Everyone stood stock still as Hannah walked in at the most inopportune moment. She looked from her husband to each of her parents in law in confusion. This was not the way they wanted her to find out but now they had no choice. Courtney looked at Ralph and took a deep breath as she put her arm around Hannah's shoulders and guided her to the couch. When they both sat down, Courtney looked Hannah deep into her eyes and said probably the hardest news she ever had to deliver to anyone before.

"Hannah, Sister Grace is gone." There was a beat of silence and then:

"What do you mean she's gone?" Hannah asked not comprehending what was being told to her.

"She collapsed at St. Bernadette's a week ago and was rushed to the hospital. The doctors diagnosed her with congenital heart failure and she passed on less than 48 hours later with the Mother Superior at her side. The funeral was 2 days ago. They had tried reaching you as soon as Sister Grace was rushed to the hospital but your phone was dead and well they reached us instead. But unfortunately, we found out too late to attend the funeral. I'm so sorry sweetheart. We didn't want you to find out this way."

The silence was deafening as Hannah took all of the news in and it hit her like Thor's hammer. She let out a whimper and then a howl like that of a wounded animal. It made everyone in the room shudder. The tears were coming out now like rivers during a flood. She was sobbing and shaking so hard, they were afraid she would collapse. She looked around wildly as Chris tried to put his arms around her. But suddenly she stopped and looked at him with panic and determination, he had never seen before.

"M-my phone was dead....b-but what about your phone Chris? Or the house phone? Did you get messages from Mother Superior? Did you?" She pushed him to answer. He felt totally miserable as he answered.

"Y-yes. I got the messages but I have been busy with work and every time I wanted to tell you, you weren't home. I didn't find out right away either, Hannah. I swear." She all but gapped at him; he was actually trying to blame it on her.

"You knew and did nothing??? If you worked all this time when I wasn't home, you could have left a huge letter for me to see! I have come home just not when you've been around! This woman was the only mother I have ever known and you are coming up with excuses??? Like it was my fault??? What if it was your parents??? I would have looked all over the world for you in order to tell you!!! How could you??? Oh my God!!!"

She shrieked as she felt her will power and hope shatter. Sister Grace was gone, her only remaining family. Hannah whirled around still crying hysterically and suddenly started feeling the effects of the withdrawal on top of everything else. No, she couldn't stay here, couldn't look at Chris or his parents. After all, they were his parents not hers even though they had always treated her like a daughter, it just wasn't the same. They were both crying as they watched her completely break apart. She finally grabbed her purse, keys, and bolted out of the house. She didn't even bother closing the door as she ran toward her car. She tripped once before reaching the car, nearly going down but she stabilized herself.

"Hannah! Hannah!" Ralph called after her but she had jumped into her car by then, turned on the ignition, and peeled away from the house. They could hear her wailing above the car engines. It was an unmitigated disaster.

Chris sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands and rocked back and forth. He knew he messed up but he was in his own brand of denial because all he could think of was how fast could his parents leave so he could call Scarlett and let her make him feel better. Deep down where he wasn't thinking with his boner but with whatever was left of his heart, he knew that he should be more caring and help his family but it was just way easier to hide in the hot and smoldering embrace of his lover. She pushed his buttons like no had before and he doubted anyone would ever again; he couldn't bare to lose that lifeline at that moment. His parents meanwhile, left shortly after that completely distraught and hoping that Hannah would come home soon and she and Chris would be able to work things out. He had gotten his wish.

Meanwhile, Hannah was driving at a fast rate of speed toward Caddie's apartment near the SMU campus. She needed....no wanted....another hit of meth and wanted it bad. She wanted to side track the grief that was cascading through her body. It was as if a black tar was taking over and consuming her. She was done, all hope was gone. The only woman who understood her was gone. She was an orphan again though she was nearly 30 years old. How much could one person take? Her body felt like she had multiple major league doses of Novocain; which she knew was a symptom of her illness and she needed it to subside ASAP.

Parking her car, someone was leaving the building so she was able to get in through the front door. She ran up the stairs to Caddie's door and started knocking wildly. She didn't let up until the neighbor across the hall opened up and said:

"Hey, Caddie's not home. She's out."

"Oh no, how will I get what I need then?" Hannah asked more to herself then the neighbor who heard her anyways and understood what she meant.

"Oh if you want a hit, you should drive to the south side of Dallas. There's a warehouse on Southland St. Caddie used to go there a lot and get whatever she needed, if you know what I mean." The neighbor said inconspicuously as Hannah nodded.

"Thanks so much. How much would something like that cost?" Hannah asked obviously seeming as new as a spring chicken.

