Chapter IV - Made It To Graffiti

We had been staring at each other for a while. I think she was waiting for me to say anything, but I was stuck. Eventually she sighed, letting the pen she had been twisting on fall to the desk surface, folding her hands together and narrowing her eyes.

"Do you understand what is going on, Frank?" The woman looked very serious, in a business-y jacket and short cut, black hair.

I slowly shook my head.

"My name is Jamia Nestor, but just call me Dr. Nestor, and from now on I will be your new doctor, as your last one unexpectedly quit last night. You hanging on?"

Nodding, I started observing the room better, noticing the name sign had been switched out, and a cardboard box was placed next to the desk.

"I read your file, and I have to say, I found it very interesting," when I didn't answer, she continued, "Now, no offense, but it doesn't seem like your last Doctor were doing much of a job. The last transcript in here is from last year."

She sighed, unfolding her hands before getting up and sitting on the wooden desk, right in front of me. It brought back some memories, causing me to cringe, but she didn't take any notice.

"Frank, I don't want you to freak out, but something has happened to someone I know stand very close to you."

My eyes shot up, filled with worry. Was someone hurt?

"You have noticed that Lauren has been missing for a while right?"

I had. Lauren suddenly stopped waking me up, and following me around. Instead there had been several different people to watch over me all day. When I asked them where she was, they would just shrug and tell me not to worry, and to not ask so many stupid questions. I assumed she was annoyed by me and decided to ignore me.

"W-what's wrong?"

Dr. Nestor was about to say something, but quickly reconsidered it. After a few seconds, she took a breath.

"Lauren has... Left. We didn't get this information until last night," Dr. Nestor jumped down from the table, and went behind the desk, opening the drawer, "She left this note behind, she mentioned you, so I thought maybe you'd like to read it."

I stared at the folded paper she was handing me. Lauren had... Left? Was it because of me? Of course she did Frank, why else? With tears in my eyes I spoke, "I-I can't read that well and my head hurts."

It did hurt, but now everything else also hurt.

She gave me a sad, sympathetic smile before pulling back. Her eyes skimmed the note.

"Dear Frankie. Sweet, sweet, lovely Frankie. I don't want you to be sad, and I don't want you to feel guilty. You are the only reason I stayed for this long. Please be strong for me. I love you. L."

When Dr. Nestor looked back at me I was crying. I missed Lauren so much. I mean, she was probably in a better place now. Maybe she could come visit me some day? But where did she even go? There is just here. Here. He-

"Frank? Frank," Dr. Nestor was snapping her fingers in front of my face, making me jump, "Maybe you should go to your room. Community group starts soon."

As soon as I was out the door, I was sobbing. Not looking where I ran, I found myself in an abrupt halt, crashing into someone or something.

"Hey, dude. Watch where you're going." Gerard pushed me off him.

"S-sorry. Stupid." I tried to dry my running eyes with the sleeve of my jumper, but it wouldn't stop.

"Yo, tiny guy, what's up?" He had his hands securely placed on his hips, looking down at me with raised eyebrows.

I shook my head, "Lauren l-left me." I tried to go in for a hug, but he took a step back. It felt as if someone was stabbing my heart with a fork.

Gerard snorted, "Left? As in moved?"

When I nodded, averting his gaze, he started cackling, "You think she moved? You're so naïve it's almost cute."

"N-no I'm n-not!" I stomped my foot hard to the ground, stretching my arms out, fists in a clench.

"Dude, she's fucking dead, didn't you hear? Everyone has been talking about that crazy bitch all day. Shot herself in the h-"

I pushed him to the ground, boiling rage filling every corner of my body, "s-shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!" My throat was raw, and everything was aching. There was a continuous screaming in my head, clawing at my brain, my eyes, my chest, everything. It wanted out. Out, out, out.

I didn't realize that the screaming was Gerard until someone grabbed me from behind. I was lifted up from the ground, giving me a view of Gerard laying there on the ground, barely conscious, a bleeding mess, blood splotches on the floor, similar to rose petals.

The hands on my arms gripping hard, leaving bruises, breaking through my skin, digging deep into the flesh, hitting the bone. This time it was me screaming.

"Out, out, out!"

Things were fading. Nothing felt real. Nothing but the gripping fingers holding me back in reality, nothing but the mess in front of me. The noises were so far away, like static from a car radio.

The fading movements and noises disappeared as something was yanked into my upper-arm, stinging, like a snake biting into its victim, the snake's venom seeping into the body, slowly killing it. I went limp, vision blurring completely away. I disappeared. I was nothing.

