"I can't believe that fucking asshole is coming," Jon hissed, looking around only afterwards to make sure the kids were out of earshot. They were sitting in the garden, Spencer and Brendon plus Jon and the two kids. Ryan had left a little while ago to pick up Jaken and Jon was still sore about it. He took an almost violent sip from his glass of sangria, which he'd become accustomed to over the years, and then slammed it back down. "And of course they're completely wrong for each other," he said vehemently, ignoring Brendon's surprised, choked, sound. "But of course Ryan doesn't see that, and he keeps saying that they're not together, but I have seen things!" He continued ranting, Brendon hanging on his every word and Spencer rolling his eyes and ignoring him. Just as Jon said something particularly nasty, Isaac bounded over and was grinning in a way that scared Brendon.

"Prick!" he announced, and Brendon groaned, covering his face with his hands before looking up and glaring at Jon, who looked sheepish and muttered an apology. The night did not look like it would go well, at all. He looked around for Ryan's daughter, because he was not going to let her get hurt on his watch, and was pleased to see that she was playing calmly. He smiled wistfully, then frowned. Ryan got the normal child, and he got the child who liked repeating curses and never spoke. Just fantastic.

***

Ryan pulled into the garage, laughing and eagerly responding to yet another one of Jaken's comments before opening his door and slipping out. "Oh, and..." He gave another one of those awkward grimaces, wrinkling his nose. "Remember Jon?" he asked. "Well, he's here. With my ex."

Jaken frowned for a moment before suddenly raising an eyebrow. "The ex?" he asked with a laugh. "Should be fun to finally see him." Then he sobered slightly. "And don't worry. I'll be on my best behaviour and stay out of Walker's way as best I can." He reached into the backseat and pulled out his suitcase. "I'm guessing it'd be a bit inappropriate for me to use your room then."

Another grimace and Ryan nodded. "Yeah, probably," he answered, giving a small laugh. "You could always sneak in after every one's asleep," he stated with a laugh and a wink. "At least I got the one soundproof room in the house." Then he shook his head slightly. "Nah, we should probably behave," he stated.

Jaken nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, guess you're right about that, mate. There'll be enough tension as it is. And I'm personally not too much of an addict to keep my trousers on."

Ryan refrained from stating that he could very easily be, laughed and rolled his eyes instead. "Come on, meet the entourage," he invited and led the way around the house, into the garden. "And you're serious about getting an exhibit? Opening show and everything?"

"Absolutely," the younger man answered, running a hand through his tousled, blond hair. "And I cannot for the life of me wait. I feel like a kid before Christmas." Ryan rolled his eyes and responded with an expression that clearly stated that the taller man still behaved like a kid when Christmas was around the corner. Finally the others were in view, and Jaken grinned upon spotting Lucía. "Where's the prettiest little lass in the whole world?" he shouted, only to be barrelled down a moment later by an excited little girl who was picked up and swung around, squealing and laughing lightly.

Laughing, Ryan shook his head in amusement before making his way to one of the empty chairs around the terrace table, hearing the sound of his friend's footfalls behind him. "Jake, this is Spencer and Brendon. You know Jon, and the little boy in the sandbox is Isaac, Brendon's son," he introduced. "Guys, this is Jaken Larsson, my friend from university, now a professional photographer."

Isaac, once again, looked up when his name was said, and regarded the newest addition with curiosity before walking over. He climbed into his father's lap, and stared at Jake. Brendon extended his own hand in greeting, apologizing that he wasn't standing up, but he really didn't want to make Isaac crankier than he already was by moving him again. Spencer followed suit, shaking Jake's hand and smiling widely. Jon simply nodded once in welcome, but didn't open his mouth to say hello. When he caught Lucía's eye, though, he winked and then crossed his eyes to make her giggle.

When the silence had stretched out for long enough, Spencer spoke up. "Well, I think Keely's very lucky to have two uncles who care for her so much," he said, smiling, and looked at Jon, but his friend was still sulking and didn't acknowledge the compliment.

"She definitely is," Ryan agreed with a smile, determined to ignore the tension if it couldn't be sorted out. He smiled at his daughter who grinned back before settling on the easiest option and starting a conversation back up with his closest friend. "So, how are things back home?" he asked, taking one of the free glasses and pouring ice-cold sangría from the jar, small bits of fruit coming with the liquid and settling to float on top of the sweet drink.

Jaken rolled his eyes. "Oh, you know, it's rained incessantly for the last week, and my neighbors keep fighting so I don't really get a lot of sleep." His face lit up again. "But hey, exhibit!"

Ryan laughed at his friend's excitement, feeling more than a little proud of his accomplishments. "And Mathias and the guys?"

"Planning another album," Jaken answered. "So I'll expect you're going to get a call soon." He paused for a moment, thinking as he sat down in the last empty seat. "Oh, and Daybreak has moved to number three on the bestseller list," he added. "Congratulations, Mr. H."

A smile broke over Ryan's face at the revelation. "That's awesome," he exclaimed. Then he grimaced. "They're translating it into Indian," he stated, wrinkling his nose. "Indian, what the heck?"

His friend merely laughed and rolled his eyes. "Also, Mea broke up with me, but it wasn't really going anywhere, so it's for the best."

Ryan grimaced slightly. "Sorry," he muttered. "But hey, girl was a right bitch anyway. You're better off without her." The words were probably a bit empty since he knew that despite the nonchalant words of his friend, Jaken had really liked the girl. Ryan hadn't, really, but it wasn't exactly his business. He should probably reconsider refusing to let Jaken stay in his room, then. His friend probably needed the comfort. He'd think about that later.

Jaken shrugged and settled into silence except for a slight tickle to Lucía's side, which made her squeal and slip off, giving a pout before she walked over to Jon instead. "Uncle Jake's mean," she grumbled, crossing her arms over her small chest.

Jon refrained from telling Jaken that, maybe, the girl had left him because he enjoyed fucking a certain someone else who most definitely wasn't her. Instead, he smirked when Lucía came to him. "I know," he said, making it sound sad and comforting. He picked her up and set her on his lap, and all was right in the world again. He looked over at Brendon, who was staring, unseeingly, at the floor, seemingly in deep thought, and Isaac who was sitting in his lap and squirming around, muttering something under his breath which sounded suspiciously like 'prick'. Jon made a face and quickly looked away, knowing that it was his fault that Isaac had a potty mouth this time.

Isaac slipped off of his father's lap and ran towards the doors to get inside. He looked up, and then looked back over his shoulder, but Brendon wasn't paying attention, for once. "Ry-un!" he yelled and stomped his foot before pointing at the door. "'Cer!" he added, just in case Ryan wasn't listening and Spencer was. He put his hand near his mouth and made a motion that looked like he was imitating a duck with his fingers, which generally just meant that he was hungry. Brendon finally looked up and rolled his eyes, chuckling a bit. "Use your words, Isaac," he said, but was ignored.

Ryan took a moment to try and work out what the boy was trying to say before he got it. Then he got to his feet and walked to the doors, grabbing Isaac's hand gently and leading him into the house. "Señora Sanchez is making dinner right now," he informed. "But maybe we can sneak down to the kitchen and see if she has something we can taste, huh?"

Isaac gripped Ryan's hand and nodded. He was silent for a few minutes before looking up at Ryan and grinning. "Is there gonna to be chocolate?" he asked. He'd really liked the chocolate this morning, but Papa hadn't let him have much.

Ryan shook his head, smiling at the full sentence in English. "You do speak," he said, patting the boy's head gently. "Clever boy. But no, the chocolate goes with the churros, and that's breakfast foods. Like pancakes and waffles, you know? But she'll probably have something else that's yummy." With that they reached the kitchen, and Ryan led Isaac inside before lifting him up and setting him on the small table where he and Lucía would sometimes eat when the weather was bad and the dining room felt too large for just two people. He smiled at the housekeeper. "Do you have any food we can taste?" he asked slowly, carefully pronouncing each word. The woman understood English somewhat, but didn't speak a word of it.

The busty woman smiled and cooed at Isaac before opening the fridge and taking out the large bowl of flan and a small plate, on which she spooned a small scoop of the pudding. She added a teaspoon and handed over the plate. "Comida bueno para un chico guapo," she gushed before returning to preparing the main course.

Isaac eyed the plate suspiciously before swivelling his gaze to the woman. "Qu'est-ce qu'elle a dit?" he asked, showing his confusion. He then pointed at the plate and looked up at Ryan through his bangs. "Whassit?" he squirmed a bit on the table as he went back to staring at the vaguely familiar stuff being offered.

"Caramel pudding," Ryan answered with a small smile. "It's yummy, really. The first time Keely had any she ate so much that she got a tummy ache. It's that good." He took the spoon and scooped up a bit before handing the spoon over. "Try it."

Isaac took the spoon and shoved it into his mouth, staring at the woman in the kitchen as he got all the pudding off the spoon and swallowed. He grinned and looked back at Ryan, handing him back the spoon, thinking he might want some, as well. "What she said 'fore?" he asked, carefully finding the right words in English. "It was like French.." he added, shaking his head to tell Ryan he hadn't understood.

"She said that it was good food for a handsome boy," Ryan answered, laughing slightly. "I think she likes you," he added, scooping up another spoonful and ate it, closing his eyes slightly over the taste. He was quite sure Lucía had gotten her love for all things caramel from him, she just had yet to learn restraint. He handed the spoon back, unable to resist mussing Isaac's hair slightly. "Are you liking Spain so far, then?" he asked, making sure not to alter his voice or words too much for the benefit of the boy. Lucía had taught him that speaking normally to a child was really the best thing you could do.

Isaac ate another spoonful of the pudding, making happy little noises as he did, and then nodded. "I liked your house, and I liked swimming on your back, but not water," he stated, and switched to shaking his head to emphasize the last part. He frowned a bit. "Mais Papa n'aime pas être içi," he said. He looked up at Ryan, his expression a mixture of sadness and questioning. "Papa doesn't liked it," he said, just in case Ryan hadn't understood.

Ryan sighed, trying to think about how to respond. He had half a mind to just answer the first comments and hope the boy would forget the last bits. "I like you too, and swimming with you," he stated. "And I don't like water much when it's cold either." He bit his lip, thinking. "And I do like your dad. I think the reason he doesn't seem to like it much here is that we used to be... friends." He looked the other way, absent-mindedly stroking Isaac's raven hair. "But things went bad and we haven't talked in a long, long time. Sometimes stuff like that can hurt forever, you know?"

