⚠ warning: this chapter contains graphic descriptions of self-harm and mentions of suicide. reader discretion is advised. ⚠

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"is that a butt shaped chair?"

jeongguk burst out laughing as he glanced down at the chair, pointing at it before looking at taehyung, who twitched his lips in a futile attempt to hold back his laughter but couldn't suppress it for long.

"yes and what about it?" taehyung shyly glared at the other, who plopped down on the chair, stretching his hand behind to smack the butt-shaped bottom.

"damn it has a nice ass" jeongguk chortled and taehyung just rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh any more than he already did.

but the next thing jeongguk said did the work, "nothing on you though babe. you got the nicest ass"

taehyung bursted out laughing, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment. "shut up!"

after having the best evening in a while, taehyung offered jeongguk to stay the night at his place. now, that could have two interpretations, jeongguk couldn't help but wonder which one taehyung had in mind. should he even mention it? he decided to stay quiet for now. after all, just a few weeks ago, he couldn't even have imagined going anywhere near where taehyung lived, but now here he was- and boy, was he excited as hell to be just there.

he looked around the dining area, nodding in satisfaction. "your house is so you"

"what's that supposed to mean?" taehyung chuckled lightly, glancing around.

"clean, organized, peaceful, and pretty. like you." jeongguk draped his elbow over the chair's top and rested his chin on it, his smile warm and easy, "your house feels like home to me already."

"is that so?" taehyung smiled dimly.

clean, organized, peaceful, and pretty. taehyung was well aware he was good looking, but the rest jeongguk mentioned- he wasn't sure he was quite like them at all.

he was anything but clean, organized, and peaceful. he just faked being all that and pretense had gotten him so far that even jeongguk believed it.

but he'd let him believe in that, for he would try his damned hardest to become what he portrayed himself as. because now he had jeongguk, the only thing he wanted in life- he had it now, so what could possibly stop him from becoming the best version of himself? nothing. he was sure of that.

he took a deep breath, stepping closer until he was standing right in front of jeongguk. he looked down at the male, who looked up with those big bambi eyes, sparkling so brightly under the light.

"why don't you come live with me? it can be a home to both of us then."

to both of us. jeongguk processed the meaning behind the words. did taehyung mean- with him, this house could become a home to him? he saw the way taehyung's eyes softened, his gaze appearing so loving that jeongguk couldn't help but smile too.

however, a thought crossed his mind, making the smile fade ever so slightly. jeongguk narrowed his eyes at the male, breathing out in a low voice, "aren't you trusting me too much, tae?"

taehyung tilted his head in confusion while he continued, "don't let me in so easily. let me work harder to be someone you can trust, yeah?"

"but i already do, gguk. i trust you." taehyung raised his hands and slowly cupped jeongguk's face, letting the man's warmth seep through his fingertips as he whispered, "i always have."

jeongguk put his hands over taehyung's, whispering back, "and you've seen what that trust did to you in the past."

that was the truth. taehyung trusted jeongguk too much to believe that one day the male would hurt him to the point he'd have to leave him. seeing that toxic side of jeongguk was such a shock to taehyung, for he trusted the man enough to know he was anything but toxic. he believed in jeongguk with such conviction that the trust, in the end, came back to bite him. but when jeongguk pointed that out himself, taehyung could only imagine how untrustworthy jeongguk must find his own self.

"so you're telling me to not trust you?" taehyung's tone was heavy. his heart even heavier hearing how jeongguk was forbidding him, like he was scared to hurt him again. they really had gone through so much that even something as normal as living together was a question.

"not yet, yes." jeongguk sincerely looked into taehyung's eyes. "as i said, let me earn it- your trust, your love, your presence. please, i want to be worthy of you, tae."

"you have all of me already, gguk, but fine, i'll wait for you to become the best... but god, you're already the best for me." taehyung placed his forehead against jeongguk's, looking deep into his eyes. "how can you become better than you are right now? because i see my real gguk in you, jeon. and that's all that matters to me."

jeongguk chuckled, rubbing his nose against taehyung's, making the male chuckle too. "i see, you're a man with very little needs."

"no, i'm not. i have very high demands actually. like, to stay the night, you have to make me dinner." taehyung pulled back, urging jeongguk to chase after his face to keep nuzzling. oh, this man was a drug to him, addicting in ways jeongguk couldn't quite understand.

"excuse me? that was not what you said back in the car! i've been framed!" jeongguk dramatically gasped, taehyung kicked his leg playfully in return.

however, jeongguk was more than glad to make dinner for taehyung. heck, he was going to do it regardless of taehyung asking for it. he had even decided what he was going to cook on their way here. although, before getting into it, jeongguk showered quickly and changed into some t-shirts and shorts taehyung gave him. after jeongguk, taehyung also showered, telling him to wait because he wanted to be there when he made dinner. taehyung loved watching jeongguk cook, and it had been years- no way was he going to miss the chance now, not when everything felt just a little bit more right than it ever had.

he brought out the ingredients jeongguk asked for and put on some soft music in the background. "i'll cut the vegetables for you," taehyung offered, and jeongguk, who had already grabbed the knife, nodded, handing it to him. they stood side by side, taehyung cutting the vegetables and jeongguk boiling the meat. after that, jeongguk gave taehyung the task of mixing a batter himself when he saw the male was serious about helping him out.

"can you hand me some water?" taehyung asked, and jeongguk brought out the water bottle from the fridge, opening it. before taehyung could grab it, he held it out for taehyung to wrap his lips around it, which he did, slowly drinking the water while mixing the batter.

cooking had never been fun for taehyung. he dreaded it most of the time, the task often ending with him ordering takeout or settling for frozen meals. but now, he couldn't help wishing time would just stop so that he could laugh and cook dinner with jeongguk, while the music played in the background, all the worries disappearing into thin air.

"i'll arrange the plates" taehyung took the plates to the dinner table, organizing them and jeongguk watched from the kitchen, a small smile tugging on his lips. he finished cooking and brought the pot to the table, then the side dishes and rice. organizing the table alongside taehyung. after that, they sat down to eat.

"oh my god," taehyung melted in his chair, sighing after taking the first bite, making jeongguk smile. he followed and took his bite, his eyebrows knitting together in an angry expression as he nodded at the other, who nodded back, stuffing his mouth with more of the food.

"thiwf is sowf goof!" he spoke with his mouth full, showing jeongguk his thumb and nodding his head in satisfaction.

"you like it?"

"lowf it!!" jeongguk chuckled, putting more meat on taehyung's plate. he leaned against the chair, taking bites slowly because of how immersed he was in watching taehyung eat with a fond smile on his face.

"we made it together. so it tastes better"

taehyung broke into a brighter smile, taking more food into his mouth. oh, he felt so giddy. he loved watching jeongguk cook, but today he realized he loved cooking with him far better.

after having dinner, jeongguk insisted on washing the dishes. taehyung refused the offer, but the man was just too stubborn, so at last, taehyung permitted. therefore, jeongguk washed the plates and taehyung cleaned the table. the night deepened, and both felt their eyelids getting heavy. it had been a long, busy day so sleep was needed right now.

"so uhm..." taehyung stood before his bedroom's door, jeongguk looking at him blankly. "i have a guest room but don't have an extra blanket so that's a problem..."

"guest room? i'm not sleeping with you?" jeongguk asked innocently, a little dullness in his voice.

"y-you can... but my bed's not too big. it can get cramped"

"how's that a problem? we can cuddle to save up space, it's getting pretty chilly at nights anyway" jeongguk stepped closer, close enough for taehyung to feel his warmth. "or are you scared i'll do something?"

"no! why would i be scared of you?" taehyung scoffed but he wasn't so sure when jeongguk stepped in even closer, bumping their chests in the process. he narrowed his eyes, tilting his head.

"you should be, though, because i am. i'm scared of myself- scared of the things i can do to you."

"will any of those things hurt me?"

