sure things will be much easier now that you're back." Then he took her hand, gave it a small squeeze, and straightened up, giving Brendon a wide smile before he moved in close and wrapped his arms around the younger man without invitation. "Thanks for keeping her unconcerned for a bit," he whispered before letting go with a smile. Brendon smiled, Isaac latched to his leg, and restrained himself from kissing Ryan senseless. "She was great," he said, hoisting Isaac into his arms. "She was really good with the kids at the Center, even if they did cause a bit of trouble at first, and I think she really liked it there," he assured. He looked at Isaac and smiled, giving him a kiss. "And how were you, Little Boy?" he asked to Isaac's giggling. The boy started chattering on and on about the week, almost going too fast for Brendon to understand and clearly excited about seeing his father again.Laughing slightly at Isaac's obvious excitement, Ryan reached out and pulled Lucía close to his side, looking down at her with a smile. "You too big to be carried?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. She shook her head briskly, holding out her arms, and Ryan hoisted her up, making a great show of huffing and puffing. "I'm not sure if you're getting too big or I'm getting too old," he stated with an exaggerated groan, laughing once more as her small fist hit his chest. He turned his gaze back to Brendon. "So, do you want to find a restaurant and disappoint the old ladies or would you prefer going back to the villa for a home-cooked Spamerican meal?"

"Choices, choices," Brendon said, shaking his head. He leaned in suddenly, made a show of looking around, and then whispered; "Lucía and I have been eating out all week, to be completely honest. Whatever you want is fine," he said with a wink. "I'm sure either one will be delicious," he added, and then looked down at Isaac to see him chewing his shirt. "Hey, hey, hey. What're you doing? Shirts aren't for eating! You can't be that hungry," he chuckled, pulling the material out of Isaac's mouth and shaking his head.

Lucía giggled madly and looked up at Ryan with her big, honey-brown eyes. "I want to see Grandmama," she stated, biting her lip. Ryan suspected she wanted to see 'Grandmama' for a big interrogation about bedtimes and proper meals, but if she thought that was fun...

Nodding slowly, Ryan flashed Lucía a smile. "Back to the villa it is," he stated before looking at Isaac for a moment. "Unless this little guy has anything against eating with a couple of old ladies who can't stop fighting over supreme rule of the kitchen for the eighth day in a row?"

Isaac looked up rather sleepily and stuck his tongue out at Ryan, which Brendon took as him saying he didn't care. He had a feeling his son would be going to bed very soon, anyway. He smiled softly and shook his head. "I'm sure it'll be fine, though I will be seeing your mother for the first time in... how long?" he asked, grimacing a little. "But I'm sure that'll be fine, too," he said, shrugging. "Oh, crap! We've gotta go get our luggage and Petrol! Everyone hurry up, now, and if you spot our luggage, just yank it off the turning carpet thing..." he said, chuckling, and hurried towards where they would collect their belongings.Ryan shook his head in amusement of the fact that after just a week apart they were all too excited to see each other again to remember things as essential as luggage and Lucía's dog! Having been in this airport most times of all of them, he led the way to baggage claim where they quickly found the right bags and went to fill out the necessary papers and get Petrol back. "Good thing one of us didn't have his head in the clouds," Ryan stated with a laugh when they were finally making their way out of the airport towards the car, Lucía on the ground now so Ryan could carry her bag and the dog crate. His left shoulder protested a bit, like it tended to do when strained or in bad weather. He grimaced slightly and sped up as much as he thought Lucía could keep up with, eager to get rid of the burdens soon. Brendon chuckled. "Yes, well, I am a genius," he said, pulling his luggage along while still holding onto Isaac. He'd have to stop carrying the boy around soon, that was for sure. They got to the car and Brendon hoisted things into the trunk before getting the kiddie seat and putting it in the back. "Can Lucía sit in front?" he asked, planning to sit in back with Isaac if Ryan let her sit in front. He wasn't sure if she did, yet, or if she was still too small, though, so he would leave that up to Ryan as he got Isaac strapped in.

"There should be a cushion in the back," Ryan stated, picking up on the fact that Brendon wanted a little time with his son. Ryan couldn't deny he wanted Lucía close right then too. "When she uses the passenger seat she usually sits on that and things tend to work out." He put Lucía's bag in the trunk of the car and let Petrol out of the cage before he stuffed that in as well. "You're on dog duty, though," he quickly added. "I don't want him up front while I'm driving." He suppressed the urge to rub at his shoulder. He didn't like to make a big deal out of the scar or the damage that still lingered in the joint and no one really knew that he still felt anything, and he'd prefer if it remained that way. The doctor had predicted arthritis in it before he turned forty, but he was hopeful they'd have found a cure by then.