Isaac cooed a bit, imitating what he'd heard grown-ups do, and lifted his hand to pet Ryan's hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he murmured, obviously trying to make Ryan feel better.

It was impossible not to let out a laugh at the words, so that's what Ryan did, turning and giving Isaac one of the brief half-hugs that Lucía had never liked much because she was such a cuddler and two seconds was far from long enough. He figured they were probably better suited for a boy anyway. "It's okay," he stated, still wearing a small smile. "Just be good to your papa, okay? I think that will make it easier for him."

Before Isaac could say anything, he turned towards the entrance of the kitchen and spotted his father peeking in. "I was starting to think you'd kidnapped my son," Brendon said with a nervous little laugh, because he really had started to get anxious. He'd wandered inside and then spent a few minutes looking for the kitchen before hearing voices and following them. Coming into the kitchen, Brendon smiled at Isaac and wiped his mouth with his thumb. "What have you been eating, Little Boy?" he asked, chuckling when Isaac made a face at him before motioning towards the plate of pudding.

"He was hungry," Ryan answered, fighting to keep from blushing and hoping pretty desperately that Brendon hadn't heard the conversation. "Señora Sanchez got him some flan, and we've been hanging out down here for a bit," he stated, managing a smile. "He's a really good kid, Brendon," he added. "You did well."

A moment later Señora Sanchez was pushing them all out of the kitchen and ordering them back to the table for dinner. Ryan shrugged and followed the instructions.

Brendon hefted Isaac into his arms, feeling happy that Ryan thought he was a good kid, and followed him to the table. The tension outside had been way too high, which was what had prompted Brendon to leave in the first place, and it didn't look like it had dissipated once they joined the other three men once again. Lucía, though, looked perfectly content with her two uncles basically fighting for her attention.

Ryan sighed slightly, but was at a loss about what to do. Ignoring the tension wasn't helping, but he didn't know what else would either. "So..." he started as he sat down, waiting for the housekeeper to show up with their meals. "What does everyone want to do tonight?"

Jon shrugged in response to the question. When he was with Ryan and Lucía, he was there to spend time with them and they rarely did much at night because their days could get pretty packed. Beside him, Spencer smiled politely, but pointed out that he had no idea what there was to do around here, and Brendon was too busy whispering to Isaac to answer. He was telling the little boy that tomorrow he would have to spend a few hours without his Papa, and that if he was good, Brendon would bring him something back from in town. Isaac heard him, and Brendon knew he understood perfectly, but he got no response from the boy, which saddened him because he had heard him talking to Ryan, though he hadn't heard the actual conversation.

Holding back both the sighs and grimaces he'd felt coming on at the fact that apparently no one felt inclined to help him smooth things over, Ryan looked down at his hands, still deep in thought. As many times before he had half a mind to lock Jon and Jaken in a room together and tell them not to come out until they had sorted their differences. But he didn't really want his two best friends stuck in a room out of his reach for the rest of their lives either, which left him very few options. "Well, sweetie," he said, sending a small smile at his daughter. "Maybe you could show Isaac your playroom after dinner?" The little girl nodded eagerly, a proud smile on her face at the prospects of maybe getting the responsibility of looking after someone else. "If Isaac wants to, of course," he added. And then the rest of them could go to the formal living room with its bar and get drunk out of their minds. Maybe that would make some of the tension disappear. And he really was out of ideas.

"Do you want to go play with Keely after dinner, Little Boy?" Brendon asked, setting Isaac in his lap more comfortably. The boy looked over at Keely and grinned, giggling a bit and clapping his hands. "Jouets!" he exclaimed, causing Brendon and Spencer to chuckle, as well. "Isaac would love to play," Brendon confirmed. "He hopes you have a lot of toys," he said, winking. He was glad Isaac would have someone to play with. He didn't have anyone at home, mainly because Brendon had insisted that he be home-schooled, and so he didn't really know how to act with other children. Maybe this would do him some good, though.

Ryan laughed and winked at Lucía who was shining like a little sun with pride and joy. "Lots and lots," she confirmed. "Daddy gives me stuff for birthdays and Christmas only because I shouldn't be spoilt, but Uncle Jon and Uncle Jaken give me stuff all the time." She grinned at Isaac. "I'll even let you play with my very favoritest teddy bear," she promised.

"Sounds like someone is going to have a good time," Ryan stated, looking up to see Señora Sanchez come bustling out with plates and cutlery and drinks. She set them out quickly with a practiced hand before hurrying off for the main course. "I guess us grown-ups will have to make do with that rockstar-contaminated living room, huh?" He smiled slightly at Lucía's giggle, and a second later the housekeeper was back once again with a large bowl of salad, another with paella and the small device that held salt, pepper, olive oil and vinegar. "Well," he muttered, suddenly a little awkward again. "Dig in."

Brendon seemed to take the advice to heart and ate, saying many times that everything was absolutely delicious. Isaac picked from his plate, chattering, mostly to himself, but sometimes looking at Keely and apparently trying to engage her in conversation, though he mostly stuck to French. Jon and Spencer also ate heartily, talking quietly between the two of them for the most part, with Jon completely ignoring Jaken and Spencer trying to include him, only to be shot down in his attempts to be polite.

***

Ryan had been incredibly grateful when the tense meal was over. Jaken had seemed incredibly uncomfortable and Ryan had felt more than a little guilty for having invited his friend for a nice, quiet week in the Mediterranean and have him arrive to dirty looks and badly concealed dislike. He had quickly sent the children off to play in Lucía's playroom for a bit, grateful that they didn't seem to have noticed the tension. Now he was leading the other men into the 'formal' living room, making a bee-line for the bar. He still hadn't gotten a better idea than the getting-everyone-drunk thing, so that's what he was sticking to. "What does everyone want?" he asked as he poured himself a rum and coke.

"Vodka, straight, no ice," Brendon was the first to say anything, and he immediately felt a bit like an alcoholic. But he'd had the awkwardest day of all time and he really needed something to loosen up, so he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass, especially when he'd barely had a drink in years. In fact, after the vodka, maybe he'd have some whiskey and then some rum and... he really wanted to get hammered. Spencer asked for some vodka, but also requested some orange juice to go with it. Jon asked for the same, but Brendon knew it was more so that Spencer wouldn't feel completely left out when he was the only one not completely sloshed. Spencer just didn't drink, really, never had, and Jon had learned to do the same.

Setting about making the drinks with a practised hand, Ryan hummed slightly to himself, making a mental note to get that demo done soon. Finally he opened the fridge again and pulled out one of the beers he always kept around for Jaken's sake. At this point in his life he believed he might as well have been a fully trained bartender. He supposed that came with the territory of constantly playing host to spoilt musicians. Finally he put everything on a tray and walked back over, balancing it neatly before putting it down on the table and plopping into his own chair with the glass in his hand. "So, any good ideas?"

Brendon downed a big gulp of vodka, happy that Ryan had given him more than just a shot's worth. He watched Jon and Spencer sip theirs and chuckled a bit, tilting his head back. He shook his head, taking another gulp and grimacing at the taste. He hated that he was such an easy tipsy, but he guessed that it would make things just a bit better tonight. "This is so fucking weird," he finally announced, taking another sip of vodka. He sighed loudly and closed his eyes. So, so weird.

Ryan laughed slightly. "Yeah, I guess we've never actually drunk together before. I did that with Spencer and Jon." He shook his head slightly and took a deep gulp. Then he looked at Spencer and Jon with another chuckle. "Remember those games we used to play? Up for another one now?"

Jon groaned and shook his head, but Brendon yelled yes so loudly that it definitely trumped anything Jon could have said. He sat cross-legged on the couch and looked at Ryan attentively, waiting for him to explain what game they would play. He fiddled a bit with his glass before taking another, bigger, sip, and then smiled when he heard Isaac yelling from upstairs. But it was a happy yell, something about winning, and he was babbling in French. He felt sorry for Keely, who probably couldn't understand anything, but he was sure they were having fun.

Biting his lip, Ryan thought it over for a moment. "Well," he finally started, looking at Jon and Spencer. "You've never actually played 'I never' with Ryan Ross, have you?" he asked with a small grin, taking another sip. "No lies this time," he reassured before setting his glass down and walking back to the bar, fishing out five shot glasses along with bottles of rum, vodka, tequila and whiskey so hopefully everyone would find something to their liking. He gave the still uncomfortable-looking Jaken a reassuring smile before sitting back down, filling his own shot glass with vodka in preparation.

Brendon grimaced at the memory, remembering that Ryan had done that drinking while he'd been off to the conference. And then he remembered what had happened when he had come back and he covered his face with his hands pitifully. Right, well, obviously he was emotional and loud when he started drinking and just couldn't hold his liquor at all. He knew he would make a fool of himself, but he did feel a bit better when Spencer started rubbing his back. He heard Jon agree readily to playing the game, and so did Spencer. "Who's going first?" Spencer asked, sounding completely sober and calm, even as he rubbed Brendon's back; Brendon, who looked like he was crying but wasn't; who was upset about something and Spencer had no clue what that was.

Ryan thought for a moment, biting his lip as he tried to come up with something soft and easy to start off on. "I've never had a pet," he finally stated with a shrug, leaning farther into the chair and taking another sip of his drink.

Jaken rolled his eyes and downed his tequila shot before grimacing slightly. "This really needs a bit of salt," he stated.

Brendon grudgingly took a gulp of his drink, glaring at Spencer, who was chuckling. He'd had a parakeet a very long time ago and had hated the bird with a passion. His father had made him keep the annoying thing in his room and Brendon had actually taken to spending almost no time at all in that room. Of course, this had been when he'd been around ten, but he still remembered and hated the bird.

"I've never eaten so much ice cream that I promptly threw up all over my best friends shoes!" Jon announced, turning a silly grin on Spencer, who glared at him as he drank, and then muttered about how it was unfair to target only one person.

Ryan laughed slightly, shaking his head to get rid of the mental image. Then he decided that for the moment maybe it would be good to revert to some of the true stories he'd told while he was pretending to be Hastings. Maybe something to do with the pop sickle story or something, if they even remembered that. Before he had the chance to speak, though, Jaken sent him a teasing smile that promised that Ryan's shot wouldn't go untouched much longer. Sometimes he really regretted having a best friend who knew everything about him. "I've never been in love," Jaken finally stated, voice more somber than his previous glance would have suggested, and maybe there was something a little wistful in his gaze. Ryan simply rolled his eyes and picked up his shot glass, downing it in one go before putting it back down and filling it again. "One shot for every time it's happened," he added, looking mostly at the other three. After all, Ryan mused, Jaken would know that Ryan honestly only had to drink once.