"i'm not sure," jeongguk shook his head, his lips falling into a scowl. "but i don't want to hurt you anymore."

"don't be scared, gguk. you have me here to hold you now." taehyung wrapped his arms around jeongguk's torso, pulling him even closer until no space remained between them.

"you won't hurt me. i won't let you- not again."

the assurity taehyung gave oddly comforted jeongguk. but it also made him feel like shit, knowing he couldn't change for the better yet.

"so pathetic, aren't i? i can't even promise you a healthy relationship, but here you are, even taking responsibility for my emotions."

"but you'll work for it, won't you? you will be good for me," taehyung said, like it wasn't even a question. he knew jeongguk would do everything in his power to become better. he saw it in the other's eyes.

"i will, because without you, i'm a man of nothing. and i don't want to become that nothingness again."

taehyung smiled, his eyes creasing with satisfaction. "congrats, you're allowed to enter my bedroom."

jeongguk said a little yay as a joke before they made their way into taehyung's bedroom.

"you said your bed wasn't big. it's clearly big enough for two men," jeongguk pointed out, plopping down on the mattress on his back.

taehyung chuckled awkwardly, glancing around as if searching for an excuse. yes, he was hesitant about jeongguk sleeping on the same bed as him. not because he was scared of the man doing anything to him- he trusted jeongguk enough to know he wouldn't do anything when he clearly told not to. but the thing was, would taehyung be able to control?

because every single time jeongguk was near, his heart raced like a wild drum and skin seemed to burn under the intensity of the man's proximity. no, it wasn't fear; it was something else entirely- something that made him feel both exhilarated and vulnerable.

he was unsure if he could control himself. even the way jeongguk spoke when he came close electrified him, urging him to kiss the living daylight out of the other- and not stop even then.

the plus side of being so good at pretense was that taehyung could hide his desires remarkably well. he could coordinate his actions so flawlessly that concealing how much he wanted jeongguk came easier than he expected. despite feeling sore, these thoughts still plagued him- thoughts he wouldn't dare voice out loud. he always seemed to lose his composure when it came to jeongguk, and he was terrified his foolish desires would slip through the moment they lay on the bed.

but above all, kim taehyung just couldn't believe jeon jeongguk was letting him treat him as a lover- not as something miserable, stuck in the gray area of more than friends but less than lovers. being able to love jeongguk openly like this was making taehyung lose his grip on reality. for it had never occurred to him that love could be allowed for someone like him too- that he also could love jeongguk without feeling like a criminal.

he felt so overwhelmed by the sudden change that he found himself being wary of his own actions. he didn't want to do anything that might shatter this beautiful reality dressed like his wildest dream.

he knew jeongguk would love seeing him reckless in love, not holding back his desires. but this sudden change? it was making taehyung feel incredibly overwhelmed. perhaps he still needed time to get used to it.

"tae?" jeongguk called softly, propping himself up on his elbows. taehyung blinked, snapping out of his trance. "you okay?"

"mhm," taehyung hummed with a gentle smile, making his way over to plop down beside jeongguk, resting on his stomach and peering at him from the side. "was all of this supposed to go this easily, gguk?"

jeongguk lowered himself back onto the bed, blinking slowly at taehyung before asking with a giggle, "like what? washing the dishes?"

"no." taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. but his laughter faded as his gaze fell on jeongguk's face. he stared quietly for a few seconds, letting his eyes trace over every feature, taking it all in like he was memorizing them anew- though in truth, every detail had already been carved into his mind. "i mean, you letting me love you like a lover. was this supposed to be this easy?"

jeongguk stared at taehyung blankly, lips parted as if to speak, but no words escaped. under that sharp, piercing gaze, taehyung felt himself tense, a familiar sensation washing over him- deja vu from the many times he had been rendered speechless under that very gaze.

then, jeongguk softly exhaled,

"you think this was easy?"

"was it not? i just had to confess, yet all i did was run away."

"tae, you're so damn innocent." jeongguk reached up, twirling a strand of taehyung's hair around his finger, a dry chuckle escaping his lips.

taehyung simply watched him, words failing him as confusion settled in. innocent? what did jeongguk even mean by that? he wasn't sure if he wanted to ask or just let it linger.

"don't trust me."

"why do you keep saying the same damn thing?" taehyung asked, his voice hard, eyebrows knitting together and lips curling into a frown. his tone trembled as he added, "a-are you going to leave me, jeongguk?"

jeongguk shook his head slowly, but his blank expression kept taehyung on edge. however, what he said next made taehyung's eyes sting with tears.

"if i lose you this time, i'll die, tae."

jeongguk slowly sat up, and somehow, taehyung felt the urge to do the same. they sat face to face, and taehyung wasn't sure if the tears in his own eyes were tricking him into seeing the same in jeongguk's, but regardless, the sight of his beautiful boy, sitting there with tears in his eyes- it pained taehyung, it always had.

jeongguk took taehyung's warm face in his hands and cupped it, his lips trembling and so did his tone, "death doesn't scare me, losing you does."

and taehyung knew that very well.

after all, jeongguk had already once tried committing suicide.

he knew he shouldn't ask this right now, definitely not when jeongguk was mentioning dying, but taehyung was scared too- it's not easy to see your loved one talking about dying. he couldn't simply take it and console jeongguk just for him to say such things again. no, he needed to change the way he saw himself.

"has your life lost value to you, gguk?"

"no. i think my life is pretty fucking expensive," jeongguk sniffled, smacking his chest lightly before looking directly into taehyung's eyes. "but only when you're in it. otherwise, it's worthless. it's shit."

see, taehyung had nothing against jeongguk loving him like it's the air he breathes. no, actually, he was pretty fucked up about it too. without jeongguk, he was also barely hanging by a thread. but it's the way jeongguk's eyes glisten with something sick, like he seriously will lose his life if he's not in it, that scares taehyung.

he wants jeongguk to love him the most, yes, but he doesn't want him to lose himself while doing so.

because that's exactly what taehyung did in the past and still doing.

he loved jeongguk so much that it broke him completely. he prioritized jeongguk and the friendship they had over himself, and where did that take him? nowhere. even now, the life he had painstakingly rebuilt after years of trying was on the verge of crumbling, all because of one sentence namjoon had said that night- that jeongguk had tried to commit suicide.

his life had always been about jeongguk, and so had jeongguk's. and that terrified taehyung. one of them had to hold onto reality, or else- what if something really bad happened?

"i need to know something, gguk" taehyung licked his lips, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall. god, it was even hard to say it aloud but he had to.

"why did you tried committing suicide? what exactly happened?"

jeongguk's face fell hearing the question. he immediately looked away, eyes wandering around like he had done something wrong. he gulped, not meeting taehyung's gaze, "it's getting pretty late. let's talk about it later-"

"i know you're not ready to talk about it yet, but i know you, gguk. you'll never be ready to talk about it. you're just going to bury it deep, like the shit that almost killed you never happened, and fuck you, if you think i'll let you slip with that." taehyung grabbed jeongguk's shoulder, turning him to face him with force. he met the other's hesitant eyes, the eyes that looked uncertain and held a hint of fear.

what exactly was jeongguk scared of?

"won't you tell your tae, ggukie?" taehyung choked out, his voice so hurt that it physically pained jeongguk to hear it. "don't i have a right to know what hurt you so bad you couldn't take it anymore?"

jeongguk broke eye contact as he lowered his head, using the back of his hand to wipe the immediate tear that slipped from his eyes, away from the other's hurtful gaze.

oh, how could he resist taehyung? for crying out loud, this man was his biggest weakness.

he sucked in a deep breath, blinking rapidly in hope of getting rid of any kind of salty water drops in his eyes before he lifted his head to meet taehyung's gaze again.

"you really want to know?"

