"Thank you for bringing me home," I blew a kiss to Kota, my head ducked inside the car, a smile on my face. It was Sunday evening, and the entire weekend had been so fantastic that I was still floating on cloud nine. I was slightly reluctant to return to my chaotic life, but I knew that it had to be done. After all, the good moments in life wouldn't have any meaning unless there was bad moments to even it out.

"Goodnight, Sang," Kota called to me, a slight smile on his face.

"Bye, Peanut!" I heard Nathan call from the backseat. I giggled and leant even farther into the car to wave bye to him.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to hover around them and make as many great memories as possible, I knew that if I wasn't up in the apartment within the next ten minutes, Knox was probably going to throw a bitch fit. I snorted slightly and thought to myself, he is a little bitch. I shook off my potentially offensive thoughts and shut Kota's car door before hurrying inside.

I wish I would have stayed in the parking lot.

The moment I walked into the apartment, my world shattered for what felt like the thousandth time.

"What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Sang!" Zain shot up off the couch, a hopeful look on his face. I threw out a hand, warning him to stay back. His face crumpled at the gesture and he had the audacity to look heartbroken. "Did Knox not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I barked out, balling my fists up. I had the urge to pummel and hit him, but the only time we hit each other was when we were fighting and he had hadn't given me a reason to fight with him yet. A small part of me hoped that he would just so I could throw hits. "What is going on right now?"

"Sang, I'm glad that you're home!" Knox exclaimed, walking into the living room by Zain and I. His eyes immediately widened when he saw the expression on me and Zain's faces. His own face crumpled, obviously not expecting to have to explain himself so soon. "I can explain..."

Without thinking or pausing to let him speak, I threw my keys at my favorite brother, delighted when they hit him square in the chest. He winced slightly, the pink brass knuckles kitty key chain probably having done some good damage when it connected with his body. He rubbed at his chest, his green eyes silently pleading with me.

"Please just take a moment to listen to me," he begged quietly, taking a step towards me. As if Knox moving closer gave him permission to do so as well, Zain stepped towards me. My reaction was similar to that of a feral animal; I pressed my back against the door, growling at Zain. His eyes widened and he fell back onto the couch, ducking his head down. He almost looked ashamed, but I had fell for that act too mine times to believe it this time.

"Why is he here?" I demanded, my voice straining from the way I was straining my throat and vocal chords. I coughed, tears welling up in my eyes from frustration and the pain that seared my throat momentarily. Both of my older brothers lunged for me, but I shot them withering glares that had them backing up. They should have known better than to get close when I was upset.

"I told him I would help him while he got sober," Knox admitted, his voice quiet. "I told him he could stay with me. I also thought that if you two would stay together in the apartment with me, it could help heal your relationship."

"Fuck that!" I exclaimed, my voice quite obviously scratchy now. I coughed again, aware that I should stop yelling, but it was hard not to. Anger washed over me; anger towards my brothers and anger towards my mother, as well, robbing my right to having a voice. "We can never fix this. He's ruined it too much. We will never go back to what we used to be. Never. How dare you just bring him here without warning me? Especially after you've known what he's done to me. No. I'm sorry. I cannot forgive Zain yet."

"Sang, please," Zain was standing again, pleading with me. I stared at him, searching for any semblance of the brother that I was familiar with, but he was gone. Left in his place was an alcoholic young adult, lost and nearly alone in the world. I felt bad for him, but not bad enough to grant him forgiveness. I had felt for him too many times, and it was what had resulted in heartbreak for me.

"I'm sorry," I said, scooping up the bag I had discarded when I walked through the door. "I can't do this."

I snatched the keys I had tossed at Knox previously and ran out the door with both my brothers shouting at me as I did so. I didn't stop for them, I wouldn't stop for anyone in that moment. I couldn't, I wouldn't. I needed to get away from them before I did or said something I would regret.

My breathing was ragged as I stumbled through the parking lot, towards my car, fumbling with my keys. I was trying my hardest to ward off an anxiety attack, aware that there was no possible way for me to drive while having one. I sniffled, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand. The moment I was in my car, I was tearing out of the parking lot, breathing deeply. I almost pulled off to the side of the road for a moment, but I didn't want to waste anytime.

I wanted to get as far away from my brothers as fast as I could.

At first, I wasn't sure where I was going, I just knew that I needed to get away, but then, slowly, the roads became familiar to me. I nearly sobbed in relief when I spotted the house of someone I was familiar with, someone I knew would understand. I could only hope that he wouldn't send me away, especially when I truly needed someone at the moment.

I pulled into his driveway, and then yanked out the keys. I gripped them tight, leaning my head against the steering wheel, trying to collect myself before I walked inside. I didn't want to be a complete mess when I saw him, but I wasn't sure that was possible at the moment. It was hard to get in the right head space; Zain always seemed to fuck with my head in the worst way.