Brendon hesitated for a long time before finally downing his own shot, his gaze glued to the floor. He tried to think of his own 'I never...' but he couldn't concentrate at the moment, and was grateful when Spencer cleared his throat to speak. "I never thought that Brendon or Ryan would ever have kids-- not even if they were still together," he said wryly, shooting a grin at Brendon. Jon, Spencer and Brendon himself all abstained from drinking on that one because it was true-- children had never been in their plans. Not that any of them regretted it at all, now that there were children in the picture.

Reaching out, Ryan picked up his shot glass again and drank down half of it. "I never thought I'd have children," he informed. "I kind of always thought Brendon would, though," he explained with a small shrug, filling the glass once more.

Jaken merely shrugged. "I didn't know Ryan before he had Lucía," he stated. "Didn't really get to think anything. Same thing with Brendon, though I can't exactly say I know the bloke yet."

Ryan laughed lightly, shaking his head, deciding to go with that old story. After all, he knew it was also something that would force everyone else to drink. "I've never had a gag reflex," he stated easily, crossing one leg loosely over the other so his ankle rested on the opposite knee.

Brendon let his mouth drop open and he stared at Ryan before shaking his head slowly and took a tiny little sip. Hey! It wasn't his fault he'd been completely ignorant as to how sex worked between two men. It wasn't like he could have practiced.... "I've never tested the theory." It was Spencer who spoke sheepishly, looking rather embarrassed. Beside him, Jon nodded, vaguely horrified.

"Uh... I've never... gone more than two months without having sex," Jon said, then frowned a bit. Was it sad that he had sex often but was never in relationships? And that he'd been pretty much hiding his activities from Brendon and Spencer since they were sixteen? "Well, you know, since I lost my virginity," he added hastily, then chuckled at the absurdity of him having sex when he was really young. Which was really kind of disgusting. He watched Spencer and Brendon drink, and they both looked at him with the same slightly-confused faces.

With a roll of his eyes, Ryan picked up his glass again and emptied it before filling it yet again, this time pouring whiskey in it, though. It seemed Jon had gotten everyone but himself with that one. Not that Ryan had really gone long periods without except the first while after getting to England and again when Lucía had come, but in those periods it had definitely been more than two months.

"Oh, I know!" Jaken started, sending Ryan another one of those looks that promised a shot glass and possible humiliation to be on the way. "I've never been goodie-two-shoes enough to stay a virgin until I was twenty-three," he stated with a loud laugh.

"I'm black-listing you," Ryan grumbled, emptying the whiskey. He was definitely starting to feel it now. Still not a lot more than a pleasant buzz, but he was on the fast track to Very Drunk. "You are not my best friend anymore."

Brendon stared at his glass, trying to do the calculation in his head, because.... hadn't Ryan been twenty-three when they'd been together? And hadn't he...? Looking slightly sick, Brendon put his glass down and brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them close. He couldn't believe that Ryan had let him believe that he'd had more experience! He would have-- he would have been more careful, or he wouldn't have even done it! The fact that Ryan had also put himself through a lot of shit dawned on him. He hadn't been the only one hurt, had he?

Next to Brendon, Spencer cringed slightly and then emptied his glass in one shot. He avoided looking at his friends and instead stared resolutely at the floor. Beside him, Jon had turned and was probably gaping, closing his mouth, and then gaping again. "What!" he spluttered, and Spencer shrugged, but didn't offer any explanation.

Ryan bit his lip slightly, quite deep in thought about not only Spencer's revelation, but also about finding some other thing to point out. "I've never..." he stated, thinking hard about something to say. Then he suddenly connected the two, and maybe it was a little mean but he liked to think of it as helping two people he cared for along a bit on their road to happiness or eternal bliss or whatever. Or maybe he was just a slightly mean drunk. "I've never been in love with one of my best friends," he stated with a slight smirk.

Spencer had just finished refilling his glass with some vodka when Ryan said his 'I never...' and he looked up quickly, staring at Ryan. He knew! Growling softly, Spencer quickly drank, hoping that no one would notice, but of course they had. Jon turned to him, surprised again. "You're in love with Brendon!?" he demanded, looking highly offended. Spencer rolled his eyes and cuffed Jon's head not-so-lightly. "You're an idiot," he muttered, and left it at that.

Those few comments had Ryan doubled over, laughing before he finally got a hold of himself, shaking his head as he slowly calmed down. "I think you should both get your eyes checked," he informed. "Because being unable to see what's right in front of you isn't usually considered a good sign at all." He rolled his shoulders slightly before giving a slight sigh of relief as his back popped and tension was released. "Brendon," he stated. "You haven't really come up with any yet, have you?"

Just hearing Ryan speak to him so casually made him want to hurt him. Brendon clenched his jaw and shook his head stiffly. He hated that Ryan was apparently completely alright with everything in his life, while Brendon was still longing for something. He felt an uncomfortable churning in his stomach as he looked back at Ryan and sighed loudly. "I.... have never lied to someone that I claimed to be in love with," he finally stated, rather triumphantly. He smiled innocently, ignoring Spencer's soft gasp and Jon's glare. They hadn't been the ones really hurt, after all.

Ryan felt something in his stomach clench at that comment. Or maybe he'd just had too much to drink already. Taking a deep breath, he reached out and picked up his shot glass, downing it once more before practically slamming it on the table. Well, at least he knew one thing. Brendon was now twenty-five years old, but he hadn't changed or matured one bit. And that only confirmed him in the knowledge that he had done the right thing by kicking him out all those years ago, that Ryan would've been torn to shreds long ago, wouldn't even exist as more than some empty shell now if he hadn't saved himself. "I've never intentionally made a personal attack in a drinking game out of spite because I'm too immature to know how to forgive and forget and maybe walk a mile in someone else's shoes," he said, words low and practically spat out. Then he grasped his bigger glass, the one with the rum and coke and lemon slices and half-melted ice cubes in it and got up from the chair, still fuming. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go watch the sunset or whatever the fuck else instead. Has got to be better than five grown men who can't even stop hating each other when they're drunk off their asses."

"And I've never slept with someone just to get information out of them!" Brendon yelled, but he knew he was being immature, and that Ryan was right. He huffed, getting up from his chair and stomping up stairs to his room, leaving the other three in stunned silence. Spencer burst out laughing, recovering before his two companions.

"I'm sorry, I just--, it's pretty clear that someone hasn't gotten over someone else," he said, still chuckling a bit and shaking his head. "Too bad Brendon is too proud to admit that it's himself he's angry at."

***

It was nearly entirely dark out over the ocean already, but the tall cliffs to his left and the landscape around and behind the villa were awash in a sea of pastels. In between leaving in an angry snit or whatever the hell else it was he'd been doing and coming out onto the balcony, he'd forgotten to pick up a jacket or blazer, but although the cool evening breeze called goose flesh to his skin, he didn't feel it as more than a pleasant cooling down from the heat of beginning drunkenness. His head felt a lot clearer already. And fuck, had that been stupid or what? Brendon was a spoilt brat, it was how he was raised, but Ryan was older and supposedly smarter and a lot less temperamental. So for him to explode and stage a dramatic exit... Well, he'd always been somewhat of a melodramatic drunk, but still. He supposed it was really all down to the fact that although he was well over Brendon and had been for years, the fact that someone had decided to kick him when he was already down and then been too blind to see that anything was wrong, well that still hurt, made him feel insignificant and almost less human. He hadn't thought about it in years, but suddenly he was remembering all the negative feelings way too easily.

He took a gulp from his glass and shook his head slightly to clear it, returning his gaze to the view. It was stunning out here, and something about how it looked so different and yet entirely the same every night was starting to calm and soothe him. "Well," he said to no one in particular. "At least I can be sure I haven't missed out on anything positive." He laughed a little, although the sound wasn't exactly a happy one. "If I'd had any lingering regrets, they'd be very gone now." And then he suddenly realized that he was thinking out loud again, a habit he'd thought he kicked when Jon was staying with him after he'd just gotten Lucía. He groaned and rolled his eyes. Seemed like his mind had decided it would be a splendid idea to go back in time a bit.

***

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence with two people who hated each other (or, maybe, just Jon was doing the hating), Spencer cleared his throat. "So, um... You visit a lot, then?" he asked Jaken, smiling a bit and taking a sip of his drink. Might as well make nice with Ryan's friends. It was the least he could do, what with them showing up completely unannounced and now Brendon doing this.

"Yeah," the blond answered. "Here and in England both, but Ryan and Keely have been spending more and more time here lately, what with how many clients he's starting to get, so lately I've been trying to get out of work often and come down here to see them." He laughed uncomfortably. "Been considering doing a photo series of the area. It's lovely nature, would definitely do for some good shots. Plus, then I'd be paid to visit."

Spencer chuckled, sitting back and nodding. "That sounds like fun, and I'm sure you'd get a ton of amazing shots," he assured. He sighed a bit sadly and shrugged. "Now that I know that Ryan has a daughter, I'd like to see him more often," he glanced at Jon. "Since I only found out that he had all of this going for him when we got here, and it was quite a surprise, let me tell you-- but, I'd like to visit and get to know Keely. I hadn't realized how much I missed being his friend, and when Brendon came back to us years ago, sobbing about their ended relationship, well-- I had to be there for him..." he trailed off and sighed.

Something about Jaken's facial expression seemed to close off slightly and he took a gulp of his beer before clearing his throat. "The problem, I suppose," he stated after a while. "Is that no one was there for Ryan. He was alone in a country he didn't know with no people he knew, and the war had half destroyed him. Brendon took care of the rest, I believe." He bit his lip slightly, hesitant about revealing too many things that his friend had told him in confidence. "He was lonely and broken and he got into a lot of shoddy relationships on that account. To be entirely honest he was still a mess when I first met him. And I understand wanting to be there for the person who's been your friend the longest, but I suppose I'll never stop finding it unfair that Brendon had all the support and Ryan nothing." He grimaced slightly. "I really wish I'd known him soon enough to be of more help." Then he seemed to chase the somber expression off his face, smiling lightly. "I'm sure he'd love to re-establish contact with you, though. And Keely can never get enough uncles, as long as they make sure to give her presents. Ryan is pretty social, but he doesn't like reaching out much, so I think he'd really appreciate it if you did it for him."