"The cheapest stuff is like $60 a gram.....that's all I know. I don't do that shit anymore but still know people in the biz." The neighbor said.

Hannah thanked the neighbor again who nodded and closed the door. The former then got back into her car and using the GPS that Chris had bought for her years ago that she barely used, plugged in the street needed and got the directions. She was grateful that there wasn't any traffic on the 45 or the 175 highways. She turned right onto Southland about 45 minutes after she started at the apartment building and looked around. The warehouse that Caddie's neighbor was talking about was on the right hand side about a block or two from where she turned originally.

The building was completely derelict and barely had any doors or windows still intact. There were a lot of squatters all over the place. This area was a far cry from anything she had known her whole life. Considering everything she had been through, she still felt like she was sheltered all of her life from the dark underbelly that was the rough side of Dallas TX. Thankfully, her car wasn't flashy and blended in very well in this neighborhood of hard knocks. In a way, though it wasn't raining or dark, the whole place reminded her of Skid Row from the movie 'Little Shop of Horrors.'

Finally, parking in a place where she figured her car would be safe, she hid her GPS from view and got out of the car with her purse over her shoulder that she clutched to her side. She walked to the first opening she saw of the 3 story dark burgundy brick warehouse. The few shutters that were there were old and rotted through wood. It looked like something off of the streets of Detroit and the old motor companies. Hannah felt very surreal as she stepped into the building and nearly tripped over the first person she saw there who was totally tripping on some kind of drug.

She swallowed hard and proceeded inside; her desperation not allowing her to be scared though she should have been petrified. As she looked around the first floor which was a maze of rooms full of paint chipping off the walls and mattresses on the floor, she became aware that she was being watched. Clutching her purse even closer to her side, she continued her quest to find how to get high. That Novocain-tar-feeling was continuing to eat her up alive and she was constantly wiping her eyes and nose on the back sleeve of her jacket as she realized she hadn't stopped crying.

Finally, unable to find anyone but a bunch of junkies and bums, Hannah walked outside and sat on some steps wondering what on earth to do next. She watched the sun start to set slowly and shivered though she wasn't cold. All of the emotions that she had spent were coming out every which way. She also thought she may have a fever. She didn't know how long she was sitting there when all of a sudden someone sat next to her and said:

"Hey, I remember ya. Ya Caddie's friend."

Hannah turned abruptly to see a blonde with blue eyes and worn out clothes sitting next to her with a friendly smile on her face. She looked familiar. Hannah looked at her carefully, trying to jog her memory as to where she remembered her from and then it came to her. It was that frat/alum party where she had first tried meth with Caddie. The blonde had followed her into a room and had told her something about speed balling. Now what was her name? As if hearing her thoughts, the blonde stuck her hand out and introduced herself.

"I'm Shanel. I remember ya from that party because it was ya first time tryin drugs. Meth was it? What's ya name anyways?"

"My name's Hannah and yeah it was meth. That's actually why I'm here. I couldn't find Caddie and her neighbor told me where to come but I have no idea how this works." Hannah said as she shook Shanel's hand.

"How much do ya want?" Shanel asked sounding like a professional salesperson.

"I don't know...whatever one hit is. Like a gram?" Hannah replied unsure as Shanel laughed at her.

"A gram is like 7 hits, girl. But I think ya may need all of it. That will be $60."

"Do you have it?"

"Nah, but my pimp does. He's on the second floor of this palace. I can get everything ya need, even a clean needle if ya want it." She said nonchalantly.

"Um...yeah...a gram then and yes a clean needle please." Hannah replied as she took out her wallet and handed over $60 in 20 dollar bills.

As Shanel took her money and disappeared inside, Hannah wondered how her life had brought her there and then she shook her head and didn't care anymore. She had nothing else left but this drug that made her feel euphoric. Shanel returned in under 10 minutes and brought with her the baggy of meth or ice as it was called there along with a clean syringe and a tie off that one typically sees at the doctor's office before blood is drawn. As Shanel helped Hannah tie off her arm so the latter could find a vein, to keep her from getting nervous and doing something dangerous, Shanel took it upon herself to tell Hannah her life story or rather up until that point. It was a complete 180 of anything Hannah had ever known.

Shanel, who went only by that name and didn't remember her last name, was born in the slums of Dallas to a heroin addicted mother and a cocaine and gang banging father. Her mother was 16 when she had Shanel and wanted to name her Chanel after the perfume but couldn't spell correctly; her father was 43. Shanel was already addicted to heroin from the womb as her mother never stopped using the entire time she was pregnant. There wasn't any prenatal care either and Shanel was born in the bathtub of the rat infested apartment she lived in with her parents.

