Chapter 4



I made it through the day.

That’s what matters to me today.

Natapos ko ang isang araw sa university ng normal. People keeps staring and complimenting me, and I hate that I keep getting their attention. Ariella noticed the uneasiness I’ve been feeling so she asked me.

“Are you okay?” she asked me while we were at our last class for today.

Nakaupo na kami sa mga assigned chairs namin habang hinihintay dumating ang teacher namin sa Research 2.

I nodded. “I’m fine. What made you think I’m not?”

“I noticed that you don’t like if anyone’s looking at you. Does it make you feel uncomfortable?”

To be honest, yes. I don’t like the feeling of all eyes on me as if they’re burrowing under my clothes and my skin. It feels suffocating for me.

Hindi na ako sumagot sa sinabi niya. I’m not confirming it, but I’m not denying it. I just hope she gets me.

Nakita ko na tumango siya at nag-iwas na ng tingin.

Back in New York, I was also ‘eye-catching’ for a lot of people. They’re mystified about how I communicate with people, about how I ignore people, and why I act like this.

I can’t help but feel like this because I easily get attached to someone before. I lose a lot of people every time and I’m tired of that. I can’t avoid losing people because life’s like that. Someone will come, someone will leave. The only solution I have for this problem is to just avoid people. Until… I just don’t like people anymore.

After I had dinner, I called my mom. But before that, I checked the time. The time from here to there are always opposite to each other. If it’s 10 pm here, it’s 10 am there.

It took a couple of rings before my mom was able to pick up the phone to answer my video call.

“Hey, Tiff! How was you day? I was about to call you after we finish eating breakfast!” salubong niya with her usual jolly voice.

My mom is just like any other typical American mom. Funny, easy to get along, not that strict, but if you make them mad, they will really scold you to death.

“My day was alright, mom. I just finished having dinner,” sagot ko at umupo sa study table ko.

Hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ang roommate ko. I’m glad though. I don’t really like her. She was loud. She talks to the phone like she’s going to war. She takes a lot of time to get ready and she’s…

I looked at her side of the room. She’s messy as hell. Her clothes are all around her bed, almost forming a mountain. She even left her empty shampoo bottle in the shower!

I can always demand for a new roommate, but I didn’t. First of all, my mom will overreact, she’ll come back here and deal with this herself, and second, I think it’s a great idea to let myself face people like her to practice better communication. I will talk to her about my problem like a normal and mature human being.

“You’re done? That’s good. Don’t starve yourself. Always remember, good grades won’t feed you. Stop overworking yourself with academics. Your dad and I will accept whatever you can give.”

That’s what I love about my parents. They don’t pressure me with my education. They don’t choose for me. Heck, they even let me go to the Philippines just to continue my studies here. They let me avoid therapy because I reasoned out that I want to fix this myself.

“Yes, mom. I’ll have that posted in my wall,” I joked, but I really took out a piece of paper and a marker to write down what she said.

“You’re really silly! Tell me what happened today! I’m so excited to hear your stories for the day,” she said and I saw her fixing her clothes.

She’s already in her usual corporate attire. She was getting ready for work, I see.

“I don’t have a lot much to say, mom. Ask me again after a week.”

“Not a lot happened today? What about your seat mates? Did you meet the one that toured you around last Saturday? What was her name again?” she questioned.

“Take it easy with the questions, mom. Her name is Ariella Ferrera. Yes, I met her again today.”

“I think she’s nice. You should befriend her.”

“We’ll see…” I replied.

I saw her stopped what she was doing. She was about to get her bag, but she stopped and took her phone and looked at me carefully through the phone.

“You didn’t said no… Am I missing something?” she eyed me suspiciously.

“Huh?”

“Every time I tell you to befriend someone, you immediately response a no to me. You said ‘we’ll see’! That’s an improvement, if you ask me…” she excitedly said and waved her hand.

“I don’t think so…” sabi ko at inisip ang sinabi kanina.

Am I considering befriending Ariella? That’s bad… Really bad.

“I’m telling your dad!”

Our video call lasted about an hour before she finally told me she needs to get to work and told me that I should sleep. I hung up the call after saying my good bye.

Pinatong ko ang phone ko sa lamesa at umayos sa pagkakaupo. Our professors didn’t go easy on us. Meron agad kaming kailangan pag-aralan dahil may quiz na bukas.

