✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the waves rolled onto the shore with a gentle rhythm. the sound so melodic yet so distant, it rang in his ears but then it didn't. the cold air engulfed him, oddly chilly and comfortable. seagulls called out overhead, their wings cutting through the vast expanse of the sky. he looked up, feeling so small under the never ending stretch of blue.

he picked up a stray tree branch from the ground, dragging it over the sand to carve lines. a broad smile pulled at his lips. slowly, he etched two names within a heart. then he heard the soft sound of giggling that came from beside him.

jeongguk turned his head to find taehyung, fondly staring down at what he wrote on the sand.

"taegguk?" taehyung tilted his head at jeongguk, giggling.

jeongguk nodded, "taegguk..."

he watched how taehyung giggled while looking down at his silly creation. the wind blew hard, making his soft hair dance in the air, along with his shirt and shorts. that warm smile on those heart shaped lips, those big brown eyes sparkling under the sunset. what a sight.

"you like it?"

"yes!"

jeongguk licked his lips nervously. "what about us?"

taehyung's smile faltered as jeongguk added, "do you like us? just you and me, together and no one else in between."

he watched taehyung's lips move, but his voice was lost to the roar of a wave crashing forcefully against the shore. jeongguk's gaze dropped to the spot in the sand where he had written their names together.

the wave wiped it away.

gone were their names together.

jeongguk's eyes widened, his heart pounding so fiercely it echoed in his ears. he shook his head slowly, as if the world around him was beginning to crumble.

he felt two arms wrap around him from behind, the weight of someone's chin resting on his shoulder, warm breath fanning softly across his skin.

just from how the person breathed against his skin, jeongguk could tell right away, it was taehyung.

the aforementioned male's deep voice echoed in his ear, "you have to wake up, jeongguk"

jeongguk slowly placed his hand over taehyung's that were holding him. he shook his head. "you'll be gone then, won't you?"

"yes, i'm sorry i couldn't keep my promise"

and suddenly the lulling sound of the waves, the soothing glow of the dusk and the birds calling, all felt like a nightmare. jeongguk lowered his head, grabbing onto those hands tightly, too scared to let go.

but he has to.

"wake up, jeonggukie"

jeongguk woke up.

his eyelids were heavy and dull as he blinked them. the ceiling's view coming into focus before he closed his eyes again, covering them with the back of his hand upon realizing he was in his room.

a few minutes passed by. the dream vivid in his head, feeling so real that it made closing eyes any longer strenuous. he slowly sat up, the slanted sunlight seeping through the curtain seams. he rubbed his eyes while a weary sigh left his lips.

jeongguk stood up, staring at nothing in particular. he was still trying to understand what he saw was just a dream. it might have felt so real but it was still not the reality he was living in. how cruel. blinking his eyes to get his focus back, jeongguk went into the washroom to wash up.

he struggled to articulate the peculiar weariness that had settled over him through the years. it wasn't that he had been negligent in his work or careless with his studies. on the contrary, he had done everything expected of him. he graduated, took over his father's company and made it into an even greater empire within just a few years.

he didn't go to such extents just to satisfy his father he could not even stand. but because, jeongguk was desperate to feel anything but the void his heart had embraced.

he thought if he worked hard and became that perfect son in his father's eyes, he'd feel superior, egoistic or at least human. but the notion of achieving so much never came to him.

to him, it was simply what needed to be done. he had merely accomplished it more quickly than planned, it was nothing to be proud of, or to be happy about. thus, the abyss only grew bigger within him.

then he thought, if he went somewhere else. far away from korea, away from the memories, the people like that certain someone did- that will definitely help. so he moved to texas, the city where he dreaded to step in but how ironic, the more he tried to run from his fears, the deeper he sank into them.

no matter, what he did he didn't get better. he carried this void with him everywhere that he went.

but if he really thinks about how he was doing five years ago, there was definitely rather great progress. to remember how for almost a year, he couldn't even eat or sleep properly. the amount of times he had fallen sick or had to be hospitalized, heck he was even sent to rehab but nothing, absolutely nothing could make him feel alive.

