YiJun's POV

Love, an emotion, kept from me. Love that had sneaked up on me the first time I had laid eyes on Xian. Love that made me fall and rise. Love that took, and tried. Love, such a simple yet, complicated emotion that even after having felt it for so long, I was still unaware of its intricacies. I still couldn't understand Xian.

Xian, my pride, my joy, my life. My love. Even after nineteen years, I have still not understood him.

Fickle... Capricious... Mine.

When he had mentioned Qing, it had hurt more than when I had fallen to this realm. I felt like my life's purpose had been snatched away from me. But I couldn't let Xian see that. I tried my best to be supportive; I accepted his request, on one condition.

The young people of today don't believe in forever; they live in the moment, love for a moment. And when that moment passes, everything that they once held precious is discarded.

What I feared most was the day Xian would discard me. However, it was bound to happen. So as a condition for accepting his request, I asked him not to throw me away, not to abandon me.

What he said next disappointed me. My life choices had made Xian believe that women could be used and discarded, that they were there only to fulfill our needs.

I had always told him what his responsibilities were towards these beautiful beings. I had told him how not only as a man but also a being who had come into existence, he was responsible for protecting; that he should respect them. After all, one day, his mother might see him.

What if she sees him now? 

What if she hears him talk about them in such derogatory terms!?

I had failed once again.

Realizing that I need to mend his way of thinking, I prepare myself to dive into a conversation about rights and wrongs when I feel it, the presence of the unclean.

I push Xian into the sheets and shield him with my body before covering us with a blanket. I can't let Xian's scent reach it.

As expected, my actions confuse him. I signal him to stay quiet and start thinking of ways to get rid of it.

I draw a blank.

Earlier today, I was lucky, for when the first one had shown up, Xian had wandered off. With not having to worry about him getting hurt, I could think straight. But now, lying almost on top of the object of my corrupt desire makes me incapable of thought.

Then it happened, Xian wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me close; his warm lips made contact with my cold ones. I was unprepared; I gasped, shocked.

Was he already possessed? 

I tried to lean away, but his hold on me tightened, and his pressure on my lips increased. I couldn't let this happen. I had to save him.

I was about to use my unfeigned strength to push him away and restrain him, for the possessed could harm others and themselves, but just then, I observe something. The stench that was an unclean's dead giveaway was not present on Xian. He still smelled like vanilla. That meant that he was doing it on his own accord.

But why? 

I struggled again, trying to get out of his hold when he arched his back and our chests collided; the fragrance of vanilla mingled with the dew that had sunk into his skin, probably when he had wandered off on his own, assaulted my senses.

I would have moaned, but the pressure of his lips on mine held me back.

Why am I stopping myself? 

I decide to accept want he was giving to me willingly. I reciprocate. My hand travels to his waist and settles there. It itches to wander lower, but I don't allow it to; not yet.

I caress his waist, and he loosens his grip. He breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes: searching.

What are you searching for, Xian; what do you want? 

His eyes move to his waist, and he gives me a shy smile. He moves his hand down and covers my hand with his; closing his eyes, he throws his head back, exposing his long slender neck.

I want to ask him why he is doing this. I know it can't be because he wants me, but I don't; I am weak, weak against the pull of my desires.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck and breath him into my heart's content. He sighs, racking his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. 

 Waves of pleasure wash over me. His scent, his warmth, his body, his entire being, inviting me to take what I want.

Jun, do you dare? 

I decide to close my eyes and search my soul one last time before I take the plunge. And thank Heavenly Father that I do, for, in that instance, things fall into place; realization dawns on me. The unclean's stench was gone! 

Xian had done it to diminish my aura! Just like he had suggested the kiss. 

 After all, I had read all of my stories to him. He knew them all: those that were published and those that had never seen the light of day. Stories that talked about all the creatures that called underworld their home. I had drawn inspiration from my life as an Archangel. So it went without saying that Xian knew almost as much about the underworld residents as I did. Added to that was the fact that he could see my aura now and knew what it did and how I kept it in check.

Sin. I was about to sin. Only this time, it was not some random woman who desired me; it was Xian.

