Olivia

I felt his eyes on me.

"What?" I cringed at the terse tone of my voice. "I'm sorry."

Doug's face was full of concern. "Are you still not sleeping well?"

I shook my head no.

"Maybe you should see a doctor? Get a sleeping pill or something? It might help you get back on track."

He didn't understand. No one did. It wasn't that I couldn't sleep. It was that I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to close my eyes and plummet into darkness. I felt my heart quicken just thinking about it.

"I'll look into it." I know he only wants to help me. Doug took my hand across the table and smiled.

"I worry about you. You know that, right? You mean a lot to me."

This made me smile. "I know, and I thank you for caring so much. It's just something I need to get over. I'll figure it out." At his look of uncertainty, I added, "I promise."

"Have you heard from Cat?" It was obvious he chose to change the subject, probably because he picked up on the fact that it was making me uncomfortable.

I nodded. "She's staying until after the funeral, which will be the day after tomorrow. I'm worried about her. She's going through a lot, and being stressed out is the worst thing for her. Liam isn't making it any easier on her either."

Doug took a forkful of food and shrugged. After swallowing, he stated, "That's what Liam does best. Makes things difficult for people. When the team is in trouble, he blames everyone else for what's going wrong, never does he take the blame on himself even though he's the team captain."

"Well, where Cat's concerned, he's long overdue for taking responsibility and the moment he decides he's going to, it comes out as a threat to Cat and the baby. He's an asshole."

"You're not going to get any argument from me."

"He is your teammate." Doug and Liam's relationship always made me wonder. Doug seemed to have a rather large chip on his shoulder when it came to Liam.

"Doesn't mean I have to like him," Doug countered. "Let's do something fun this weekend."

"I'd love to but I promised Cat that I would help her register for her baby shower."

His eyebrow rose. "And that will take an entire weekend?"

"Well, no. I guess not, but I'm not sure when she'll be available and wanted to keep things open, you know?"

He grins that grin I love. Another grin flashes in my mind's eye. Dillion's. I shake my head to release myself from the thought.

"It's a good thing then that I can be a very spontaneous guy."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. And versatile, too. Quick at adapting to almost any situation so..."

"You'll figure out a way around my plans?"

"If it means finding a way to spend more time with you, you bet I will." He brings my fingers to his lips and it causes goosebumps to cascade down my arm. I sighed.

"Remind me again how I got so lucky to get you in my life?"

"Your best friend turned me down flat and offered you up as a sacrifice."

I try not to dwell on the fact that Doug was interested in Cat. I know she was his real objective that day at the club. I wondered how long he had a crush on her.

"So, I was just the consolation prize?" I pushed my bottom lip out in a pout and it drew his eyes to my mouth and felt it go dry from how intense his gaze became.

"You're second to no one, O. Never, not once in my eyes. Had I only known you existed, I wouldn't have wasted so much time wanting what I couldn't have, when all I've ever wanted is right here in front of me."

I giggled. "Have I ever told you I love how cheesy you can be sometimes?"

"Cheesy." He pulls away and acts offended, crossing his arms across his broad chest. "I confess my love to her and she calls me cheesy."

I get up from my chair and cross over to him. He refuses to look at me.

"No, I won't forgive you."

I stand behind him and slid my arms around him. My mouth is close to his ear. "Are you sure?"

"No, I won't cave. You know you could stand to be a little cheesy sometimes."

I circled around and sat on his lap. I reach up to drape my arms around his neck.

"Are you feeling neglected?"

He pouted and nodded his head. I leaned up and kissed his cheek. Doug shook his head no, he wasn't budging. I kissed his other cheek. He shook his head again and pointed to his lips. This made me laugh out loud. He captured my mouth mid-laugh, surprising me.

Things went from teasing to tantalizing rather quickly and if it hadn't been for our server not so discretely coughing to hand us our check, I think we would have made quite a scene there in the restaurant.

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, giggling. "I think he wants us to leave."

"Good because I think I'd like to, also." Doug hoisted me to my feet and took out his wallet to pay. I have to say I'm still not used to that. I always went Dutch on my dates before and that's when it hit me. I'm not dating Doug. We're in a relationship.

He takes my hand and whispers in my ear, "You still have that key to Cat's apartment?"

I jingled the key ring hanging off my bag. "Right here."

He took my hand and off we went to spend another glorious night in each other arms.

______________________

Later that night, I lay awake. I still couldn't bring myself to sleep. I was exhausted. I slipped out of bed and put on my clothes. Treading softly, I grabbed my phone and looked up meetings for PTSD. It's late and I doubt I'll find anything nearby. Campus shuts down rather early.

I find one but it's about 20 minutes away. Doug is sound asleep as I looked over at him. I wonder if I should wake him, but knowing he'd sleep through the night otherwise; I chose to leave him be. After all, I'll be back before he even realizes I'm gone.