"yes, i do" taehyung said firmly, his fists clenching over his lap.

was he truly ready to know, though? because sometimes, ignorance is a blessing and perhaps this was one of those rare blessings. but taehyung couldn't live with a blessing that would continue to be a curse to jeongguk. he'd rather shoulder the curse himself than let jeongguk bear even a scratch.

oh, the lengths he'd go for this man. but the universe- so cruel and unyielding- never seemed to let him do anything for jeongguk. not anymore though. he'd defy the universe itself if it meant ensuring jeongguk would never have to suffer again.

on the other hand, jeongguk felt the same way. he had hoped he'd never have to talk about this- especially not to taehyung, the one person he wanted to hide from it the most. he couldn't bear the thought of taehyung knowing just how deeply broken he was. it would only hurt him, nothing else.

because even if taehyung believed he could save him,

the truth was, he couldn't.

after all,

jeongguk was his own worst enemy.

and what can anyone do if you refuse to save yourself?

but taehyung doesn't need to know that. not all of it, at least.

jeongguk wiped his nose with his sleeve, sighing heavily. his voice was dry and low as he started to speak, "well, uh, i... i did it, i think... three years ago"

the moon was exceptionally big tonight, big enough for jeongguk to feel annoyed. taking up all that space to shine, only to hide when the sun came out- jeongguk found the moon's brilliance to be nothing but a fake show. nothing about it was alluring to him, unlike everybody else.

he peered at the mirror, seeing the fresh wound etched on his face. he didn't quite feel the pain. not anymore at least. he was always hurting, either mentally or physically, so much that he couldn't even distinguish when he wasn't hurting anymore, for he had grown numb to it.

but even so, jeongguk's heart still twisted when he recalled the words thrown at him.

"that boy won't be back in your life. and you know exactly why"

his father had said and the pain of those words alone had overthrown everything else. that man had not spoken a word about taehyung till now but suddenly he had the urge to mention him. to what? piss jeongguk off? well, it did. it pissed off jeongguk so much that he could kill that man right there for even uttering taehyung's name.

but fuck, what a coward jeongguk is.

he didn't fear his father though.

he feared himself.

that was the worst part of it all.

"you're right. he won't be back. i can't keep anyone i love safe or happy. everyone leaves me, sooner or later. i'm always left alone," he whispered, placing a trembling hand against the mirror. his teeth gritted and his vision blurred as tears gathered in his eyes.

he felt stupid, so damn stupid. why was he getting so emotional now? maybe, after losing everything he'd ever loved, jeongguk had finally lost it himself.

most importantly, he lost taehyung, and that was it. he didn't know how much longer he could hold it all in.

"people like you and me, we don't get a happy ending"

his body shuddered recalling those words. the clear image of that one memory flashing in front of his eyes. jeongguk clenched his fist, trying to not let it all get to him but he was only a human, for how long could he resist to give up?

"i know, fuck, i know i won't get a happy ending. but a happy middle- don't i deserve that, at least?" he asked himself, his reflection in the mirror staring back.

the silence was deafening- it was suffocating.

"not that either, huh?"

the quietness of the room gnawed at him, stirring his frustration. jeongguk pulled his hand back and then,

with a forceful strike, he punched the mirror. the glass shattered into pieces, the noise loud and jarring. yet, to jeongguk, the sound was strangely comforting. at least it was something, some kind of response in the endless void.

he looked at his bloody fist blankly before staring down at one of the shredded glass. his reflection in it was distorted but that was alright, that's how jeongguk saw himself anyway. distorted, miserable and hideous.

he picked up a shard, its sharp edges biting into his skin, drawing blood that trickled down his fingers. yet jeongguk didn't flinch, didn't feel a shred of pain. he was numb, entirely and utterly and honestly that somehow annoyed him too. was he not a human anymore? the hell was wrong with him?

"oh, my taehyungie... wish you were here to tell me i'm not insane- but shit, you probably think i am. isn't that why you left? guess the problem really is me."

he gripped the sharp object harder, his skin cutting deeper. tears blurred his vision, making it hard to see his own reflection.

"problems should be gone"

he started walking.

"i should be gone"

he turned on the faucet to fill the bathtub. jeongguk wanted it to be neat- at least his death should be less messy. they can just wash the blood away with water here and not have to scrape the carpets out in the bedroom while cursing at him for dirtying them before leaving, right?

he got in the tub, laying down, the water reaching up to his lower neck. his clothes stuck to his skin, heavy and uncomfortable. he soaked himself completely in it while keeping his hand out, slowly placing the sharp edge over his wrist. jeongguk chuckled humorlessly.

"are you seeing me, hyung?" he looked around like a madman, as if he would find the person standing afar, watching him with a proud, contented smile.

"you were so right! i'm just like you!" he laughed, the sound echoing in the bathroom. "we both are pathetic losers!"

jeongguk pressed the edge harder against his skin and the blood started to seep out. he placed his chin over the edge of the bathtub, watching it closely, fascinated by how interesting it was to make himself bleed.

"wow, it's so red," he breathed out, giggling even. "you should've done it this way, hyung." he muttered to himself, a smile creeping onto his face.

but the smile soon started to fade as he rubbed the edge further, letting the skin slit bit by bit. "it hurts..." jeongguk whispered, and with that pain, the pain of everything that had happened in the last two years came rushing back.

taehyung left. his life fell apart.

"won't you be back, tete? your jeonggukie misses you so much," he sucked in a long breath as the blade grazed sharper than before, the blood dripping onto the pristine white floor. "no one loves me... not even you."

he pulled back the blade, inspecting the small yet deep cut he had made on his wrist. "ah, i missed the vein," jeongguk chuckled, angling his wrist to see how the blood was trickling down. looking down, he watched the blood drops fall onto the floor- drip, drip, drip.

"fucking disgusting," jeongguk laughed bitterly. even the sight of his own blood was revolting to him.

he had never been one to hurt himself; he was totally against the idea of self-harming, let alone doing it. but here he was, doing just that.

suicide, though, was a whole another thing. it was something he thought was ridiculously stupid- how could someone end their life without a second thought? he thought those people who did kill themselves were fucking cowards and that even pitying them was ridiculous. suicide was something jeongguk found laughable; he had seen the consequences of it in the past, and he never wanted to even imagine doing it so the idea of actually going through with it was beyond his comprehension.

but again, here he was.

now, he regretted ever seeing those suicidal people as morons when he had been one all along. for thinking life was easy for them- for him.

"i'm becoming all the things i have hated. what's the point of this life i hate then?" jeongguk threw the blade away. he knew better than to think a small blade cut could end his life.

being fully clothed, the water felt more sensitive than usual. jeongguk felt oddly cold and sort of empty. he was about to do something absolutely horrendous yet he felt nothing at all. is this how all suicidal people feels? empty after spending all their emotions up? who knew really.

jeongguk leaned back, his head resting against the tub's curve before he started to sink himself slowly into the water, his head tipped until the water cradled it, ears submerging with water getting in, lulling the world shut. involuntarily his eyes shut as bubbles escaped his lips, chest burning to breathe already. but that's not what jeongguk was supposed to do, he was going to shut it all out for once and all- even if he wanted anything but that, once upon a time.

nothing was worth it anymore. he didn't have taehyung, nor his family, and most importantly, not even himself. jeon jeongguk was a man of nothing.

he sank completely into the water. his fingers curled, wanting to help him get out already as the blood from the fresh cut stained the water in red splashes. and shit, if that didn't burn like hell-almost made jeongguk pull his head out of the water but he was too stubborn, dangerously so. his hair fanned out like splattered ink on paper and his lungs burned for air after a few minutes. jeongguk knew this was it. this is how his miserable life ends and fuck, he still didn't feel a thing.

from beneath the water, the ceiling of the bathroom looked so clear, clearer than how he usually saw it but then again, maybe jeongguk never really paid attention to it anyway. never paid attention to anything in his life, really. perhaps being so ignorant was what ended him up here.

his chest tightened further and the clear ceiling above the water began to blur. jeongguk blinked, water stinging his eyes, bubbles slipping from his parted lips. the world started to blur further.

is this how he really dies? alone?

where was taehyung? where the hell was he?

he's not coming back.

the blood in the water colored his vision red.

jeongguk closed his eyes.

