The first time Juni got into a relationship, they were seventeen.

It was with a guy in their Art History class. His name was Micah, and he was sweet—and respectful, and patient, and funny—with just enough spunk in him that the two of them never shared a single dull moment.

And wow, Juni had thought, This isn't any different from having a very close friend. Who would have thought?

Minus the kissing, obviously. A lot of it. And the sex. Not that it was their first time, but back then, they told themself that it was different with someone they liked. Someone they were in a relationship with. It was supposed to be.

And, well... things between them were... good. Really good. Juni didn't have high hopes, considering that they never had any examples of good relationships around them growing up. But Micah was... nice. Being around him felt nice. Being with him felt nice. And so six months passed in the blink of an eye.

And that's when Sean and Atlas started dating.

Shy, awkward, stuttery-around-each-other Sean and Atlas... started dating. Juni was happy, of course. They were over the moon, honestly. Because watching their two best friends pining after each other for years wasn't the most pleasant feeling in the world.

Seeing the two of them together was a breath of fresh air.

They were disgustingly in love. And as much as Juni liked to tease them for it, the sight of the two of them together radiated pure warmth. It was there in the long gazes they shared in the midst of conversations, in the way Atlas would always be touching Sean in one way or the other like being away from his boyfriend for one second would cause blisters on his skin, in the way Atlas would throw his head back laughing so hard that Sean would always have to stand close to him, 'Just in case he falls', Sean would say.

What a liar. He had always been a complete goner for Atlas. He couldn't have kept himself away even if he tried.

They really were in love, and it showed.

Juni doesn't think it showed between them and Micah.

They broke up before their seventh month was over, because Micah told them that he loved them, and with a foreign kind of pounding in their chest, they realized that they didn't feel the same way at all.

Wrong person? they wondered, and eventually settled with that a week later.

A lot of people after him came and left.

Juni didn't love any of them.

The first time Juni realized that they couldn't pursue a romantic relationship with anyone, they were nineteen.

It made them wonder if they were simply incapable of that; after growing up in a space that never taught them how to love people. The fact that they were very closely attached to physical intimacy made things worse. Wanting to be close to people without the concept of romance tainting the space between them made them feel... selfish. Like they were asking for too much without offering anything in return.

And that's when they met Ved and Layla.

Layla; unashamedly herself, wild, and free. Watching her effortlessly go out and come back with a new boy following hot on her heels every other week was... an experience. None of them ever saw the men again after they left her room, of course. Juni thought it was really admirable that she embraced her sexuality like that. That she made it look so easy.

And Ved... God, Juni didn't know he was going to change their entire perception of how human relationships worked. He was blunt, he loved people with his entire heart held out on his palm, and he was afraid of nothing.

He had a way with words, and he had a way with getting words out of people.

Four drinks in, and Juni had spilled everything about how queasy relationships made them feel. And the guilt. And the confusion. And everything in between. It was awful and liberating at the same time, even though Juni wasn't sure which of the two things they felt more in that moment, but sitting in a rusty park bench tucked against Ved's side with his heavy arm wrapped around their back, it hadn't felt like a mistake.

"You wanna know something, Jun?" he had asked, words soft and slow as if allowing Juni the time to make space inside their head for what was about to come. "It's not always black and white. Sometimes it's... grey, I guess? Sometimes people want something in the middle and not one end or the other. It's like... we're all so used to the idea of everything that seems good coming after you're in a relationship, y'know? A romantic one, I mean. The trust. The intimacy. The comfort. The sex. Or whatever, I don't know. Everything." Juni hadn't been looking up at him, but they were listening. They'd been hanging on to every word that left his mouth, and in the drunken haze of their thoughts, they had wondered how this boy seemed to understand everything they hadn't even been able to gather inside their head for themself to understand. "Like that's... supposedly the 'norm', yeah? You know what I think?"

"Hm?"

"I think that's bullshit."

Juni had looked up at that.

