Phae

I lay there naked and staring dumbfoundedly at Scor as he stood before us at the door. Hindi ko mabasa ang mukha nya. His eyes were black and flat, emotionless. Not even a flicker of disgust at what's in front of him.

Wala ni isa saamin ang nagkalakas ng loob upang kumilos o magsalita nang mga panahon na iyon. What the hell is this guy doing here? On my girl friend's house? On her bedroom? And why hadn't he stop staring at my body like he wanted to join our little frenzy?

"Anong sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo dito Scorpio?" Hera uttered, obviously annoyed. Siya ang unang nakabawi sa amin. Bumangon sya mula sa pagkakadapa sa harapan ko at hinablot ang kumot mula sa lapag. She covered me with it and whispered that she was sorry before she focused her full attention to Scor. "Ni hindi ka man lang nagpapasabi!"

Hindi parin nagawang magsalita ni Scor. He just stood there, fixing a penetrating gaze at me. Pakiramdam ko mas lalo akong naginit sa paraan ng pagtitig nya sakin. I felt more naked than I already am. Kahit pa nakabalot na ng kumot ang katawan ko, parang nakaukit na sa likod ng mga mata nya ang kahubdan ko.

Napalunok ako. "S-scor.." I wish he would stop looking at me so intensely like that. I wish those eyes doesn't ignite something inside of me. Coz right at that moment, I feel like seconds from bursting into flames.

Hindi tama iyon! Dahil bukod sa nasa harap namin ang girlfriend ko, hindi ko parin alam hanggang ngayon kung bakit narito siya!

"Stop staring at my girlfriend, Scorpio!" Hera scolded. She started towards him, still stark naked, and slapped his shoulder. "Nakakabastos ka na!"

Saglit na nawala ang atensyon ni Scor sakin. She looked at Hera liked it was the first time he saw her there, and then looked at me again. "Phaedra." sa wakas ay usal nya.

"Teka! Teka lang ha?" nagpasalit salit ang tingin nya saming dalawa. "Magkakilala ba kayong dalawa?"

Noon ko lang natagpuan ang lakas para bumangon mula sa kama at dila upang magsalita. "Y-yes.. He's my brother's bestfriend." umiwas ako ng tingin kay Scor at napayuko sa kandungan ko.

"Bestfriend ka ni Drae? What the-" nasapo ni Hera ang noo. "Bestfriend ni Draegan? Seriously? Kung sabagay, parehas kayong gago, pero- magkaibigan kayo?"

"Ba-bakit kilala mo siya?" kabadong tanong ko. Ngayon lang tuluyang tumimo sa isip ko kung anong naabutang eksena ni Scor. Hera and I in a very compromising situation. What if sabihin nya ang mga ito kay Drae?

My brother will kill me.

"Fiance' ko ang mokong na 'to."

"I-I'm sorry?" napatanga ako kay Hera.

"The one I was telling you about?" her right hand gestured towards Scor.

Holy cr@p. I squeezed my eyes shut. I don't know if it's the after effects of orgasm but my mind needs a few more moments to process all these information. Nahuli kami ni Scor na nagsesex ni Hera. Fiance sya ni Hera. Ito yung damuhong kinukwento nya. F-ck! Fiance' nya si Scor!

Noon lang tuluyang nagsink in sa utak ko ang sinabi ni Hera. Something inside me just broke. Like my heart's been torn apart at that declaration. So, balak pakasalan ni Scor ang girlfriend ko? Si Hera ang babaeng matagal na kinamuhian ko dahil mas pinili ito ni Scor kaysa sa akin. No big deal. Hah! I couldn't breathe! Magha-hyperventilate yata ako!

"Umalis ka na, Scor, istorbo ka." narinig kong sinabi ni Hera habang ako naman ay naghahabol ng hininga. This can't be happening! Bakit kailangang si Scor pa ang maging fiance nya? Hindi ba pwedeng iba? Sobra naman yatang sama ng biro na 'to!

"Phae, are you okay?" Hera asked me, I looked up in time to see Scor leaving. No!

I scrambled to my feet and went after him. Naabutan ko sya sa labas ng pintuan ng apartment ni Hera. Nagmamadali ang bawat hakbang nya.

"Scor, sandali!"

He turned and his expression instantly went sour. "Go back inside, Phaedra."