jeongguk realized he had to pull himself out of this misery on his own, since the person he had relied on so heavily to escape his own despair had abandoned him without a second thought. bit by bit, he managed to stand up. he completed his graduation, and took over his father's company in texas, not wanting to stay anywhere near korea.

the madness to feel something other than this emptiness that would desperately call out for that certain someone's name, jeongguk dedicated his entire time and attention to work. he received constant praises from his parents, became one of the wealthiest business tycoons in both south korea and texas. he was surrounded by many people who saw him as invincible and perfect, which honestly he didn't give zero fucks about.

he was doing this for himself, to feel alive, to feel something- anything. unfortunately he didn't but at least he was getting close to this thing called, normal.

he really thought he was.

drying his hair with a towel, he made his way to the kitchen, by then the sun was shining brightly, painting the dark space with some brilliance. he made himself some coffee, plopping down on the couch and going through the emails he forgot to check last night. amidst him checking another email, his phone suddenly rang.

it was his mother.

he watched it ring for some time, his thumb hovering over the red button. but then he changed his mind, he picked up the call.

"good morning, jeonggukie~"

"what is it?" he spoke, staring down at the steaming hot coffee in his hand. twirling it in his grasp, the black liquid reflecting his tired face.

"at least greet me back" she sighed from the other side but then continued, "i sent your father's health reports a week ago, did you check it?"

"no, i didn't get time to" jeongguk lied, without any remorse. he'd rather stare at nothing in particular like he's doing right now than take interest in knowing anything about his father.

"do you not care, son? he's your father and- leave it" another pause before she spoke again, "he's having a heart surgery next week"

"and why are you telling me this?" he sipped on the coffee, too bitter. he likes it that way.

"come back to korea"

jeongguk's lips stilled on the edge of the cup. he grimaced as he put the cup down on the table, "what?"

"i assume you're aware of the deal your father was negotiating with the hwangs. he was scheduled to meet with them next week but with his surgery nearing, you'll need to take over and handle it, dear."

"why don't you ask your other son?"

"you know about him already, jeongguk. he's entangled in another drug case... he's good for nothing. but you, jeongguk-you're our perfect son, the one who helped your father and me in building the jeon empire. so please, don't be childish about this now."

his mother's sugar coated words and that awfully cheery tone put jeongguk on the edge, giving him the urge to cut the call right on her face. but again, his mother was partially right about him being the 'perfect son'. jeongguk has molded himself into perfection over time, concealing all his emotions, urges and hurt.

he closed his eyes and sighed.

seoul, south korea. how tragic, his own country had become harrowing to him. although, he also knew he wouldn't see that person there, so what made him so anxious?

kim taehyung has left him for good. out of the city and out of the country.

oh, kim taehyung. the name alone did enough damage to him at the moment as he let out a choked sigh unknowingly.

"jeongguk? are you okay honey?"

he opened his eyes and stared at the coffee. it had gotten cold. he gripped the phone against his ear and spoke, "fine. but i'll return as soon as the work is done"

"sure, let me know when you are coming, i'll pick you up"

"that's not necessary. i'll not stay with you guys"

"but-"

"mom" jeongguk tiredly called out and that name has rarely ever left his mouth so the woman on the other line got the hint. she spoke this time a little softer, sounding something close to a hurt mother. "okay... do whatever you want"

he cut the call and placed his head against the headrest, staring up at the ceiling. he didn't know if it was the mention of korea or the sudden name "kim taehyung" ringing in his ear that made him so jittery, reminding him of what happened five years ago.

cruelly enough, he still remembered the voice message- every single syllable and that hurtful tone, that final goodbye. he remembered what happened the night before, to what extent he had gone with taehyung. he can't even count how many sleepless nights he cried and blamed himself for ever doing all that to taehyung, how many times he hurt himself just to forget what he had done.

he was losing his mind and slowly his own life in the absence of taehyung. so to maybe cling onto the life he didn't even crave, he thought it'd be better to just blame someone else for his misery.

and so, he also reminded himself of the promise taehyung broke without hesitation.

