33- I always wanted her
Rudraansh
Seeing her leaving along with Abhijeet was more difficult than I expected. I was angry - so angry and yet such kind of anger was not expressed by me before. I lost control. One thing a King should possess was to have control and today I had lost it.
The moment I insulted her I knew I lost her but then again how can you lose someone who was never yours to begin with. Then why it felt like exactly that way.
I sit on the bed where she had slept last night, her clothes still neatly folded on the bed and my hands itch to take them. I sigh as I find myself physically drained, the jotting pain on my jaw not helping at all.
"Dada" Raghavendra enters, his own eyes swelled and lips bruised and sits beside me.
"You should not have come in between Raghav"
"And let you take the blows- never"
"You know right I am better with fights and you are good in brain" I say and he rolls his eyes.
"Apne bhai ke liye hi maar khaya hai"
"I have gotten blows for my brother only" he says and I chuckle but it causes a sharp pain and I hold my jaw.
"Ahh" I grunt and Raghav laughs beside me but then even he hold his cheeks in pain.
"You were taking those punches purposely, I saw you holding back," he says and I close my eyes recalling her eyes when she saw me getting punched, it were empty and that hurted me more, even though I deserved those she didn't even flinch once.
"So you will marry Sukanya?" Raghav asks after a moment and I hold my throbbing head in frustration.
"I have signed an agreement haven't I?" I bite my lips in anger.
"You know right you could have prevented this situation?"
"How so?" I dare to ask even though I know the answer.
"By not falling in love with her" he says and I look at him angrily.
"I don't love her" I state.
"At this point even if god comes down and says you do not love her I will not believe him" He exclaims and I control the slight smile that is about to appear on my lips.
"I have made a fool of myself Raghav. What kind of a king does that? " The image of her bed ridden cold body plaques my mind, how terrified I was to lose her.
"We all have actually " he says and I sigh. "Do you think you can forgive her for lying to you?"
"I don't know, I may forgive her but how am I supposed to forget? She is his daughter! She lied to me about it" I exclaim!
"And what if he she had been honest with you and had told you about herself " he asks and I give it a deep thought.
I sigh when I felt the answer and palm my aching heart.
"I would .... I would -" I close my eyes, I would have forgiven her. I would have kept her close but now that's not even possible.
"I always wanted her Raghav, from the moment....I laid my eyes on her I wanted her. How could I became so cruel to her? How could I? I should have protected her but not only she was threatened but also poisoned! I don't deserve her !" My throat feels constricted and I stand up to awake myself from the emotional trance.
"You both are weird." Raghav shakes his head in amusement.
"Yes I suppose we are." I whisper thinking of ways I could mend this situation or should I just let it go, she deserves much better than me anyways.
"I cannot stop thinking about what her mother said Raghav, how it was Baba's fault for whatever happened to her, what could he have done ?" I think.
"She could be lying " he said.
I shake my head. "The way she was saying it , it seemed like she was telling truth." I said.
"What will you do?" He asks and I think for a bit. " For now we have bigger problems to attend to - like who gave the orders to poison Miraddhya" I have to go back to Jessore and do a thorough investigation.
"Hmmm....Now I get it " Raghav hums as he sees me with an amused expression.
"What is it?" I ask.
"The big painting which you had took it from here and kept in your room, she drew it right?"he says and I squint my eyes at him. "Yes and how did you know?"
"You would keep staring at the painting like a love struck monkey so obviously I had to notice, you fell in love with her art, of course you fell for her as well" he exclaims and I walk towards him slowly.
"Did you just call me a monkey?" I say, a warning tone evident in my voice. He just shrugs and laughs at me. "Wait till you love someone, than I will laugh at you" I say and now he was thinning his eyes.
"Huh? I am not doing such things, it is already a headache to see you, I do not want to be in this state - never!" he lifts his hand in surrender.
"Raghav" I sternly call him and he sits quietly. "Jokes apart, we have to do a proper investigation on this, did you know the substance which was used to poison her was actually very rare and only our father had the access to it" I say and he looks at me in shock.
"Someone from the palace knows about it then , but what could be the purpose of poiosning her?" he asks
I hummed. "I am not sure but I think it could be to lure me out from here - I was actually attacked on the day I went to Jessore to get to Miraadhya"
"What!" He exclaims and he stands in front of me. "You were attacked! Are you mad? Why didn't you say anything?" I hold his shoulder. "They are dead Raghav. I am fine" I assure him.
"I also picked up something" I go to the cabinet section and take out the silver plated stamp which I had taken from the man who had attacked me in the forest. I show it to him.
"One of the attackers had this stamp on him, it has scriptures which I am not able to understand - but this seems oddly similar. Have you seen this before?" I ask as he inspects it carefully.
He clicks his tongue, a sense of recognition coming on his face as he looks at be intently.
"Dada, this is the signature style of craftsmanship from Kingdom of Gauda" he says and I heave a heavy breath.
"Does this mean did King Abhijeet tried to kill you? " he mutters and I shake my head. "He would rather take the pleasure of killing me in a battlefield Raghav, he will not sent men behind me, there are a lot of things which we are still not aware of" I say as disappointment fills me with all this dead end.
"Did you get any information about Anirban?" I ask him, last time I saw him was when he came here to give me the news about her, I had lost him on the way. I assumed he would have either gone to Jessore or come here but there were no word from him. I was getting extremely worried for him and sent men to look.
"No Dada, I even sent men to his house but no one was there, even his wife and child was not there" he says and I frown.
"I hope he is fine, keep looking and ask about him from his uncles as well" I tell and he nods. I made a mental note to go myself and look for him.