"The world's probably gonna keep telling you that these are... packaged deals or whatever. With the relationship. But you're allowed to crave closeness with someone without being in love with them." It was the first time Ved had looked so serious about something. He had also scrunched his nose in a funny way, though, and added, "Who decided that we all had to be romantically involved with someone at some point, anyway?"

Juni had blinked up at him.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

They had nodded. Quickly.

"I'm saying you don't have to feel like there's something missing inside you or whatever. Just because you didn't... love those people the way they loved you? It doesn't mean you're not capable of caring about them. I think you... care about people very deeply, actually." They had sucked in a sharp breath at the words, but Ved had simply set a hand atop their head and ruffled their hair a little before continuing without a hitch. "So stop feeling like you're not enough, okay? You're whole on your own but you're also allowed to crave for more."

Juni had laughed, or more like let out a noise that was somewhere between a choke and a scoff and a chuckle. Or a mix of them all. "That's literally selfish, Ved. That's what I've been saying."

"Shut up. It's not."

That had definitely gotten a scoff out of them.

"No, seriously, you stubborn fuck. You feel like it's selfish because you have yourself convinced that you aren't capable of love at all."

Juni had frozen in his hold, and Ved had felt it.

"Hit the nail on the head with that one, did I?" Juni had rolled their eyes at the smugness in his voice. His next words had been spoken in a softer voice yet again. "We all love in different ways, Jun." Their eyes had been strictly focused on the ground, but their posture had relaxed when Ved's hand had found home in rubbing circles against their arm. "You love Sean—"

"—Hey, gross, that's not—"

"Shh. Let me finish. You're so annoying. Anyways. You love Sean. And Lay. And Imani." Juni slowly looked up at him again, and Ved's expression didn't have a single hint of playfulness in it. "And me."

"—oh." A small smile had finally taken over Ved's face at the dumbfounded expression on Juni's face, but it had melted into a tender one when they had blinked and whispered a soft, "I do."

"And we love you."

"...yeah."

"Was that simple enough for your pea brain to take in?"

Juni had stared at his face for a few more seconds, shaken their head with a small smile, and then elbowed Ved in the side hard enough to make him yelp.

Two weeks later, they had returned home after their first wild night out with Layla with their heart still pounding in their ears in a good way for once, opened the door to the room they shared with Ved, and silently snuggled up against his giant, seemingly sleeping form.

"I think I might be aromantic," they had whispered in the dark silence, and a long arm had vined itself around their waist and pulled them closer.

"Okay," Ved had whispered back a few seconds later, and pressed a soundless kiss to the crown of their head.

-

In all honesty, Ved had made it simple enough.

People no longer come and go. In fact, ever since they formed Less Miserable, people have only come and stayed.

And Juni... loves them.

In fact, sometimes when they see all of them in the same space together, their chest fills with so much warmth it feels like it could burst.

It feels that way when they see Sean with Atlas after all these years—the love between them so quiet and so incredibly kind. A thread of understanding always tied to their pinkies. Smiles waiting right around the corner every time their eyes meet.

It feels that way when they see Imani with Kaia—the former's full belly laughs echoing around the house and the latter always being the reason behind them. When the two of them talk about music and listen to each other attentively, how their beautiful minds somehow find a way to intertwine and make a symphony of their own.

It feels that way when they see Layla with River—how they're uncharacteristically shy in each other's presence but still so, so incredibly close without making the other feel suffocated.

It feels that way every day, when Ved opens his arms to let them find their place in his lap after a long day of work, burying their face against the side of his neck without a hitch in their breath, because that's just how simple things are with the two of them.

The two of them don't wait around the corner and question the nature of their relationship with each other or anyone else.

Juni lets the familiar feeling of peace wash over their tired form like warm water against cold skin as soon as Ved's fingers slide into their hair, and then slip down to tenderly massage the base of their neck. It goes on that way, and Juni closes their eyes and waits for Ved to ask them the same question he does every day.

"How was your day?"

"Perfect," Juni replies with a smile hiding amidst the exhaustion in their voice, and means it.

a/n: this has been on my mind for So long.............my god