I couldn't let Xian be just someone I used as a tool to get want I wanted. I did not want him to give himself up because he felt obligated to do it. 

 No. I couldn't.

I lean away and caress his cheek, and he looks at me questioningly. He doesn't know that the unclean had left. How could he? Only Archangels had that power.

I know I should get off and away from him. My mind knows that it's the right thing to do, but my body doesn't agree; my heart second's it. No, I couldn't let him go. Not yet.

One kiss; one kiss wouldn't hurt, would it? Not when I could blame it on the unclean.

I trace Xian's bow-shaped lips with the tips of my fingers, and he closes his eyes. This close, I can count every lash.

Xian is perfection personified.

I part his lips and lean in. I kiss the corner of his mouth and go in for the kill. I kiss his lower lip before taking it into my mouth and tugging at it. 

 Xian pulls me close, and I can hear his heart pound.

He likes it rough, I realize, and give his upper lip the same treatment before capturing them both in one go. 

 One kiss. You are allowed just one kiss, Jun, my conscience reminds me, and with a heavy heart, I stop and lean away.

Xian opens his eyes and blinks. His face is tinted red, almost glowing; his breaths are labored. It's a good look on him.

I can make you feel so good, my prince, if only you would let me.

An urge to discard his clothes - the multiple layers that hide him from me - and look at how much lower the color travels fills me. But I suppress the urge and get off of him.

He sits up slowly and closes his eyes. I hear his heart calm down; his breath evens out. Avoiding my gaze, he looks outside, "Is it gone?" He questions, proving me right.

"Yes. It's gone." I answer and hold his wrist. He finally looks at me, "Sorry for... you know... " He trails off and looks away; his heart picks up speed.

"Please don't apologize," I say formally, bitterness filling my heart. I shouldn't have kissed Xian, but I can't change what I have done, so I change the subject. "Xian, how do you truly feel about- " I start, but he interrupts me, "Jun, what was it, the creature?"

"It was an unclean." I reply, and his eyes widen, "Jun, you told me that coming in contact with them can make the underworld aware of your presence!" He recalls sounding worried.

"Yes, they can. But don't worry, it did not touch me or see you." I pause and stroke the underside of his wrist, "Xian, you are safe. I won't let anything happen to you, alright?"

"I know, " He nods and catches my eyes, "Jun, aren't the unclean imprisoned in the most heavily guarded section in the underworld, then how did it escape?"

Damn it! How could I have forgotten this fact!? When I was leading the heaven's armies, after a particularly fierce battle, we had made a treaty with the underworld which mentioned that the unclean were just too vile to be allowed to roam the human realm. The underworld had agreed as well, and they were locked up.

Had the treaty changed? And if it hadn't, then why were not one, but two unclean roaming around unchecked? Were there more of them roaming the mortal realm? Was the underworld aware that two, possibly more of its prisoners had escaped? And more importantly, was someone sent to capture them? 

"Xian, can you see my aura now?" I enquire, and he shakes his head, "I think I can only see it when it is relatively dark." He replies apologetically.

"It's alright," I reply and close my eyes. I look within myself and find that previously glowing aura had diminished to a great extent. A single kiss had done that, I realize, and desire to do more, to continue what I had started, fills me again. I need to calm down right now!

Get a grip, Jun. You have done enough. 

'No, you haven't,' A small voice whispers. 'Take the boy. He is yours.' The voice tries to compel, and I close my ears.

"Stop it! Get out! Shut up!" I yell and feel warm hands pull me close, "Jun, it's alright. We are alright. It's gone." I hear Xian whisper in my ears. He pats my back; caresses my cheeks.

I feel wetness on my face and realize that I am crying. Xian wipes my tears; I look up, and his concerned face greets me; he enquires, "What happened just now?"

I remain silent; the truth is too shameful.

I want you to kiss me, Xian.

Foolishly, I wish for another unclean to show up, just so that I can touch him again without arousing suspicion. 

 Desperation and fear of parting with the one I love someday makes me return the embrace.

Is being held and cared for by Xian all I can hope? 

"Jun, can you see your aura? Is it still bright?" He asks innocently, tempting me to lie. For lies will let me have what I want. But that's what it wants: the voice in my head.

