This is not a Christmas gift. This is not a Christmas gift.

I kept repeating that on my head as I trotted to my class, hoping that no one would be there yet.

Almost there..

I hastened my pace, a new pen on my pocket.

This time, I wasn't going to place the pen inside a paperbag and leave it on his locker, like how I did all the time. I didn't want his friends to go wild and become suspicious. I want everything to look natural and unplanned.

And I kept reminding myself that this was not a Christmas gift, and I'm not into Seongwoo.

Yes!

I slid the door to my class open to find myself as the first comer, again for today. After closing the door again, I rushed towards Seongwoo's table and crouched down to the floor, placing the pen next to his desk.

There you go.

BAM!

The back door suddenly busted open, I stood up right in time and saw Lee Insoo walking into the classroom.

"Hey Seolji, what are you doing?" he greeted, tone half confused.

"Uhh.. It's kinda cold so I'm stretching here, facing the window, you see.." I awkwardly smiled.

"Sssure... Have fun," he said as he walked towards his locker.

I tried taking a nap but couldn't do it, as I was worried that someone else would take the pen. So all I did was lie my head on the table facing left, towards Seongwoo's seat.

Classes then began.

It was Mathematics, and our teacher had told us to solve some problems. Seongwoo was about to bother Sohee and ask for a pen when suddenly,

"Now whose pen is this? Lying on the ground looking lonely?" he said, bending down to retrieve the pen.

My head perked towards him in an instant.

"Hey, does anybody own this?" Seongwoo asked the class, looking around and lifting the pen above his head.

Of course not. Just. Use. It.

I didn't blink for any second as he waited for someone to respond.

"Seongwoo-yah!" I heard someone call.

"I think it's the one I lost last week," said Moonbok.

What?! No!

My brows were furrowed and my eyes were popping out as Seongwoo calmly said,

"Do you need it for now? Can I use it?"

"Sure, you can return it to me after class," Moonbok cheerfully smiled.

I whined in silence and buried my face under my palms seeing my scenario fail.

"Hey, you okay?" asked Insoo, poking my back.

"I'm.. okay."

At least I bought two pens yesterday.

The whole thing replayed on the next day. But this time, Jonghyun and Jaehwan were already on the class as I arrived. I had to drop the pen during the first lunch break, but I succeeded anyways. Up next is History by Mr. Cho, and I could already imagine him glaring at Seongwoo.

"Hey hey hey! Now whose pen is this today?" he asked the class before Mr. Cho entered the room.

The pen I dropped yesterday was a basic, plain black pen, something that everyone can own, or claim they own. But today's pen was quite unique, it was in clear dark blue with a light blue rubber wrapping the grip part. Still a discounted pen on a common bookstore, but I don't think I've ever saw anyone in the class using it before. I was going to use it for myself, but since Moonbok took my last pen, I just had to give this one away.

I was unintentionally holding my breath as I looked at the scene in front of my eyes.

Please work, please work, please--

"Oh! Seongwoo-yah! I think it's mine," shouted Jonghyun.

WHAT? NO NO NO!

"I haven't even got to use it as it has dissappeared since day one, thank goodness you found it--"

"NO!"

I clasped my mouth as everyone in the class stared at me.

Did I just said what was on my mind out loud..

I saw Insoo's head leaning towards me, his eyebrows raised.

"Uhh.. I accidentally deleted a picture on my phone," I explained to Insoo, grinning.

Everyone's heads turned away as I breathed in relief.

"You can use it, just return it to me after class is over," Jonghyun smiled.

"Ddaeng-kyu ddaeng-kyu!" replied Seongwoo.

I really wanted to be mad, but it's Kim Jonghyun. I felt like pulling all my hair off my head, but attracting more attention by doing that would only make the class suspect me as a psycho. Clenching my fist and tapping my feet on the ground, I tried to think of what to do next.

Okay. 

If you want to succeed, 

you have to level up.

