The Joker Card

"Who's this man, Aunt Inaya?" Ethan, Yoongi's son, asked innocently, not caring to muffle his voice as he looked straight into my boss's eyes.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and looked back and forth between Taehyung and Ethan, unable to formulate an answer. I mean, the kid was right. He didn't know who this strange man sitting across from him in this run-down diner was. Taehyung also seemed uncomfortable by the look on his face. His face took on all sorts of shades, and I found myself thinking about why I had called him. I could see his fist clench, and for some stupid reason I pulled Ethan protectively to my chest. Like, for the love of everything holy, what was I thinking pulling this move it was beyond me. It's not like Taehyung would hurt an innocent child just because he doesn't have filters. After all, he's just a kid. So I wasn't offended or intimidated by the look Taehyung gave me. It was warranted. I dug this hole with my own hands. What was I thinking when I invited him on our Seolleongtang date without informing him of Ethan's presence?

I wasn't thinking, that is.

I was so hurt, confused and deeply wounded that my first instinct was to seek shelter, I failed to take into account Taehyung's reaction.

And to be honest with God, I had every right to be blinded by rage. Now, was Taehyung deserving of taking part in my pity party that's another matter altogether. The short and realistic answer is no. He didn't. The man did me no wrong. Case in point, the man sitting in front of me has helped me build something I can call my own. A future. A full fridge and paid bills. He gave me the opportunity to live in the present instead of worrying about the future, and for that alone, I should be grateful. I was; I really was beyond grateful for everything he'd done. But most of all, I was grateful for the friendship that had developed between us. It was an unexpected bonus that I often wondered if I deserved. Sometimes I believed that I did. I mean, life didn't set out to bless me with a large family and many relatives. Since my father's death, I relied on myself and the destructive path I was on until said path decided I didn't belong to it and threw my way someone who ironically saved me but failed to save himself.

Min Yoongi.

See, everything is knotted up like a ball of wool. Everyone. Life is just like a crisscross of paths and lanes, one leads you to another. Yoongi saved me. I mended Yoongi because I wouldn't dare say I saved the man, but God knows I tried. Now, due to my less-than-stellar work in healing him, I found myself wounded, hurt, and I couldn't find medicine anywhere, so I decided to numb the pain with anything that could distract me. And before you come at me with all of your words of wisdom, it's selfish, I know. I shouldn't be using people for my own gain. But it seemed to be something of mutual benefit, our friendship, me and Taehyung. He, too, appeared to be in need of distraction, of company, and I'd give him that. Just not today. Today, I need his help. Tomorrow, I'd provide him with mine.

Give and take. Sad, but so it's life.

"Uhm," I shifted in my seat, clearing my dry throat. I could use a drink — or ten — but now was neither the right time nor the right place. The diner wasn't as crowded as on our other visits, but a few customers were surrounding our vicinity, making the situation even more awkward with their prying ears. I pushed the plate of rolled eggs to Ethan and tapped him on the shoulder to regain his attention, which seemed to be on my boss. Taehyung's attention was also laser- focused on Ethan. It was like he was studying an alien project or something equally bizarre. His brows were set on a deep frown, and I wondered again if I'd really done a good thing seeking distraction from this man who was still fairly not that close to me without informing him of the presence of my boyfriend's child. "Ethan, say hi to my boss, and some of these eggs while keeping it respectful, hum."

"You could tell him to do the same," Ethan muttered as he poked at the rolled eggs with his chopsticks. "He keeps looking at me funny." The words were whispered, but I was sure Taehyung heard him. I lifted my gaze and gave Taehyung an apologetic smile, hoping that he'd be understanding of the kids' bluntness.

Taehyung bought nothing of it. He continued to look at Ethan, as if the faint hum of conversations around us didn't register in his ears. As if the pale fluorescent light didn't affect his vision. God, was it bright for a Wednesday afternoon. With shaky hands, I reached for my glass of water and once again I thought what a shitty idea this was.

When I had quenched my thirst and the longest seconds had passed after Ethan's remark, I decided to do the smart thing I should've done in the first place. "He's my boyfriend's son." I blurted out. For some kind of reason unknown to me, this snapped Taehyung's attention to me with such ferocity I feared his neck might suffer severe strain. While his curiosity was warranted, his reactions set my alarms off. He was so quiet. So silent. So unlike himself,  that I couldn't decipher what was going on in his head. "He's staying with me for a while until he returns to his grandparents," I added, hoping that this would quench his curiosity in the same way the water I sipped on after those words quenched my thirst.

"And he's present," Ethan offered, pointing to himself with his chopstick. "Nice to meet you, boss. Name's Ethan." He stretched his arm toward Taehyung, aiming for a handshake. And then it came. It wasn't very noticeable, but it was there. Taehyung's smile. It wasn't directed at me. As a matter of fact, he almost glared at me? No, I was reading too much into it. He had no reason to. We were cool. Friends even. So, I dismissed the thought as quickly as it had appeared. He leaned against his chair and stretched out his legs, sporting a very shy grin that he couldn't be bothered to fully portray as he looked at the hand outstretched in front of him.

