Olivia

As I watched Dillion walk away, my heart felt conflicted. I've wanted him to say those words for so long, but even now they didn't hold the meaning I had wanted them to hold. I'm still left wondering if I really understand what love is.

I got back to the sorority house, and Cynthia stopped me from going upstairs. "Olivia, Doug stopped by to see you. Is everything okay between the two of you?"

My stomach got this sick, foreboding feeling. "Why do you ask?"

"He seemed upset. Asked that I tell you, if I saw you, he's looking for you."

"Okay. Thanks." I walked back out to the porch and called him.

"Olivia? Where are you?"

"I'm at Omega Chi. Is something wrong? Cynthia said you seemed upset."

"I really don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can you meet someplace private where we can talk?"

Private? I live in a sorority house. With a 'no boys allowed' rule. "Can we meet at your apartment?"

"My roommate is home. Is there somewhere else we can go?"

I really couldn't think of any, until I remembered I still had the spare key to Cat's apartment. She left a message telling me she would be out of town maybe for a few days, that she went to see Alex.

"I'll pick you up. I know a place. Where are you now?"

"I'm at The Grind."

The feeling I had gone from foreboding to ominous from hearing those words.

"I'll be there soon."

I was there in less than ten minutes. He was sitting on the bench outside of the coffee shop, his head in his hands. Oh God, please don't let this be what I think it is?

I pulled up outside and opened the passenger door for Doug to get in. I hit the horn to get his attention. He stood but didn't smile like he usually does when he sees me. He got in the car, shut the door, and put on his seatbelt without saying a word or a kiss hello. My nerves are frayed. Okay, Olivia. One thing at a time.

I got us to Cat's and let him in.

"What's this place?"

"Cat and Alex's apartment. Alex's dad has passed away. Cat is there with him. She left me the key."

I shut the door and turned to see Doug staring at me. His look... heartbroken. "Tell, me it isn't true, O? Lie to me if you have to."

"What are you talking about?" I refused to admit to anything. Not until I knew what he knew.

Doug flopped down on the sofa. "We're you even going to tell me? Or is it another case of the good ol' country boy is so easily manipulated. He'll never see it coming and when he does, who cares. It's just off to the next guy."

I sat down next to him. "Doug, I have no idea what you are..."

He was suddenly angry. I've never seen this side of him and hated to admit I'm intimidated by it.

"Do I look stupid to you? Do I? Because I've been damn patient. Do you think I didn't know about your reputation, O? That you haven't been talked about in the locker room, but I didn't care about any of that. I don't know what girl they were going on about but it wasn't my, O. They kept trying to warn me over and over again. I stood up for you, every single time. And for what?"

He wasn't making any sense. "You knew about me? And you still wanted to date me? Why?"

Doug threw his hands up in exasperation. "This is what you ask me? Really?"

"Doug, I don't understand. If you knew about me all this time. Why are you so upset now?"

"Because!" Doug stood up and started pacing the floor. "Because I didn't want to believe what they were saying was true. Because I kept telling myself that what we had was different. That you were different. That you weren't the girl they kept telling me that you were. Only to have this sent to my phone by one of my teammates who saw you tonight at the Grind and followed you. So, freakin' eager to prove me wrong."

He tossed his phone onto the couch and a picture of me kissing Dillion is on display.

"It's not what you think."

"How the hell do you know what I think? All these months I've been an ass, trying to convince myself that you're into me. That you actually care about me and it's all been a lie. That's Cat's brother, O! Him calling you Kitten! The way he pushed me out of the way on the beach when you were hurt. The grilling I got on the boardwalk, now all makes sense.

First I thought maybe he was protective of you, like a little sister. Like he'd be over his little sister but then I watched how he looked at you and I didn't like it."

"You never said anything."

"Is this seriously the argument you want to have?"

"No. I don't want to argue with you. I don't want to argue at all. Dillion and I have been over for a really long time."

"It doesn't look over," Doug said pointing to the screen that now went blank because of the screen saver.

"I didn't hide anything from you. I told you I was meeting someone at the Grind. That we had a past. Dillion and I dated when I was seventeen years old. Did I love him? Yes, I loved him, but it's over now."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Doug picked his phone back up and then that's when I learned the picture wasn't a picture. It was a video.

He plays it back to me. I see us kiss. That kiss, there was no way to interpret it other than passionate. You couldn't hear what was said between us until Dillion went to walk away and I called out, "I love you!" and he hollered back with a smile. "I love you, too!"

Doug clicks his phone off. "So, what do I believe, O? You, who has been lying to me this entire time. Or my own eyes?" Doug asked, putting his phone back into his pocket.

I'm in a state of panic. "I don't want to lose you."

"You should have thought about that before you made out with Cat's brother in public. Do you know how long I've waited? Wanting to say those words to you? Hear them from you? Only to hear you say them to someone else?"

Doug was in pain, it was easy to read it in his features, the tone of his voice. I know this pain, and I hate knowing I'm the cause of it.

"Would you have even said anything to me about it? What was your game, plan? Was I just a distraction for you until you got this confession from him?"