I don't even know anymore if I'm doing all this to help the needy (or Ong Seongwoo), or plainly because I'm just furious I kept failing. Might be the earlier, might be the latter, but one fact for sure is that day after school, I decided to detour from my usual way back home and stopped by my neighborhood's arcade, where Heo Boram won me my Jigglypuff pen, the Jigglypuff pen, six years ago.

I already spent more than twelve thousand won and forty five minutes on the claw machine trying to win the same pen. 

Until finally,

Clank!

There sounded my victory. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes in relief. As I closed them, I could feel both my eyes burn due to intensely staring at the glass box for such a long time.

Opening my eyes, I crouched down to lift the gift flap and reach out for the pen. A blurry image of the pink pen then appeared on my hands. Still on the ground, I stared at the pen for some time, thinking I must be crazy.

What was I doing... I can't seriously give this to him... 

I think I'll just keep this for mysel--

No! YOU spent 12400 won on this and now you're just gonna back down? Stop being such a loser for once! You are going to walk into your classroom tomorrow, and drop it as planned first thing in the morning.

And that, was exactly what I did.

I stayed up half of the night studying for an English exam the next day and woke up even earlier than yesterday to make sure nobody would be in the class the time I arrive. I didn't feel well but I knew I wouldn't get a proper sleep anyways even if I go back to bed.

I just want this to work and be over...

I thought as I rubbed my eyes walking on the empty and silent corridor towards my classroom. Sliding the back door to my class, I found the class empty, as I planned. I rummaged my coat's pocket for the pen and walked towards Seongwoo's table. 

This time, I placed it between his desk and Sohee's chair in front. 

Done.

I dragged my tired self to my chair and buried my face on my thick winter coat sleeves. I just wanted to sleep. And so, I did fell asleep.

What woke me up was only when Jonghyun told us to stand up and greet Mrs. Nam, then I fell right back asleep. Then he told us to greet Ms. Lee, our English teacher, which basically means the exam is about to begin. But then I heard her saying something like giving us an extra 15 minutes to study which the whole class cheered about but all I did was sigh and go back to sleep.

The next thing I knew was Yejin passing me the exam papers and me struggling to finish it. At least the bigger struggle was for me staying awake and not for actually answering the questions. I think I might succeed this test. Well by succeeding I meant survive.

Ms. Lee's alarm then went off and the class turned into a ruckus as students stood up and collected their test papers.

"Need a hand?" Insoo asked me as he walked past my table.

"Sure, thanks," I entrusted my paper to him to be collected.

My chin rested on top of my folded hands, I felt my droopy eyelids closing and my consciousness drifting away.

"Hey."

"Baek Seolji?"

I felt someone nudge on my elbow.

.

Ong Seongwoo?

OH RIGHT THE PEN--

"This your pen right? Sorry, but I used it for the test without telling you. I didn't want to wake you up, you look very tired..." he said, crouching next to my table.

"Uhh no, but yes- I mean no.."

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah I'm fine.." I massaged my temples and took a deep breath, "anyways that pen, it's n-not mine.."

"See Mr. Know-it-all? Ahh you kept on blabbering about pretty eyes this pretty eyes that and was so convinced it was hers when it's not," Mijoo said as she walked past us to exit the class.

"But I totally remember this pen! See? Your eyes are--"

"Ahhh I'm sure I remembered correctly!" he looked back and forth at me and the pen.

"Actually, um.. You're right, I have that pen-- but not that pen. I mean I have the same pen, but that one's not mine," I said as I moved my head away from him.

"Look, I still got mine," I said as I took my Jigglypuff pen out of my pencil case, my heartbeat slightly increasing trying to work through this whole scenario.

"What? I don't recall anyone besides you having this pen," he said, "Hey, anyone own this?" he stood up and waved the pen in the air for everyone to see.

Nobody answered.

Of course.

"Well that's kind of odd..." he looked down at the floor.

"But what's important is, that means I got myself a new pen!" he suddenly broke into a large grin and chortled.

"How did this pen get into this class..." he mumbled and looked back at the pen.

"Well, maybe we're just meant to have a couple item," he added, chuckling to me and walking back to his seat.

I felt myself blushing, which is not supposed to happen.