Spencer made a face, staring at his nearly empty glass. "Brendon said that Ryan had told him to leave," he said softly. "And, after everything that had happened during school and everything Ryan had revealed, I did feel that Brendon needed me a lot more," he confessed with a little shrug. "I knew... a part of Ryan, but I didn't know him well enough to judge whether or not he would need help, as well." Spencer sighed and looked over at Jon, who was glaring at a spot on the wall. He rolled his eyes. "I mean, honestly--" he cut himself off and finished off his drink, taking a deep breath. He didn't want to rehash the past with this man who hadn't been there and didn't know what had happened- at least not first hand. He wouldn't explain his reasoning, either, to someone who must only know the worst of Brendon, and think the worst of him. He shrugged again.

"Ryan was head over heels in love with that lad," Jaken stated, his voice gone a bit quiet by then. "How bad would it have had to become, do you think, for him to ask the bloke he thought was the love of his life to get out and never come back?" He sighed and shook his head. "I don't blame you," he stated. "Wouldn't dream of it. I understand the need to be with the friend you've known the longest or feel the closest to, but my point is that I wish things could've been different. It shouldn't have been up to some bloke he met more than three years after the fact to put things back together."

Spencer cringed and nodded his agreement, even as Jon made an angry sound. "I'm sorry," he ground out. "But I recall being there for him when he didn't even want Lucía because he was scared out of his fucking mind. So don't fucking go telling everyone what you put back together," Jon spat, shaking with anger. Spencer, eyes wide, put a hand on his arm to calm him down, not completely sure why Jon was getting so upset.

Jaken appeared to think things through very deeply before he sighed again. "Jon, in all honesty your first priority between Ryan and Keely has been Keely since the first time you saw her. And I know it's partly Ryan's own fault since he depended on you for her sake and not his own and because he just had no idea how to deal with her. He didn't have time to work out his own issues at that point, much less ask others for help. And then you returned to America and suddenly he only saw you maybe three or four times a year. I won't say you didn't help him because I know that you did, but what I know is that when I first met him he still woke up from nightmares about the war most nights, he still cried himself to sleep every once in a while and he still went pale and mute and withdrew into himself completely whenever something would remind him of Brendon." He rolled his eyes slightly, although there wasn't anything really deprecating about the movement, more something regretful. "You're not going to agree with me, obviously, since you've never once agreed with me on anything, so I don't see why we're even discussing it. Now I'm going to go get Ryan off the balcony. He should've cooled off by now, but if I know him right he hasn't got a jacket with him and will be catching a cold if he doesn't get in soon. Shame that he doesn't seem to feel it in some moods." He rolled his eyes again, but this time it was more in fond amusement. Then he downed the last of his beer and got up from his chair, quickly exiting the room.

As soon as Jaken left, Jon went back to his sulking. Sighing softly, Spencer put a hand on his arm and squeezed for a moment before getting up and making his way upstairs. He checked in on Brendon-- the boy was already fast asleep-- and then made his way to his own bedroom to be alone with his thoughts.

Brendon woke with a start after his door had closed. He'd only been dozing... Sighing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand-- even after such a small nap it tasted rank, he hurried to the washroom to rinse before heading towards the playroom. How had he forgotten to put Isaac to bed! He slipped into the large room to see Isaac looking like he was about to pass out and he smiled a bit to himself when he noticed that his little boy was still valiantly trying to play, even with how tired he looked. Chuckling quietly, he swooped down to pick Isaac up, who let out a little surprised sound before snuggling against him. He held out his hand for Keely. "Would you like me to tuck you in, or would you like to wait for your father or Jon?" he asked quietly, part of him afraid that she would reject him, another part of him hoping that she would wait for someone who knew her nightly routine better. Why he felt so torn around this little girl, he couldn't fathom. He was torn about Ryan and that was more than enough.

"You can tuck me in!" Lucía declared with a wide grin before cutting herself off with a small yawn, raising her small fists to rub at her eyes tiredly, teddy bear tucked neatly under her elbow. "If you promise to sing a song," she added. "I sleep better when someone sings, and Daddy and Uncle Jon and Uncle Jaken don't really sing that well, but they try and I still like it." She yawned again, hugging the stuffed toy to her chest. "Isaac can sleep in my room if he wants," she offered. "We can have a sleepover!"

Brendon mentally groaned at the thought of having to sing. It only brought back memories about Ryan, who loved his singing-- or he had, anyway. He forced a smile, though, and nodded. "Alright," he said, though he wasn't sure he wanted Isaac sleeping in her room. Not because he didn't like her, more because he would feel lonely without him there by his side. He'd gotten used to sleeping with Isaac close by, because in the beginning Isaac couldn't sleep alone, and then when he could, Brendon didn't want to sleep alone. And so he ignored that part of what Lucía had said and hoped that Isaac would choose him, instead. He trailed after the little girl as they made their way to her room. "What song would you like?" Brendon asked carefully. "I'm afraid I don't know many children's songs," he said, chuckling a bit. He usually just hummed for Isaac, and the boy would fall asleep instantly.

"I like what Daddy writes," Lucía stated as she walked to her bed and pulled her pajamas out from under the blankets. "But you don't know those, do you?" she continued as she shimmied out of her dress and into the nightclothes before crawling onto her bed and under the covers. She was deep in thought for a moment, her whole face scrunched up with it even as she held back another yawn. "There's this one Uncle Jon sings a lot," she finally said. "It's about a little girl going to sleep and an angel looking down to make sure there are no nightmares and that her family will still be there and be all right when she wakes up. Do you know it?"

Brendon sat down on the bed and settled Isaac, who was almost sleeping and made little whimpers in protest, on his lap. He smiled a bit at Jon's song and nodded. "Yeah, I know that one," he said, before taking a deep, shaky breath. He started to hum first, and then softly began to sing the song, even as he searched for the words that he barely remembered. Somehow, he was able to get it right. He could feel Isaac's soft breath on his throat and he smiled softly as he sang, hoping he was singing low enough that no one would hear him but Lucía and his son.

Lucía was out like a light only a minute or two in, a soft smile on her face at the sound of one of her favourite songs sung in one of the most beautiful voices she'd ever heard.

***

Ryan was startled enough by the hands suddenly settling on his shoulders to jump a few inches on the chair before he turned his head slightly and gave a sigh of relief on recognizing Jaken. "Hey," he muttered, wrapping his arms lightly around himself.

"Hey yourself," his friend answered with a bit of a laugh. "I just knew you'd gone outside with no jacket and would be well on your way to catching a world-class cold." He paused for a moment, a look of concern on his face. "Better?" he asked.

The older of the two nodded after a moment, rolling his eyes self-deprecatingly. "Yeah. I've just never cared much for his asshole side, and I honestly thought that maybe he'd have grown up a little by now." He smiled wryly. "What does it matter, though?" he asked. "They're here for a couple of weeks and then I won't see him again for at least a couple of years. It's not like it matters."

"It does, though," Jaken argued. "You spent too long getting over that kid to let him get to you now, okay? Just ignore him, okay? If you don't respond chances are that he'll stop anyway. Or maybe even start to realize how stupid he sounds." Then he gently grasped Ryan's upper arm and pulled him out of the chair before putting a steadying arm around him. "Hell, you're pissed out of your bloody mind," he stated with a laugh, steering the older man towards the door. "Let's get you to bed, mate."

***

Brendon had gotten a little lost in the song, and with Isaac still squirming in his lap, he continued the song for his son, even more softly this time, though loud enough for Isaac to hear comfortably. He hugged his son close and sang until he could hear the even breathing.

***

They were passing Lucía's door on the way to Ryan's room and Ryan stopped short for a moment, breath catching in his throat at the sound of the singing he hadn't heard in years. Then he shook his head, shooting those thoughts away. At least he knew Lucía was taken care of for the moment. "Come on," he whispered, grasping Jaken's hand and pulling him through the next door, leaning in and pressing their lips together.

Jaken pulled away after only a moment, shaking his head. "Not tonight, Ry," he muttered. "You're upset, and it's only going to do us more harm than good." He smiled lightly. "Get in your jammies and we'll just have a nice cuddle, okay?"

Ryan sighed but gave in and did as he was told.

***

Once Isaac was asleep, Brendon reluctantly put him on the bed next to Keely, biting his lip for a moment before resolutely walking out of the room and closing the light. He left the door open, just in case, and stopped in front of Ryan's room. Was he in his room? Should Brendon go tell him that his daughter was asleep? Brendon hesitated, but in the end he knew that it was the right thing to do, just to let Ryan know that his daughter was fine and fast asleep. He cleared his throat softly and knocked on the door once, half hoping Ryan wouldn't be there.

Ryan, who'd been squirming around in a quest to get comfortable before finally finding the right fit with his own back against Jaken's chest, gave a slight groan at the thought of having to get up again. Now that he was lying down and calm it seemed he was suddenly a lot drunker than he'd been before. "I'll get it, shall I?" Jaken asked softly.

"What if it's Lucía?" Ryan asked in an objection they both knew wasn't actually heartfelt.

"Lucía knows we have 'sleepovers'," Jaken objected. "And she thinks it's always as innocent as tonight. She won't think twice about it, come bounding in as she always does." He was already untangling himself before he got up and padded across the floor in pajama pants and a large, rumpled t-shirt. Ryan gave a hum of agreement and watched as his friend opened the door and poked his head out. "Yeah?"

Brendon, who'd been staring at Keely's door, started slightly when he heard... Jaken? Biting his lip, he looked up and flinched a bit. "Keely is, um... asleep. And I- I left Isaac in there," he took a deep breath. "She wanted a sleepover," he mumbled quickly before offering a half smile and hurrying back to his own room. He closed the door quietly before leaning against it and closing his eyes. Christ, he was not going to survive this.

"Who was it?" Ryan asked groggily from the bed, making a slight, drunken grab at mid-air for his pillow back. He could read Jaken's expression well enough, though, that the answer kind of came to him. "Brendon?" he asked, getting a nod in return. He sighed. "I should go talk to him," he stated softly. "I think we have a lot of things to talk about before this whole thing is going to work." He bit his lip lightly before shaking his head to clear it. "What did he want?"

