Dillion

I woke up to strange surroundings. It took my brain a moment to catch up and realize that I was in Brittany's bedroom. That's right. I came here last night intent on closing the gap between us. However, the bed is empty next to me, and my heart feels regret.

There was a note on the pillow. I grabbed it and read.

Dillion,

Had to go to work. Didn't want to wake you. Breakfast is ready in the refrigerator. You just need to heat it up. See you after work?

Brittany

There is so much uncertainty in those few words. My hand flops back across the pillow. I still have not made things clear. If we were truly lovers, she would have woken me, because she would have known I that I'd want to see her before she left.

"See you after work?" She questions because she doesn't know if I'll make the time. The note was signed 'Brittany'. There is no sign off of - Yours truly, Sincerely, or Love. I can almost picture her agonizing over how to end it, choosing only her name because it was the safest way to go.

I groaned and got up to dress. Last night's events kept replaying in my mind. Not only my time with Brittany, but my meeting with Olivia.

Why didn't I tell Brittany that I went to see her? Does it matter? Whatever I thought Olivia and I had, whatever my heart had hoped for, it is over between us. Yet, why can't I accept that? And if I can't accept it, what the hell am I doing here? I definitely had no right doing what I had with Brittany. What is wrong with me? What was I trying to prove?

I look in the refrigerator and find a breakfast burrito and some coffee in a to-go cup. Brittany must have stopped at the local convenience store to get it. Other than those two things, her refrigerator was nearly empty. It makes sense since she's working so many late hours and long shifts, most of her meals are spent at the hospital.

I don't really have an appetite, but I heated up the coffee and sat at the table. Looking around Brittany's apartment, the place was kept tidy, organized. Everything had a place. The only thing that disjointed the surroundings is me. My clothes are disheveled from wearing them all day and discarding them on the floor. I haven't shaved, and only finger combed my hair. That's just the physical side of me. We won't get into the wreck I am emotionally.

I wandered over to Brittany's bookshelves and found mostly medical books, but did notice a collection of mystery novels. It makes sense with how quickly her mind works that Brittany would need to read something with a challenge to keep herself entertained.

There is a picture of Brittany with I'm guessing is her family since the woman in the picture bears a resemblance and a teenage boy, but no father. I remember how Brittany had mentioned having a father a few times, but I don't see any evidence of him. I didn't even know she had a brother.

The picture was taken a few years ago, I'm guessing, because Brittany's hair was shorter then. It struck me how little I know about the woman I pleasured last night. Pleasured? My brain still can't define it as making love. I'm in trouble.

My skin started to crawl as my brain began the daily grind of what thoughts it will use to disturb me. Thankfully, my phone rung, interrupting the barrage.

"Hey?"

"Hi! It's me... Olivia."

She said her name like I wouldn't recognize her voice, or notice her name on the caller ID.

"I know. Do you need something?"

"Need something? Um... no I uh... I wanted to tell you Cat is staying with Alex for a few days. His dad passed away and Cat wants to see him through the funeral. I know you wanted me to keep tabs on her, but she'll be out of my reach at least until this weekend."

I think of everything Alex has told me about his family. Seems him and I have more in common. Even though Alex has every reason to stay away for the rest of his life, he can't bring himself to do it. I can't either.

"Thanks for letting me know. I'll call to check up on her later."

"Okay."

There is a hesitation in her voice.

"Everything okay, Kitten?" I cursed myself for using my nickname for her. It's no longer appropriate considering...

She chuckles a bit. "I wanted to ask you the same thing? We're good now, right?"

I feel myself grin. "Yeah, were good."

She sighs in relief. "Good. Thinking about last night. That kiss... I started to worry I may have given you the wrong impression."

"I know a kiss-off when I receive one." The words came out harsher than I expected them too. 

"It wasn't exactly goodbye," she corrected. "More like, I'll see you around."