"i'll never leave you, gguk. you're stuck with me for life" what a fucking lie.

but again, could he even blame taehyung for it? he knew he couldn't, but he did nevertheless- just to make it hurt less, which it never did.

that first one year without taehyung, he hated taehyung to his heart's content, blaming him over and over again for breaking that promise he so desperately begged him to keep. taehyung didn't think twice before breaking it, did he? jeongguk would never know, nor did he want to anymore.

he had to let go.

he told himself that every single day for a year. he forced himself to forget, but now, with just a mere mention of his own country, another episode gripped him. seriously to what extent had he dedicated his life to taehyung?

he didn't know what he felt for that man anymore, for jeongguk didn't feel anything at all. hurt, anger, happy, sad- nothing. only the sense of emptiness, that void which clung to him throughout it all. that's all jeongguk has ever felt in these five years.

he feared that's all he would be for the rest of his life as well. taehyung had broken him beyond repair but jeongguk had accepted it by now. perhaps, it was the punishment to be greedy, greedy of taehyung, thinking he'll have him forever.

jeongguk got ready for office. after all, working was the only way to keep his mind from wandering. upon arriving at the company, he was greeted by his secretary, fiona. a 26-year-old ginger haired american woman. she might be young, but she was a workaholic who knew exactly how and when to handle tasks. often, she completed them even before jeongguk had to ask.

"good morning, sir." she opened the door to jeongguk's office room with the same bright smile of hers as the male entered with a nod of head.

"morning, fiona. do i have any meetings or other appointments today?"

"no, sir. but you have two meetings back to back tomorrow evening"

"cancel them. we are leaving for seoul tomorrow"

"me too? why?"

"we need to handle the hwangs project. they are making a strong deal with us so we have to schedule the conference for next week."

"oh lovely! i have never been to korea before, it'll be fun" fiona chirped, smiling all widely until she noticed how jeongguk looked dead into her eyes.

"does this look like a vacation to you? we'll return as soon as the work is finished, so make sure all the arrangements are handled perfectly."

"man what a party pooper... i wanted to wear the hanbok and eat tteokbokki" fiona sulked under breath.

"i didn't catch that, repeat"

"ah nothing sir! i should go and book the flight tickets" she rushed out in the speed of light before the male could confront her.

left alone, jeongguk spun his chair to face the cityscape outside. after five years, it still felt foreign, as if he didn't belong here. yet, he was certain he didn't belong in seoul either, the city where he lost his all. so where, exactly, did he belong?

the rest of the day was spent drowning in work, just as jeongguk liked it. away from his thoughts and the world altogether.

when he got home, it was past midnight. overworked once again, but he preferred it that way. too tired for dinner, jeongguk showered and then collapsed onto his bed, closing his eyes for some sleep.

once again, he had a dream- one that fell into the category of dreams he would never think of upon waking.

taehyung was on top of him, warm breathes and a musk scent emanating from the male overpowering his senses. so addictive that jeongguk couldn't resist.

he ran his hand along taehyung's smooth spine. watching how the male squirmed under his touch. how taehyung's face was pressed against his chest and back was arched, he could feel their lower regions rubbing together from him arching that lewdly.

gulping, he trailed his hand further down before settling them on his ass, giving it a light squeeze just to test the water.

in response, taehyung moaned and the blood shot down to his cock. he watched how the boy was smirking up at him while moaning, the glint of lust glistening in those brown eyes.

jeongguk flipped them over because honestly he can't take the other's teasing anymore. taehyung lay sprawled beneath him, his chest pressed against the mattress. he turned his head to give him those big eyes, glossing and teary like jeongguk had already ruined him to bits.

