Marinette walked into the hotel room slamming the door closed behind her.

"I hate him!" she hissed. "I hate his stupid blond hair, and his stupid pretty green eyes, and his stupid too good to be true personality." She made her way to the bedroom and threw her work bag in before slamming that door closed. "Spots on."

Marinette's body was suddenly taken over in a pink and red glow, transforming her everyday clothing into her super suit; though, unfortunately, the transformation didn't affect her current mood.

"What's eating you?" Alya asked, messing with the camera she was currently setting up in the main room.

"Not Adrien Agreste, that's for sure."

Marinette was fuming! Absolutely, horrifically fuming!

You're a great friend and I never want that to change.

Great friends! Oh, how she'd love to take that word and shove it up his pretty, pert ass. Nice and deep where the sun doesn't shine!

She was certain Adrien was going to ask her out today. They'd been randomly making out at parties now for weeks; one glass of wine and they were mounting each other, lips locking and tongues tangling but nope! She was still 'just a good friend!'

He'd called her into his office today 'to talk' and where in her head he was about to ask her out on the date of her dreams, one she'd been imagining for five years, and would solidify their budding relationship, But hell no! He had other ideas.

"I feel like I've been leading you on, Marinette. I'm sorry I've been taking advantage of you; I don't know what's coming over me. But the last thing I want to do is hurt you. You're such a great friend and I never want that to change."

His words not only stabbed her in the heart but gave it an added twist too, turning her once warm and loving centre into a sautéed steak, ripped apart by wild beasts. But being Marinette; she was fine with Adrien's declaration, so fine that she kept a smile on her face and told him that their friendship meant everything to her.

... Then she went back to her own office and sobbed. She cried like a baby wanting her Maman.

"You know what? I hate men! I hate everything about them. I hate that they don't have periods, I hate that they don't have boobs and I hate the fact that they have a penis!" She sat down in a chair, grabbed a hold of the bottle of Jack Daniel's — that she was quite sure was Chat Noir's — and drank straight from the bottle, wincing as it burned on the journey down her throat. "You know what? Screw men! Screw them all!"

"I'm quite sure you not getting screwed is causing this issue." Alya said under her breath, moving to her laptop and pressing the buttons to focus her camera.

Oh, how she'd love to tell Marinette that the reason Adrien wasn't with her was because of... well... her, but Marinette had sworn her to secrecy after the last failed attempt and one thing was for certain, you didn't mess with the guardian, especially when said guardian was downing Jack Daniel's like an 18-year-old boy trying to enter a fraternity.

A faint knock at the window grabbed the attention of both girls, Alya knowing it was guest number two, also the boy who Marinette was deeply pissed off with — not that he knew that.

Heading to the balcony, Alya opened the door and let in a sombre looking Chat Noir.

She couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly made him so sad? After all, it wasn't like he'd turned down the love of his life/best friend today.

They were both morons.

"Hi." Chat's voice was monotone as he greeted the girls and walked into the room, stealing the bottle of Jack Daniel's from Ladybugs pursed lips, slumping down onto a chair and placing the bottle against his own. Alya was sure if he wasn't so seemingly depressed, he would have made a joke about them 'technically' kissing.

"Well, isn't this going to be a barrel of laughs tonight?" Alya said sarcastically, moving behind the camera and loading up the software she needed. If the last attempts at this had gotten out of hand, she couldn't help but dread what might happen this time.

"That's mine, dickhead!" Ladybug growled, stretching out to grab the bottle only for Chat Noir to place a hand on her head and push her back. The bottle still firmly on his lips as he chuckled the liquor.

"Piss off! I've had a shit day!"

"You've had a shit day?" she laughed crazily, "Try living my life,Butthead! Now give me the bottle!" She exited her chair, grabbing the bottle from his hands and downing at least a third. She let out a rather unflattering belch before handing it back.

"Try living mine, Bevis!" Chat downed the remaining bottle, Alya standing with her arms crossed as she watched the two bickering backwards and forwards.

If only they'd pissing tell each other who they were, none of this would happen. She could feel the tension building up within her and the temptation to lock them in the room until they kissed and made up was beginning to become number one on her list of priorities.

Damn the show! These two needed sorting out!

Thanks to the idiocy of her friends — and the TV stations desperate need for this to actually happen — Nino had given her a Spa Day voucher for her birthday thinking she just needed a little stress relief. Behind the scenes her kind, loyal and devoted boyfriend just thought she was working too hard, that she just needed time to unwind and chill. He'd even suggested taking Marinette with her.

She hadn't the heart to tell Nino that her 'best friend' was actually half the problem.

What she really needed was for her two friends to just get it together! It would give them all so much peace!

Phoning down for additional alcohol, Alya let out a rasped sigh. Once again, this was going to be a long night.

*****

"You know — I hate men!" Ladybug slurred.

"I hate men too." Chat agreed, nodding along with his female counterpart.

"I especially hate men that model!"

"Male models are theeee worst!" He replied.

"We should, like, join a club or something? Or, I know, create our own." Ladybug reached out, grabbing Chat's hand with hers and bringing it into her chest.

"I'm soooo joining that club!

"Excellent! Do you wanna join, Alya? We have space for you if you want. We know Nino's not a model, but he is a bit of a douche!" Ladybug called out, messing around with Chat Noir's ring and giggling to herself.

She'd now managed to consume two bottles of wine, and for some reason she couldn't fathom, Alya had made the room into a funhouse, spinning it around and around and making her feel a little on the dizzy side — if the nausea was anything to go by.