Pero naalala ko na hindi na nga pala unang araw ng klase… Matagal na sila nagsimula at pahabol lang ako sa klase.

I shrugged and studied for the long quiz tomorrow.

I didn’t wait for my roommate all night. May susi naman siya ng kwarto namin. Hindi ko lang alam paano pa siya nakabalik dito, naalala ko may curfew kami.

I woke up because of the loud music blasting from the speaker. I immediately groaned when I completely gained my consciousness.

Kahapon pala ay patikim palang ng ugali ng roommate ko. She really went extreme this time.

Rock music was playing on the speaker… I don’t like rock music because they’re almost deafening. I like pop rock, though. My taste in music varies if the lyrics are good.

But in this case, I woke up to loud music, and it ruined my mood.

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakahiga. Napatingin ako sa side ng roommate ko at nakitang nakahiga siya sa higaan niya. Hindi parin ligo at nakatutok lang sa cellphone niya. I planned to confront her but she seemed busy kaya mamaya nalang siguro pagka-uwi ko galing university.

I got ready… Kumain na ako ng almusal sa labas. There are a lot of food stalls and coffee shops just near our dorm so it was easy.

Pagkabalik ko ng kwarto ay nagpapatugtog parin si Jessica, but this time, it was a pop rock music that looks like a live performance.

Nakikinig lang ako habang nag-aayos ng sarili. May isang oras pa naman bago ako tuluyang umalis ng dorm para pumasok, kaya napakinggan ko pa ang ilang kanta na pinapatugtog niya. The curiosity hit through me.

I didn’t know the name of the bad that was playing. I don’t even know the song. So I had to swallow my pride and ask Jessica.

When the music ended, there was a short pause before a new one starts, so I took that small amount of time to talk to Jessica.

“What’s the name of the band?” I finally asked her.

Napatingin naman siya sa, medyo nagulat dahil sa pagsasalita ko mula sa kawalan. But she answered, still.

“Ito ‘yung— This is the band from the university. Tenth Avenue…” sabi niya at pinatay ang speaker.

That gave me sudden chills from my spine to the front. I had goosebumps from hearing ‘tenth avenue’.

I remember the tenth avenue from the west side of Manhattan, New York City.

“Bakit natahimik ka?” tanong niya nang mapansin siguro na napaisip ako.

“I feel weird.”

“Huh?” nabigla siya sa sagot ko. “Naintindihan mo ako?”

Nanlaki agad ang mata ko nang mapansin ang ginawa. Goddamn! I accidentally replied to her, she spoke in Filipino!

“No… I… just, uhm,” I struggled to think of an excuse.

Tumango siya na parang may naisagot na talaga ako.

“You’re familiar with a lot of Filipino words, I get it. No need to get embarrassed,” then she chuckled.

“Yeah, that…” sinabi ko nalang, kasi mukhang siya na nag-isip ng excuse para sa akin.

“That’s good. Why do you feel weird, by the way? Have an history of hooking up with one of the members of the trio?” she laughed out loud again.

Napatingin naman ako ulit sa kaniya dahil sa sinabi niya. Hooking up? I don’t even know the members, nor their little band! But I must admit that I like the voice of the vocalist from what she was playing earlier.

“No… I just remembered an old urban legend from NYC…”

“Tell me about it,” sabi niya at umupo ng maayos.

“I would like to, but don’t you have class for today?” I replied and checked my wrist watch.

May dalawang oras pa bago magsimula ang klase. It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the university. Mahaba pa talaga ang oras, pero gusto ko handa na ako. Hindi naman ako papawisin sa kwarto namin dahil may air-conditioning na installed dito.

“No, I plan to just stay here for the day. Wala naman daw importante na gagawin.”

Tumango nalang ako at nag set ng alarm sa phone ko para alam ko kung anong oras ako aalis. I don’t have a lot of self control.

“Back in 1846, the tenth avenue was fondly known as the death avenue back in NYC,” simula ko at nagulat siya doon, but she looked more interested because of my intro.

“Go on… How exciting is this!” she said while slowly grinning.

“The tenth avenue is located in the west side of Manhattan in New York. The local government has built a railroad for the trains, so they could easily distribute things from nearby factories and warehouses.”

“I guess it was not a good idea. The railroad goes through streets where a lot of pedestrian cross and drivers drive through. There are at least 436 people killed because of this train. Night and day, non-stop. Mostly children were killed,” I told her and her eyes widened, and her lips gaped a little.