"t-tae... fuck tae" jeongguk grunted, humping his lower region against taehyung's clothed ass crack, burying his face into his fluffy hair and inhaling his scent. he felt he would combust when taehyung trailed his hand down and palmed his clothed dick.

"give it to me, ggukie. fill me up with your cum please" taehyung bit on his lower lip, peering up at him like he was dying for his cock. jeongguk groaned from the look alone and lowered his head, capturing taehyung's lips with his own. he sucked on the lower lip, the warm and wet flesh like it was a lollipop, his favorite flavor.

jeongguk shuddered when taehyung slipped his tongue inside his mouth while lifting his hips, creating insane friction with his plump ass pressed against his clothed cock.

"please fuck me" taehyung rasped out.

"fuck me so i'll realize how much i..." taehyung abruptly bit jeongguk's tongue making it bleed. jeongguk hissed and looked at him, taken aback upon seeing the hatred in those tearful eyes. "i hate you"

again. jeongguk woke up.

but this time, he was completely out of breath. his chest was heaving up and down from the dream- a goddamn wet dream. he touched his lips, even his tongue. all the same. untouched and craving for that certain someone; even after five whole years.

but something else was not the same.

he rolled his eyes before facepalming, "you gotta be kidding me" he lifted the blanket to see the boner tenting through his boxers.

getting down the bed, he made his way to the washroom. he knew he was a healthy young man with a high libido but jeongguk never found it important enough to get laid or even do masturbation. perhaps, he was scared of the fact that if he does either of those, he'll see that face flash before his sight. it sounded messed up and maybe it really was.

like two years back when he tried to fuck someone in a party but before he could penetrate his cock into the girl, he saw taehyung instead of the girl, lifting his hips for him to wreck his insides. jeongguk had rushed to the bathroom to throw up. the girl was offended, even furious, when he shouted at her to leave.

he tried a few more times after that, but it was as if taehyung still owned him, even after abandoning him. ridiculous, he thinks.

out of boredom, he has done masturbation but even that was very rarely. for he didn't want to end up imagining taehyung while doing it, worse if he imagined taehyung doing it to him which he actually has before. taehyung had occupied his mind the last few years so badly that doing literally anything was terrifying to jeongguk.

however, over time, jeongguk gradually became numb to all emotions- even sexually or... maybe not. considering he still can get such absurd and lewd wet dreams about someone who was absolutely forbidden. guess he was just feeling sexually frustrated.

turning on the shower, he got under it and looked down at his proudly standing dick. he closed his eyes, letting the cold water trickle down his body. the images of taehyung bent over like that with his ass in the air all for him to wreck- fuck. jeongguk opened his eyes and placed his hand over the tiled wall, the other one wrapping around his rock hard length.

"it's just a physical reaction... not because of him..." he told himself and even though he knew he sounded stupid, confined within the four walls he still told himself that again and again as he started jerking himself off.

the last time he had a dream like that was three years ago. after then, he had sworn to never have such a dream again but did he really have any control over his body? nevertheless, why so suddenly taehyung was corrupting his mind? he had no idea. but he wished for it to stop, for he can't afford to think of that man, in any way, especially in this light.

although driven by fucked up sexual desires he was not even aware of, jeongguk couldn't distinguish between right and wrong for the time being. his strokes got sloppy and hard, hand squeezing around the base before the tight stroke glided to the top, making the head turn crimson red that leaked with precum. the more he imagined something he shouldn't, the more he got closer to the climax.

"fuck me jeonggukie"

right then, he ejaculated so hard. his thick load of cum splattering onto the wall and in his palm. grunting under his breath, he gave a few more sloppy strokes to get all empty. eyes unfocused and teeth biting down on the lower lip, hot and shallow breathing making him all steamed under the cold shower.

he squeezed shut his eyes, the hand over the wall curling into a tight fist.

"just a physical reaction..." the words echoed in the bathroom, not convincing jeongguk at all.

╍╍╍╍╍

the ticking of the clock in the quiet room was irritating, as was the click of the pen and the rustle of pages turning.