"We're going to leave my boyfriend alone and start filming, okay?" Alya sighed, clicking around on her laptop a few times as both heroes continued to throw back shots of wine.

"Fine," Ladybug rolled her eyes. "At least when I kissed a guy without my memories it was this trustworthy, Kitty." Reaching up, she scratched Chat Noir under the chin. "He's the bestest boy in the whole world."

To both their amazement, a low rumbling sound came from his chest, an embarrassed glow at his cheeks.

"It's just when you do that, it's really quite comforting," Chat Noir said in a way of explanation.

"It's cute."

They stopped and stared at each other, both taking each other in as though they'd never seen each other before... not in this way anyway.

"Okay, enough! Both of you look this way and get ready to..." she held a hand up and quickly placed it down announcing "action!" Here they went again.

*****

"Don't you think 'Oblivio' sounds a bit like oblivious."

"What are you hinting at Kitty Cat? That we're oblivious to each other's identities? Because I am telling you right now, that if I know you, I know you." To add emphasis to the words, she smacked the back of one hand down on the other.

"What the fuck does that mean? Alya? What is she talking about?"

"Not a clue." Alya shouted back, a smile attempting to stay firmly placed on her lips as her mind ran with a thousand reasons why these two needed their heads smashing together.

"Oblivio could mean so many things," Chat said, "it could mean we're oblivious to our feelings for each other."

"No."

"That we were oblivious to what a great couple we'd be even without our memories."

"Na-da."

"Or we're oblivious to how great super Penguino is because my friends rave about playing it together and I don't think we ever have."

Ladybug went to speak, her mouth closing abruptly and a hand scratching her head. "You could be onto something there puddy."

"Puddy?"

"Yeah! Like puddy cat! Pussy cat! You get it?"

He shook his head with pursed lips. "Nope, I don't."

"Well, you were wearing boxes during the battle," Ladybug commented.

"You know what they say about cats: if we fits, we sits."

"Anyway, you know, there are only six reasons that picture would have been taken. One, you're Adrien Agreste, two, you look like Adrien Agreste and eight you paid me a million euros."

"Wow! There are, like, fourteen really good reasons there."

"Twelve actually, give or take a few."

"What do you think happened? We saw a picture of each other on our phone screens," Chat Noir asked, stretching forward to grab the bottle of wine, only to topple too far and end up face planting the table.

"Oh, your cute button nose! Come here, Minou." She beckoned him over, Chat Noir crawling across the floor and placing his hands on her knees. With a push on her knees, he presented his nose to her. Ladybug bent forward and gave it a little kiss. "Better."

He nodded so fast it looked as though his head was going to tumble off.

"Oh my god! What if we're like real life friends? Like real friends?" she suddenly announced, Alya moving to the edge of her seat.

"I thought we were friends?"

"We are, but we're super friends, not real friends."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Chat Noir clambered back up onto the chair, his legs tucking under him.

"Anyway, just imagine, we were friends and we decided we loved each other by looking at our phone screens. Why wouldn't we have noticed it before? Do you keep your phone locked away somewhere?" she laughed.

"Well, yeah. Someone stole it once, so I have to be careful now, you know."

Ladybug burst out laughing, her hand raising to her eyes to wipe away the stray tears. Oh, man! Imagine if she'd stolen his one."

"That's funny because I stole someone's phone once."

"The boy you love?" Chat Noir asked, moving in closer to Ladybug, one hand positioned under his chin.

"Oh, yes! Left an embarrassing message and everything. You know what, come to think about it — I'm doomed when it come to phones and this boy. I left him a love declaration once and his cousin deleted it."

"Brilliant. You know, if you want, you can leave me a message any day." He gave her a smile only to be met with the roll of her eyes and her hand swiping a bottle from the table, neat vodka.

"I don't think so Kitty, I hate men." She downed half the bottle and smacked her lips together before giving them a lick and downing another quarter.

"What can I do to make you change that?"

"Nothing, Adrien broke my heart today! I'm no longer in the world of dating. Dating for me is done! Like so last year."

"Adrien, who?"

"Agreste! My friend with benefits apparently! I'm just glad I never gave my virginity to him. Though, I am regretting grinding on him now. No wonder he doesn't want me! I don't want me!" Her lower lip quivered as a stray tear escaped her eye.

"Adrien Agreste, is in the supermodel?"

"Super player more like! I wonder how many more kissing friends he has?" She drank the remainder of the vodka, before letting out a bleach and covering her mouth. Oh, no!

Chat Noir blanched as he looked between Alya and Ladybug. His face had grown from his usual sun kissed complexion to one Gomez Addams would be proud of. His white skin contrasting against the darkness of his suit. Ladybug suddenly getting ideas for this years Halloween costume.

"That means you're, and I'm a...oh man...what was in those Pringles?"

"You didn't eat any Pringles."

He laughed looking at the girls again before booting into the toilet and locking the door.

"Kitty? Do you need any help?"

"Nope...I just..." Ladybug grimaced as she heard Chat Noir wrenching into the toilet bowl, the sounds stirring her own gut and suddenly making her regret that last bottle of alcohol.

"He's being disgusting at the moment," Ladybug said, eyeing the camera straight on. "But he's a bloody good kisser. He doesn't need to know that though."

Before Alya could ask anymore questions, Ladybug turned and ran into the bedroom and what she hoped was the ensuite.

After all, there was no chance the station would pay for another room service bill from the hotel.