"uhm so i... i tried drowning myself, lost consciousness, and the maid found me, thought i was dead, but they found a pulse so yeah," jeongguk rasped out, fiddling with his fingers.

he didn't look into taehyung's eyes at all, kept his head low and told a little part of the story-jeongguk couldn't afford to tell taehyung how miserably he tried it nor what he felt while doing so. he wanted to keep the details short, skipping the slitting wrist part. that was just too miserable, and boy, has he not made a complete fool out of himself already.

he heard taehyung inhale sharply, the sound actually loud and painful for jeongguk to hear. his fingers curled into fists, trying his best not to look at taehyung just yet. but he had to sooner or later, so when he heard a choked sob, he lifted his head to see taehyung's face.

god, this sight hurts.

taehyung's eyes were red and tears were rolling down his face. the look of pure horror in those big brown eyes was twisting jeongguk's heart in the most gruesome way. this is why he didn't want to tell taehyung about it at all. he looked so miserable to the male now, didn't he?

"w-what if they hadn't found a pulse? what would have happened to you then?" taehyung asked as if it wasn't obvious. his tone was so careful and broken that jeongguk could feel the hurt in his voice.

"tell me, jeongguk"

don't call me jeongguk with that look on your face.

he wanted to say but in what rights? after doing something so out of line, how could he?

"i'd be dead," he said in a whisper, finding the words so bitter now.

jeongguk didn't know what on earth made him lose his mind so badly that he tried doing something like that. when he thinks about it now, he was thankful his maid had found him before he had been gone. it even made him feel sorry for her, as the first thing he did after waking up was yell at her for saving him.

oh, what dark days he had spent, all alone.

"you'd be dead..." taehyung repeated, looking at jeongguk with those tearful eyes. he licked his lips, nodding, "i almost lost you... because of me."

jeongguk knitted his eyebrows together, "what do you mean, because of me?"

"i left you when you needed me the most. jeongguk, if i was there, you would have never tried that in the first place. so what would that make me? a fucking murderer?"

jeongguk shook his head aggressively, scooting even closer and grabbing taehyung's hands, looking into his eyes sincerely. "you did nothing, all that's wrong is wrong with me."

"you'll say that, but this is the truth. i'm the reason you could have been gone," taehyung exhaled sharply, a tear rolling down. "i... did that to you. i left gguk, i left and look what happened."

"don't you dare blame yourself now, tae. you have nothing to do with my foolishness."

"i wouldn't call this foolishness. you were in pain, terrible fucking pain and the pain got so bad that you thought ending it all for once was the only way. do you know who are the people that do that? people that lose themselves. and who made you lose yourself? me." taehyung jabbed a finger on his chest like he was accusing himself. "i knew you couldn't live without me, but i still selfishly left you. i fucking left you to suffer alone, gguk."

"no, baby," jeongguk wiped taehyung's tears and cupped his face, the warmth making his heart ache because he knew just how overwhelmed taehyung was feeling right now. "you did what you thought was for the best. you didn't know it'd get this bad, nor did i. but it was a mistake, a mistake i do fucking regret, and that's on me, not you, never you."

"but you almost died," taehyung choked out, the words themselves were poisonous to utter. "and i wasn't there for you... how lonely you must have felt." he placed his hands over jeongguk's, letting the tears fall freely.

"i'm sorry jeonggukie..."

"don't be sorry. it wasn't your fault. i was just... messed in the head... probably still am" taehyung snapped his gaze up at him, an alarming look taking over his crying face. "i mean, i just fuck up things you know, but i'll try not to. i'll be better for you, remember?"

"no" taehyung bitterly let out while pushing jeongguk's hands away from his face, almost glaring at the man with those pretty tears in his eyes and for heaven's sake, jeongguk should really not be admiring taehyung at the moment.

"you will be better for yourself. not me. because if you can't even love yourself, how on earth would you love me?"

"i guess we both need to do that though." jeongguk chuckled, sniffling as he flicked his chin at the other, who was looking at him in confusion. "you love me more than you love yourself, don't you think so? if not, why did you suppress your feelings for me for so long? just so i wouldn't hate you. even if it was hurting you to love me in secret."

"now don't turn this on me." taehyung got flustered, and it wasn't like jeongguk was telling any lies. but it was still embarrassing to hear about it. oh well, did jeongguk feel the same way when taehyung talked about him?

"what i'm saying is, don't blame yourself for the shit i do. it's completely on me for not handling my emotions well. maybe i should learn to handle them from you?"

"fuck that, gguk," taehyung said roughly, holding jeongguk's hands once again. they were cold, but they felt nice when he intertwined his fingers with them.

he exhaled deeply, staring down at their entangled fingers before meeting jeongguk's gaze. "handle emotions? what's that? you can be vulnerable, weak, and a complete idiot because i'm here now to hold you. just the way you are here for me. so let's not hide anything anymore, yeah? we don't have to be strong alone when we can be strong together."

jeongguk's eyes widened hearing those words. his eyelids trembled, his breath catching in his throat. then, suddenly, tears began to fall.

"gguk? hey, why are you crying again..." taehyung tried to get a better look at the other's face, who tried to lower it, feeling so vulnerable under that worried gaze. but maybe taehyung was right- he could really be anything in front of this man and not be judged. because that's kim taehyung, his tae.

"you really do make a difference you know"

"in what?"

"everything. you make my life so different tae, in the best fucking way possible"

jeongguk wiped his tears, a small smile breaking through his lips. taehyung's eyes welled with tears once more as he couldn't help but smile in return.

"so do you, ggukie" taehyung helped in wiping jeongguk's tears, looking fondly at the boy he loves so much.

the night deepened, and they soon stopped weeping, finding each other's puffy eyes cute and laughing about it. chattering for a few more minutes, taehyung started to yawn, and seeing him, jeongguk yawned too, making each other laugh.

then they laid down- first jeongguk, who sprawled his arm out while looking at taehyung softly. taking that as a cue, taehyung rested his head on jeongguk's arm and turned his body to the male, holding him by his waist, snuggling in closer under the blankets.

"goodnight, gguk"

jeongguk kissed taehyung's side of head, whispering softly, "goodnight tae"

both closed their eyes and just when jeongguk thought taehyung was asleep, the male groggily whispered out,

"i love you"

jeongguk's chest tightened. he pressed the side of his face against taehyung's head, inhaling the scent of his hair, mouthing the reply to those three words.

sadly, neither taehyung nor he could hear the reply.

taehyung's bed was mostly cold at night, but tonight it felt unusually warm.

*ring*

jeongguk grimaced in his sleep, about to silence his phone thinking it was just his alarm that was ringing but when he looked at the caller with heavy lidded sleep driven eyes, he halted his action. his eyes squinted seeing the caller id.

fiona was calling and as far he knows, she had her day off starting today so why was she calling?

he picked up the call. "hello?"

"sorry sir for calling so early but where are you right now?"

"i'm not at the penthouse if that's what you're asking. why? are you there?" jeongguk slowly sat up, glancing down at taehyung who was sleeping peacefully, his face squished against the pillow making his lips puckered.

jeongguk unknowingly started smiling. oh to wake up to this sight every morning.

"no, but last night we were..."

his eyebrows furrowed, the smile faltering, "we?"

"yeah... um, your father came by oasis last night."

"what?" jeongguk almost shouted, but caught himself just in time. he didn't want to wake taehyung. slowly, he slid out of bed and walked out of the room, gripping the phone tightly after closing the door behind him.

he spoke in a colder tone, "the hell you mean he was there last night?"

"he ordered me to take him to where you live. i tried my best to refuse, but he threatened me... i had no other choice. i'm sorry, sir."

"and? did he enter the hotel? does he know what floor i live on? and... and does he know about taehyung?" jeongguk kept asking, his heart suddenly racing with fear.

