❝Hello, McDonald's delivery line on your service. How may I help you today?❞

❝You can help me by showing the way to your heart.❞

❝What in tarnation?❞

❝I know, I know. Men are repulsive in your life dictionary.❞

❝ . . . ❞

❝What?❞

❝Trevor, I am basically allergic to fuckboys and humans alike. And I can't help but think that you're one of them.❞

❝ . . . ❞

❝I don't know what you feel about me but I still don't really trust you.❞

❝It's cool. No hard feelings.❞

❝Hey, did you ever get those condoms though?❞

❝You wanna know why I order those condoms?❞

❝Not that I want to know but okay.❞

❝I-I had a girlfriend.❞

[ This fact shouldn't inflict any form of pain on her because we all know he's a Vagina Slayer. I mean, he probably has slayed countless card slots with his three-inch strawberry lollipop. But somehow she feels a crack tracing a line across her heart. She becomes confused with herself. ]

❝Oh, okay. . . . And?❞

❝She was going to dump me but I asked her to stay until we have our first experience in bed together.❞

❝So, what happened?❞

❝She left before I could even say 'Do you agree with that?'❞

❝I'm so sorry.❞

❝No big deal.❞ [He then mumbles something like, ❝But I have you,❞ but she couldn't make out. Sorry, I mean make it out. ]

❝I'm confused, though. Why did she dump you? And why do you need to wait until you guys have sex?❞

❝I'm a virgin.❞

❝You're lying.❞

❝I SWEAR!❞

❝Aren't you a certified man-whore or something?❞

❝Maybe a player but-❞

❝There's a fine line between player and fuckboy. You pretty much crossed that line since the first day you called in.❞

❝What's for sure, I never had sex before. I just wanted it to be special with her but I guess I'm not qualified enough.❞

❝Why don't you just buy some condoms at Seven-Eleven and then hump some camels at the side of the road if you're so sexually-deprived?❞

❝I have my own reasons.❞

❝Like what?❞

❝ . . . ❞

❝Hello?❞

❝He hung up on me again. Is this like a Tre-dition or what?❞

❝Oh my God, I actually made that pun! Are you proud of me, readers?❞

[ And there goes the fourth wall. ]