Sleep, something I used to drop into without any effort, has eluded me lately. Longer runs, pushing myself to exhaustion, hasn't helped. Last night, memories of Tayla clicked through my mind, teeth on a ratchet, each remembrance tightening my gut to an unbearable tension. 

As a result, when I drive into Aaron's high-end car dealership on Saturday morning, I'm on my third coffee, and I've brought one for him as well.

"Si, here with a coffee on a Saturday. Your bargain with Tayla giving you trouble?" He takes a sip and settles into the leather chair behind his desk.

I chuckle and take a gulp of my drink. Aaron has lived through the fallout of every breakup I've had since high school. The one with Tayla was the worst by a mile. "I took her to Reeds Lake Thursday for dinner."

He whistles. "Sparing no expense." He taps a pen on his desk. "I still cannot believe she agreed to your three weeks, three dates a week plan. I hope you've started a shrine to some sort of god, because that's a miracle if I ever saw one."

"Tayla would probably like a shrine, right? Who wouldn't want that level of devotion?" Some women find obsession hot. Tayla is not one of them.

I sink deeper into the plush chair across from him. His theory is that customers spend more money when they're surrounded by opulence. Everything in his office is high end and incredibly comfortable. My theory is that if he can afford this nice furniture, he can also afford to give people a deal. Our friendship means I've never asked for one, and even when he's offered, I haven't often accepted. 

"Would not recommend the shrine." Aaron sighs. "We're going to be a while, aren't we? Whenever you come in here full of avoidance, you're not ready to get to the heart of things." He tips his chair forward and stands. "I've got a group of animal shelter people coming here to use the parking lot later today. Come help me set up."

He reads me well. I want company, but I don't want to talk. I grab my coffee off his desk and follow him. "What's the deal with the shelter?"

He plucks keys out of a lock box on the way to the lot. "I gotta move some cars to make space for their cages and fenced areas at the front."

"They're doing adoptions or...?"

"Adoptions. They sell some merchandise too. Take donations. We sponsor them. One of our community outreach things." He shrugs and passes me three sets of keys. "Those ones can be moved to the back over there." He points toward the rear of the building where there's a strip of gravel rather than asphalt.

"Got it." I pocket the keys and head for the sports cars on display along the road. I slip my coffee into a cup holder and set to work. As I move a vehicle and walk back to get another, I try to gather my wits. Thoughts of Tayla are a constant undercurrent, a deep underwater stream I'm not sure I can tap around Aaron without causing a geyser of emotions.

When we're finished, we stand together watching the traffic stream by on the main road. "I was an idiot six years ago."

Aaron grimaces. "You were, yeah. We both know that. I might even have told you at the time."

"You did." Part of me knew I wasn't making the best choice, but I couldn't seem to get a handle on my warring emotions.

He laughs. "Part of my charm as a best friend? Unwavering honesty."

I drain the last of my coffee. "I should have called you that night."

"Yeah, not much I could do the next day after you blew up your life."

"I was so stupid."

"You should have told Tayla what was happening instead of trying to keep it from her." He gives me a meaningful look. "It wasn't GameSetMatch that sank you or the never-ending house search or even your dad's mid-life crisis. It was you."

I rub my face. There's his damn honesty again. "Yeah, I came to terms with that, which is why I went to her house to explain."

"Have you told her? Talked about what went wrong? Trying to rebuild a relationship with her isn't right if you aren't going to give her all the information."

"Makes me look like an asshole." If I tell her the complete truth before she at least likes me again, she's not going to stick around.

He chuckles. "Because you were an asshole. A confused one. Just own it." He gives me a quick jab to my ribs. "Everything going on last time isn't happening this time."

It's true. The tornado of events leading up to the botched proposal aren't factors, and I spent a lot of time meditating in monasteries over how quickly I was swept away by uncertainty. I was weak when I needed to be strong, and I'm not making that mistake again. More than ever, I understand what I've lost.

Thursday night on the path, my gaze locked with Tayla's, and an overwhelming sense of rightness seeped into my bones. From the minute she stepped out of her little house on our first date, it felt like I could take a full breath for the first time in my life. How had I lost sight of that when it mattered most?

When she shut the door on me five years ago, I thought giving up was the respectful thing to do. She couldn't stand the sight of me. I ruined any chance I had at happiness when we broke up. But now, knowing the circumstances in her life at the time, I wish, more than anything, I went back one more time. Where would we be? Would she have been able to forgive me then? Can she forgive me now?

"I don't think I can own it yet." I fiddle with my empty cup.

"The longer you wait, man, the closer you'll be to fucking up again." He takes my cup. "That's the shelter coming now in that cargo van. I'll throw these out and be right back."

As the van drives into the lot, I pretend to be an air traffic controller, and the woman in the driver's seat, who looks about my age, laughs as she steers into the parking spot I selected. "Very clever," she says, climbing out of the vehicle.

"Need a hand?" I grin and shove my hands into my pockets.

"I'd never say no to that," she says, and her middle-aged partner in the passenger seat follows her to the back of the van.

As soon as the back doors are open, I take out fencing and let them direct me through their setup. Aaron returns, and after watching for a minute, pitches in even though he's in a suit.        