"You don't understand!"

"Then explain it to me! Because right now all I see is I'm getting used. Not that, that's new to me but I'm hurt, O. You hurt me. I gave you an out. I asked if there was someone else. How far were you going to take this? Was I really wrong about you?"

"No! Damn it! I hurt you and I'm sorry. Would I have told you about tonight? Maybe. If I thought it would make a difference, but what you saw wasn't a declaration of love, it was a goodbye. I loved Dillion and yes, a part of me always will. He was the first guy I ever..."

Doug paced like a caged animal. "I don't want to hear this..."

"You have, too. He's the reason for all those other guys. He made love to me on my prom night and then disappeared from my life. I thought he loved me. I thought he cared about me but when we broke up, he told me, flat out said, that he didn't. He didn't love me. I lost myself with those words. I used men for the revenge I couldn't have on him. I never stuck around long enough to ever feel that way again. Until you."

"If he hurt you so badly, how could you do this? Why would you kiss him? Why yell out that you love him?"

"Because I do love him. Not in the way that you're thinking. Dillion told me why he had done what he had all those years ago. He was protecting me. My parents had him arrested, he went to prison because we made love that night. It ruined his life and mine. He told me the truth tonight so we could both move on with our lives. That's why I love him because he told the truth that set me free."

Doug stopped pacing and sat next to me. He doesn't look like any of what I've said made him feel the least bit better about the situation.

"And the kiss?"

"I can't explain the kiss. I guess I wanted to punish him. Like I punished the others. I wanted him to feel the pain, I felt. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't want him anymore."

Doug's expression was pained. "And did you?"

I nodded my head. "I love Dillion for being truthful with me. For saving my life back on that beach. For showing me what love is. Even for breaking my heart because if he hadn't, I would have never had met you."

"I don't know what to believe."

"What do you want to believe?"

"That's not good enough, O. Because I've been wrong before, and I can't afford to be wrong again. Each time it leaves its mark. Scar tissue forms and I become a little more numb. I don't want that again."

"It won't happen."

"You can't guarantee that."

"You're right, I can't, but I can guarantee that if this relationship ends it ends because of you. Because you chose to walk away. Not me. Because you didn't stay to find out what happens next. Not because I pushed you away. So, what do you want, Doug? Just say the words, and I will abide by whatever decision it is that you make. Even if I don't like it."

"O, I..."

Although I just said I'd abide by his decision, I didn't want to hear what came next. Not until I showed him what I felt for him. I capture his lips with my own. He gasped in surprise and I took advantage of the opening to deepen the kiss. I poured myself into it. All the emotions I've been holding back, I let free. I could feel the tears sliding down my cheeks and I felt his hands grab my face, his thumbs he used to wipe them away.

I could taste his pain, his plea, to not break his heart more than I already had, but then I could feel the change. His kiss became hungrier. He cradled my head in a way to provide him a deeper kiss, sending a cascade of shivers to course down my spine. His need for me was increasing. He wanted me to prove my love and I had no reason to hold back.

I moved to straddle his legs. I lifted my shirt and removed it. His eyes never left mine. I'm determined to remove that pain I see in his eyes and replace it with pleasure. This I know I can do. His hands sensually ran down the length of my back and I arched it in response to his touch.

"O, you don't have to ..." I put my fingertip to his lips to stop his words and kissed him behind his ear. A moan escaped his lips and he moved against me. I felt him. I know he wants me. I know he's ready for me but I don't rush. I have a point to prove.

"Trust me," I told him as I slowly lifted his shirt to remove it, tossing it aside. "I want this. I want you," I whispered in his ear as I nuzzled the side of his neck.  Doug's arms wrapped around me, he pulled me in closer, wanting to hold me tight. I could feel the heat of his skin against mine. His look changed to a fiery possession and it took my breath away, but he breathed life back into me when he took my lips, kissing me long and hard.

I've always held back from him. Afraid if we ever went this far, what it would mean to make love to someone else. But now in his arms, I was no longer afraid.

I reluctantly pulled away and slid off his lap, holding my hand out to him. He took it and I led him to the bedroom. I stood before him and stripped my clothes away, standing naked in front of him. I had nothing left to hide.

"You are so beautiful." He reached out and cupped my breast which fit perfectly in the palm of his hand. "So, beautiful." His lips touched mine and I lead us the few steps back to the bed. My hands reached out and I undid the button to his pants but he pushed my hands away.

When I looked at him confused, he explained. "I don't have protection."

"I'm protected if you're worried about pregnancy. I've been tested if you're worried about my past."

He picked me up by my waist and set me on the bed. He removed the rest of his clothes and joined me pushing me back on the soft mattress. I felt him pressed against me and my need for him overwhelmed me. Yet we both refused to hurry. It was torture. Exquisite torture and when he had driven himself into me, I had no more lingering doubts. No more fears. I said the words, he longed to hear.

"I love you, Doug. In all the ways that truly matter, I love only you."

He then brought me to heights of pleasure I never knew existed and it was then I understood this was the difference only love could make. I felt it and made certain he felt it too.