"Nice to meet you, Ethan." Taehyung's huge hand dwarfed Ethan's in a handshake that seemed fit for a boardroom and signed bargains. They were too serious for such a shabby restaurant and, at the risk of repeating myself, a Wednesday afternoon. "Name's Kim Taehyung."

The reason I had called this meeting with Taehyung, as established before, had to do with my need for emotional support, but as I looked at the way Taehyung's shoulders tensed, how his fists kept clenching and unclenching methodically when he released Ethan's hand, I realized that I had been right all along and there was no reason to ruminate on the matter further. It was a very bad idea. I should've booked a hotel room, ordered some room service, and watched Ethan's favorite streamers, even if I had no knowledge of whatever they streamed. He swirled the spoon in his soup, watching as the steam evaporated in the stale air that smelled of barbecue and fried chicken. Without sparing me a glance, he brought the spoon to his mouth and savored the taste of spices and marinated tofu. "What happened? You said the kid is staying with you. I thought you were on a communal domicile basis, you and your boyfriend." He asked matter-of-factly.

There were things that had drawn me to Taehyung from the earliest stage of our encounter. Things I noticed long before he stood up for me against his business associate and my direct boss, Park Jimin. The most prominent was his perceptiveness. How I didn't need to talk for him to understand that something was going on. The first time I noticed this detail about him was when I was called to the hospital after Yoongi's incident at the detention center. He didn't have to help me and accompany me in such a difficult and personal situation. We were just an employee and an employer. No one would have blamed him if he had turned his back and left me deal with my problems on my own. Yet, he was there, right by my side. No questions asked. I'm not very versed in thanking others, mainly because I didn't have people around me who deserved my gratitude, except those with whom I shared a very close bond - no thanks were needed. So I never told him how thankful I was. Didn't tell him that my opinion of him had changed from an opportunistic businessman lusting after dollar bills and fame to a human being deserving of being cherished. I was sure he had someone who cherished him, alright. Someone who told him all the right and supportive things he needed to hear. Someone who gave him love and affection because he truly deserved it. Maybe even more than one person. The man was a full package. A handsome face with striking features. A chiseled jaw and intense onyx eyes that were so expressive yet very secretive. Not to mention a cobbled future for him to leisurely walk on. In poor words, he was a catch. I had no doubt he had every woman with a pulse and functioning brain cells running after him.

When he took me in on the night Park Jimin violated my being, I realized that while I couldn't express my gratitude with words, I could express it with actions. See,Taehyung seemed to be looking for a friendship outside of his zone. Someone he could talk to freely and without constraints. Someone who didn't participate in his day-to-day activities and had no interest in them. It seemed like he was looking for a breath of fresh air and I decided to be that for him. I often wondered why would someone who has everything need something so irrelevant, but then I would settle for a very simple answer. We crave what we don't possess.

"Is that why you called?" He added when he realized I had delved into my thoughts. He dropped his spoon and glanced at Ethan, who was devouring his fried eggs, pouring all of his focus on them now that the stranger he was wary of introduced himself. His gaze found me again as he propped his arm on the chair next to him. We were sitting at a table for four. "That bad, huh?" He inquired.

My Seollongtang had seen a time when it was warm. Now, my bet was that it was colder than the water I kept sipping on. I set my glass down on the table and made a show of swirling my soup as I mumbled. "Kind of."

"Do you play cards, Inaya?" His question came out of the blue, forcing me to take my eyes off my bowl of soup and look at him just to make sure he was talking to me. The look in his eyes was serene, almost blazé. A stark contrast to the intensity he had displayed earlier. Sometimes it unsettled me, the way his demeanor shifted so quickly. It made it difficult for me to follow his thought process. So hard that sometimes I wondered if what I knew about him was all there was to know, or if he too had some hidden tales. I wouldn't be shocked. I mean, after what I found out about the man I shared a roof with for more than three years, nothing could shock me anymore.

"If by cards you mean Uno..." I let my words trail, and scoffed. The absurdity of my statement caught up with me. Of course this man didn't play Uno.

"A very entertaining game." He offered without any underlying judgment or trace of sarcasm. It surprised me. He was like a matryoshka, inside each doll sat another. One layer after another. He surprised me, and I liked it. Because I never knew what I was going to get, which gave me this urge to dig deeper, further, just so I could find the last little doll and see him for what he was. To read him fully, like I would a book. Like the way he read me. Because Taehyung was fluent in everything me, even if I didn't want to admit it. He knew so much more than I was willing to share with someone I barely knew, whether by accident or by design. "You see, cards share a lot of aspects with life you know?You get a hand, you lose. Another hand, and you lose again. And so it goes on and on until you realize that you've been playing the wrong game from the start. That's when you realize that you can win as much as you want if you play the right game." He propped his elbows on the table and leaned closer to me as I struggled to make sense of his words. I was by no means someone who indulged in card games, not even Uno. I didn't have time for such things. Had my studies to reserve my time for, bread to earn, and a man to take care of. A man who had lied to me for years without batting an eye. The sole reminder of this reality stung like a bitch. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I outdid myself to keep them from spilling and embarrassing me. The last thing I wanted was to show weakness over a man who never bothered to show me honesty. Besides, I didn't want to unsettle Ethan. The child was already going through a lot as it was. A father who was never there for him, and a mother who God knows where she is. "Sometimes the problem isn't the hand you've been dealt. It's the game itself, Inaya."

