What it is

It is madness, says reason
It is what it is, says love
It is unhappiness. says caution
It is nothing but pain, says fear
It has no future, says insight
It is what it is, says love
It is ridiculous. says pride
It is foolish, says caution
It is impossible, says experience
It is what it is, says love.
-Erich Fried
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Rudraansh

I cough vigorously as soon as I add mustard seeds into the oil,the spice burning up my eyes and I pour the vegetables in anger. The sound of  frying is not able to distract me like it used to be able to do before, rather it had done anything but increase my frustration.

I cough again but this time it's because I have caught a cold, yesterday's event still fresh in my mind and I move the spatula with an absolute tightness which I am sure will spill the contents of the pot outside into the floor any moment now.

"The scowl in your face keeps increasing minute by minute. Are you even making something edible?" I hear Raghav chipping in as he causally enters the private kitchen— more like I have made it private by dismissing other staff.

I frown at him more but I notice the vegetables are getting burnt because the flames are too high. I try to remove the fire sticks but Raghav immediately stops me.

"The last thing I want for you do is to fire up this place because of your anger" he says and calls someone in, the attendee immediately jumps into her task of removing the pot and lowering the flame, my breaths are heavy and the constant itch on my throat makes me more restless.

"Throw it, it's already burnt" I say and walk out of the kitchen, I could hear footsteps behind me so I increase my pace which doesn't help at all.

"Stop following me!" I yell at Raghav who backs away a little but I could see even he was controlling his anger.

"Did you meet Boudi(Bhabi/sister in law)?" He asks calmly with a playful shrug.

I turn around and continue with my walk. "We had a fight" I finally say with grit remembering her fiery eyes when she accused me of all those useless allegations.

Well -— not all allegations were wrong, it was shameful for me to accept but my initial attraction towards her were in-fact physical, I wanted her but that has grown into something more now. I craved for her presence and affection and everything else.

"What did you two fight about?" He inquires and the last thing I want to say him is the why.

"None of your business " I say.

"I didn't thought Sukanya could fight with you" he hums and my brow thins in annoyance. I realise whom he meant as Bhabi and I feel like face palming myself because even now in my head she has become my bri—

I don't complete that thought nor I respond to Raghav.

"I am going to meet Harshadip" I declare.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"No because you are very angry right-—"

"Yes Raghav" I say sternly and he nods after a while, I am not just angry, I am hurt, in pain. It's frustrating.

I enter the basement section where the prison cells are present,not many prisoners are in here, some have been captured for creating mob activity in the local market and they will be duly punished. But for now I turn the other side where I had kept Harshadip, this side of the prison had more horrid conditions, the cells were smaller with only a single hole in the wall, he himself had built it to give more torture to his prisoners which were far too many for my liking, many were simply locked in these cells just for calling out the unjust methods of him.

Today he rots in these very cell. The thought gives me an instant satisfaction.

When I finally reach his cell I look at him, his shagged look, the dirty clothes and crazy grey hair, he was slouched at the corner snoring. I notice the empty plate and water pot, and nod at the soldiers to open the cell. The sound of the metal clinching is what wakes him up, his eyes goes wide in fear upon seeing me and I like that look.

"I can see your appetite is intact" I comment and he looks at the other way, this behaviour annoys me.

"I am your king and soon to be your son in law- turn towards me and kneel while talking" I demand slowly, my voice turning into deep grunt, he turns slowly but doesn't kneel.

"I...I am not kneeling in front of nobody " he manages to speak through his hoarse voice and I chuckle. I look at the soldier who immediately brings in a cane.

"Show the former Maharajja how to kneel" I say and hear a loud grunt from his mouth when he is being struck my the cane in his lower leg, another hit and he sits on his knees, head down.

"You learn fast" I say and circle around him slowly.

"How does it feel that your own wife gave you to me? Oh your secret wife now is it? " I say and notice his knuckles fisting together in anger.

"Why did you keep her hidden? Knowing she is the princess of such a huge kingdom?" I draw my voice sarcastically to anger him more, which he does as he huffs and tries to get up but I kick him on his knees making him fall again.

"Know your place Harshadip" I say in defiance. He shakes his head and dares to look at me with a sly look, a slight devilish smile appearing on his face and my mouth twitches. I try to keep a calm composure but his reaction makes it really difficult to do so.

"You should know your place Rudraansh after what your father had done, you should be ashamed to be his son" he grumble and I raise my eyes at him.

"There is nothing wrong what my father has ever done, whatever he did was for his family and people- he lived for his people, something which you could never understand nor will ever know. You were a shit ruler"

"I may be a shit ruler but I will never conspire against killing anyone's daughter " he says and that draws my attention. His smirk grows knowing he has touched a nerve and I scowl at him.

"I don't want to know about my father from you, especially you-"

"Miraadhya wears a red ruby ring, did you know your father gave it to her?" He asks suddenly and my blood boils hearing her name, my heart beats suddenly pounding as my entire demeanour changes.

"Hmmm I see the rumours were true...you are in love with my daughter " he chuckles but then he starts laughing in hysterically as if mocking me and that earns him a well deserved punch which I don't hold back. He keeps laughing as his lips splits open, he keeps laughing as his cheeks become purple with bruise.

"History has a way of repeating itself" he says in between his laughs and even if it should not but his words does bothers me.

"Do ask her what is inside that ring." He says and I breathe heavily, it angers me knowing he has knowledge about her which I don't know.
I palm my hands over my aching head and look at this horrible man, the hatred still there but now I am not finding the strength to fulfill my revenge, not after I have heard her name from his filthy mouth.

"Why did you kill my father? He was your best friend or you were just using him?" I asked slowly, not wanting to drag this any further, he stops laughing and glances at the other side with deep breath.

"He is the one who used me, I have nothing to loose now, I have already lost so much. I know you will kill me soon if not now but before that just know that your father maybe a good king, a good husband and a good father but he was never a genuine man. He was selfish " he said without even looking at me and I sigh in frustration.

"He was a good father and that's what matters to me. I will see you after my wedding, after all your daughter should come to take your blessings. For now count the days you have" I say but he remains silent.

I didn't expect him to be so at peace like he is not even fighting for his freedom, it's like he has accepted his fate and that irks me, there is no fun in punishing a man who has already accepted the punishment without a good fight.

But for now there is another thought that occupies my mind— Miraadhya's ring which was not there on her fingers, it has been not there since she was poisoned and that what worries me.

A strange feeling strangles me from within of the possibilities that runs in my mind. He would never want anyone killed- if not for a very good reason.

Baba wanted Miraadhya's mother dead, it must be for a logical reason. Yes, he would never make decisions to harm innocent women and children.

I storm towards my chambers as the fear of what might be the truth grips my mind.

I see the sun setting, the orange colour spreading the sky in its deep hue creating a beautiful warmth around me but my heart feels cold like ice, it feels like it can break again and this time the cause would me my dead father.

Thirteen days is left and after that all our fate changes, she will be gone from my life for good and thus I should not be curious. I should not think about her.

Your father must be happy to see me like this.

Then suddenly her words hits me like a storm, the soft painful voice which had uttered those that I had ignorantly ignored, the words uttered when she was poisoned, her cold shivering body still fresh in my mind.

Thirteen fucking days Miraadhya. Thirteen more days. I don't want to deal with you anymore. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want-—

I look at the sky once again mocking me with its glory that I am again getting weak, that it is foolish and impractical to go to her now, that is is nothing but a waste of time.

But somewhere in the tiny corner of my heart there is a voice that keeps echoing in my mind -— it is what it is when its love.

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