"good morning jeongguk, how are you doing today?"

the aforementioned male looked at the pen in his therapist's hand, shrugging. "fine" is his usual answer.

"so, anything new to share?"

"he came in my dreams... again" jeongguk uttered, the words heavy on his tongue. it's been a while since he has talked about taehyung or particularly this 'him' to his therapist.

"oh, anything you want to share about the dream?"

"no" jeongguk's answer was instant. he didn't want to tell anyone what kind of dream he had about his best friend- precisely ex best friend. wait, what's taehyung to him now, really? a friend, a trauma, a blessing, a curse-

"how do you feel about the dreams?"

there was a pause before he said, "nothing... i guess" a certain hesitation in that tone that his therapist seemed to catch on but didn't say anything.

"have you tried the medication i suggested to you?"

"just once. i didn't get time after that" that was true, but jeongguk had taken on far more work than he should have which he could've easily subsided and do the medication. so that was a choice and he didn't take that choice. oh well, his therapist didn't need to know that.

the woman sighed, clicking her pen again. "you've been coming here for two years, jeongguk, and unfortunately, i still don't see any major improvement."

"well, i've gotten a lot calmer now though, haven't i, doc? the first time you were on the verge of kicking me out of your office for being too aggressive and harsh."

"that's correct. you're a lot calmer now... or, as i'd put it, more suppressed."

"what's that supposed to mean?" jeongguk uncomfortably shifted in his seat, suddenly fingers urging to fiddle together.

"you're trying to suppress your emotions, jeongguk. it's been two years, and all you've told me is that your best friend left you five years ago and that you still get nightmares about it. is that really all there is to it? if you don't share everything, how can i help you? because see, you're still paying me but you're not getting the proper help you wanted to find here, are you?"

there was a hint of discomfort on jeongguk's face as he thought over what his therapist said. tell her everything? jeongguk himself didn't know what was inside him that was eating him away. he didn't want to accidentally disclose anything too sensitive about himself that was not relevant to getting better.

although he also knew, he wasn't giving enough information for her to help him out. but he was okay with it. he comes here every twice a month to sit in this awful silence where the only sounds are the clock and the pen clicking, and obviously the constant nagging of his therapist for him to open up. it's sort of therapeutic he'd say.

"there's not much i have to say."

"i see. well, do you still get hallucinations or hear voices?"

"no, it's been a while. i think i'm doing okay now" this time, jeongguk's tone was more confident which brought a smile to the mid aged woman's lips.

"that's great. do you get enough sleep? are you maintaining a healthy diet and also getting along with people? well, what i mean to ask is, are you living life now?"

am i living life... he looked at the lady and gave a small nod of head. "yeah maybe i'm starting to" it was a lie, but there were only a few things he was truly honest about with anyone. the most honest he had ever been was with taehyung, and the results of that bitter honesty were unpleasant. although, it's his therapist and he should actually open up to her, but humans are weak to their habits. and jeongguk had developed a terrible habit of lying.

"i have a flight to korea today" he added.

"oh, is that for a vacation?"

"no, work related. so i don't think i will be able to attend the next session"

"well, that's alright. we can postpone it or have a virtual session" she smiled, putting the notepad and pen over the table considering they were done for today.

jeongguk let out a little scoff, "oh no, spare me. don't want you nagging me over there too"

"young man, i'm just trying to help you!" she laughed, not finding him offensive at all.

"i pay you for it, old lady" he retorted, tone obviously light. that was close to a joke, well that's some progress, his therapist thought.

"i deserve more considering you're giving me reasons to take therapy myself"

"talk to a mirror then. i'll take my leave, till next time" jeongguk took his coat from the rack before opening the door.

"make sure to do the medication!" but jeongguk was already out of the room.