I scoffed. "Well, then you need to work on that because it sincerely felt like you wanted to punish me, and you did, but I deserved it so..."

"Dillion?"

"What?"

"Do you think we can get past this?"

"And what? Become friends or something?"

"Something like that?"

A sigh deep from within my soul escapes my lips. "No."

Silence greets me from the other side, before she asked, "Why?"

"You'll always have a place in my heart, Olivia. I can't change that. I wish I could. And if you ever need me, I hope you know you can count on me, but I need time, space, whatever ... I'm not sure what, to figure out how to let you go. Until then, I think it would be best if we don't see or talk to one another for a while. I'll check up on Cat. I shouldn't have asked you..."

"No, it's okay. You know how worried I am about her. It made sense that you'd ask, and I swear if anything bad does happen, I'll text you."

"Thanks." I wasn't quite sure what else to say.

More silence followed. Unable to take it anymore I said, "I should probably..."

"Dillion?"

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be all right, right?"

I haven't been all right for a very long time. "Yeah."

"Okay. See you when I see you?"

I grin. "Something like that. Take care, Olivia."

"Yeah, you too."

The silence fell again, but this time it was permanent. I hung up my phone. I got home wanting to shower and perhaps figuring out a meeting to attend before my shift at work. The moment I walked in the door, I heard my name called. My mother sat in the living room. Her leg vibrating a mile a minute. Her arms were crossed.

"Where were you? You didn't come home last night."

"I was out. I'm home now. I need to take a shower so..." I started up the stairs, but she called me back.

"Dillion Thomas Fischer, I'm talking to you."

My hand paused on the rail and I sighed. The curse of the three names spoken. You know when your parent pulls out the middle name, it's going to be a long conversation. "Mom, can we please do this another time?"

"You went to see her, didn't you?"

"Brittany? Yes, I went to see Brittany and I stayed over. Are you happy now?"

Surprisingly she was. "Really?!"

She nearly beamed with excitement, and that's when I realized. She guessed when I borrowed her car to check up on Cat that I had in fact went to see Olivia. Olivia was the 'she', my mom was referring to.

I feel a smirk spread across my lips. "Are you really that eager for grandkids? I thought I was off the hook with Cat being pregnant and all. I mean I know you and dad aren't getting any younger but..."

My mom was back to looking indignant. "Dillion Thomas! That's not why I'm happy, and you know it. Don't tell me you're not being careful?"

"I'm always careful, but as Cat has shown us, it doesn't always mean God doesn't have another plan."

She had to concede on that one.

"So, how is Cat?"

"She's great." My mom looked instantly relieved. I left it at that because my parents don't know her and Alex are back together, and I didn't think it was my place to tell them. I'm sure Cat will straighten all that out when she comes back to campus.

"I'm glad. I was worried. I was trying to reach her, but I couldn't get through."

"Oh, she broke her phone, but it's fixed now."

My mom gets up and walks over to me. She gives me a hug. "I'm so glad she has such a great big brother."

I hugged her back. "So, I'm no longer in trouble?"

"You've gotten too old for me to punish you anymore."

I squeezed her tight. "Yeah, but I imagine you'll never stop worrying about me."

She squeezed me so hard it was painful, but I laughed. "Yes, so don't give me any more reasons."

"I will try my best. I promise."

She let me go. "I'd appreciate that."

"I am going to take a shower and get ready for work. Also, I'm thinking of getting my own apartment."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I'd appreciate you and Dad giving me time to get my finances in order, but I think it would be best if I'm on my own."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with you wanting Brittany to stay over, would it?"

My smirk grew. "You know, I find the best way not to worry is to stay out of other people's business."

She smacked my shoulder. For a tiny little thing, she still knows how to make it sting.

"Dillion Thomas Fischer!"

I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Love you, Mom."

She pouted. "I hate when you use that against me."

I gave her a wink before trotting up the stairs. I wanted to disappear before I could get into any more trouble.