//rosewood ~ chon

(now would be a good time to play the song if you can ☺️)

~~~~

When Arsenio exited the Uber and crossed the street, none of it felt real. The old brick apartment, hidden behind overgrown tree branches and surrounded by a black metal fence, was no longer thousands of miles away. It was no longer trapped within the four white walls of the Polaroid he took three years ago just before he went off to war. It was here right in front of him, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to step inside.

Arsenio dragged himself up the steps and pushed the door to the apartment building open, sighing as he adjusted the heavy duffel bags on his back. He marched up the stairs and let his bags drop to the ground once he made it to the top, rummaging through his pockets for his keys. His hands began to shake as he struggled to find the right key to open the door. "C'mon," he grunted to himself, his veins popping out of his arms as he tensed to stop his hands from shaking.

Arsenio let out a shaky breath as his fingers fumbled with the keys and his mind sifted through memories of his last days before the war: the glasses he threw against the wall in anger, the last text he sent to Angelina the night before, the tears that stained his pillow, the weight on his chest that nicotine did nothing to lift, the blood curdling screams that weren't loud enough to drown out the voices in his mind, and the heavy silence that settled in his apartment as he dragged himself out of bed and packed his bags.

Arsenio let out a sigh of relief when he grabbed hold of the right key, finally, and pushed it into the doorknob. His slate grey eyes scanned the kitchen and living room, contrasting their spotless appearances to the old pictures he kept of them in his notebook. The broken glass was swept off of the living room floor, the papers scattered on the coffee table were nowhere to be found, and the dishes were evenly placed on the rack beside the sink. The rooms were spotless, almost unrecognizable.

The only things that were left untouched were the opened notebooks left on the kitchen table and a few ripped pages covered in Arsenio's scrawl. He put his bags down, inched toward the letters, and scanned over the words he wrote. His mind flooding with the feelings he had pushed away for the past few years. All of the apologies he wrote to himself, his fiancée Angelina, his father, his mother, and his sisters made his heart heavy.

I'm sorry for leaving you. Well, I haven't physically left yet but this is an apology in advance. My heart hurts and I hate that I'm left with no choice. I have to do this for Dad and Mom. I owe it to them.

It's something Dad's envisioned for me since the very beginning, but regardless of that, I find myself wanting to vomit at the mere thought of blood. I can't stand the possibility of bombing villages full of innocent people or the number of enemy troops I'll have to kill. All of that, just for intangible glory?

Arsenio bit his lip as he kept reading and thought about the many arguments he had with his veteran father before he decided to join the army. Ultimately he did so to appease his father, but at what cost?

He read the letter to his mother and father and smiled sadly. His chest tightened as he read the last paragraph.

I'm still beating myself up over this even though I'm leaving tomorrow. What if I don't come back at all? If I backed out right now, would you love me for deciding to stay or hate me for being a coward?

I guess I'll never know the answer either way.

The frantic, illegible scrawl that covered the pages he ripped caught Arsenio's attention. He remembered tearing out the ones where he wrote out his rawest feelings toward the life ahead of him.

Why would I choose to leave? Why do I need to risk my life for this?

I'm so fucking scared. I can't. I can't do this. I don't want to do this.

Why am I shaking?

What the hell is wrong with me?

There's no turning back so what is there to question?

I'm never ever ever going to be the same again.

This will ruin me.

I regret everything already.

WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY AM I FUCKING DOING THIS?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND-

Arsenio quickly stuffed the pieces of paper back into the notebook. He let out a trembling breath, his vision blurring as he looked down at his shaking hands. His eyes stung with tears as he recalled the sleepless nights where he wanted so desperately to cling to his father or cry in his mother's arms. He remembered how broken he felt knowing that the next day he could breathe his dying breath without telling Luciana or Capricia how much he loved them. Their last family photo never left his side.

Then came his angel.

Words could not express how starved Arsenio was of Angelina's comforting words and kisses. All he could fall back on was a flimsy Polaroid of her that he kept under his pillow. He yearned to caress her soft face and float like a cloud in her sky blue eyes. He yearned for her radiant smile to brighten up his worst days. He yearned to hear her light giggles and her airy voice talk his ear off for hours.

He was so desperate for home, and at times he feared he wouldn't get a chance to say hello again. Coming back was surreal, but everything he left behind robbed him of the possibility for a joyful return.

Why wouldn't the war let him go?

Arsenio took a few shuddering breaths before he was able to exhale smoothly. He hated knowing that this was only the beginning of traumatic reminders of the world he left behind. How he wished he could turn back time and convince his father not to make him go.

"Hello?"

It only took him a second to recognize that silvery voice, and for a moment he thought it was all in his head. But when she entered the living room and his eyes met hers, everything became whole.

Angelina's petite body collapsed to the ground when she saw him. She sat there with her jaw unhinged, her breathing shallow and her eyes widened in shock. Arsenio smiled widely and opened his arms to receive her, his feet operating with a mind of their own as they walked toward her. Her body shook violently as she began to weep into her hands, mumbling unintelligible words as she crawled over to Arsenio. He laughed as she struggled to her feet and threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms and legs around him in a death grip. Angelina sobbed loudly into his neck and clung to him as if he could slip away at any moment. Arsenio's lip trembled and he tried to blink away the tears that blurred his vision as he squeezed her tighter.

When her sobs quieted down, Angelina pulled back and smothered Arsenio's face with kisses. "It's you," she blubbered. "It's you."

Arsenio nodded and sniffled. "Yeah," he choked out. "It is." He couldn't hold himself back from crashing his lips into hers, breathing a sigh of relief as she caressed his face and kissed him back.

The room was filled with sobs and desperate breaths as their lips interlocked. Arsenio could feel Angelina's fingers tangled themselves in his hair. He moaned softly when she tilted her head and deepened the kiss, his hunger for her only increasing the longer her lips were pressed to his.

A tearful laugh escaped Angelina's lips when she pulled back to look at her beloved fiancé, whose face was flooded with tears. Everything around them disappeared as sky blue stared into slate grey and grins stretched wide across their faces. Arsenio's heart flipped at the sight of her smile and the feeling of her soft hands wiping away the tears from his eyes. His yearning heart was satisfied, and it would be for as long as life would allow it.

In this moment, he didn't need to remember how he forced himself to tear his heart out before going on the battlefield. He didn't need to remember the infinite near-death experiences that almost led him to desertion. Where he was standing, there was no more sorrow, no more desperation, and nothing to run from or fight for. Everything he needed was right there in his arms.

He was home.

~~~~

hello! 🥰i hope you enjoyed this little one-shot i wrote a while ago based on one of my (ten million 👀) favorite songs. i think i'll be doing these when i'm working on Worn's other chapters. let me know if you'd like to see more of these 😊 

and remember to stay safe pls 😬💜

~Auriola