When she was just 4 years old her father was killed in a drive by shooting that left her and her mother alone to fend for themselves. In order to make ends meet, Shanel's mother started hooking and soon had enough Johns to pay for the rent, food, and the heroin addiction that fueled her everyday existence. Her mother made her start in the world's oldest profession when she was just 14 years old and she was very quickly taken under the wing of a man named Randall who was her pimp, drug supplier, and father figure when she needed it. Her mother abandoned her with Randall when Shanel was 18 because she didn't want to waste any more of her precious heroin money on someone that was considered an adult.

Shanel was 4 years younger than Hannah but had seen a lot more rough and tumble than Hannah had in her whole life and then some. She hadn't seen or heard anything from her mother since the day she last saw her nor did Shanel really care. She grew up parenting herself and did whatever she wanted to, when she wanted to for the most part. Of course, that was only when Randall didn't make her go screw half a dozen clients in one night for cash. Shanel was considered a high paying hooker in Randall's stack of girls; everyone loved a blonde and a natural one at that. 

It was Randall who sold Hannah that gram of ice for which she gave Shanel the money. Hannah listened in stunned silence as Shanel finished her story. She had moved in with Randall and now pretty much followed him like a puppy wherever he needed her to go. And she was very content with that. As she finished her story, Hannah finally found a vein and injected herself for the first time with ice.

Again that feeling of euphoria reverberated through her system. The grief she felt over Sister Grace's dying was slowly passing as the ice cloaked her mind in a wide array of colors. In the midst of feeling the high she thought that she and Shanel were kindred spirits; she must have spoken out loud because the latter laughed at the statement which then Hannah clarified as both getting the short end of the stick. She didn't want Shanel to think that their pasts were in anyway similar which they weren't.

Shanel then asked Hannah what brought her to using ice and Hannah told her, her own story culminating in being diagnosed with M.E. and Sister Grace's death. She also told her that she felt very betrayed by Chris for failing to tell her even though he knew how important it was. Shanel, though herself high on heroin, was able to see through the story and understood a lot more then Hannah did.

"Sounds like ya man is fuckin that next door neighbor of yas."

"What? Where would you get such a crazy idea?" Hannah was flabbergasted.

"Honey, I've been in the business for a long time. I know a slut when I see or hear of one. She after ya man and it sounds like she been for a while. Marriage ain't shit. If a hoe like that sees someone she likes, she'll get on him like white on rice."

"Ok s-say, you're right about Scarlett. Why would Chris do that? He has me." Hannah responded as Shanel looked at her like one would look at a child.

"Ya gotta be kiddin me. Girl, ya ain't that blind. Ya can't be. He doesn't have ya, ya have that disease and ya ain't givin him what he craves. Now this slut next door probably blowin his lights out whenever she gets the chance. And makin him feel real good about himself. It's the oldest trick in the slut book. Ya Sister Grace would be the last thing on his mind as are ya. Duh!"

Hannah thought long and hard about everything that happened in the last week. Sure she wasn't home a lot but Chris could have made the effort. If he was thinking clearly, he could have replaced the battery in her phone and put it somewhere she would find it again. He could have answered his cellphone or at least checked the messages on it or on the house phone. He could have called the Mother Superior back and he could have left a note the size of the couch right by the front door to call St. Bernadette's back. He could have done all of those things.....except that he didn't. Chris wasn't the type to just let things preoccupy him like that unless.....unless Shanel was right and Hannah, though high as a kite by this point knew that she was, had missed the biggest signs ever. Her husband was sleeping with Scarlett, the blond next door neighbor. As Hannah sat outside with Shanel, she made a very crucial decision.

"Fuck that than, I'm not going home. I can't deal with that crap now." Hannah hadn't dropped an F-bomb in a long time. In fact, she very rarely cursed but she just didn't care anymore and the ice was helping her not care even less.

"Don't bother; we have plenty of mattresses and stuff to sleep on. Besides ya have enough ice to keep ya loaded for like a month if not more. I'll introduce ya to Randall in a couple of days or next week. He's pretty busy. He's very important." Shanel said in a hush hush voice.

"Cool." Hannah replied.

The two of them then went inside and up to the second floor where all of Randall's girls slept on actual beds. Though they were more like cots than anything else; it was better than nothing. Shanel showed her an open area by a window where she could sleep. Her own bed was closer to Randall but she moved it over to where Hannah was and they both lay down though Hannah was totally wired and couldn't sleep. She just stared out the window as the evening became a long dark night. Even the noises of the others around her seemed comforting in a bizarre, extra-terrestrial way.

When she first came into the warehouse, only hours before, it seemed like she had stepped into a sado-masochistic land of dirty self-indulgence. Now though as she lay there looking out the window, this place of filth and effluence felt strangely like home.