I left a note, just in case, and drove to the meeting. They don't even call them PTSD meetings. Most refer to them as Trauma Care. Which I guess is softer sounding. I sat in the back of the room and listened, unable to open up to discuss my emotions and fears like I watched so many others do. I pitied them, realizing how disruptive this disorder was to their daily lives. It was disruptive to mine as well.

The lack of sleep was causing havoc. The circles under my eyes are becoming harder to hide under my makeup. My concentration in class was waning. My grades were slipping. If I'm not careful I can screw up becoming an M.D.

Step one, they said, is power. I'm supposed to admit I am powerless over the trauma and the effect it has on my life. That my life has become unmanageable, but I refuse to admit defeat and that is why I am struggling. I've been told not to confuse the power I have as a survivor, because the battle I've won to live is not the same as the one I have to face to keep on living.

I listen intently to those who have surrendered. I wish I could be so brave. Their voices slowly fade and my consciousness dims. I've entered the darkness and I'm terrified.

"Olivia! Olivia!" I hear in the darkness Dillion yelling my name. Willing... no, demanding that come back to him. That I live. I struggle for the surface. I have to reach the surface. I feel his powerful arms around me, pulling me upward and back into the open air. Finally, I can breathe.

My eyes fly open and I'm being held by a pair of strong arms that are holding me tight as if they are trying to hold me together from falling apart. I burrow in close, feeling safe.

"Shh! You're okay," someone soothed as they stroked my hair.

Reluctantly, I pushed away. Shocked, I looked up to see Dillion staring down at me. Is this still a dream? No, fear is clearly written across his face.

It took a moment to take in my surroundings. The meeting room was now empty. The leader was still here looking as concerned as Dillion.

"It's okay. You're okay," she echoed Dillion's words.

The only thing I could think to say in response was, "Why are you here?" I directed this at Dillion.

"I was at a meeting across the hall. My sponsor runs it. This is his neighborhood, and he holds late-night meetings for people who have a hard time getting to one during normal hours. Or who would like to sit in, instead of going out, since this is the hour most people would be drinking."

"Oh."

"You fell asleep," the woman explained. "You looked so exhausted. The meeting had ended, but I thought I would sit with you awhile before I had to leave, so you could get some rest.

Dillion added, "You started screaming and thrashing about. Mindy was afraid you'd hurt yourself, so asked for help. I didn't know it was you until I got in here. Are you okay?"

Taking it all in, I nodded. "I am now." I looked at Mindy. "I'm sorry."

Her smile was warm and knowing. "You can't help it. There is nothing to be sorry for."

There was that theme to surrender again, but I'm not ready.

"Still, I caused quite a scene, obviously."

Mindy pulled out a card from her pocket. "I am also a night owl. If you ever want to talk and can't make it to a meeting, feel free to call me."

"Is this your way of politely telling me you'd rather I not come back?" I teased.

Mindy, however, appeared horrified. "Oh, no... I didn't mean. I would never suggest..."

Dillion jumped in to save her. "Unfortunately, that's just her sarcastic humor. What she meant to say was thank you," he said, taking her card and sliding it into the back pocket of my jeans.

I glared at him but smiled sweetly at Mindy. "Thank you. I appreciate the help."

Her smile returned. "Asking for help is one of the most powerful steps you can take in dealing with your emotions. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help."

"I'll take care of her from here," Dillion told Mindy, and I wasn't exactly pleased with how easily he took control of the situation. Mindy, however, readily agreed, stating she needed to get home. She had to be up early for work

"Come on." Dillion stood up and held out his hand to me. "Let's get some coffee."

I refused his hand, not wanting to appear weak. I will stand on my own two feet. "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry. Did I make that sound like a question?" He took my hand and before I could protest, he was tugging me out of the room, shut off the light, and locked the door.

"Get to play the savior again, did we?"

I peeked around Dillion who shoved me behind him after exiting the classroom, to see a man standing in the hallway.

"Yep, all handled," Dillion said to him. "Good night."

I never remembered Dillion being so dismissive. I pulled my hand out of his grip and step around him. I held out my hand. "Hi. I'm Olivia. Sorry if I disrupted your meeting."

The man took my hand but gave a questioning look to Dillion, who looked away. "Olivia, did you say? No worries. Our meeting was over, Dillion and I just happened to be hanging out a bit when Mindy came in asking for help.

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Be that as it may, I still feel I should apologize."

He shook my hand. "I'm Dominic by the way. It's good to finally meet you."

"Finally?" I questioned, and Dillion grabbed hold of my hand the second Dominic released it. This time he had an iron grip. I had no chance of escaping.

"Yeah, great meeting. Talk to you later. Safe trip home and all that." And once again, I was being pulled—only this time, towards the exit door. Domenic's chuckle followed us out to the parking lot.