"To say that Keely's asleep and that Isaac is in there with her," Jaken answered. "And you can talk to him tomorrow. Tonight you've had too much to drink to have a proper conversation about something like this. You and Brendon both, I believe. And I think it would only get worse if I tried to say anything to him." He sucked in a deep breath and crawled back in bed, spooning up behind Ryan once more. "Sleep now," he instructed. "Talk tomorrow."

Ryan sighed and snuggled back into the heat with a contented hum. "Tomorrow," he agreed softly, and then he was asleep.

***

Brendon was woken the next morning around 7:30, and for a second, he wasn't sure what had woken him. And then the screaming registered. Springing out of bed and tripping over his feet in his haste to get to Isaac-- he would recognize those screams anywhere-- he yanked open his own door and ran to Keely's room, looking flustered and exhausted. Isaac was sitting in the middle of the floor, his head thrown back and tears streaming down his face. Brendon quickly picked him up and rocked him gently, pressing his lips to the little boy's hair and murmuring over and over that he was sorry.

Spencer had hurried towards the sound of Isaac crying the moment he woke and now stood near the door, Jon at his side, watching Brendon with sad eyes. Brendon feared for his son, didn't like sleeping without him, and he was sure that after this, he would never let Isaac out of his sight, which could pose a problem in years to come. He sighed and Jon put a hand on his shoulder in support, but they both let Brendon have his room. Jon also made sure to keep an eye on Lucía, smiling at her reassuringly.

Lucía looked on with large, sad eyes, upset that her new friend hadn't liked the sleep-over. Maybe he just didn't like her? Even with her Uncle Jon's supportive, normally calming, eyes, she felt a few tears slide down her cheeks and pushed off the bed, running past the three adults in her haste to get out of the door, and then she opened the one leading into her Daddy's room and raced across the floor until she caught sight of his morning-messy, brown, wavy locks. Once next to the bed she launched herself up, snuggling into her Daddy's arms, squirming and poking to wake him. "Isaac doesn't like me," she whined.

Ryan opened his eyes groggily, blinking a few times as he automatically wrapped his arms tightly around his little girl, reaching up with his hand to use his thumb to wipe away the small trail of tears forming down her cheeks. "I'm sure he does," he stated as reassuringly as he could, suppressing a yawn. "Maybe he's just not used to sleepovers?" He kissed the top of her blond head gently. "Do you remember when you were smaller and only wanted to sleep in my room?" She nodded slowly, biting her tiny bottom lip. "Well, Isaac is smaller, right? So maybe he just wants to be with his Daddy."

Lucía, who'd calmed down significantly even if a tear or two still made their occasional way out of her eyes, nodded as she snuggled in closer to his chest. "Do you really think so?" she asked, and her Daddy just nodded reassuringly.

***

When Isaac didn't stop his screaming, even with Brendon holding onto him tightly, Brendon figured that his real tears had turned into crocodile tears, and he probably just wanted to be held right now. He sighed and turned towards the door, smiling sleepily at his two friends, and took a few steps towards them. "Tell Keely Isaac just isn't ready for sleepovers, will you?" he asked, looking at Jon, who nodded. He smiled gratefully before slipping out of the room and walking to his own, trying to shush Isaac's wails. He sat his son on his bed and knelt in front of him. "Why are you crying, baby?" he asked softly, and Isaac hiccoughed, opening his eyes a bit before screaming again. Brendon sighed and pushed a lock of wet hair from Isaac's face. "Hey, if you stop crying, I'll make sure that you get some chocolate at breakfast," he offered, and he really wasn't above bribing his son. He chuckled a bit when Isaac's wails stopped almost immediately and he blinked blearily.

"Alright," Brendon said, smiling. He set about cleaning Isaac and dressing them both, really hoping that there would be chocolate with breakfast, again.

***

After maybe an hour of snuggling with what were probably his two favourite people in the world, Ryan felt much rejuvenated. He didn't have much by way of hangovers, had never really had an affinity for getting them, and so, when the clock neared nine, he herded everyone out of bed and made sure they would be ready for the breakfast that he knew Señora Sanchez would always serve promptly at nine. It was a few minutes to when all three of them, dressed and ready, left the bedrooms and headed down the stairs only to realize that the others had yet to show up. Ryan smiled and gave a small shrug, eyes sliding over the mouth-watering food on the table. "Well," he stated. "Their loss if all the good stuff's gone when they decide to come down."

Isaac barreled outside before his father was even on the stairs, and he stared at the three people around the breakfast table for a bit before sticking out his tongue and grinning, his own way of telling them he was completely fine, now. He made his way around the table, tapping Lucía's hand gently, and then doing the same to Ryan and Jaken's thighs. "Chocolat," he announced, smiling widely at his father when he appeared, and got a grin in return. Brendon sat down, bringing Isaac into his lap, and loaded his plate with everything that Isaac pointed at, giving him a good reason to avoid every one's gaze, for which he was glad.

Ryan bit his tongue to prevent himself from telling the younger man that with a child that small, the parent should be setting the diet. Children shouldn't have just anything they pointed at, no matter how hard he most definitely knew it was to resist the pouting and fake tears and big eyes. Spoiling a child was just that, spoiling. But then he supposed Brendon had probably never figured that out since he'd been spoilt himself and probably never realized how ugly it made parts of him. Besides, Isaac wasn't his son and it wasn't up to him to say what was or wasn't a good idea. It was just his problem when Lucía decided she wanted the same benefits. "You know the rules," he stated when she turned her begging gaze on him. "One churro with a little bit of chocolate, then real food and if you eat up, you can have another churro. Chocolate without churros isn't a breakfast food." She pouted even as she slowly, hesitantly did as she was told and Ryan had to refrain from glaring at Brendon. "So?" he instead started a while later. "You have a meeting tonight, don't you? How about we take all four of you into Barca to show you the city?"

Brendon considered ignoring Ryan, he really did, but instead he sighed softly and fed his son some of the churro and chocolate, which he munched on happily, before eating a bit himself. "I'm sorry, but-- I'm really considering having the conferences another time and leaving Isaac with his m-- Jenn when I come back down again, and stay in a hotel," he said, once he'd swallowed. There had been a reason he hadn't spoken to Ryan in all these years, and he was getting well acquainted with that reason all over again. And he knew it was selfish and immature, and that Ryan probably saw nothing in him at all anymore, but he couldn't stand it, and having Isaac cry this morning had just made everything hurt even more. He couldn't stand the sound, and it had happened here, with Ryan, making him just want to go home even more than he already had. He'd always wished that he and Ryan would get together again, and that everything would be perfect, but he was realizing what he should have long ago: it wouldn't happen. He bit his lip and fed Isaac some of the healthier parts of the breakfast, letting him have some orange juice, and smiling sadly when his son smacked his lips and giggled.

"Brendon..." Ryan started with a bit of a sigh. "From what Spencer told me about what you're doing here, you can maybe reschedule the dinners and hope the people will deign to meet with you again. The conferences... Aren't you only a guest speaker? Maybe you can cancel on a whim, but it'll hurt your reputation, you won't be invited again, and you won't get to contribute to possible peace in the area. Half the things you're here for don't revolve around you enough that you get to control when they happen. Those are the facts. Now, if we bother you so much, feel free to find a hotel, but for your own sake you should reconsider cancelling everything you've come here for. Spaniards are very easily offended and getting a bad name in Europe will probably not help you do what you're trying to do." He took a bite of the mixto, keeping calm even though he, despite the years of working through his Brendon-related problems until they didn't hurt nearly as much anymore, was offended and maybe a little wounded that Brendon couldn't even stand two days in his company. "You aren't a Prince anymore," he couldn't keep himself from stating. "You need to act like an adult to get people to see you as one." A moment of the shocked silence from the two other adults around the table and he flushed slightly. "I'm sorry," he stated. "I didn't mean to say that, I just... Brendon, maybe we need to talk? Go somewhere alone for a bit and get the air cleared a little?"

Brendon closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting Isaac slid off his lap when the boy started squirming. He opened his eyes, making sure his son wasn't going to get into any trouble, but the little boy had just gone around to Lucía's side to poke her arm. Brendon looked down at his plate and shook his head, sighing. He didn't want to talk to Ryan. He'd been doing just fine, he'd been able to pull himself back together, no matter what he wished deep down, and ignore all of his problems. And now a few days with his ex-boyfriend had managed to completely catch him off guard and mess things up. "I don't want to hear you say how you've gotten over me and how great your life is," he finally whispered. He swallowed thickly and shrugged, accepting that if Ryan thought he was weak or-- well, he could live with whatever Ryan thought of him, as long as they weren't in the same country, it seemed.

Ryan got off his chair and grasped Brendon's arm, bodily dragging the younger male out of the chair and onto his feet and back off the terrace. "Maybe you don't mind Isaac hearing certain things, but I'm damn sure we're moving towards stuff I'd rather Lucía didn't get an earful of." He sighed, loosening his grasp slightly so as to not leave bruises before he pulled Brendon the rest of the way into the formal living room and into one of the chairs. He plopped down in his own chair, right across from the former prince. "I got over you because I had no choice," he finally divulged, suddenly finding himself incapable of looking at Brendon. "Back then... I asked you to leave because I suddenly had this thought... that if we kept going like we were I didn't know how I would live to see thirty. And it tore me up. I missed you so much, but I couldn't let you destroy me and after you were gone, it still nearly did." He laughed humourlessly. "I'm not a strong enough person for someone like you," he stated. "In your thoughts and feelings and your need to push them on others, and the way you think you're always allowed whatever... you become the worst kind of domineering. I wouldn't be able to take it today, and I was most definitely too weak for it back then. When you're in a good mood, Brendon, you're one of the greatest, most radiant people I've ever met, and even though I am over you, I doubt I'll ever stop loving that side of you." He shook his head slightly. "Hell, if you displayed that again I could very easily fall head over heels once more no matter how much I don't want to. But my deception and insecurities and weakness and your shadow sides: spoilt attitude, mood-swings, lack of trust, tendency to lash out in the most hurtful ways... You have to be able to see that it doesn't fit together and that if we'd kept going regardless it would've spelled out disaster." He looked down, studying his nails. I didn't get over you because I wanted to but because I had to. And happy..." He paused for a moment, thinking it over. "I guess I'm content. I have a daughter I love, I have jobs I enjoy, I have good friends, even if I don't have particularly many. But it's still lonely, and it still hurts every day that the ideals I used to believe in so much just don't hold water in real life. But I suppose that's what really growing up feels like."