╍╍╍╍╍╍╍

the only time jeongguk could finally close his eyes peacefully was once he boarded the plane. he put on an eye mask and rested his head against the seat. fiona, on the opposite side, watched a k-drama and giggled to herself. thankfully, there were very few passengers in business class, making it all the more quiet. jeongguk had barely slept all week and was sure he wouldn't get proper rest when he'd reach korea either. so right now he was trying to get all the sleep he could afford.

the next time his eyes opened was when he landed. they made their way through the bustling airport.

"jeongguk! hey over here!" jeongguk turned his head to find namjoon and hoseok, waving at him. he walked over to them, immediately getting engulfed in a big hug.

this felt like a deja vu. but something was missing.

jeongguk patted namjoon and hoseok's backs in acknowledgment before pulling back.

"four long years man! look at you, all big shot businessman" hoseok said with a smug face.

"no calls or texts all these years unless we did it first. seriously remind me again why we are still friends?" namjoon exaggerated and jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"stop lying, i did text you two whenever i got time"

"yeah like twice a year or something," namjoon scowled.

"excuse me, i did it thrice this year"

"oh my, thank you so much your highness! how could we ever pay you for your kindness?" hoseok made a sarcastic face which earned him a scowl from the male.

"uh sir, should i book us a hotel or any other arrangement?" fiona whispered to jeongguk from behind and it was then when namjoon and hoseok spotted the ginger haired girl standing behind their grumpy friend.

"now who's that?!" both namjoon and hoseok sort of shouted while staring hard at the girl who awkwardly smiled, looking around before pointing a finger at herself. fiona didn't quite understand korean so it was good to say, she understood little to nothing.

"jeez, don't shout. that's fiona, my secretary" jeongguk looked around, making sure no one was bothered by his loud ass friends.

"ohh, she doesn't understand korean, does she?"

jeongguk nodded.

"uhm, hey. i'm namjoon and that's hoseok, we are jeongguk's friends" namjoon introduced themselves in english to fiona who smiled, extending her hand which namjoon and hoseok gladly shook.

"hi! i'm fiona, it's so nice to know my boss is not a total outcast!"

"you thought i was an outcast?" jeongguk looked at the girl, offended.

fiona awkwardly smiled, "would you fire me if i said yes?"

"i'd have to think about it"

"then hell no, that wasn't me i swear"

"let the poor girl off the hook. it's not like she's wrong-" hoseok interjected, and jeongguk shot him a sharp glare. the male quickly nodded in apology, trying to keep his laugh in.

"anyways, about our stay. book a hotel or something"

"hotel? what, no! come stay at my place, you two. i recently bought a duplex house, there are enough rooms if you want to invite someone else too." namjoon insisted.

"family business is running well, huh?" namjoon shrugged while grinning.

"yeah man's doing better than ever! you have to see the big swimming pool this bastard has! i always crash there for a swim" hoseok nudged namjoon's arm who pointed a thumb at him, chuckling. "as if he is not building his own whole ass villa in gwangju. hoseok's dance school is in top three this year from south korea"

jeongguk couldn't help but smile a little hearing his friends were doing well. but at the corner of his head he also wondered, how was that certain someone doing in life? was he living okay? he blinked, trying to get rid of the thought before more could accompany it.

"so whose place do you wanna stay at?"

"i think namjoon's. it's close to my company" jeongguk decided.

"great, let's go then"

being back in his home country, jeongguk couldn't say he was feeling any different yet. but again, it was just that emptiness in his heart that refused to let him feel anything else. and he knew very well, in the next few days he'll stay here, either he's gonna be haunted by memories or just be numb. he hoped it's the latter, for jeongguk was done being left in the past.