"he knows nothing. thankfully, when he asked the receptionist, she refused to disclose any information as it's confidential."

"what about you? did you tell him?"

"i would never. you told me not to. so i told him i didn't know what floor you live on and he seemed to believe it."

jeongguk leaned against the wall, letting out a sigh of relief. "good job."

"i think he might be back at the office very soon though... what are you going to do?"

"nothing." jeongguk clenched his fists, the thought of his father going as far as to find out where he lives, rubbed him the wrong way. "let him do whatever the fuck he wants." with that, he ended the call, staring out into the distance.

"you won't take the ones i love from me, ever again." he mumbled to himself.

he took a bit of time to compose himself before he got back inside. he saw taehyung was already stretching and blinking. "oh, you're awake," he said with a smile.

taehyung peered up at him in the distance, nodding and yawning. "good morning"

"morning" jeongguk strolled closer and then hovered over the male, his hands on either side of taehyung's head. he tilted his head, "slept well baby?"

taehyung looked up, getting flustered having the male's face so close, "haven't slept so well in a while"

"same" he whispered back, getting his face more close until his lips were an inch away from taehyung's. taehyung looked down at his lips then into his eyes, blinking softly.

jeongguk pecked taehyung's lips, "want me to make breakfast?"

"yeah that'd be great" taehyung gulped, feeling the softness of jeongguk's lips on his own for that split second.

hearing his reply, jeongguk again pecked taehyung's lips. "yeah? what do you want?"

"uhm anything" taehyung almost chased those lips this time. damn, jeongguk's lips were addictive.

again, jeongguk kissed him.

"anything?"

"gguk..." taehyung whined. jeongguk chuckled, pecking his pouty heart shaped lips again before asking. "what baby?"

"ugh!" taehyung grabbed jeongguk's face and then made it lean lower before crashing their lips together, kissing him deeper.

at first even though starlet, jeongguk soon closed his eyes and tilted his head, kissing back as deep as the male. after a while, taehyung pulled back, grinning, "now that's a proper kiss"

"you're just greedy" jeongguk teased and taehyung flushed red.

"a-as if you aren't most times!"

"mhm true... but sometimes i like it when you initiate it"

"oh... okay" taehyung blushed further, trying to hide his face in the pillow. "i guess i'll sleep some more" he was embarrassed enough to not even consider he might get late for work if he sleeps any further, but before jeongguk leaves the room, he couldn't get up that was for sure. because not only was he embarrassed, he was also hard.

now that's double embarrassment.

well, a man does get morning wood, that's very natural but both he and jeongguk knows, if he gets a boner right now, the reason was definitely not the usual.

"hmm you are acting weird" jeongguk arched an eyebrow, grabbing the blanket which taehyung immediately gripped on. the caught-on act kinda look on his face only increased jeongguk's suspicion.

with a smirk which taehyung knew meant he was doomed, jeongguk yanked the blanket off his body. taehyung had no time to hide his erection as jeongguk's eyes fell straight onto it.

"ohhh" just hearing the male, taehyung was getting more embarrassed as he buried his face into the pillow, trying to hide his boner by crossing his legs. but jeongguk stopped him, gently grabbing his thigh, parting it to get a better look at it.

"ugh don't look"

"why not? you're hard, because of me. that's hot"

"morning wood, not you"

"yeah, anything else?" jeongguk got in the bed, laying down right next to taehyung who had his back facing him, still gripping his thigh just so he won't cross it.

he rubbed his lips over taehyung's ear, "kissing turns you on baby? am i a good kisser then?"

"i'm not answering that"

"come on, i wanna know" he bit on the other's earlobe, eliciting a soft whimper. "never mind. i already know i'm pretty fucking amazing at making you feel good"

and then his hand slowly trailed closer to taehyung's clothed bulge. "who else can know your body as well as i do, hm?" he slid his hand inside taehyung's pajama pants. the said male's breath hitched in his throat when jeongguk's hand wrapped around his hard length.

"no one. no one knows you like i do" jeongguk breathed out in his ear, his hand slowly starting to stroke his cock. "and i'll make sure no one ever does. you're mine, baby. you're so fucking mine"

jeongguk didn't know where this sudden surge of possessiveness came from, but hearing about his father snooping around his whereabouts first thing in the morning really pissed him off. if that old man got any closer to finding out about taehyung, jeongguk had no idea how he'd react.

he wants everyone to stay the fuck away from his taehyung.

taehyung involuntarily turned to lay down on his back that arched with each of jeongguk's hard strokes. "a-ah gguk... slow down" he placed his hand over jeongguk's that was inside his pants, moving up and down at an obscene speed.

"but the way you're moving your hips, it's giving me the impression you want me to go faster." he kissed the corner of taehyung's eye, giving the perfect strokes to his love's dick that made more moans and grunts tumble out of those heart shaped lips.

after few more strokes, taehyung ejaculated in his hand. he laid there breathing in and out heavily and watched with half lidded eyes as jeongguk got up, wiping his hands with some tissues that were on the table. his eyes fell on jeongguk's lower region and his heart skipped a beat upon noticing the clear bulge in his pants.

he slowly sat up against the bed frame, speaking in a hoarse tone as he was still catching his breath, "what about you?"

"what about me?" he turned to look at taehyung who looked down, making him follow suit. upon noticing the obvious, he shrugged, "don't worry i'll take care of it"

"I... i can help if you want..." he spoke, somehow sounding desperate to himself.

jeongguk's eyes darkened hearing him, the urge to just go closer to taehyung was strong but all he did was take steps back. "not now."

there was a certain roughness and uncertainty to that tone that taehyung didn't quite like. why did jeongguk not want him to help him with his erection? did he think he won't be any good at it or what? a frown was trying to break through his face but he tried his best to control it and just nod.

he watched jeongguk leave the room saying he should freshen up while he makes the breakfast, not noticing the small frown that involuntarily curled his facial expressions.