Brendon ran a hand through his hair, making a frustrated sound. "People work over that together, Ryan!" he said. "If you had told me, I would have changed anything to make myself better, but how am I supposed to know if you just tell me to get out, and then we don't talk for years? I have been working on the fact that I expect to be given everything. Hell, I started a charity so that I could learn to get by on my own, but also to do something for myself and something that explicitly benefits others. It wasn't something that my father would have wanted, but something that I wanted," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I was angry, still, and I know I shouldn't have tried to have a relationship with you when I was still so angry, but I loved you, and I was stupid, and I had just lost everything, and so had you, and you understood. Or I-- I thought I loved you. I still think I did. It was confusing, though, because I thought I'd known you and suddenly you were nearly a stranger to me," he shrugged and sighed, looking up finally. "I would have changed myself completely to be good enough for you," he said, smiling bitterly. "And when you told me to leave, I did, because that was what you wanted. Don't you think I would have fought tooth and nail just about the fact that you were ordering me around?" he let his gaze drop and sighed again. He chuckled a bit, though it wasn't a happy sound. "I can't stay here. I'll go crazy."

"How could I ask you to change these minor things around you," Ryan stated. "When I wasn't even the person you fell in love with in the first place? I mean, sure, I have some minor things in common with Ryan Hastings, but I would never change to become him, it wasn't fair to either of us. And so I thought that if I asked you to change these things you'd ask me to become someone I had no wish to be." Ryan sighed slowly, pulling his feet up on the chair with him and resting his chin on his knees. "And back then I thought I'd be able to take anything so long as in the end I'd still get to see you in a good mood again. And honestly?" He closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing a lump in his throat. He wasn't even sure why it was that he suddenly wanted to cry, but he didn't like the feeling and pushed it down as far as he could. "Honestly I was carrying around so much guilt that I really believed I deserved everything you saw fit to throw at me." He breathed in deeply, calmingly, again. "I'm not trying to say it was your fault. We just weren't particularly great for each other. And stay," he added. "No matter how painful this might be, I think we both need it to move forward. And don't ever think you weren't good enough for me. We just weren't particularly good together."

Brendon wanted to argue and say that they had been good together during school, even if Ryan had started dating him for all the wrong reasons. He'd been happy, He had fallen in love with Ryan, and even after everything, even when Ryan had lied to him and hurt him and told him to go away, he had loved him. How could that ever be wrong? He wouldn't argue, though, because he remembered what Ryan had said about being spoiled, and Brendon knew he was, and he didn't want Ryan to think that him arguing was just another way to get what he wanted, or to be right all the time. He looked up, pressing his lips in a thin line and choking back a sob, hoping the look in his eyes said his part. He was glad, in a way, that he'd gotten closure. For years after he'd left Ryan, he had kept thinking that he would go back, that Ryan would want him again, and even if he hadn't been thinking about Ryan daily anymore, he had still hoped, deep down. He slumped forward a bit and covered his face with his hands, though, unable to help himself. The knot in his chest was just growing tighter and tighter, making it uncomfortable to breathe, and the tears that threatened were determined to make their way out, it seemed.

Ryan felt something in his chest crumble at the sight of Brendon all but breaking down in front of him. His legs had carried him out of the chair without conscious command from his brain, and he found himself crossing the floor until he was crouched in front of the younger man, arms raising of their own accord to wrap around Brendon's body. "I'm sorry," he whispered, and it really did feel like a deep, physical pain in his chest, and the remembered look in Brendon's eyes almost had him bawling his own eyes out as well. He was searching himself deep for something, anything, to say that might make the other man hurt less, might take that look off his face. He'd long-since admitted that one part of him would always love Brendon, even if he wasn't in love with him anymore. And that part most definitely seemed to have taken charge at the moment. "Brendon," he whispered after several long moments of silence. "Please, do us both a favor and stay for the rest of the time you planned to spend here. I think we both really need to get some closure." He gave a humourless laugh, fingers idly drawing circles on Brendon's back. "You need to get to know who I really am. Get rid of those illusions that painted me stronger and braver and nicer than I really am, okay? And find out who I've become. Maybe your feelings will go away, maybe they won't." He gave another slight snort. "If you'll remember, last time you made me fall in love with you quite effortlessly. I won't say I'm not scared of it, but chances are that it could happen again. I can't promise you either way." He paused a little, holding back a wince. Emotional bribery wasn't really a nice thing, but something in him rebelled nearly violently at the thought of Brendon leaving again so soon. "All you have to promise is that if you realize I'm not the person you thought and it turns out you really don't like me at all, you tell me before I get in too deep."

Brendon let himself hold onto Ryan for dear life, taking several deep breaths to hold back his tears. He listened to Ryan talk, gradually calming down, and smiled when he was done. Nodding, Brendon held Ryan tightly before letting go and leaning back a bit. "Okay," he agreed, smiling shyly, now, and slightly embarrassed by the way he had acted. He took a deep breath before looking up at Ryan, wanting to kiss him but restraining himself for the moment. They should probably be getting back soon, or someone was bound to come see if they had killed each other. Suddenly, a thought came to him. "Are you sleeping with Jaken?" he asked, half afraid that the answer might be yes. He knew he was in love with Ryan, no matter who he claimed to be now, and that nothing could change that. And so, the thought of him with another man just made his stomach clench painfully.

Ryan had to force himself not to cringe at the question. He could imagine all too well how nice the thought of that might be for Brendon to bear. "We slept in the same bed last night," he finally stated with an awkward shrug. "No funny business, though, you know." Then he shook his head a bit and sucked in a deep breath. "Jaken and I were together for nearly eight months," he informed, deciding to start from the beginning. "When we broke it off it wasn't something with big drama and tears and heartbreak. We just didn't really feel that way about each other. So, we stayed friends instead, started seeing other people, the whole shebang. But there's an incredible amount of comfort in knowing each other so well, knowing each other's bodies so well, so I guess we've just kept coming back to each other when we needed something we knew would work. Hasn't been exclusive for around two and a half years now, though. It's just... something to keep the spirits up while we wait to find the right people to fall in love with, I suppose." He bit his lip slightly before looking up and meeting Brendon's eyes directly. "I've never had sex with him while I was in another relationship," he stated honestly. "But I need you to tell me right now that if somehow we do work everything out and start another relationship, you'll be able to accept Jaken in my life. More than a fuck, he's the best friend I've ever had, and quite honestly, at the moment you'd be best off not making me choose between you, okay? Sorry to be rough, but there are just a few ground rules that need to be laid out first."

Brendon bit his lip and nodded after a second. He knew that Ryan deserved a best friend, someone who had been there for him these past years. He was hoping, though, that he would become Ryan's best friend, with time, because if they did try the relationship thing again, he was planning on being there for Ryan whenever he needed him, no matter what. He smiled a bit and got up, motioning towards the door. "We should go back in," he said, making it sound like a question. If Ryan still had more to say, he was more than willing to listen. On an impulse, he gripped Ryan's hand, closing his eyes as he remembered the last time they had held hands, and that it had been so long ago seemed surreal. He exhaled shakily, and smiled a bit more. He just knew things would work out.

Ryan gave Brendon's hand a small squeeze, but then let it go. He knew that simple action probably hurt the younger man a lot more than it was really worth, but he needed to make it clear that they weren't in a relationship yet, and that Ryan was dead-set against starting anything before they had both figured out all those things they were talking about. "You should probably go sprinkle some cold water in your face or something first," Ryan suggested, placing a hand on Brendon's shoulder. "I don't think you want Isaac to see you with red eyes and splotchy skin, or he may become upset too."

Brendon reluctantly stood and put some distance between them, nodding in agreement to Ryan's suggestion. He smiled a bit before hurrying away, heading upstairs to his room and the adjacent washroom. He washed his face thoroughly before heading back out. Isaac had obviously finished eating because he was running around, looking carefree and happy, a big grin on his face. This, in turn, made Brendon grin and he ran after his son, telling him that he was going to catch him, and when Isaac giggled loudly, he swooped down and picked him up, spinning him around. "Did you eat enough?" he asked quietly, and felt Isaac nod against his neck. "Are you okay? Do you forgive me for leaving you in Keely's room without properly telling you?" he asked, his voice even more quiet. Isaac's lips moved against his neck, sloppy and wet, and Brendon drew back, chuckling. "I'm taking that as a yes," he informed with a wink. "So, what are we doing today?" he asked, directing the question at everyone, but keeping his eyes on Isaac.

After stopping by his study to check his calendar, Ryan moved back down to finish his abandoned breakfast. Jaken looked up to meet his gaze, an eyebrow cocked in question, and Ryan shrugged slightly, biting his lip, and his friend's expression changed to one that might as clearly have been words asking if he was crazy. The older of them shrugged again, taking a bite of his food. Another look asked him if he knew what he was doing and once again he could only answer with a shrug. Jaken sighed and reached over to give Ryan's shoulder, less bony than it had been in his youth, and brief, firm squeeze. "I think it'll probably be easier for everyone if I move into a guest room, huh?" he whispered. And Ryan was about to protest, but let it go with a sigh. It probably was for the best idea even though he selfishly wished to have someone hug and hold him and practically carrying him through as he put himself in the middle of all this again.

Ryan glanced up at Brendon's question. "I have a band coming in tomorrow," he stated. "Nothing today, though. I suggest taking the jeep into the mountains so you guys can see it and Jake can get some shots. It's going to be a squeeze, but I think we can make it." He took another bite and chewed it quickly. So what if he had two cars. The one he normally used wasn't very good for the smaller roads up in the mountains what with how rocky and steep they could often be. He'd at least bought the jeep used, with the house, for around five thousand euros, which wasn't really a lot considering the fact that it had been barely a year old and in perfect condition. "Tonight you have one of those things and Jaken will probably set up a dark room for the photos or something. I assume you're taking Spencer with you and Jon is staying here, in which case he can entertain the kids while I get some writing done and maybe start working on a demo. So, full program, if anyone's up for it."

"Also," Jaken added with what looked like a completely warm, friendly smile. "I just wanted to let you know, Beauregard... If you hur' him again, I'm going to fu'hin kill you," he finished, still with a jovial smile on his face even as his dialect grew thicker and thicker with every word. "Former prince or no."