╍╍╍╍╍╍

the alarm rang.

taehyung opened his eyes, still unsettled by the strange dream he couldn't quite remember now that he was awake. the odd sensation lingered, and even as sunlight streamed through the cracks in the curtains, he found himself questioning whether he was still dreaming.

he stretched his arms and got out of bed. after freshening up and making some breakfast, he put on some jazz music. it kept him in a good mood and mornings should be pleasant, if not, the whole day could be ruined.

after breakfast, he got ready for work, donning the uniform he actually finds beautiful, which is a rare case. uniforms are not supposed to be beautiful but thankfully, where he works everything is beautiful. a luxurious five star hotel is supposed to be like that he assumes.

as taehyung looked at himself in the mirror after styling his hair back, he couldn't shake this sense of anxiety. for the past few days, he had felt restless, as if something was about to happen. his intuition was often accurate but he hoped, this time it was wrong.

getting into his car, he took his time in reaching his destination, he liked the feeling of driving in a casual manner instead of in a rush, thus why he always leaves the house a bit earlier than needed just to have the time of relaxation. continuing the playlist where the music turned from jazz to ballad, taehyung hummed and drove through the known seoul streets.

five years had passed in a blur, or perhaps it felt that way because taehyung had been busy piecing himself back together. with so much to handle, time flew by, and he only realized how much had passed a year and a half ago when he landed a job as the assistant manager at the grand five-star hotel called 'oasis.'

while it might seem surprising to achieve such a significant position so quickly, he credited his appearance and his face for the opportunity as the role often required direct customer interaction, and honestly, his good looks attracted more customers and helped the hotel earn higher ratings.

life was falling in pieces too quickly and suspiciously enough. at first when he left jeongguk five years ago, he didn't think he'd come so far. taehyung thought he'd withered away in his feelings, he'll rot in the guilt of leaving jeongguk. well, he couldn't say that he wasn't.

but perhaps he over-thought it all. he could breathe and live just fine, his life was still running and so was everyone else's. when he moved to ulsan under his uncle's supervision, he thought he would leave korea and settle somewhere far away from jeongguk, somewhere the male could never find him. but he also forgot how big seoul is and if he maintained a low profile, he'd be doing just fine. but then one day, yoongi informed him jeongguk was leaving for america permanently.

he didn't know why but he cried a lot the day jeongguk left for america. something in him telling him to go stop the male and tell him, even after all of the shit he put him through, he was still willing to bear it all, if it only meant to be by jeongguk's side.

taehyung had gotten really vulnerable without his jeongguk, it felt like life had stopped for him altogether. for almost a year, he couldn't do anything and just after jeongguk left for america, he stayed with his uncle and gained some job experiences, did anything to forget the hurt that curled his heart. until two years ago, he came back to seoul.

over time, he started neglecting his heart that craved for his once dear best friend. at first it was hard, near to impossible but taehyung eventually realized life doesn't stop for anyone, even if he wants it to. taehyung had also moved on, from his feelings- from his heart, it rot in negligence, even now.

his eyes roamed over the familiar streets, the music loud and buzzing into his ear, he liked it that way- gave him no time to think of anything else. then soon enough he arrived at oasis. walking inside, he was greeted with the receptionist who had just arrived a while ago herself.

"good morning, taehyung-ssi"

"good morning, minhee-ssi. love the earrings"

minhee touched her earrings and blushed. who wouldn't like to be complimented early in the morning by a handsome young man?

"thanks!" taehyung smiled in acknowledgment as he walked forward, before someone tapped his shoulder.

"heejae, good morning" taehyung turned to find the younger male flashing him his ever so charming smile.

"good morning hyung"

"i'm here too, oppa!" he turned his head to the other side, smiling, "oh hey, good morning, dami"

"good morning!" dami smiled, her braces on display.

"you two are early today. your unit doesn't start before nine, so what's the occasion?"

"i'm pretty sure a lot of the other staff are too. manager-nim asked for us all, said we have some big events coming in" heejae said while yawning.

"i mean we have the other units too, why they need us so early in the morning as well? i don't get it" dami joined heejae in yawning, almost in sync.

"big events huh?" taehyung thought to himself before he found the manager walking towards them.

"taehyung! good morning~" the manager beamed, looking more energetic than usual.

"morning sir" taehyung gave an awkward smile as the man rested his head on his shoulder, hugging him.