"fine... i suck at it anyway" he muttered to himself while getting up, checking the time to see he wasn't getting any late for work yet.

~~~

it was quiet. jeongguk and taehyung silently ate their breakfast. jeongguk was going through his phone, checking some emails while taehyung ate and watched him do so.

he couldn't help but wonder why jeongguk didn't want him to do anything when he clearly was very hard. the curiosity and the fear of not being capable enough was gnawing at taehyung but he was too embarrassed and prideful to ask about it. so he opted to just eat in silence.

after breakfast, taehyung hurried to get ready as time was running out. he barely had enough time to talk with jeongguk who was also getting dressed, wearing his clothes from yesterday. since his car was still at oasis, jeongguk offered to drop him off. the car ride was mostly silent, punctuated by small talk. it was taehyung being uncharacteristically timid while jeongguk did most of the talking. maybe he was still too immature to get upset over little things. jeongguk however didn't seem to notice his immaturity yet.

when they arrived at oasis and taehyung was stepping out of the car, jeongguk suddenly called out, "wait."

taehyung paused, glancing back. "yes?"

jeongguk wasn't looking at him but out at the hotel entrance, his expression unreadable, tinged with worry he couldn't quite mask. his jaw tightened briefly before he licked his lips, forcing a small smile.

"have a good day at work,"

"you too?" taehyung said in a questioning tone. when he was about to get off, he looked down to find jeongguk grabbing his hand. he looked up at the male, "everything alright, gguk?"

"yeah..." jeongguk nodded but taehyung couldn't be convinced seeing how he was looking at him, like he didn't want him to step out of the car.

"then, should i go now?"

"uh yeah... i'll see you later then" jeongguk subtly smiled, letting go off taehyung's hand.

after staring at the man for a few more seconds, taehyung stepped out of the car, his gaze lingering on jeongguk as he drove away. he stood there until the vehicle disappeared from sight.

something definitely felt off, but he decided to trust jeongguk to tell him if anything was truly wrong. perhaps he just didn't want him to leave, a sentiment taehyung understood all too well because he felt the same way about him. but well, work was important too.

then he went inside, head still full of jeongguk.

╸╸╸

"so he's here already?" jeongguk asked, glancing at his rolex watch as he walked. fiona followed closely behind, nodding.

"in your office."

the urge to roll his eyes was strong, but jeongguk reckoned that would be wasting too much emotion on that old man, so he refrained. stepping into the lift. he did tell fiona it wasn't necessary for her to be at work today as her vacation of three days started already but fiona felt guilty to guide his father to oasis last night, thus she decided to work today in case.

that's why he instructed fiona to handle other tasks and not disturb him for the next hour. a private talk was necessary, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do with his own father.

opening the door to his office had never felt this nerve-wracking before. jeongguk took a moment to compose himself, breathing deeply, before finally turning the handle and stepping inside.

the cheerful, rough voice spoke, "my son is finally here."

taking a deep breath, jeongguk lifted his head to find his father sitting in his chair, wearing that irritating smile of his.

"what are you doing here?" jeongguk asked, closing the door behind him.

"that's a weird question. it's my office, son" the older jeon laughed, only fueling jeongguk's irritation.

"i know, but i thought you'd be taking a few more days off."

"well, i am. your old man still needs rest, but my wish to see you pulled me here."

jeongguk rolled his eyes at the statement. the unnecessary sweetness this man pretended to do never failed to get on his nerves.

"i need to work and i'm sure that's what you want me to do too. so, if you'd be kind enough to leave," jeongguk said with a similar overly sweet smile to his father's, stepping forward and gesturing toward the chair he was occupying.

the older jeon nodded nonchalantly, rising to his feet before walking around the desk to stand directly in front of jeongguk. he placed his hands on his son's shoulders, brushing at them as though dusting off imaginary dirt and stared at him intently.

"i was at the hotel you're staying at last night,"

jeongguk clenched his fists, tilting his head slightly. "is that so? why?"

"i wanted to visit you but you weren't there."

"i see."

the older jeon narrowed his eyes, stepping back with a sly smile. "you look rather calm to me. thought you'd be all riled up."

jeongguk sighed, walking past the man to sit on his chair and opening his laptop, something to do to distract himself.

"i'm not a kid anymore. got better things to put my attention on," jeongguk said plainly, the statement meant to piss the man off. after all, if he was already feeling this aggravated, what better way to cope than by projecting the same emotion onto the older jeon?

however, what the man said next grabbed jeongguk's attention- terrifyingly quick.

"have you caught up with your friends, jeongguk? ah, what was his name again... yeah..." the smirk on his father's face widened as he uttered, "taehyung. have you seen him in korea, son?"

jeongguk's first instinct was to slam the laptop shut and lash out, yelling at the man for even daring to mention that name. but he stopped himself. if he let his agitation show, it would only fuel the older jeon's curiosity- exactly what jeongguk couldn't afford to let happen.

"i haven't. why?"

"oh just asking. he's a nice kid and you seemed pretty close to him in the past"

"well, that was in the past, not the present," jeongguk gritted out, his voice rougher than he intended. could he really be blamed, though? the mere mention of taehyung's name from the wrong mouth had a way of riling him up, and perhaps his father knew that all too well. after all, at the end of the day, the older jeon still had an unsettling understanding of him- a fact that scared jeongguk more than he cared to admit.

"okay... if you say so," the man taunted, his tone light as he lazily strolled toward the door. "just saying, though, he's a really nice kid."

"see you later, dad," jeongguk emphasized the word, knowing he rarely called his father that. the term felt far too intimate, far too close, to use for someone like him. but right now, jeongguk needed space, and calling the man "dad" seemed to do the trick. the older jeon gave a contented smile, clearly pleased, and compiled without further comment.

"see you, jeongguk. work hard"

when the door shut behind him and a minute passed, jeongguk abruptly spiraled the laptop that had been in front of him to the side, sending it crashing to the floor with a loud thud. the screen shattered into pieces. with the loud crash came jeongguk's scream of frustration and anger.

thankfully, his office was soundproof, so the noise didn't attract any unwanted attention- though it probably wouldn't have mattered, given how furious he was.

right now, jeongguk's head pounded from the intensity of his anger. he ruffled his hair, pulling at the strands as he paced back and forth in the room.

"why is he suddenly asking about tae?" he muttered to himself, his heart racing from all the unwanted thoughts clouding his head.

"does... does he k-know..."

"he can't... fuck he can't know" jeongguk covered his mouth, shaking his head.

it was absolutely terrifying how that man knew exactly how to trigger him, but thankfully, jeongguk hadn't reacted too much. still, he wasn't sure how long he could maintain his composure, especially if that man dared to mention taehyung's name again. if that happened, jeongguk might lose it completely- he already struggled to control himself as it was.

he plopped down onto the couch, sprawling his legs and his arms over the edge, staring up at the ceiling with an unfocused gaze.

"he is definitely plotting something..." jeongguk mumbled to himself, his jaw clenching as he focused ahead, staring at nothing in particular. the words hissed out of his lips, "for once i'm happy and you're not going to take it from me, not this time, father"

he opened his phone, his eyes immediately drawn to taehyung's photo on the home screen. just seeing his face was enough to calm the raging anger within him. he thought about going to taehyung right now but ended up holding back- it hadn't been too long since they'd last seen each other. for now, he would focus on work, on himself, as taehyung told him to and see him later.

he would meet taehyung as a reward for not losing his temper because of his father and be a good boy. maybe doing things like that would make taehyung realize just how much he loved him.

so taehyung wouldn't leave him. not ever again.

╸╸╸

taehyung's hand hovered over jeongguk's caller id. he debated whether to call or maybe just leave a text. would that make him seem too pushy? he huffed, ending up not doing either. after all, they were just together a few hours ago. besides, jeongguk must be busy with work, considering he hadn't texted taehyung either.

the day felt too long, though maybe it was just taehyung being impatient for it to end. jeongguk usually didn't return before eight, but most days, it was much later, like eleven or twelve, past his shift time. so taehyung wasn't sure if today would be one of those late nights or an early one. he prayed for the latter.

as he straightened his back against the chair, about to get up since it was lunchtime, the door to his room opened, revealing heejae. taehyung smiled at the already-smiling boy.

"hey heejae"

"hi hyung" the boy entered, "it's lunch time. have you eaten yet?"

"no but i'm about to." taehyung stood up, fixing the files on his table before going out.

"you remember right~"

taehyung tilted his head in confusion, "remember what?"

"come on hyung" heejae pouted, "you said you would buy me lunch"

"ohhh," taehyung nodded, remembering he promised the younger lunch for backing him in front of the manager the other day. "i'm so sorry, heejae, i almost forgot! of course hyung will buy you lunch. come on, let's go now." taehyung ruffled heejae's hair, making the younger chuckle shyly before they made their way out of his room.

"so what do you want to eat?" taehyung asked, and heejae made a thinking face.

"oh, i'm confused, but first, let's hurry and leave before dami sees us. she'll probably kick my ass if she finds out i left her out," heejae chuckled, grabbing taehyung's hand to hurry out of there, which slightly startled the older.

however, before taehyung could get his hand out of heejae's grip, they made their way through the front gate but halted in their tracks upon seeing who was in front of them.

taehyung's lips curled into a bright smile as he uttered, "jeonggukie."

heejae looked at taehyung, noticing the bright smile on the man's face that hadn't been there before. he then looked at the man in front of them, named jeongguk- or jeonggukie, precisely to taehyung only.

"tae," jeongguk smiled at taehyung, stepping closer. his eyes then trailed to heejae and the smile faded when his gaze fell on their interlocked hands.

jeongguk's genuine smile started to morph into a bitter one as he stopped right in front of them, "where are you going?"

"oh, just to grab some lunch. are you done with work? you're early."

jeongguk nodded, his eyes glancing down at their hands, feeling awfully mad when he saw they were still interlocked.

"why are you holding hands with this guy?" he let out bluntly.

taehyung and heejae looked at each other and then at their hands. it was taehyung who realized he hadn't pulled his hand out of the younger's grip yet, so he quickly withdrew it, offering an awkward smile at heejae who looked uncomfortable due to jeongguk's bluntness.

heejae glanced at the said male who was already looking at him, a glare clearly evident. it made heejae feel intimidated, so he slightly bowed his head at taehyung in acknowledgment, "sorry hyung, i got too excited."

"it's okay, don't sweat it," taehyung smiled faintly at the boy.

"oh, excited? for what exactly?" jeongguk interrupted, smiling at heejae, though anyone could see the smile wasn't genuine.

"what does it matter to you?" heejae knitted his brows together, his tone defensive. it was natural, considering he barely knew jeongguk yet the man was questioning him.

"what did you-"

"we're going out to eat lunch, gguk. don't start anything now," taehyung whispered to him, careful not to let heejae hear. but the younger one likely did, rolling his eyes and looking away.

"with him?" jeongguk whispered back, though his voice was louder than a whisper, rough enough for heejae to catch.

and that made heejae feel even more insulted. he stepped closer, trying to get jeongguk's attention. "yes, with me. why the hell are you questioning hyung anyway? what's your deal?"

"oh, look at you," jeongguk sneered, turning to heejae. the anger in his eyes darkened his gaze, and damn, he looked terrifying. "do you not know who i am?"

"gguk, hey," taehyung grabbed the man's shoulder, drawing his attention. "it's just lunch. don't make a scene over it and please, don't talk to him like that too. do you understand?" he said, his voice stern. jeongguk clenched his jaw, rolling his eyes at heejae again.

"jeongguk," taehyung called, his tone even firmer.

jeongguk exhaled slowly, nodding. he then looked at heejae with less hostility.

"can i join you two?"

"huh?"

jeongguk smiled at heejae, though the smile didn't reach his eyes. "you'll let this hyung join, won't you?"

"no-" heejae began, but jeongguk's smile tightened. it was hidden from taehyung's view as his body was turned toward the younger.

"you will, won't you?"

there was something about that look that unsettled heejae more than he cared to admit. he knew exactly who jeon jeongguk was. he also knew how much influence he had at oasis. and that look? it made it clear- if he refused, it wouldn't end well for him.

he looked away, defeated, "s-sure"