"I'm not sure I'm following." My brows furrowed in a quizzical fashion, my eyes squinted as I looked at his eyes. They were an interesting shade of black. So very black with thick, raven-black lashes that resembled the color of his hair and contrasted with the white hoodie he was wearing. It didn't escape my notice that he was wearing casual wear today as opposed to his usual formal attire. He was even wearing a pair of oversized jeans, something I'd never seen him wear in the last few months.

"All I'm saying is that he might not be the right person for you, Inaya. Not the game you have a chance of winning." The words came out of his mouth with such an ease, they offended me. Who was he to judge my relationship? Who gave him the right to do so? It certainly wasn't me. My fists balled so tightly that I was sure he saw my white knuckles, given how he lowered his gaze to my hands and shook his head while sporting a grin I decided I would wipe off his face.

"You don't know him to say stuff like that, Taehyung." My voice was low, but it held a warning. I could feel the heat crawling up from my neck and making its way to my cheeks. My heart quickened with anger.

"True," he conceded. And the way he was so chill grated at my nerves all the more. That grin that I thought would disappear with my serious tone remained intact. Some would say it had turned into a smile. "But as a fellow gender mate, I know a bad apple when I see one. A good man wouldn't let his woman wander the streets alone with the repercussions of his mistake after a fight, even if she was in the wrong. He'd carry his ass out of the premises until the nerves cooled down while she stayed safely in his nest. That doesn't seem to be the course of action he's taken, so please excuse me if I come out with my judgment."

"Taehyung, language!" I was deflating. Sticking to a branch in the middle of the river. Because Taehyung was right, even if not in the right context. I decided to leave. Yoongi never kicked me out. But Yoongi lied. In my books, that was worse. Yoongi thought I was a gold digger. He hid his identity because he feared I would come after his wealth, because he feared I would stick around just to be a part of it. Yoongi reduced my feelings for him to something that could be compromised by his name, his authority and his power. Yoongi deceived me for years, and I played right into his game thinking that I was dealt a winning hand.

Yoongi, the man who had once saved me, destroyed the pieces he had mended with his lies and left me wondering if he had ever shared my feelings for him.

Taehyung raised his hand in surrender, looking at Ethan with the same curiosity he'd been looking at him with since he walked into the diner and found us waiting for him, and winked at him when he realized he was looking at him too. "It ain't free," Ethan informed. "That's a bill of five for that nasty word you just pulled, boss."

Despite my fucked up situation and the anger brewing inside me at everything and everyone, a sneer bordering on a laugh escaped my mouth. Taehyung pulled out his wallet and tossed Ethan five dollars. "Damn, man. Inflation must have hit your store."

"Gotta keep the citizens in line," Ethan retorted as he pocketed the money.

Taehyung full-blown laughed, and the sound of it was unlike anything that had come out of his mouth in the last few months. It was genuine. So tangible I felt it echoing in my ears. He was still laughing when he asked the waitress for the bill. After he had paid and recovered from his laughter, his stoic demeanor reappeared as he looked at me. "Well, guess we gotta shelter fellow citizens for the time being. Gotta make up for that nasty word I just spewed before I'm put in the nasty spot. So we'd better get moving."

There was no way in hell I was going to accept charity. Besides, I was still angry with him for being so judgmental of my relationship with Yoongi — or what was left of it. I wasn't sure where we stood anymore, but I was sure we needed time. I needed to digest what had transpired. What had been said. Yoongi's insult still echoed in my head. It was the second time he spat harsh words in my way. I was on the verge of forgiving him for calling me a whore, blaming his lack of diplomacy on the fact that the surprise had taken a toll on him and emotions were running high. But then he did it again, right after his lies were exposed. I loved Yoongi —fuck, I still love him — but I can't let him trample on my self-respect like that. And to protect said self-respect, I wouldn't accept anyone's pity, even if it's out of good intentions.

"While I appreciate your concern, I've got it handled, don't worry," I informed. "Besides, Yoongi will drop by for Ethan and I'd rather have some alone time to gather my thoughts before that happens."

"You'll will gather your thoughts, alright. No worries." Taehyung stood up and pulled his jacket. "Young man, you let me know if you need help with that mammoth backpack." He directed his words to Ethan, completely tuning me out.

"Bossman, I'm ten, not two." Ethan pulled his jacket as well, carrying his backpack on one shoulder.

"Ethan, behave." I scolded.

"He started." He pointed at Taehyung while looking at me with wide eyes, and that triggered another fit of laughter from Taehyung.

"We're rolling," Taehyung announced as he draped his arm over Ethan's shoulder, seemingly certain that I would follow his plans, whatever they were. The curious thing was, I wanted to be part of those plans.

votes and comments are appreciated xo