Brendon put the cushion in the front and settled himself in the back, scooping up Petrol and setting him in his lap. "You'd better be very well behaved for this ride," he warned, groaning when the dog licked his face. "Ugh," he said, shaking his head. "No slobbering, either," he pleaded, winking at Isaac who was watching them with a grin. "And I think you're tired, young man," he said when Isaac yawned. "You're going to bed right after supper," he said gently, chuckling when Isaac pouted.

Chuckling slightly, Ryan buckled Lucía in, grateful to be distracted from the dull ache in his shoulder. Then he got in himself and started up the car, pulling out of the parking lot and starting the habitual ride back to the villa. "I heard a little bird sing something about Jon and Spencer fighting," he stated curiously. "Anyone care to elaborate on that?"

Brendon glared playfully at Isaac when he burst out laughing. He sighed. "I have no clue what the argument was originally about, but they just kept biting each other's heads off for about a day and a half over something, and it was clear that Jon was just trying to rile up Spencer, but he kept taking the bait or something..." he shook his head. "I don't know," he chuckled exasperatedly.

"Those two are never going to change, couple or not," Ryan stated with an amused eye-roll. He made a turn to get them out of the city and pressed the button to roll down his window, inhaling the fresh air outside with a smile. He sighed, fighting the urge to close his eyes. "I don't think Isaac is the only one going to bed early tonight," he stated. "Kid kept me up all night, he was that excited to see you again. And I'm not as young as I used to be." He winked into the rearview mirror, grinning a moment later. "Dinner might be a long affair, though, if they continue to insist on trying to outcook each other."

Brendon chuckled, meeting Ryan's eyes in the mirror briefly. "Oh, god," he groaned, shaking his head. "Maybe we can just sneak into the house, skip the meal, and go straight to bed?" he suggested, smirking.

"Was that an invitation?" Ryan jested, chuckling. "Nah, we wouldn't hear the end of it tomorrow. And getting the same insults in two languages is really the worst kind of stereo there is." He paused for a moment, taking another turn, and now the could see the coast stretched out on their side, all cerulean water and sparkling sun. "The trick," he explained. "Is to just take tiny little servings of everything, say you're making room for the dessert, but make sure to point out that everything is delicious. When the dessert comes around, say you took too much of the other stuff and can only eat a tiny bit. Afterwards they'll spend a couple hours arguing about who got the most and the best compliments, and by the time they shut up and realize we didn't actually stuff ourselves entirely we'll be long asleep."
"Seems like you've got it all figured out," Brendon chuckled, though he planned on following the instructions nonetheless. If he was being honest with himself, he knew he would probably be complimenting Ryan's mother more on her cooking-- he wanted her to like him, after all. It wouldn't do to be hated by someone who Ryan loved so much. He was so glad to see Ryan, as well, that he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could. He dearly hoped Ryan had missed him just as much.

"Oh," Ryan said with a laugh and a twinkle in his eye. "Trust me, I do."

