A short time later they sat together in the car and everyone was busy with their own thoughts.

Changbin nervously plucked around the turtleneck and fervently prayed that Chan's parents would not see the hickeys on his neck. And he really would have liked to continue with Chan where they stopped.

In addition, he suddenly realized that it would be difficult to have some time alone with Chan, as they slept in a bed with Minho and Jisung. Not that it really bothered him to sleep in a bed with the two of them and Chan. But he really wanted to have sex with Chan again.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and leaned back. He wouldn't be able to change any of this at the moment.

~~~~~

Chan's gaze was on the road and he really tried to focus on the traffic, while the thoughts in his head didn't want to give rest.

He had no longer talked to Jisung about whether they wanted to tell his parents about them all being somehow together or not. And he also didn't know if he should address the topic now.

Minho and Jisung both didn't really look as if they were happy right now and he didn't want to make the situation worse by causing even more uncertainty.

In addition, similar to Changbin, he wanted to continue where they had left off. Even if the situation with Minho and Jisung didn't bother him half as much as Changbin. Since he was very used to Jisung's closeness, after all, he had spent almost his entire life with him. Maybe he also had less shame than Changbin and it really wouldn't bother him to have sex with Changbin on the sofa while Minho and Jisung slept in the bedroom.

And maybe he felt a little guilty that Changbin had to wear a turtleneck. But he just didn't had a grip on himself, he haven't even thought about that they wanted to go visit his parents. At that moment, only Changbin had counted for him and he had wanted to put his sign on him. Wanted to show everyone that Changbin belonged to him.

~~~~~

Jisung, on the other hand, had completely different thoughts. He blamed himself insanely that Minho felt so bad because of him. The sadness and despair on Minho's face no longer went out of his head and drove him crazy.

He didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to be the reason why Minho had to hold back.

He would have preferred to stay at home and have hid in bed. It was damn hard for him to hold back his tears.

He had been so looking forward to visiting Chan's parents, but now he just felt miserable.

Sighing, he stared out the window.

~~~~~

And Minho just felt terrible. He had the feeling that he had forced Jisung to do things that he was clearly not yet ready for. He felt like he had to throw up and pressed his hands on his stomach in the hope that it would help at least a little bit.

He, too, would have liked to have hid somewhere. Alone, without having to see or hear anyone. He hated himself and felt like he didn't deserve Jisung's present.

He had known that the memories of what had happened were terrible for Jisung. And that the memories came out again especially when they got closer. He should have just stopped after the first kiss and insisted that they should get ready for the visit to Chan's parents.

Angry and desperate, he wiped away the tear that ran over his face. Glad that none of the others had noticed that.

~~~~~

The day had started so beautifully and had somehow become something that all four only wanted to get through as quickly as possible.

The ride to Chan's parents didn't took long and so they used to stand in front of the beautiful apartment complex where his parents lived in faster than they would have liked.

"Do we want to go in?" Chan asked and smiled encouragingly.

Minho would have liked to shake his head, but he bit his lower lip and finally nodded hesitantly.

Jisung looked unhappy from one to the other.

And Changbin also somehow didn't feel really comfortable in his skin.

"Okay, let's go a round around the block. Maybe we'll feel a little better afterwards," said Chan, grabbed Minho's hand and started walking.

Changbin extended his hand to Jisung and together they followed them.

Jisung saw Minho pull a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, but he said nothing about it. Somehow he wanted to have something for himself to cope with his stress.

"Little one..." Changbin gently stroked his thumb over the back of his hand.

Sighing, Jisung looked at Changbin and the older could hardly bear the sad expression on the younger's face.

"Little one, processing something like this takes time! Don't give up and don't lose patience."

Jisung nodded sadly, but still couldn't change that he felt terrible.

"Binnie it's my fault that Minho feels so terrible. If I could finally leave that behind, Minho wouldn't have to constantly pay attention to what he does or says."

Tears gathered in Jisung's eyes and he would have liked to have hid and cried in the next dark corner.

"Little one, I'm sorry if I tell you this so clearly now, but that's absolute nonsense! Minho knows very well that you don't do this on purpose and that it takes time until you have processed what you have experienced."

Changbin looked around inconspicuously and then pulled Jisung briefly into his arms.

"Minho loves you and together you can do it. And we are still here to help you if you need us."

He would have liked to have kissed him and held him in his arms for longer, but they couldn't afford to have taken photos of it. And he really didn't want to challenge fate any further.

Jisung felt a little better in Changbin's arms and he would also have preferred to stay in his arm for a moment longer, but he also knew that they shouldn't do it on and maybe get recognized by anyone.

"Thank you Binnie," he murmured.

~~~~~

Chan and Minho hadn't noticed that Changbin and Jisung had been left behind. They were immersed in their own conversation.

"Min, honey, what's going on?"

"I... I... do you think it would be better if I stay a little away from Jisung for some time?"

"Weren't you the one who went into the studio with a gunshot wound so that I understand that it's a stupid idea to keep distance from Ji?"

"Yeah sure... but..."

"No but! You have to work on it and find a way to deal with it together when Jisung's memory comes back. He told me that he is working on it with his therapist and I think it wouldn't be helpful if you withdrew from him now!"

Silently, Minho smoked his cigarette while thinking about Chan's words.

"I don't know what to do... I don't know how to behave. Let alone where I should touch him," Minho murmured and felt again as if he had to throw up at any moment.

"I think you'll have no chance but try it out... bit by bit. Maybe talk to him again about what the guy did to him so that you know what you might shouldn't do. And for the beginning maybe it would better if you aren't alone when you try to figure out what triggers him, as strange as it may sound."

Minho understood why Chan said that and didn't find it strange in the least. He also had little concern about making out with  Jisung, even if Chan and Changbin were in the next room.

And maybe Chan was right and it would be safer for both of them to find out what Jisung triggered while they were not alone.

"I want him so much... but I'm fucking scared of doing something that overwhelms him..."

"And I'm pretty sure he wants you too. And if you work on it together, you will find a way to be together without one of you having to throw up afterwards."

Minho took a deep breath and nodded.

They had almost arrived back at the apartment of Chan's parents when they noticed that Jisung and Changbin had been a bit behind them.

"Let's try to have a nice evening. And tomorrow you can both talk to your therapists about it."

When Jisung and Changbin almost arrived back with them, Minho could recognize the timid smile on Jisung's lips and sighed with relief. Jisung seemed to be doing a little better and he didn't seem to be mad at him.

"Baby," he murmured and extended his hand to Jisung.

But instead of reaching for Minho's hand, he pulled him into his arm and kissed him.

"Damn, I love you so much!" Jisung murmured.

"And I love you my angel!" Minho murmured and took a deep breath.

"So, then let's go to my parents, should we?" Chan looked at the others and this time everyone nodded.

"Let's go then," he said with a smile.

꧁ ⸺ ♥ ⸺ ꧂