"It has diminished." I reply, and he smiles, "Really?" He asks, excitedly and when I nod, he throws himself at me. I lose my balance; my back hits the sheets. I try to sit up, but Xian's weight pins me down.

"Xian..." I sigh, trying to push him off of me halfheartedly, but he pins my hands over my head instead, straddling me, "Jun, " He chuckles, "How could you just fall like that!?" He asks, teasing me; I shrug, "I guess I was not ready." I say sincerely, for that was the absolute truth; he hovers over me and intertwines our fingers, "Am I heavy?" He questions; his face clouds, "Am I a burden?" he adds, and I shake my head, "Never."

He looks outside and then back at me, and I can tell that he doesn't believe me, "Xian, you are not a burden." I try again; he shakes his head and closes his eyes. He pulls his hands away and gets off, taking the warmth with him.

"We have to head back home now, right?" He guesses, and I realize that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind yet.

How can you be so careless, Jun!? 

I nod, and we pack up with a heavy heart. I can see Xian look at me from the corner of his eyes as I uproot the tent.

Once done, we start walking back to the base camp. My eyes must have betrayed my heart, for a few minutes later, he holds my wrist, making me look at him, "Jun, I am not upset. Safety first, right?"

I nod; he continues, "Just because we are going back, it doesn't mean that I have given up on my wishes."

 I quirk my brow; he adds, "You are still mine for a day and a half, remember?"

I shake my head and ruffle his hair, "How can I forget, my prince, when you keep reminding me every chance you get." I tease; he pouts, scrunches up his nose, and stomps off.

Soon, we find ourselves at the base camp café. The lady at the reception is missing. We have a hearty breakfast and start the drive back home.

As soon as we unload, Xian walks out to the back yard with the camping mat in his hand, beckoning me to follow him. Joining him, I enquire, "What are you doing?"

"I am going to pretend that we are still at the campsite." He replies and points to a corner that is hidden from outside view, "Set up the tent here." He instructs and rolls out the mat a few feet away.

When I look at him questioningly, he holds my hand and guides me to where we had unloaded the tent supplies, "Chop chop!" Xian chirps happily; it's infectious. I nod and do as told. Meanwhile, Xian brings out the heater from his room and places it next to the power socket.

It makes him smile, "What's this for?"

"It's for when it gets cold outside." He replies, sounding part patronizing and part irritated, and goes back inside.

He returns with his arms full of junk food and places it on the mat before squatting down on it and watching me struggle to set up the tent. "Jun, how come it's taking forever now, when it took barely minutes earlier?" He enquires, tearing open a pack of salted caramel popcorn and popping a handful in his mouth.

"The soil was deeper there. The pitches are not holding." I reply, and he walks over. "Don't try so hard. If it collapses, we will go back inside." He suggests and drags me to the mat. He offers me the snack, and when I refuse, he smiles, "I knew you wouldn't take them."

"Really? How come?"

"Because you love me too much." He replies and laughs out loud.

The truth of the words hits me where it hurts, and I struggle to keep a straight face; I nod. Xian looks at me and stops abruptly. He turns away from me and runs his fingers through the soft green lush that carpets our lawn.

"Xian, are you hungry? Should we order something?" I suggest, but he doesn't respond. I don't push him, for he looks deep in thought. Instead, I look at him furtively, wishing for a day when I can look upon his beauty without fear of being judged.

Time flies, and our shadows shorten. Worry creeps into my mind, for I have never seen Xian remain so silent for so long. I move next to him and put my hand on his shoulder, "Xian, what are you thinking about?"

His body stiffens before immediately relaxing under my touch; he turns to me and asks hesitantly, "Jun, have you ever bedded a man?"

{Note:- That's it for this update. If you come across any errors please don't hesitate to point it out.

The next book I am planning to update will probably be 'Chu Wan Ning's Second Chance.' (The RanWan fan fiction), but I might change my mind and update TLB instead 😅🤷‍♀

I updated TLB a couple of days ago, it's a special and throws light on why Lan Zhan is so insecure. I would suggest you not to skip it.

Please Vote on this update if you have enjoyed it. If more people show that they care about this story, it might feel encouraged to update it sooner.

Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day.}