~~~

taehyung and heejae were used to the clatter of utensils and the chatter of people in the places they usually had lunch at. but this time, it was quiet and elegant. expectantly, it was a fancy restaurant, as jeongguk insisted they come here because the food was great.

"the lunch is on me for behaving like an ass," jeongguk smiled at heejae, who sat opposite him and at taehyung, who sat beside him. the way they sat together made heejae feel a bit sour. they were supposed to sit side by side, enjoying street food, laughing, and chatting away like they usually did.

"don't take it to heart, uh... what was your name again?" jeongguk asked, feigning innocence.

heejae smiled awkwardly. "heejae."

"oh, yes. don't take it to heart, heejae. i really thought you were a stranger to tae."

"uh, no, it's okay. i was very rude too. sorry for that."

"we're even then," jeongguk chuckled, glancing at taehyung, who seemed content seeing them resolve things.

heejae laughed along, clenching the chopsticks seeing how close both of them were sitting, taehyung's all attention on jeongguk, asking him about his day and all.

the food came shortly after that. they started eating and heejae noticed how jeongguk was peeling the shrimps for taehyung, even feeding him them. he also observed how taehyung fed jeongguk, that smile on his lips that heejae has never seen before which is quite odd because taehyung is always smiling, yet something about this smile was different, it seemed too genuine, making heejae wonder if all those other smiles he'd seen were fake.

as taehyung continued to pay attention only to jeongguk, heejae began to feel a sourness inside him. wanting to gain the older's attention, he spoke up, "i finished reading the book i borrowed from you the other day, hyung."

taehyung looked at heejae, impressed. "woah, so fast. did you like it?"

"yup. it was really good. can i come to your place again sometime? your book collection is amazing."

"sure," taehyung replied enthusiastically. he was glad someone enjoyed his taste in books too. however, he was completely unaware of the look on jeongguk's face as he overheard their conversation.

heejae glanced at jeongguk, feeling awfully contented seeing the pissed look on the man's face. he continued talking about the book to taehyung just to keep his attention and shit, if that did not do the absolute work of ticking jeongguk off, who sat there, stabbing the meat on his plate while his tongue poked the inside of his cheek.

but he didn't say a word and just ate without interrupting.

heejae was really satisfied by the end of the lunch, having taehyung's attention for most parts. after the lunch, all three of them returned back to the hotel.

"thank you for the lunch again" heejae bowed his head to jeongguk with a teasing smile but oh well, jeongguk was still not reacting.

"no problem." the said male smiled back. heejae's own smile faltered, how was this man not reacting at all? whatever, if anything that was for the best. maybe there was really nothing going on between this man and taehyung.

"alright, time to get back to work, heejae. no more slacking off" taehyung used his hyung tone and heejae pouted, denying the accusation. jeongguk just watched the sight that cringed him off, no response from him though.

after that, heejae went the other way to get back to work. leaving taehyung and jeongguk standing there.

"so you're done for the day? no more work?" taehyung asked jeongguk who simply looked at him, still not answering.

"gguk?"

and finally, in response, jeongguk grabbed taehyung's wrist and dragged him to his office.

"woah, gguk! slow down, hey!" taehyung tried to keep up with the other's fast pace but jeongguk wasn't listening to him at all.

taehyung's body only came to a halt when it was pressed against the wall near the door. he gasped as jeongguk hovered over him, placing his hands on either side of his head.

"jeonggukie... what are you doing?" taehyung muttered, his voice small but tinged with exhilaration.

jeongguk smirked, tilting his head slightly. "that bastard has been to your house?"

"bastard? you mean heejae?"

"who fucking else?"

"well... yeah, but not just him. dami and minhee too. we're all good colleagues."

"good colleagues, huh? what good colleague holds their older colleague's hand like that?" jeongguk sneered, his tone bitter and rough. oh, he had been controlling for far too long.

taehyung's eyebrows furrowed. "are you suspecting me now?"

"not you, but him. he doesn't have good intentions, tae."

"you don't know heejae and it's just your jealousy speaking. heejae is a nice kid. he admires me like an older brother, nothing else."

"brother, pfft," jeongguk chuckled, looking away for a moment. "you really are too innocent." he leaned in closer to taehyung, his gaze seductively trailing over the now-tense male's face. "have you seen the way that freak looks at you? that's not how i look at my brother, you know."

"you're seeing too much into things. i've been working here for three years now, and heejae has been a respectful junior all this time. stop overthinking. he doesn't see me that way. not everyone wants me, gguk."

"wrong. everybody wants you, tae. 'cause you're just so fucking desirable," jeongguk clenched his jaw, the image of heejae grabbing taehyung's hand still fresh in his mind, fueling his anger. everyone except taehyung was pissing him off today.

"i-" taehyung's phone rang, and he brought it out, but jeongguk snatched it out of his hand.

he looked at taehyung with a dark gaze. "no phone. only me."

"but it could be important-"

"focus on me, tae. i want your attention." taehyung's cheeks flushed, the seduction in jeongguk's voice making him go quiet.

"now would you be so good and get on your knees for me?" jeongguk whispered over taehyung's face, making the male shudder.

"w-why?" taehyung whimpered out, jeongguk's knee was in between his legs, parting them involuntarily.

"didn't you want to help me this morning? why not help me now? i'm so hard right now, tae"

"s-shit... what got you hard?" taehyung could feel jeongguk's hardness when he pressed it against him.

"my jealousy i guess" taehyung looked into his dark eyes, gulping seeing the look of pure lust in those previously enraged eyes.