"Call everyone in the court. I have a formal announcement to make about my marriage and send also.....gifts to Gauda" I say after a brief pause.
"So you are going to marry her?" Raghav says but I do not answer him back. This would be a political marriage, an convenient arrangement and if it makes me stay away from her than so be it.
"Sukanya will make a good Queen, her mother was loved by the people and this will also give a message to them that I am not leaving a princess unprotected and I have also captured Harshadip and fulfilled my promise" I add, more like convincing myself.
I enter the court and see the grim faces of everyone, Thakurma was upset with me after knowing that I was aware about Miraadhya and did not tell her. She was also upset with the way I had humiliated her infront of everyone.
I cough a little, gaining everyone's attention. "Given the recent events which you all are aware of I am going to marry Princess Sukanya next month. I hope there is no objection as I am sure she will make a fine queen" I say with deliberate emphases on the Queen part.
"Pratap I wanted a wife for you not just a Queen" Thakurma chips in with anger laced voice and I take a heavy sigh. "She will be my wife Thakurma, she is a princess and knows her duty" I say but I understood the meaning behind her words.
I take my leave from the court as I walk hastily towards my room, the air suddenly becoming suffocating to breath, I loosen the few knots of my upper and take deep breaths.
My eyes suddenly fell on the letter Miraadhya had sent me - the portrait she made of me. I reread it, my eyes fixated on every lines, how she wanted to say me everything once I am back.
I don't trust you and I know even you don't but I wish to try if you give me a chance.If I am worthy of your chance.
My finger linger over these lines and my eyes scrunch in guilt, of course she is worthy of a chance, she is worthy of everything. And I have ruined it completely. I disrespected her- the person in whom I had found a companionship.
I shake my head as it becomes heavy with each word, the portrait staring at me, I will never be able to smile like that now, never.
For the next few days I submerged myself into work, I had taken up all sorts of work even the pety once to keep myself busy because even the slightest of free time would occupy my mind with her thoughts. It was becoming easier, I had started to forget about her.
"What are you doing? Do not touch that!" I scream at an attendee who was cleaning the cabinet in which I had kept her letter. She shivered with my words and I ask her to leave.
As I said, it was getting easier day by day.
"Maharaja!" The chief commander of my army entered and he bows down with respect.
"Yes tell me" I ask as I furiously keep writing some notes, the ink smearing on my palms.
"Minister Anirban has entered the palace, he wishes to see you" he says and I immediately stand up in relief.
I quickly nod at him and sprint towards the hall, I see him standing in the centre, his state was disheveled and he had marks of cuts on his face.
I hold him. "What happened? Where were you!" I yell at him, but seeing his state I soften.
"Maharaja I am sorry- very sorry" he says with a crack in his voice and I pat his shoulder.
"What is it Anirban? What happened? Are you okay?"
"I have done a terrible mistake Maharaja, I do not deserve to live .....I I I had no choice- my family's life was at stake." He trembles as my body shakes with concern, he is my most honest and loyal friend and has been with me in every step.
"Tell me what is it? Why your family life was at stake? Who dared to harm them?" I ask him.
He shakes his head and starts crying and I hold his arms. "Tell me." I say sternly.
"I .. I ordered to poison her -" he utters softly and I leave him, I move my head sideways and look at him. I grip on my knife and try to control my heavy breaths, why did it have to be him?
"Tell me everything " I say and control my impulses.
"Maharaja!....My wife and child were kidnapped....I was ..I was asked to give her the poison and then inform you about it. An attack was planned against you Maharaja....I am sorry I failed in my responsibility as your minister, I became weak." he cries more, his voice devastated.
"Who threatened you?"
"I don't know...I don't know, they took my family...my daughter..she is just six years old and they said they would....I was so scared!"
"Where is your wife and daughter now?" My grip on the knife is rock hard hearing him.
"They were sent to me today morning, I was asked to lay low and and not come here, but I had to, I had to tell you even though it means today will be my last day - I am just begging you keep my family safe and not harm them."
"Are they okay?" I ask him instead and he looks at me with shock nodding slowly. "They are scared and my daughter refuses to speak" he says weakly.
"Send them here, I have good doctors here who would be able to treat them" I say and pick him up, his body felt like a puddle who could break any moment now but I hold him strongly.
"I am not angry at you Anirban, I am disappointed that you did not think of coming to me when your family was taken away." I slowly take out the badge from his chest which I had given him when he was appointed as my minister.
"You cannot be my minister" I say and he nods adjoining his hands in acceptance. "But I cannot let you die also" I add and he trembles and looks at me with guilt.
I rake my fingers through my hair, and stare at my childhood friend. "I could never forgive for you...you tried to kill her...." I pause, a strange pain of longing overpowering me. She was in so much pain and I could not even get the chance to take care for her.
"Someone taught me the meaning of second chances Anirban and that is the only reason I am not punishing you ...whatever you did, you did for your family. And whatever you will do from now will be as a common man. I will arrange for your daughter's education and marriage when she is of age but for now leave this court. Your family protection is my responsibility but you are no one to me anymore" I finally say.
He looks at me with so much pain and tears, but he nods eventually, taking out his royal sword, I eye him suspiciously. But then he keeps the sword in front my my feet and adjoins his hand. "I was so honoured to serve you King Rudraansh. You are a great ruler and I pray you get all happiness in your life" He stands up and looks at me finally with tears in his blood shot eyes.
"Maharaja Rudraansh Pratapaditya Roy ki Jai! " he screams one last time as I bite the inside of my cheeks to not let my emotions show. He slowly retreats his steps and takes his leave.
Not only did I lose the love of my life but also lost my best friend today.
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