Another van arrives with the puppies, kittens, and older dogs. Once they're all set up in their various pens or cages. Aaron tips his head at the puppies. "You're not tempted?"

"To take one or to get in the pen?" Truthfully, I've been itching to climb into the enclosure with the mutts. They look like a Labrador or German Shepherd cross, and I can't help remembering Rex as a pup.

"Both." Aaron grins. "I'm even tempted."

When he says it, he's not looking at the puppies, he's checking out Denise, the young blonde who joked with me earlier. "No ring," I say, following his gaze.

"Not exactly a true marker for availability."

"Want me to ask her if she's single?"

Aaron chuckles. "And risk her thinking you're going to ask her out? Uh, no. I suspect you're more her type anyway. She's been sliding glances in your direction."

As though sensing our scrutiny, Denise approaches. "Did you want to hold a puppy?" Her hands are on her slim hips.

"I kinda want to climb in there and roll around with them," I admit.

She laughs. "Might as well do that before we get busy or there's too much poop and pee." She shudders.

No need for a second invitation. I climb into the pen and two of the ten puppies come over, their butts causing the rest of their body to wiggle. While I pick each one up to examine them, Aaron strikes up a conversation with Denise.

I'm so wrapped up in a puppy haze, I don't realize people have started to mill around. When I get my favorite puppy comfortable enough to relax on her back like a baby, I glance up, pleased I remembered the handling Tayla taught me. At the edge of the fencing, light brown eyes tender with affection and amusement, is Tayla. My heart kicks at the sight of her. Her jeans, fitted T-shirt, and long dark hair framing her face isn't as fancy as the dress she wore the other night, but it doesn't stop the tightening in my pants. I want to climb out of the puppy enclosure, sweep her into my arms, and feel her sigh of contentment against my lips.

"I can't believe they let you in there," Tayla says but her eyes are lit with amusement. "Who'd you have to bribe?"

"I used up my charm quotient for the day." I say with a grin. "Are you finally giving into the call of the puppy?" I gesture to the puppy in my arms. "I've got a good one right here." Would she take a puppy with her if she moved to another country? Another reason I've been twisted in knots. If I do manage to win her around, would I be holding her back or would she go even if I couldn't follow? Neither of those answers sits well with me.

She shakes her head, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "She is a good one to let you hold her like a baby."

"Think we should take that one?" the man at her side asks.

My body tenses when I realize the man beside Tayla is Ciro, the guy from the vet clinic at lunch. A flare of annoyance bursts to life. Is she spending the day with him? Are they picking out a puppy together?

She examines me, thoughtful. "What do you think, Si? We're picking out rescue dogs to be trained as therapy dogs."

Relief douses my annoyance. They're not really puppy shopping together, and she's asking my opinion. A burst of pride rips through me that she values my opinion. "Well," I say, setting the pup down. "I've already taught her to sit." As soon as she's out of my arms, she tries to crawl back in. Tayla laughs at my efforts to keep her out of my lap to show off the hard work I've done this last half hour. "She was sitting."

"Are you interested in her?" she asks me, her gaze intense.

I examine the puppy, and the desire to snatch her up and take her home spreads across my chest. She would be a great therapy dog. Her focus, temperament, and joy in human companionship would be assets. "No," I say with a shake of my head. "Better not."

"I think we've got our first candidate," she says to Ciro. "We should take her."

Ciro's gaze travels between me and Tayla for a moment, a hint of a frown marring his forehead. What's he thinking? Finally, he nods and heads over to intercept Denise who is busy trying to upsell a woman adopting a cat.

"I didn't realize you'd be here," Tayla says as the female pup collapses in my lap with a sigh.

I stroke the dog and tip my head toward Aaron. "This is Aaron's dealership. I just stopped in to have a chat and then...well..." I gaze into my lap. "Who can resist puppies?"

"Aaron owns this dealership?" She glances around, surprise clear on her face.

When we were together, Aaron had just started selling cars. For him to own his own dealership now means exactly what she thinks. He's done extremely well for himself. Perhaps there is something to his expensive furniture theory. "For about a year now."

"Explains your fancy car."

"Gotta support your friends." Our gazes connect, and she's searching my eyes, looking for something. What, though? "You're still driving the same car. Maybe it's time for an upgrade?"

She crosses her arms and scuffs her feet. "I'm loyal in a different way, I suppose. Don't need the fanciest model, just one that's reliable and comfortable."

Is that a dig at me? Beyond the vehicle? Why?

"Filled in all the paperwork," Ciro says, drawing level with Tayla outside the fenced pen. "They'll call us tomorrow if we're approved."

"Great," Tayla says, but she stays focused on me and the pup. The longing on her face causes an ache to bloom across my chest.

"Seems she's a bit in love with you," Ciro says with a chuckle.

Tayla's attention snaps to him, a protest on her lips, but she closes her mouth and follows Ciro's gaze to my lap. Warmth spreads across my chest. She thought he was talking about her?

"Maybe," I say, a hint of a smile tugging at the edges of my mouth. Tayla's gaze connects with mine, a flush in her cheeks. "I might be a little bit in love with her too."

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