"on your knees, baby"

taehyung dropped to his knees slowly.

and while he was doing so, jeongguk glanced at taehyung's phone, his jaw clenching when he saw that heejae had texted him about some random shit. so they also text each other?

he quickly typed a reply.

taehyung looked up. "what are you doing on my phone?"

"just putting it on silent mode. don't want anyone to disturb us right now." he lied smoothly, smirking as he tucked the phone away.

"oh, uhm, let me close the door first." taehyung started to get up, but jeongguk stopped him by moving.

"i'll do it," he said reassuringly, walking over to close the door.

except he didn't close it entirely. he left it just a little ajar.

perfect.

he got back to standing in front of the knelt taehyung, staring down at him with a smirk on his lips. "you look so pretty on your knees"

taehyung blinked slowly, gulping thickly when jeongguk grabbed his chin. his voice in a low register when he spoke, "how pretty would you look having your lips stretched around my cock, hm?"

taehyung wanted to press his legs together. he placed his hands over jeongguk's thighs, clutching the suit pants fabric.

jeongguk slowly unbuckled his belt which taehyung watched with so much attention. it was amusing to see the usually composed innocent man who knows nothing but work be on his knees, eagerly waiting for a man- not any man, his man's cock to suck.

how fucking adorable.

when he pulled down his pants and then his boxers enough to let his length spring out, it almost hit taehyung on the face from how closely he was watching it.

"aw baby, so eager aren't you?" jeongguk caressed taehyung's face with his thumb. holding his dick with the other hand, slowly stroking it. its pink head was glistening with precum that made taehyung lick his own lips and gulp in anticipation.

fuck, if that didn't make jeongguk all the more horny.

not able to take more of that fuckable gaze taehyung had on his face, he placed the tip of his cock against those luscious heart shaped lips, having such softness against his hard length, it twitched and throbbed.

jeongguk knitted his eyebrows together, pushing the length past taehyung's lips that easily wrapped around it, letting it enter his hot mouth. feeling the hotness and tightness of taehyung's mouth, jeongguk threw his head back in pleasure, buckling his hips in a messy way only to push himself more into the other male's mouth.

"mhdhhgh" taehyung muffled, clutching his fingers over jeongguk's pants. trying to twirl his tongue around the length but fuck, jeongguk was so big it felt as though his mouth would rip around it.

"come on baby, suck it for me" jeongguk caressed taehyung's head gently, pulling out a little for taehyung to get comfortable. taehyung twirled his tongue around his hard girth, applying suction that made jeongguk grunt in satisfaction, leaning his upper body by the help of his hands against the wall.

seeing how jeongguk grunted made taehyung feel satisfied, as he used his hand to massage jeongguk's balls and the other to stroke the part of the length that was not in his mouth yet which resulted in more grunts and moans from the male.

slowly he tried to take more of his length into his mouth, choking and gagging on it in the process and seeing it from up, jeongguk was getting harder which taehyung could feel it very vividly.

looking down at taehyung, his teary eyes and pink lips stretched around his cock, his breadcheeks puffed up was the sole trigger. jeongguk couldn't take it anymore and so, he grabbed taehyung's back of head, pushing him forward and as a result, the rest of his cock slid inside taehyung's mouth, reaching the depth of his throat making him instantly gag. but taehyung enjoyed the pain as he tried his best to keep up with the pace of jeongguk's hips that moved back and forth, giving him no time to catch breath.

"ugh fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good tae" jeongguk rasped out, ruffling taehyung's hair and fucking his mouth together.

tears rolled down taehyung's face as choked gasps escaped his stuffed mouth. jeongguk was losing himself in the euphoria when he suddenly started sensing something. his eyes opened with a certain darkness in them as he slowly trailed them to the door that was slightly ajar.

the smirk on his lips widened when he saw,

heejae standing outside the door, pure horror on his face.

jeongguk made sure to block the intruder's view of taehyung's face with the side of his body that leaned against the wall, making his cock go all the more deep into taehyung's mouth. of course he wasn't fucked enough to let that heejae see taehyung in this state.

their eyes met through the slight opening, the horror in heejae's widened eyes contrasting with jeongguk's lazy, fucked-out, dark gaze; it brought him a twisted sense of satisfaction.

"you're so mine, tae" jeongguk grunted out while fucking taehyung's mouth but keeping his eyes on heejae, barely able to see him through the small crack of the door but he knew heejae could hear him very well even if he couldn't see much of what's going inside.

"fucking mine"

he watched as heejae ran out of there.

after a while, jeongguk climaxed hard into taehyung's mouth.

he knelt after buckling his pants up. "here, spit that out" he placed his palms in front of taehyung's mouth who spit all the cum out in his hands- a lot of cum mixed with saliva.

taehyung was gasping for air while leaning against the wall, eyes closed as he took in deep breaths.

jeongguk grabbed some tissues, "are you alright? sorry i went overboard," he said, wiping taehyung's lips gently, a look of concern crossing his face as he watched taehyung still trying to catch his breath.

"did you like it?" taehyung asked right away after composing himself, his voice hoarse from obviously you know what.

"huh?" jeongguk saw the determination in taehyung's eyes making him reply quick and sincerely, "i loved it tae. my second best orgasm."

"your ass still has the first place," he said jokingly.

taehyung sighed in relief. "i thought you didn't want me to suck you off this morning..."

"why would you think that baby?" jeongguk frowned.

"you said no..."

jeongguk recalled the conversation from this morning, making him chuckle in realization, "oh my tae..."

"what?"

"i said no exactly because of what i did just now" jeongguk wiped the corner of taehyung's lip, softly muttering, "see how rough i got? you make me lose my mind baby. i didn't want to hurt you by forcing my dick in your mouth more than you can take, you already did say you were sore..."

"then what changed your mind?"

jeongguk's gaze narrowed just a little, recalling the horror on heejae's face. a subtle smirk curled his lips, "sorry but what do you expect? i don't have enough control over me when it comes to you"

taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. "you're just horny"

"you make me horny so take responsibilities kim taehyung!" after that jeongguk scooped taehyung in his arms and then stood up, walking to the couch to make him lay there.

"freshen up, i'll bring you something warm to drink" taehyung nodded happily and after that, jeongguk fixed his pants before he walked out of the room.

he was on his way when suddenly heejae appeared from the lobby area.

the male stood right in front of him, the anger on his face making jeongguk smirk unknowingly.

"what the hell was that?"

"what?"

"was it you who texted me from hyung's number? you deliberately wanted me to see that?"

"i don't know what you're talking about" jeongguk folded his arms over his chest, standing tall and proud.

"i thought you two were friends..." heejae let out in uncertainty.

jeongguk chuckled, "well... we are more than friends"

recalling how taehyung didn't want anyone to know about what they have right now, jeongguk thought of something funny to say.

his tone filled with sarcasm as he spoke, "and, less than lovers."

"what's that supposed to mean?" heejae let out irritatedly.

"exactly" jeongguk dropped the smiling and looked dead into the other's eyes, his gaze back to being intimidating which made heejae frozen on spot from fear, "the next time i see you holding his hand, you won't have one left to hold it with."

"stay the fuck away from my tae, unless you want to lose this fucking job." he patted the shocked male's shoulder, walking past him before adding in the overly sweet tone he used at the restaurant, "you'll listen to hyung, won't you, heejae?"

and heejae knew there was no option but to listen.

the phone rang, and the manager promptly answered. "good afternoon, this is choi kyu-woo speaking."

"good afternoon. this is jeon dojin. am i speaking with the manager of the hotel, oasis?"

the manager straightened in his seat, recognition dawning. jeon dojin- the jeon dojin?

"yes, mr. jeon. you're speaking with him. how may i assist you today?"

"thank you. well, i'm seeking some information regarding a particular individual..."

"oh sure, who are you looking for, sir?"

the other line went silent for a second before the man uttered, "kim taehyung. i'd like to know everything about him"

━━━━━━━━

q. which character you like the most and which character you hate the most?