I inhaled deeply then decided it was time to put on my big fucking girl pants and go knock on the door.

I probably looked pitiful, standing at his front door, my book bag slipping off my shoulder, my face tear stained. I nearly sat on the ground while waiting for him, wondering if there was anyone a hole in the ground could form and swallow me up. When he answered the door, he looked confused, but at the sight of me, his face softened.

"Oh, Sang," Nathan whispered, then pulled me into a hug. I clung to him, blinking away tears, my bag dropping to the ground. It was hard holding it together but I didn't want to be the strong one anymore. I wanted to let out my emotions, sometimes, and with the boys I could do so. "What happened?"

"Knox is letting Zain stay with him," I admitted, my shoulders shaking slightly from sobs that wanted to be released but I managed to contain. "There was a small fight. I can't stay there, Nathan. But I can't stay at home anymore either. Lauren has escalated too much."

"God damn it," he muttered, obviously displeased with my family. I was displeased with them too. I couldn't believe how they could treat me as if I was expendable, as if they if continued to treat me that way that I would still stick around. It was a wonder I was still sane, let alone alive.

Nathan lead me inside and I allowed him, noticing the way that the sun was low in the sky. It was later than I had originally thought, and I was feeling rather exhausted. I felt bad, wondering if maybe Nathan was tired too and if I was keeping him awake. I sighed, warily, wondering if maybe I should stay at the Sergeant Jasper for the night. The boys had told me countless times that I may stay there if Lauren or Zain ever got to be too much.

It suddenly struck me how much I missed them. Growing up, I was used to Axel, Marc, and the twins being around, and eventually, Raven was too. Raven had scared me at first, but then, eventually, it got easier to be around him. He would do occasional random nice deeds for me. I had always been rather short, and if he saw me struggling to reach something, either him or Brandon would grab it for me, and sometimes Corey too.

I tried to pinpoint when they had stopped coming around, and I realized it was when Lauren had escalated and Zain had fallen prey to alcohol.

"Sang?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up, startled to see Nathan was watching me with concern in his eyes. I blinked several times in an attempt to clear my mind.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "You must be tired. I can leave."

"No," he said, his voice firm. "Sang, Peanut, you can stay here if you want. For long as you want. I can't just send you back to one of those places."

"Your dad," I began say, prepared to argue, not wanting Nathan to get in trouble for me of all people, but he cut me off before I could continue.

"My dad won't be around for awhile," he said, brushing hair away from my face tenderly. "You can stay here until you figure something else out, okay?"

I nodded, sighing, then slumped into him, winding my arms around his midsection. It wasn't anything permanent, but it was good enough for now, and good enough that I could allow myself to rest.

***

Zain and Knox were having a sleepover with their friends.

I liked to play with them and their friends, but Mommy said I should leave Zain and Knox alone, that they were the boys' friends, not mine. I had wanted to hang out with Marie, but Marie didn't want to. She was angry that Daddy had left without saying goodbye again, and I knew better than to bother her when she was in a bad mood. Micah was at a friend's house, which left me to entertain myself.

I sat in the corner of our rather large basement, watching the boys longingly. They were playing video games and discussing how they were going to sleep. None of them had noticed me. I had been in the basement before they came down, and they had went directly for the video games and seated themselves in front of the TV to play.

I mourned the fact that not only did I want to play with them, I wanted to sleep in the basement with them too. Mommy said that not only was I too young, that they weren't my friends, and I wasn't allowed to have friends anyways. I wished that Zain or Knox would notice me, but I didn't think that it was likely that Zain would notice me at all even if I spoke directly to him. In the past couple years, he had begun to forget about me, and in a short while, he would be eighteen and he would leave me all alone in the house.

The thought of Zain abandoning me had my bottom lip trembling and tears forming in my eyes. I curled in on myself, burying my face in my knees, attempting to calm myself down. Lately, I had been going to the doctor a lot because I would work myself up so badly that I couldn't breathe. Mommy hated it. She got mad at me for it, so I tried my best to take care of myself.

I listened as the boys decided to go upstairs to get some food, then listened at the sounds of their footsteps as they pounded up the stairs. The basement fell silent and I allowed myself to cry freely. Zain would call me a baby if he saw and my mom would hit me if she saw. I wiped at my face, mad at myself for crying.

"Sang?"

I jumped and looked up, wide eyed, terrified that I had been caught. I was shocked to see that it was Knox and Zain's new friend. If I was remembering correctly, then the boys called him Raven, and even though I had never spoken to him, he was kind of scary. He had a heavy accent that made it kind of hard to understand what he was saying sometimes, and tattoos and a lip piercing. He was only about fifteen or sixteen, though, I thought.