Napaatras ako sa maawtoridad nyang tinig. I hate it when Scor looks and talks to me like this. Like he could control me. I gulped and grasped the white blanket around me tighter. Now's not the time to get affected. For once, I have to resist the command in his voice. I need to explain. "Please, 'wag mong sasabihin kay kuya.."

"I said, get inside, Phae!" he growled menacingly. His eyes burned a million times more than the usual heat of his gaze. Nagtatagis ang mga bagang nya at tila anumang segundo ay manununtok sya.

"Sabihin mo munang hindi mo sasabihin kay kuya!" i was feeling desperate. Oo, natatakot ako sa kuya ko. I don't want him to find out about my sexuality for the fear of him not accepting me. Hindi ko kaya.

Si Drae at Hera na lang ang natitira sakin. Ayokong mawala ang isa sa kanila.

"Hinablot ni Scor ang isang braso ko at hinila pabalik sa loob ng apartment ni Hera. Pumiglas ako. "Nasasaktan ako, Scor!"

Tila napapaso na binitawan nya ako at huminga ng malamim. "What happened to you Phae? I thought.. Fu-ck!" he slammed his fist on the concrete wall behind me. "Gaano katagal na, Phae?"

"W-what?" I asked stupidly.

"How long have you been fu-cking my fiancee? How long have you been.." he struggled to get it out of his mouth. "This!" inilahad nya ang kamay sa akin sa paraan na parang nandidiri sya.

I was stunned. Hanggang sa napatawa ako ng pagak. What do I expect? "Don't act as if I have a contagious disease, Scor."

He remained standing there, catching his breath. Labas ang mga litid nya sa leeg at noo. Nakakuyom din ang mga palad nya na tila nagpipigil na magwala.

I looked bitterly at him. Expecting him to say something. Para akong gago na umaasang sana humingi sya ng sorry. Sana subukan nyang intindihin ang kalagayan ko. But then I realized it was so stupid of me to expect Scor to do those things. He's a heartless bastard. 'Yan ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya.

Napapailing na tumalikod na lang ako. Kung sabihin man nya kay Kuya ang tungkol dito, bahala na! Mas okay pang umasa na hindi ako itatatwa ng kapatid ko, kaysa umasa na iintindihin ako ni Scor. After all, Drae loves me. And I knew for a fact that Scorpio Ledesma doesn't.

---

The next few days I was walking on tiptoes with Drae. Hinihintay kong magpakita sya ng indikasyon na na may nabanggit si Scor sa kanya ukol sa natuklasan nito tungkol sakin, but there's none. He was in his usual, laid back and happy go lucky self, if not his scowling and extremely quiet self.

Ngayong gabi ay pinapunta nya ako sa condo nya at magdidinner daw kami. I was already in front of his door when I heard music and a bunch of people talking at once.

I gawked at the door. Siniguro kong ito nga ang condo ng kapatid ko. Tama naman. Besides, this is the only unit in this floor. Walang nabanggit sakin si Drae na party pala ito! Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa bote ng wine na hawak ko. I was about to knock when the door opened.

Isang babaeng blonde ang bumungad sakin. Over her shoulder, I could see my brother and his friend Liam with a brunette in his arm. Both of them were sprawled on the couch.

"Who are you?" the woman at the door asked me.

I arched one brow and shoved her out of the way. "Move over and let me come in before I shove this down your throat." I said and strolled towards my brother.

"Phae, baby, you shouldn't be rude to her." tatawa tawang sambit ng kuya ko.

"The hell I am!" inilapag ko ang wine sa center table ng sala. "What is this? Akala ko ba magdidinner tayong dalawa?"

"Oh right, dinner." natampal ni Drae ang noo nya at nilagok ang alak na hawak hawak nya.

Hindi nakapagpigil na binawi ko iyon sa kamay nya. I won't let him do this to himself! Alam ko kung bakit nagkakaganito sya, naiintindihan ko, but this has to stop! "Ano 'to? Celebration ng pagkakakita ni Ram sa asawa nya?"

"Well.." ngingisi ngising sagot ng kuya ko. He looked over at Liam, who's equally drunk, and they both laughed. Naitirik ko ang mata ko.

"Who are you ba?" the blonde went over and latched herself unto Drae's lap.

"I'm his sister." i answered curtly. I watched while Drae nuzzled the woman's neck and the latter giggled like a preschool girl. I unglued my eyes from them. This is so disgusting. "I hope there's food in here since you promised me a dinner and I'm starving.." i walked towards his kitchen.

