TW- this essay has discussions and mentions of emotional abuse.

Why does society often demonize emotions?

It could be that one of your loved ones has passed away or is moving away, it could be that a romantic partner betrayed your trust, it could be that someone in your life had broken your heart in some other way, it could be flashbacks or memories of past traumas, or it could simply be that you are in an overstimulating environment and need a break. See, you could be rightfully upset about any of these things and/or more, but there is always someone who will tell you to get over it, that it's not a big deal, to just deal with it, or that it's a problem too small to be so upset about.

Why do we say those things to others going through an emotionally difficult time? I never understood the stigma around showing natural human emotions before writing this. A lot of people, however, demonize emotions under the guise of one or both of two things: 1) that they're a sign of weakness or immaturity, or 2) that they may potentially be fake.

The first one, to start off, is not even true. Emotions are a sign of strength because it does take a lot of guts to show your emotions around other people. It's very easy to want to keep them inside for the moment and wait until you are alone to let them out. I get it- I've been there! Because in the past, we've been told when we were younger that it's weak or immature to show our emotions. We've been punished as children for reacting emotionally at something that seemed small, even at the young ages of three or four. If we were crying, we may have heard phrases or gotten reactions from our parents, teachers, or peers similar to these:

"Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!"

"Don't cry, just deal with it!"

"Go to your room!"

"You're overreacting! If I were you, I would not react that way."

The first one is blatant fear-mongering and threatening. Especially for a child to hear from a parent, it can be damaging and cause the child to later resent their parent for imposing these threats if they continue to express their feelings publicly. The next two imply that it is indecent to show these strong emotions in public or around other people, or that they don't deserve to have the support of a parental figure or other human being to help them work through their emotions. It implies that they have to always do it by themselves. This can lead to poor mental health and serious conditions like depression, anxiety, self-harm, or suicide. I know; we may talk about these terrible things too much in this essay compilation, but these are things that need to be talked about. We need to have these conversations so we can find other people to relate to in our struggles so that we're not alone anymore. As mentioned before in the "Gender, Schmender" essays, both men and women are shamed for showing emotions, but in different ways: men are shamed for showing emotions because it's often looked down upon as unmanly to cry or let our feelings out, and women are shamed for showing emotions because they're seen as "overreacting" in them and that they need to smile more. And oftentimes, these people don't even see anger as an emotion. At least not in men.

Then there's the second point about many people invalidating emotions under the guise of them being fake. People often see people expressing strong emotions as liars, which may stem back to characteristics of emotional abuse and manipulation. People who grew up with emotionally abusive family members have often experienced gaslighting and invalidation of their own emotions, which has led to many of them becoming sheltered and still feeling like they need to hide their emotions. Hence, continuing the cycle. They may accuse others of faking their emotions or lying because they know deep down what emotional abuse looks like and what emotional abusers and manipulators do: fake their emotions to get what they want, gaslight, and invalidate others; even if the victim (because let's not forget that the person fake-claiming the other's emotions or that they may be "emotionally abusing" them is also a victim of past emotional abuse in this case) does not realize it was abuse and still knows it as normal. This is just one theory; every person's case is different of course.

How do we solve this? Let's start at the root of the problem: stopping emotional abuse by learning how to recognize it and normalizing talking about our feelings. Asking for help when we know we need it is a must. We should also normalize going to therapy and getting help dealing with our pasts (if therapy is for you; it's not for everybody, but at least do research or find someone you trust to talk to). This will be helpful in breaking the cycle of emotional abuse and removing the stigma and taboo around showing our feelings.

Emotions are normal. They show that we are human. As stated before, it is a sign of strength because it takes a lot of guts to let it out around others because of how we've been taught to hide them. It also shows how comfortable we feel around certain people and how we trust them enough to let it all out around them. It shouldn't be so hard for people to understand that. Why not embrace ourselves for the highly emotional people we are?