"Sang?" His eyebrows furrowing together from concern and confusion, I thought, maybe he was trying to figure out the right words. I had noticed he did that when he was carefully thinking over his words, and I also thought it was kind of cute. I wanted to tell him he shouldn't worry so much; he didn't understand english very well and it would take time and I wouldn't judge him if he messed up something. "You're crying?"

"You should be upstairs." I replied shortly, afraid that he would tell someone and then I would be in trouble. "The boys are upstairs."

"Yes," he agreed with me though the look on his face suggested that he didn't understand what that had to do with the conversation. "But you are crying. That's not good."

"I'm fine, Raven," I huffed, feeling bad for being cross with him. His eyebrows were still furrowed together and he was looking as if he was trying to figure something out. I opened my mouth, prepared to tell him to go upstairs once again, but before I could he was talking again.

"Corey. I need Corey," he muttered to himself and then he was running up the stairs.

I slumped against the wall, glad that he was gone, though also somewhat disappointed. Even though that was the first time I had ever spoken to him, he was a lot nicer than I thought he was. He had always seemed terrifying to me, but I didn't want to make assumptions so I mostly stayed clear. He had proven me wrong by caring about the fact that I had been crying.

I was wiping away tears when footsteps came down the stairs again. I tensed, expecting it to be Zain or Mommy, coming to punish me. My heart sank; Raven had told on me, and now they were upset with me. But instead of being a relative of mine, it was Raven and Corey. I blinked a few times, just to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

"She was crying." Raven announced, pointing to me. There was a frown on his face, one that showed he was obviously very concerned about me.

Corey frowned as well and came to sit beside me. I tensed again; we used to be friends, but I didn't think that we were anymore. He never talked to me like he used to, barely even said hi to me. Tears welled up again because thinking about us being friends made me miss him even though he was sitting right next to me.

"Sang," Corey's was soft and full of concern for me of all people. "What's wrong? Should I get Zain?"

"No!" I exclaimed, my eyes getting wide. I gripped his arm tightly, sniffling. "Please, don't. He'll call me a baby and then he'll tell mommy and then I'll be in trouble."

Corey's blue eyes widened and he blinked as if surprised by my words. I was surprised too. I shouldn't have told him such a thing, I could get in trouble for it. My lower lip started to tremble again and suddenly it was hard to breathe. I tried to breathe in, but I couldn't, my lungs not functioning properly. I panicked further and tears started flowing, I tried to to choke out that I couldn't breathe, but I didn't have the air for it. I began to sob, which made it even harder to breathe, but I was sure that I was going to get in trouble now.

Corey wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly, quietly instructing me on what to do, "Deep breaths, Sang. You have to calm down, sweetie. You're having a panic attack. Deep breaths." He took my tiny hand in his and pressed it against his chest, over his heart. "Concentrate on my heartbeat and try to get your breathing to match mine."

It took a good few minutes, but eventually I calmed down, my head resting on his shoulder. My eyes were heavy afterwards, crying so much having tired me out. Corey didn't seem to mind that I was half asleep on him though, and continued to rub my back. I felt a hand on my head and weakly lifted my head to see Raven standing over me, his brown eyes watching me with pain swirling in the depths of them.

I was curious as to why he was hurting, but was too tired to ask. Raven gently pushed my head back onto Corey's shoulder and my eyes slid shut. I hadn't meant to, but I slowly slipped into darkness, my hand still resting over Corey's heart as I did so.

When I woke up again, the basement was dark and I was laying on a sleeping bag. I turned slightly, a smile lighting up my face at the fact that on one side of me was Raven, and on the other Corey. I tilted my head slightly and began to beam at the sight of Zain sleeping by my head, his hand reaching out for me even in his sleep.

I jolted awake, sitting up, clutching at my stomach as nausea rolled through me. Tears poured down my face and I struggled to breathe. Zain wasn't that brother anymore, and I wasn't that girl anymore, either, but it still hurt.

I reached out for my phone and sent out the text before I could stop myself.

Me: I miss you. I miss the old days.

I was almost back to sleep when I got the response.

Through bleary eyes, I read, Raven: I know. I miss it and you too. Get some sleep and stop thinking about it.

"Sang?"

I shut off my phone and turned to look at Nathan, who was squinting at me, confused as to why we were both awake. I smiled softly, and took Raven's words to heart, snuggling into Nathan. He wound his arms around me tightly and I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, closing my eyes. I refused to dwell on my past, I needed to focus on my present, and the boys were both my present and future.

a/n: I literally couldn't keep this chapter to myself any longer. It was supposed to go up tomorrow, but I was just so impatient that I had to share it with you now now now now. I'm in love with the scene I wrote with her, Raven, and Corey and I wanted everyone to feel the cuteness. Please tell me how you felt about that scene and if you would like to see anymore memories of her, the Toma boys, and her brothers??

Song: Guys My Age by Hey Violet

xoxo,

ry.