***Ryan had taken his time tucking Lucía in that night, telling her a long bedtime story to make up for a week apart, and sung her several songs until she was fully asleep, and now he was back in the hallway, on his way to his own bed. He chuckled slightly when he saw Brendon exit Isaac's room only seconds later. Still smiling, he walked over and quickly wrapped his arms around Brendon's neck, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. "You know," he whispered, feeling some weird mixture between awkward and daring. He wasn't sure if he was acting just right or incredibly dorky. Ryan hadn't been a blushing virgin for many years, but Brendon had an uncanny ability to bring that side out of him again. "I've wanted to kiss you since you stepped off that plane."Brendon's breath caught in his throat and he found himself smiling dreamily before he leaned in and pressed his lips against Ryan's, his hands immediately finding their way to his waist. "Me too," he said quietly, pulling away. "But I don't think it should be in the hallway," he chuckled softly, kissing Ryan again before pulling away fully and motioning awkwardly to Ryan's room.Laughing quietly, Ryan reached out and grabbed Brendon's hand, gently pulling the younger man with him towards his bedroom. He didn't have any expectations for anything more concrete than kissing and talking to happen between them. Not yet, anyway. With Brendon he seemed to have a barrier that he hadn't experienced with anyone else. He wouldn't go a step out of line before both of them were ready, before it meant something. And for some reason he wasn't going to be ready with Brendon before he was fully involved emotionally. It felt odd, when he'd had one night stands without that much trouble before, but he knew he wouldn't be able to with this one. Maybe it was simply the fact that Brendon had been his first, that Brendon was the only person he'd ever been in love with. Doing something that meant nothing would cheapen the past. Somewhat sobered, Ryan pushed the door open and led Brendon inside, closing the door silently so as to not wake either of the children, and then he leaned in once more and connected their lips, feeling a rush of elation take over his whole being at that simple contact.Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan once again and moaned softly, pulling back slightly to lap at Ryan's bottom lip. He felt his eyes flutter shut and let the sensation take over, just as intense now as it had been years ago, though perhaps he was more sure of himself today and that made it so much better. He pulled Ryan tightly against him, knowing they should probably be talking, but he didn't want to let go yet. Or ever, for that matter. He didn't want to push too far, either, so he told himself that when Ryan pulled away, he wouldn't protest, no matter how much he wanted to. Doing the wrong thing right now would ruin everything they had worked for. Knowing that he never wanted to leave Ryan's side made the wait easier, anyway.

Ryan surrendered to the kisses, wrapping his arms around Brendon's neck, and reveling in the feeling of having someone close, someone he knew cared, someone who would still be there tomorrow and someone who, if he did happen to go too far, he wouldn't find himself too disgusted with having to wake up to tomorrow. He opted against breathing through his nose and instead broke the kiss when he ran out of air, leaning his face against Brendon's shoulder instead and just soaking up the feeling of being held. He had been expected to be the strong one his whole life, with his father loading dreams on his shoulders and then the agency, the war and being a father before he was anywhere close to ready. He'd gotten through it all, more or less whole, but sometimes all he wanted was to throw the reins to someone else and let himself be taken care of for once. And after everything he'd been through, didn't he deserve that? Whether he did or not, he enjoyed it, breathing in Brendon's scent and Brendon's whole presence and feeling safe in a way he hadn't for years.

"How was your week?" Brendon asked softly, kissing Ryan's hair and running his hands up and down his back. He pulled them towards the bed, and let himself fall back, Ryan on top of him. He wanted Ryan so bad, but he knew he would have to wait, and distracting himself was probably the best thing he could do right now. That, and he really wanted to hear how Ryan's week had been, what he had done, how Isaac had been-- everything.

"It was great," Ryan answered, somehow completely relaxed. Just a few months ago he'd have said Brendon was one of the last people he'd ever feel this comfortable with, but it seemed he was in for quite a few surprises. "Isaac, really, is an amazing boy." He chuckled softly, never lifting his head. "This makes me sound so weird, given his age, but I really think I have a lot in common with him, and getting to spend time with him was great." He still kept his face hidden, not at all sure of Brendon's reaction to what he was going to say next. "I can see myself, one day," he whispered, "loving Isaac as though he were my own son." He exhaled heavily, hoping with all his heart that Brendon wasn't about to pull away and throw a fit.

Brendon inhaled sharply, his arms tightening around Ryan. "Really?" he breathed, kissing Ryan's ear. "I think I might... be able to feel the same way about Lucía," he whispered uncomfortably, though he was sure of himself. "She's really proud of you, you know. She loves you so much," he said, chuckling. "I was really surprised. Not that she loves you, but that she is just... I don't know. So strong," he said, smiling.

"She has her grandmother's strength," Ryan muttered, finally pulling himself up off Brendon's neck. He smiled slightly, leaning in and placing another peck on Brendon's lips before getting situated comfortably next to him. "I guess it skipped a link," he added with a small sigh, looking up at the off-white ceiling. "Or maybe only the women in my family get it." He didn't say that he wasn't worthy of Lucía's pride, didn't want to start an argument. "It means the world to me that you see Lucía the same way I see Isaac," he said instead. "I don't know how we could've moved forward otherwise," he added. "Where we are in life now, we can't just aim at being a couple," he added, feeling like he was repeating himself, although at the moment he couldn't even remember if he were repeating his earlier statements or simply his thoughts. "If we want a future we have to aim for being a family." Exhaling softly, he turned so he was lying on his side and cuddled up to Brendon's side, resting his head on the younger man's chest. "And it wouldn't be possible if we weren't on the same page," he added.