“That’s sad…”

“Some— if not dead, are maimed until they had to take their legs off because of the injury they received. The city wasn’t prepared for such thing as the road was used by anyone. The government hired cowboys to warn pedestrians to be ahead of the train, but they couldn’t control it, it was a short-lived solution.”

“What did they do to stop such many deaths?”

“They rerouted the train in 1993 to overhead tracks. Even that was not good. So they made the High Line elevated park. I guess that fixed that freight train.”

“But it’s sad to think that there are hundreds of people that died…” sabi niya at huminga ng malalim.

“I don’t know if that story was true or it’s just a way to scare kids so that they wouldn’t cross that street, but older people said it was true… So, up to now, everyone still refer tenth avenue as death avenue. Ask anyone about it and they will tell you about the death avenue…”

“So it won’t be bad if I call the band from the univ as Death Avenue?” she laughed, and I laughed because of that.

“If they don’t know the context, they will be pretty offended by that, I guess…”

Napahaba pa ang kwentuhan namin, hanggang sa tumunog na ang alarm ko, ibig sabihin ay kailangan ko na magsimula maglakad. Nagpaalam na ako sa kaniya at niyaya pa nga niya ako na sabay na kaming kumain ng dinner pagka-uwi ko.

Pumayag na ako.

Ngayong naglalakad na ako papasok ay muntikan ko na murahin ang sarili ko na hindi ko nabanggit sa kaniya ang mga gusto ko talaga pag-usapan namin!

Maybe, later at dinner, then…

Nang makarating sa premises ay nilabas ko ang libro ko para magbasa ng kaunti para sigurado sa long test. Pa-minsan-minsan ay natingin ako sa dinadaanan ko para hindi makabangga ang kung sino-sino.

Pero habang busy sa binabasa ay may nakabangga sa akin, which caused me to drop the book that I was holding. The one that I collided with was a man. He has a guitar in his back. He immediately picked up my book and said sorry.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya, papunta sa gitara niya sa likod. Everyone started looking at the scene we caused.

“My apologies, miss…” pag hingi ng tawad ng lalaki na nakabangga ko.

Malalim ang boses niya at parang hinele ako. Muntikan pa akong mawala sa sarili, pero naalala ko na halos nasa gitna kami ng daanan. I unconsciously looked around to see everyone now stopping by to see what was happening. I heard whispers all around, and some were even shouting.

“That’s the transferee?”

“Hala, ang galing! Parang tulad lang sa mga movies… ‘Yung makakabangga ng transferee ang lalaki, tapos ‘di niya alam sikat pala ang lalaki!” rinig ko pang sabi ng isa.

“Miss?” the guy asked me. Napansin ko naman ang kulay asul niyang mata.

Para akong nabato sa posisyon ko. He held my arm, I flinched because of that. Binawi ko ang braso ko at ang libro ko na nasa kamay niya at iniwan siya doon mag-isa. The whispers had become much louder, may mga nagtatawanan na at nag-aasaran.

I couldn’t handle what was happening, I felt like I was being suffocated. Pasimple lang sana ako aalis, pero hindi ko na kinaya. Tumakbo ako palayo doon, everyone saw me for sure and thought I was hella weird!

Tumakbo ako papunta sa CR sa ground floor. Pagkapasok ay sinarado ko ang pintuan. I locked the door and leaned on it as I try to calm myself down.

Hinihingal ako. Inubos ko ang oras ko sa CR, hanggang sa sa tingin ko ay unti nalang ang tao sa labas. Laking pasasalamat ko na walang tao ang pumasok sa CR para makita ang estado ko ngayon.

Pagkalabas ko ay tumingin muna ako sa paligid at dumiretso na sa room namin. Pagkapasok ay nakita kong kumpleto na sila doon at mukhang hinihintay nalang si Prof. Geraldine.

Lahat ng mata ay nasa akin nanaman, at nagsimula nanaman magbulungan ang lahat. Napapikit nalang ako at dumiretso sa upuan ko.

Kinausap agad ako ni Ariella. Hindi ko siya pinansin at nanatili akong tahimik sa upuan ko.

“I didn’t saw what happened earlier, I just heard it from anyone else. Was it true?”

Hindi ako sumagot at nilabas lang ang notebook at ballpen ko.

“That’s cute! Just like any typical teen fic stories and movies!”

Ugh, I don’t want to hear it!