-

One time, long ago, I was running through the halls. It was a lot of fun, until it suddenly wasn't that fun anymore. I had rounded a corner, causing me to crash into a glass door I had forgotten was there. It was a weird feeling. It felt almost euphoric, a painful euphoria. It didn't hurt at first, but as I wobbled backwards, everything came back to me. The short second of shock rapidly went away, leaving me stumbling after a chair, or at least something to sit on, until I fell to the floor. I lied there for a few seconds, just feeling everything. Nobody had noticed my incident. I just lied there, staring up at the ceiling. Feeling. Feeling the feelings. Feeling every body part. Felt like as if I was floating. I wanted to do it again, it felt good.

That was how I felt now.

The white room stinging my eyes, but it was a good stinging. It reminded me of the stinging in my heart, in my chest, in my head.

I deserved to sting.

The room was familiar, almost painfully familiar. I knew every bit and creek. I knew how many pillows there were on the room on the walls and on the floor. I enjoyed counting them, it calmed me. Eventually it would make my head throb, but I continued it anyway, embracing the way it made my head feel. The spot where I had peed myself once were still there in the corner, farthest away from me.

I didn't notice it the first time, the second time or the third time, but the second time I noticed that someone was knocking on the padded door. I didn't want anyone to come in. I wanted to be alone.

"Frank, I'm coming in." A feminine voice spoke, and before I could refuse, the door was opened.

Dr. Nestor stepped in hesitantly, studying me pressed as far up into the corner as I could possibly get.

She closed the door behind her and made her way farther into the room. No words were exchanged for a while, making it awkward. I guess she had never been in a situation similar to this one before.

She sat down in the middle of the room after some time, pulling out a recorder and notebook.

"Do you know what you did, Frank?"

I had done something? Had I been bad? Was she going to punish me like Dr. Burn?

It was starting to annoy me how she added my name in almost every sentence. Over time I had grown tired of the name because all the coats said it all the time. As if I was going to forget my own name.

When I shook my head, she sighed, "Do you have any memory of what happened before you woke up at all?"

When I shook my head again, she scribbled something down in the notebook.

"Frank, I need you to vocalize." she pointed to the recorder. I giggled. It was a funny word.

"Now, what is the last thing you can recall?"

As I thought back, everything came falling back on me. Lauren. I had forgot, subconsciously making myself believe it was all a bad dream.

I tried to talk, but all that came out was a hoarse sound, scratching all the way from my neck. I cleared my throat, trying again, "I-I left your office."

Dr. Nestor lifted an eyebrow, "Is that all?"

I nodded.

"How are you feeling, Frank?"

"Funny." I tried making myself comfortable in the ridiculous jumper. I couldn't move my arms and I didn't like it. It was weird trying to breathe properly.

When she asked me to explain what I meant with "funny" to her, I just shrugged. I'm not good with words. And adults are dumb anyway.

"Frank, you are an adult."

I frowned, "No I'm not!"

"You're 21."

I kicked the floor, "But I'm not an adult!" I might be grown up, but I'm not an adult. I don't want to be an adult. Adults are stupid.

Dr. Nestor ignored me, "I will try to get you out of here as soon as I can, just be patient."

And then she left, leaving me alone. Alone again, not explaining why I was here. I must have done something bad. Did they find out I had thrown up my breakfast into the toilet again? Yeah that must be it. I'll be more careful next time. At least Gee kept me with company all night.

-

It wasn't until the next day I was let out. I felt a lot better in comparison to yesterday. All I felt now was nothing. Numbness. And I couldn't decide if feeling nothing was an improvement from feeling everything. I wanted to feel again.

I was sitting in a group room, waiting for community group to start. A Coat was already there; all we were waiting for was the last member of the group.

There were about 6 people already present, counting with the Coat, I think her name is Sara.

The door was thrown open, introducing Gerard, seemingly pissed off. He slouched down in his chair, and I started grinning, waving at him, "Good morning, Gerard!"

He suddenly jumped at my voice, looking shocked at me. At first he seemed mad, scaring me, but his face quickly softened, two of his fingers slightly rising from where they were resting on his thigh.

I giggled and made a funny face. I had missed him and the rest of the guys.

"Okay, welcome back, people," Sara had a wide, white smile, "how are everyone doing?"

A synchronized muttering emitted from the whole assembly, and someone mumbling a sarcastic "fucking fantastic" but I perked up, waving my hand in the air, sitting on the very edge of my chair.

When Sara pointed at me, pursing her lips, the group groaned. Except from Gerard, who was smirking at me.

"I'm feeling great!"

"That's great, Frank," Sara looked over at the group, shaking her, "you all need to learn some things from Frank here. If everyone was like him, this world would be a much better place."

That caused Gerard to snort.

a/n

im on a motherfucking rolllll

i walked into a glass door once. thats exactly what it felt like. youre welcome.

like halfway edited. youre welcome

i ran out of mirroball pictures lmao so im just gonna add random things like my drawings and pretty things

-pece out, zoo