"Uhh.. Hold on," Drae said to his woman. He called on me over his shoulder. "There's no food in there, you might wanna cook."

Pinigil ko ang sarili kong mamura ang kapatid ko. Like I said, alam ko kung bakit sya nagkakaganyan. Noong inimbita nya 'ko para sa dinner na ito, hindi ko inaasahan na magiging ganyan nanaman sya. Noon kase, hindi talaga kami nagkikita until alam kong stable na sya. Kaya naman noong imbitahan nya ako ay natuwa pa 'ko. I thought, finally, nakakarecover na sya. But, I was wrong.

Napailing ako habang hinahalungkat ko ang ref nya para makapagluto ako ng hapunan. I took out some meat at mga pansahog. Sinupalpal ko rin ang bibig ko ng isang bar ng chocolate dahil talagang nagugutom na 'ko.

Sinimulan kong hugasan ang mga lulutuin ko nang may lumapit saakin at agawin ang mga 'yon.

"Let me help you with that."

Nahigit ko ang hininga ko nang makita ko si Scor. Nadaiti ng kaunti ang balat nya sakin nang agawin nya ang hawak kong repolyo. Tila napapaso na binitawan ko na lang iyon. "A-anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"I was invited too, you know?" he looked at me and smiled a little.

Napatango na lang ako at humakbang palayo sa kanya. Inabala ko ang sarili ko sa paghihiwa ng sibuyas. Naiilang ako na narito si Scor. Malaki ang kitchen ni Drae, pero tila ba napakasikip niyon para saming dalawa ng best friend nya. Kinakabahan ako na nandito sya, ngayon na ba nya sasabihin kay kuya ang tungkol sakin at kay Hera? Sana hindi. Drae's already upset as it is. 'Wag na sana nyang dagdagan ang dinadala ng kapatid ko.

"It's our mom's death anniversary you know." I said without looking at him.

"I know." he set the cabbage down in front of me and I started slicing it. Dinampot naman nya ang laman ng baboy at iyon naman ang hinugasan.

"Wag mo na sanag dagdagan ang bigat na nararamdaman nya."

"I'm not planning on doing that." he quietly answered.

Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. I watched Scor's broad shoulders as he washed the meat. I know he loves Drae, too. As much as I love my brother. Hindi sya gagawa ng bagay na makakasakit dito, tulad ng iniisip ko. Ako lang naman ang hilig nyang saktan. He would never hurt Drae.

"Siguro naman hindi mo sasabihin sa kanya?" i tried.

"You should tell him, Phae."

Napapikit ako ng mariin. I'm scared.

"Wala ako sa lugar para sabihin 'yun sa kanya, Phaedra." he said, facing me. "This is between you and your brother, wala akong balak na makialam. But you should tell him, he deserves to know."

I couldn't take my eyes off Scor's.

"Deserve to know what?"

Nagulat ako nang biglang lumapit samin si Drae, susuray suray sya. Hindi agad ako nakakibo. Nanlalaki ang mata na nakatitig lang ako sa kapatid ko, watching his every move. Hindi ata ako humihinga dahil naramdaman ko na lang ang kamay ni Scor sa likod ko at marahan nyang hinimas iyon.

"You deserve to know that you're being an asshat for inviting your sister here, at sya pa ang paglulutuin mo." Scor said.

Tumingin sakin si Drae, despite his drunkeness, his eyes darkened with sympathy. "I'm really sorry for doing this to you, Phae.. It's.. It's just that.."

Hinawakan ko ang braso ng kapatid ko at pinisil iyon. "Naiintindihan ko, kuya." i smiled at him, trying to ease his guilt. "Sige na, tatapusin na lang namin ni Scor ang pagluluto, ientertain mo na muna ang mga bisita mo."

"Drae, get your ass back here! Your girl's throwing up!" sigaw ni Liam mula sa sala.

Napangiwi ako. Drae went back to them after giving me an apologetic look.

Hinarap ko na lang muli ang pagluluto.

"Ako nang bahala sa kanila." ani Scor. "You cook here, babalik na lang ako kung kailangan mo pa ng tulong ko."

Paalis na sana sya dala dala ang pamunas nang tawagin ko sya. "Thank you, Scor, thank you for not ratting me out."

"Anything for you, Phae. Anything."

And just then.. I considered that maybe.. Maybe Scor did love me. Maybe not the way I wanted him to love me before but he did love me. Maybe as a sister? Maybe.