Brendon's eyes, which had been happy at the thought of showing Isaak the mountains, letting his son see Spain now that he was here, grew cold when Jaken spoke. He struggled for a few seconds, seeming to have an internal battle with himself, before forcing his shoulders to relax and smiling sweetly, though a bit sarcastically. "Of course," he said, sounding for all the world that he agreed completely with Jaken. Though, on the inside, he was cursing the man and demanding that he mind his own business, but he really didn't think it would be the right thing to do just now. Or ever, really. Sighing, he turned to look at Isaac again and smiled widely. "We're going to go for a ride!" he said excitedly, and Isaac's eyes lit up. He loved being in cars, which surprised Brendon. Never had his baby been fussy when being forced to stay put for long periods of time. "And then, tonight, Isaac is going to play with uncle Jon and maybe try to win Keely back, yes? I think you worried her a bit with your crying this morning," he said, his tone the tiniest bit reproachful, even as he tickled Isaac's tummy with his fingers. Isaac turned to look at Keely, and smiled shyly at her.

Ryan sent Jaken a glare although, quite honestly, he was still grateful to have a friend he knew would look out for him. And though he didn't really want anyone dying over him, well... one had to appreciate the sentiment. "Someone's going to have to go wake up Jon and Spencer then," he stated, and Lucía, who'd just been finishing her last churro, jumped up with a broad grin, shouting 'me, me, me!' as she raced towards the door and inside, presumably to take up the appointed task. "If she finds cold water we're going to be hanging around with quite some grumpy people today, aren't we?"

Brendon cleared his throat uncomfortably and shifted Isaac to sit on his hip. He'd seen Jenn do it many times, and had always thought that it was an effeminate position, but since Isaac had been born, he'd found himself holding the little boy on his hip multiple times. It was just easier. "I'm sure they'll be fine," he said. "It's their fault for not waking up to have breakfast with us," he winked at Isaac and smiled. He was startled, suddenly, when he heard a familiar ringing start, and was only confused for a few seconds before realizing it was his cellphone. He quickly took the phone out of his pocket, where he'd hurriedly stuffed it earlier, and flipped it open before putting it to his ear. "Hello," he said, voice professionally emotionless. And then he cracked a pained grin and turned away slightly. "I was supposed to call you," he said, sounding sufficiently sorry. "There was just a lot going on, hon. You will never believe what Jon got us into-- well, no, I can't really talk right now, but-- Isaac is fine. I think he likes it here, and he talks about you all the time," he chuckled, "I mean, how could he not? You're the one who taught him that damned French-- alright, yes, he's right here, actually, I'm holding him. No, darling, I'm not-- fine!" Brendon looked pained as he transferred the phone from his ear to Isaac's. He was sure everybody could hear the loud cooing on the other line, but Isaac was smiling and babbling happily in French, so he supposed it was alright. After only a few minutes, he took the phone back and ended the call in a hushed voice, promising to keep Jenn updated from now on and to never again forget to call. Putting the phone back into his pocket, Brendon turned back and shrugged uneasily and chuckled, though it was far from a happy sound. "Women," he said, as though that explained everything.

"Yeah well," Ryan found himself muttering. "At least some of them do have the fabled maternal instinct. It gets a little awkward when your daughter comes up after her first day in school and asks what a 'Mommy' is." He sighed and shook his head slightly, biting into a mixto and washing it down with a mouthful of orange juice. Moments later, though, he found himself smiling wistfully at the memories. "The next day she'd made friends with the boy everyone thought was weird because he had two mummies and no dad, because then she could always borrow one if she had to." He got up from the chair, stretching enough to feel his back pop a little. "I need to change into some other clothes before we leave," he stated. "Jake, you'll keep an eye on Luce when she gets back down, right?" On his friend's nod, he quickly set off back in the direction of the stairs and his own bedroom.

"She's not his mother," Brendon muttered, though Ryan had already left. He looked up at Jaken and let Isaac down, "Well, she is. But," he sighed and watched Isaac wander off a bit. "He doesn't know she's his mother," he grimaced and shook his head. "She was just supposed to have him, and then she would be out of our life, but I kind of fell in love with her. I mean, it's hard not to, she gave birth to my son and all, but..." he frowned and looked back at Jaken. "Anyway, he doesn't have a mother, not really. She's there for him, but she's his Godmother, nothing more. We don't even live together anymore," he chuckled. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just thought it should be out there. I don't want anyone making him feel like he's missing something in his life."

Jaken just raised an amused eyebrow at the rant before getting up off his chair. "I'm going to go check over my equipment," he stated. Then he sighed and shook his head. "Be careful," he advised. "He isn't as strong and well-adjusted as he likes to seem. And you should change your clothes. It's dusty up there and what you're wearing looks too expensive to take that kind of dirtying."

Brendon sighed and looked down at himself, shrugging. "Isaac," he called, motioning for his son to follow him. Instead of tottering behind him, though, Isaac zoomed by and hurried into the house, shrieking and giggling the whole time. Brendon chuckled and followed him at a faster pace, making sure he didn't fall on the stairs and then leading him into the bedroom. "Can you get your shorts out?" he asked Isaac once they were in the bedroom. The little boy immediately started rummaging through his things for his favourite red shorts. Brendon took out a pair of well-worn, form fitting jeans for himself and after rummaging for far too long, settled on a white wife-beater that he'd rarely ever worn. It looked like it was going to be a scorching day, and that would be his excuse for wearing such a thing. Isaac had already rid himself of his clothes when Brendon turned around and he chuckled again as he watched his son struggle to pull the shorts up. Brendon got him a white t-shirt to put on as well, and then set about dressing himself. Once they were both ready, he took Isaac in his arms and stepped out into the hallway, grinning at still-sleepy looking Spencer, who flipped him the finger. Brendon gasped dramatically, covering Isaac's eyes and tsked at his friend. He hummed as they descended the stairs and waited in the front entrance for everyone else, Spencer too tired to speak and Brendon busy singing one of Isaac's favourite songs.

***

"Don't be too hard on him," Ryan instructed with a sigh, changing out of his slacks and into a plain pair of bermudas. "What happened back then was understandable and he doesn't deserve more grief than he's already had."

Jaken snorted behind him, still fiddling with his equipment. "If he's serious about this, it should at least give him enough guts to be able to deal with your overprotective best friend," he stated dryly. "And it's more of a warning, really. If he hurts you I really am going to hurt him right back. I've seen you crying over him too much as it is."

Ryan blushed slightly at the mention. For some reason it embarrassed him to have been a wreck for so long after things had gone to hell, and he hated talking about it to be honest. Things were better now, he'd moved on from the state he'd spent years in and he wished people would stop bringing it up and insisting on babying him over it. Everyone seemed to have a strange tendency to forget he was actually the eldest. "It wasn't just him," he muttered. "It was a combination of so many different things. I think if I hadn't ditched that back-stabber of a shrink it would probably have been labeled post-traumatic stress syndrome or something to that effect. Seems likely anyway." He rolled his eyes and pulled his t-shirt over his head before rummaging through his closet until he found a well-worn, comfortably loose light blue shirt. Buttons and short sleeves. It was old enough that the hems were slightly frayed, but he felt good in it, and it was worn enough to be thin and cool in the heat.

"Yeah, well, he contributed when he could've helped," was the reply, and then he heard the tell-tale sound of the camera bag being slammed shut. "It's your call, though. You're an adult. But you aren't stopping me from having your back."

Shaking his head in half frustrated amusement, Ryan left the room and walked into Lucía's, hoping to find her at least partially ready. And she was, grinning and bouncing on the balls of her feet, a light, loose, pink dress held onto her thin shoulders with broad straps seeming to be her garment of choice. It would fit the temperature he expected from the day. "Ready, sweetheart?" he asked. She nodded with a big grin and held out her arms. Ryan rolled his eyes. "You really are getting too old for that, you know," he stated, but picked her up none-the-less, not nearly as easily or comfortably as a year or two ago, but she still wasn't heavy enough to make him break a sweat. Just too tall, more like. He pecked her cheek with a smile and carried her out of the room and down the stairs to meet the others, Jaken joining them along the way.

Jon was the last to join them, bounding down the steps and making faces for Lucía and Isaac's amusement. Isaac was the only one who seemed to find it very amusing, though, because he broke out in giggles and Lucía only smiled at him, as if to appease him. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. He'd have to find better ways to amuse her, she was getting too old. He winked at her before turning to Spencer and putting his arm around his friend's shoulders. Spencer shrugged him off, though, looking momentarily annoyed before plastering a smile on his face and taking Isaac from Brendon. "Are you trying to get me to leave you alone?" Jon pouted, pointing at Isaac. "And you're using a poor, defenceless, little boy to help you?" he shook his head and tutted, making Spencer roll his eyes, but a smile was playing on his lips.

Brendon looked at them, confused for a moment over their antics, and then shrugged. "Right, well. We off?" he asked, deciding that, whatever was going on between the two, he did not want to know.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed, putting Lucía firmly back down on her own two, perfectly functional, legs. He went to the small table and picked up the right set of car keys before leading the way outside and towards the garage. Señora Sanchez caught up with them just outside it, pushing a basket - presumably their lunch, Ryan mused gratefully; he'd forgotten about that entirely - into his arms before gushing over the kids in Spanish for a few moments and then heading back inside. Ryan handed the basket on to Jon before opening the garage and pushing the key, hearing the unmistakable click as the jeep unlocked. Then he walked the rest of the way and got into the driver's seat, deciding to let Lucía's two uncles fight over which one of them got to have her on his lap during the ride.

Brendon stood outside the jeep, not sure where he was supposed to sit, but choosing to wait until everyone else had found some place so that he could get in. He took Isaac from Spencer, who glared at him a bit, but Brendon just smiled sweetly. He didn't need to explain that he wanted Isaac sitting with him, because Spencer had already complained, multiple times, that he was too over-protective. Brendon shrugged and stood to the side, waiting.

Jon, meanwhile, was ruffling Lucía's hair-- she hated that-- and smiling widely. "Why don't you sit with Jaken and..." he paused, tapping his lips with his index finger and humming thoughtfully, before smirking. "Spencer can sit on my lap!" he exclaimed, seeming very pleased with himself, until Spencer cried out his "I will not!" and glared. Jon rolled his eyes and huffed. He leaned down a bit, smiling at Lucía and said, "yes he will," softly, before winking again and setting off to convince Spencer that there wouldn't be enough room unless he sat on his lap. Brendon grinned at the two, chuckling softly when Spencer relented, still pouting, but followed Jon to the jeep and sat on his lap in the backseat. Really, they were worse than teenagers. And then there was only Jaken who had to sit before he could, and he looked at the other man expectantly for a second before averting his gaze. He was really kind of scary, and Brendon didn't want to piss him off.