Brendon was silent for a moment, letting everything sink in. He thought of his week with Lucía, a dopey grin on his face. She had been an angel the whole time, surprising him at every turn with how independent and reliable she was. He still couldn't really believe how grown up she was, even though she was still so young. He'd never seen a child act like that, though she did remind him of himself, sometimes. She knew to take on responsibility, which he had also learned at a young age, but she was different in that she let herself have fun, just like a child should. "You're the strongest person I know," he finally said, glancing at Ryan. He knew he'd come a long way if he could admit that, through it all, Ryan had been a pillar. He'd had his moments, but on the whole he was surprisingly put together. He took care of Lucía and himself, had raised her to be a wonderful person, even if he couldn't always see it.

Ryan held back the probably bitter laugh that was rising in his throat, shaking his head slightly. "I'm a mess," he stated truthfully. "But things are moving in the right direction, and maybe one day I will get there." He breathed in, letting Brendon's scent cloud his mind for a moment. And really, he was beyond surprised by how quickly and easily he was falling for the younger man again. And so far it hadn't brought so much as a shred of pain with it, against all his expectations. It didn't stop him from being scared, though. "Is it stupid that I'm afraid of growing to love other people almost as much as Lucía?" he asked softly, somehow finding that he needed the reassurance.

Brendon bit his lip, unsure of how to answer. He hesitated for a second before forcing himself to speak. "Jenn says that... your kids should be the most important part of your life," he said carefully, chewing on his lip. He hadn't quite understood what she'd meant the first time she had told him this, but he did now. "You will always be a big part of my life... and a very important part, but Isaac is my son. You know?" he asked nervously, hoping he hadn't said completely the wrong thing.

Nodding slowly, Ryan felt a small smile spread over his face. "I know exactly," he answered. "I feel the same way. I guess what I meant is that... I'm scared of loving people who aren't family as more than friends, and I'm scared of letting physical intimacy mean something again and I'm scared that really letting you in again will hurt more than it's worth, and I feel utterly stupid for it." He twisted his hand a bit in Brendon's shirt, suddenly feeling a strong urge to hold on. It wasn't that he expected Brendon to yell at him and run, not entirely anyway, it was just... he wasn't even sure what it was, and that only made him feel the more foolish.

Brendon felt his heart clench, and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to control his feelings. He didn't want Ryan to be afraid of getting hurt, and he didn't know how to convince him that he would never do anything to ruin what they had, and what they would have. He reached out to run his hand through Ryan's hair, sighing softly. "I would never knowingly hurt you," he said, then made a face at himself. "And I hope that I never unknowingly hurt you, either," he added, chuckling dryly. "And we can take as much time as you want. You know, to get intimate," he smiled.

Ryan almost automatically leaned into the touch against his head, feeling suddenly unwarrantably sleepy. "We're all products of our past," he stated softly. "And in the past we have both hurt each other one hell of a lot. I know we're both going to be careful not to do it again, but that doesn't mean we don't have the scars, no matter how much we'd prefer a clean slate." He sighed, rolling the fabric of the shirt between his fingers, biting his lip lightly for a moment. "And thank you," he added. "It is going to happen at some point, don't worry. But this time I want it to happen for the right reasons, and I don't want to end up using sex to push you away emotionally, which I probably would if we started before I get things worked out a bit more in my own mind."

Brendon smiled, leaning in to kiss Ryan again, lingering a bit before pulling back. "I think that, despite everything, I like that we have a past. Granted some of that past contains some of our worst moments, but..." he shrugged, a smile playing on his lips. "I think we can handle it," he finally concluded, sighing softly as he cupped Ryan's face with one hand. If they hadn't met, everything would be very different right now, and that scared Brendon a bit when he really thought about it. He might have married someone he didn't love, had a completely different child, and he would be taking on more responsibility than he could possibly handle. Maybe there would still be a war going on. Who knew?

Smiling slightly, Ryan nodded. "I guess it helps that we have already seen each other's worst sides. There's no perfect illusion to shatter." He leaned in and kissed Brendon again, slowly and languidly before pulling back and letting out a small yawn, followed by an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry," he muttered, leaning back down to just snuggle close and letting his insistent eye droop shut, another yawn escaping as things seemed to start to swim a little in his own mind. And before he could stop it he was fast asleep.

Brendon smiled softly, pulled Ryan closer, and closed his eyes, letting the blissful oblivion take hold.