Jaken, without second thought, headed to the table in the garage where a kiddie seat had been put, slightly haphazardly, last time they'd needed it, and headed back to attach it to the front passenger seat, winking at Lucía. "Looks like you get to be a big girl and ride up front with your daddy today," he stated, smiling at the squeal she let out as she practically propelled herself into it before letting him strap her in. Then Jaken himself, still chuckling slightly, put his gear in the trunk of the car before sliding into the backseat and strapping himself in, put his hand in the pocket and handed an item up front to Ryan. "Forgot those, mate," he stated. Ryan chuckled gratefully and slid the sunglasses on.

Brendon carefully slid into the back seat, as well, Isaac clutched to his chest and looking on in interest. Brendon grimaced at the slightly tight fit, and struggled to buckling himself up one handed. Once he'd managed that, he sat Isaac in his lap, facing the front, and looked over at Spencer, who had his arms crossed and was glaring at nothing in particular. Jon, on the other hand, looked proud of himself for making Spencer so angry-- or at least getting him to sit in his lap. Rolling his eyes, Brendon looked back towards the front and held Isaac a bit tighter. Really, he'd never been so scared to bring his son in a car. He dismissed it as being in a new country and in a car he wasn't familiar with, hoping the anxiousness would fade.

Ryan backed out of the garage and turned the car smoothly so they were facing frontwards as they headed out of the property. He liked driving, always had since he'd gotten his licence... nearly fifteen years ago. Damn, had it been that long? And again he was hit with the realization of just how old he was getting. He drove the familiar way up into the mountains, mostly keeping his eyes on the road and his ears on the conversations around him, chancing a glance at the view every once in a while. It was when he suddenly glanced into the rear view mirror and saw three familiar faces that he realized he hadn't been in a car with all three of them - three new additions aside - since... And his breath hitched, his heart rate all but doubled and he could feel his hands begin to tremble on the wheel. Without second through he drove off the road and turned off the engine, stumbling out of the car and a few yards away before he allowed himself to lean over and retch, phantom pains wrenching his shoulder where there was only a faint scar left these days. Well, apparently PTSD was a bitch that was still rearing its ugly head.

Brendon was out of the car like a shot, somehow having unbuckled himself rather quickly. Isaac bouncing on his hip and making little happy, oblivious, sounds, he hurried towards Ryan and bit his lip at the sight. Hesitantly, he reached out and put a hand on Ryan's back, slowly rubbing small circled and hoping it would help. "Hey," he said quietly, to cover Isaac's shriek of 'malade!' He took a step closer and sighed quietly. "You okay?" he asked, sparing a glance back at the jeep. Jon and Spencer were both out, looking worried, but kept their distance.

Catching himself before he unthinkingly uttered an affirmative, Ryan took a deep breath that didn't feel like it was reaching nearly deep enough, and shook his head. He was starting to sweat a little, and he rarely ever sweated. "When was the last time you, me, Jon and Spencer were all in a car together?" he whispered, and he felt breathless by the time he was done speaking, gasping in heaving breaths. At least he knew Jaken was distracting Lucía from the sight of him like this. That was the only explanation to why his friend hadn't reached him already. Ryan swiped his arm over his face, closing his eyes for a moment and doing his best to calm his breathing. When he had that down the trembling would probably follow and the rest were things he could deal with, even though the remembered agony still burned through his shoulder, and he could almost feel the bullet lodged in his joint again even though the most he had felt for years was a slight, barely-there ache when the weather was cold and moist.

Brendon's hand, still on Ryan's back, dug into the shirt for a moment before he pulled it back as if burned. He shook his head and stumbled back a bit before putting his hand over his eyes and taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said, letting his hand fall away from his face. He took a deep breath and put Isaac down, and his son immediately attached himself to one of Ryan's legs. Brendon, too, came closer, and walked around Ryan so that they would be face to face. Brushing hair back from Ryan's face, he leaned forward a little, and spoke. "Look, you don't have to... this isn't something I want anyone remembering right now, you know? It's just horrible and it's in the past, and... are you really having such bad flashbacks because Jon, Spencer and I are here? Because we could leave. I don't want you to suffer," he said quietly, shaking his head. "Not after all these years." He hated that the fact Ryan was remembering was partly his fault. How would they ever be able to be around each other every day if things like that kept happening?

Ryan felt himself automatically leaning into the touch. His body felt weak enough that leaning against Brendon for support sounded more than a little tempting, but the warmth of Isaac's little body curled around his leg grounded him enough that he at least had the strength not to. "It's not you," he finally whispered, finally having gotten his breathing mostly under control. "I've been having attacks ever since. Less and less sporadically over the years, but it still tends to happen once every few months." He tried to form a smile but suspected it came out rather more as a grimace. "I've had worse than this from hearing a gun shot on TV when they were showing a fucking swimming competition, so the triggers are really rather unpredictable. I don't think you're really making it worse." A wry expression settled over his features. "And it's my own fault, really. I could just get meds for it, but I don't like the thought of being drugged up all the time." He heaved in a deep breath. "Statistically at least one in every five war veterans get some kind of psychological problems. It would've been strange if none of us had any." He subconsciously raised his right hand to rub at his left shoulder, grimacing slightly. He knew the pain wasn't real but that didn't make it go away. "Don't worry too much about it," he finally concluded, sucking in another deep breath as he felt the trembling begin to abate. "It's probably best if someone else takes the wheel for a bit, though."

Brendon nodded absently, though he was still worried, and nothing Ryan could say right now would make that go away. He stepped closer, consciously avoiding Isaac's small feet, and cupped Ryan's face in his hands. "Is there something I can do?" he asked quietly, and hoped Ryan wouldn't try to be coy and think that he was talking about taking the wheel. He wanted to tell him that he would do anything, that he'd help Ryan through this, that they would go at it together. But he didn't know if that was possible, yet. He could be leaving Ryan in less than a week and a half, possibly forever. The thought made him stiffen and he looked away for a moment, over Ryan's head and at the jeep and the people around it. Spencer and Jon were talking, it seemed, in hurried whispers, though still keeping an eye on them. Jaken looked like he wanted very much to march over here, but Brendon was thankful that he simply kept talking to Keely, probably explaining what happened, or at least making something up. He looked back at Ryan and smiled softly, though he felt far from happy. He just wanted to show his support, without the clichéd words and professing his undying love-- or help, as the case may be.

"Maybe just..." Ryan started, but he didn't know what to say after that. He was a writer, he made his living on writing, whether it were songs or novels, and he had no clue what to say right at that moment. Finally he gave up on finishing the sentence and just took a step forward, heavy with the small boy clinging to his leg, and put his right arm around Brendon's neck, the left still hanging heavily at his side, feeling useless though he knew it wasn't. He slowly, hesitantly placed his head on the younger man's shoulder and leaned in, needing the support more than anything right at that moment even though he had been so adamant they not get physically close before both of them had had their feelings resolved. "Maybe talk about it sometime," he added after several long moments. "I don't really want to, but I think I have to at some point. Talk about it with someone who was there, you know?"

Brendon felt all the breath whoosh out of him as he melted into the half-hug and wrapped his arm around Ryan, careful not to squeeze tightly. He ignored Isaac's cries of 'moi je veux une caresse!' and closed his eyes, leaning his cheek on Ryan's head. "Yeah," he said, his voice slightly shaky. "Anything, anything," he mumbled quietly, gritting his teeth when Isaac wriggled his way between them and started pulling at his jeans. Sighing, Brendon stepped back and chuckled, sending Ryan an apologetic look before lifting Isaac into his arms and looking at him sternly. "Arrète," he said firmly, lifting one eyebrow as the little boy kicked his legs repeatedly before finally stopping and having the good grace to look abashed. Brendon let his gaze slide back to Ryan and smiled lopsidedly. "Jaken or Jon can drive, yeah? And maybe, if I'm not too exhausted after that conference tonight, we can have a chat? If you want, Jon and Spencer could join us...?"

"It's okay," Ryan muttered, although he already missed the warmth and the support and had to berate himself for that fact. He managed to look down at Brendon's son with a smile. "Quieres un embrazo, huh, Isaacito?" he asked. He would usually have laughed, but couldn't muster up the energy. At least he was all right enough again to tease the boy. He turned his gaze back to Brendon. "I think I'd probably prefer a one-on-one," he stated softly. "If I were facing all three of you, it would be that much harder to speak." And he would feel just as alone in it as he had back then, but he wasn't really ready to say that. "Besides, I've been in touch with Jon all these years and we've never talked about it. I think he clams up even more than I do." He shrugged slightly, hugging his arms around himself. He was still sweating, but feeling a lot colder than the weather warranted. "We should probably get back in the car, get Jaken to drive. I don't think Jon driving would make it any better. He drove back then... And I'll probably be okay with it tomorrow, but not right now."

After Isaac's blabbering had diminished some, Brendon gave Ryan a reproachful look that said 'don't encourage him' and then broke into a smile. "Anything you want is fine," he said, nodding. "I think I'd prefer it just being you and I, as well, so..." he trailed off and looked back towards the jeep again. Spencer was laughing and Jon had his arm around him, which Brendon still found a little odd, but not unexpected. He sighed and nodded towards the others. "Alright, well, are you sure you're still going to be able to enjoy the day? I mean, don't you want to at least brush your teeth?" he offered, then chuckled softly. "You didn't really do much," he said, looking down and scrunching his nose. "But..." he shrugged and gave another smile.

Ryan felt a light blush travel up his cheeks and creep into his ears. He knew he wasn't particularly strong but that did not mean he liked being reminded of any displays of weakness. "I have some water and gum in the car," he stated. "That will have to do." He sucked in yet another deep breath before setting off towards the car with shaky, slow steps. When he got there he reached over Lucía into the glove department, sending her a small, encouraging smile in the process. "Just got carsick, lovely," he reassured as he pulled the aforementioned items out, rinsing out his mouth with water and spitting it out before taking a few deep swallows and popping the minty gum into his mouth. "Trade you," he said, looking at Jaken who nodded without asking for an explanation or anything. He'd have figured out what happened anyway and Ryan was grateful there was no further interrogation. His friend got out of the backseat and climbed into the driver's instead and Ryan took his spot on the backseat, doing his best to flash carefree smiles at Jon and Spencer as he buckled himself in.