"ah, seeing your face really brightens my day! we have so much work coming, you must handle it all and help your poor manager-nim out taehyung-ssi"

the way the manager spoke always put taehyung in an awkward position. he spoke as if oasis, one of the most prestigious five-star hotels in seoul, couldn't function without him. while taehyung wouldn't deny that he had made significant contributions- handling various inconveniences and managing the staff better than the previous assistant. but how the manager talked to him was really uncomfortable nevertheless, so were his incessant touches. although it's nothing intimate and he was positive the manager was just really affectionate (only with him) but it was still uncomfortable.

before the manager could make taehyung any more uncomfortable, heejae popped from taehyung's behind, bowing his head in greeting. "i didn't even have my breakfast because our poor manager-nim asked for us so early, mind telling us why?"

"i even forgot to water my plants, manager-nim! so can you tell us already?" dami popped from behind too, bowing just like heejae.

the mid aged man eyed them in disapproval, clearly displeased to not have taehyung alone.

"you two are a part of the staff. let me have a talk with taehyung, he'll tell you later"

"you can talk here! we'll shut up, promise" both said together, the manager sighed.

"well, one of the most successful business tycoons is having their conference meeting and afterparty here in our oasis tonight. it's a guess that if our service is top tier, which of course it is, maybe they'll have their future events here from now on which would be very beneficial for us. so i want you, taehyung to arrange everything and keep the staff in check. make sure everything is perfect"

"but we already do have many customers like that frequenting here. why is this one so special?"

"one of the parties is very successful both in and out of korea and it's their first time here in oasis. you'll understand when you see them. so don't ask questions and get to work. i'll see you later!" the manager said while picking up a call, going away.

"who's this bigshot" taehyung muttered under his breath, getting to work like the professional workaholic he is.

╍╍╍╍╍╍╍

"can't believe the guy who used to wear nothing but black shirts and jeans is now dressed up neatly into a suit. i find it funny" namjoon commented as jeongguk fixed his tie in the mirror. it's been a few days since he was residing in namjoon's place and it was safe to say, he has been bullied or teased at least ten times per day by his friend.

"do you want me to go to a serious meeting in my pajamas, joon? shut the fuck up" jeongguk replied while wearing his rolex watch.

"considering how lazy you were back then, i wouldn't be surprised"

"i wish i knew korean, i feel like i'm missing on a roasting boss session here" fiona sighed, leaning against the door with files in her arms.

"you are not. he's just saying how seeing me in a suit, he's about to drop to his knees"

namjoon knitted his eyebrows together, "uh that's not what i said-"

"and we are leaving" jeongguk turned, walking towards the door.

fiona looked at namjoon and the male clarified in english, "i seriously didn't say that"

"i can tell" fiona sheepishly smiled before following her boss out of the house.

jeongguk got into his bmw which the family driver brought to namjoon's place beforehand, once fiona got into the passenger seat, he started driving.

"are all the arrangements done?" jeongguk asked, stopping at a red signal.

"yes, sir. first we will have a conference meeting with the hwangs and then once the deal finalizes, they have organized an afterparty"

"where's the venue again?"

"oasis, sir. the location is set on the gps"

oasis... jeongguk gripped the steering wheel, starting driving when the light turned green.

╍╍╍╍╍╍╍

after parking his car, jeongguk and fiona walked towards the hotel, its name 'oasis' glowing with elegance. the tall hotel resembled a glass skyscraper, reflecting the cityscape around it. as they approached the entrance, they were greeted by the guards on either side. the glass doors parted to reveal more staff inside, who welcomed them warmly. jeongguk was impressed; the hwangs had clearly chosen a high-quality venue, giving him hopes that the deal itself would be a good step for the company and will make his stay in korea worth it.

his father's secretary and a few other employees were already present, as they all bowed upon noticing jeongguk's arrival. "good evening, sir."

jeongguk nodded in acknowledgement, looking around. he asked, "how's father doing?"

"mr jeon's doing slightly better than before. he had his surgery done just yesterday."

"i see" though jeongguk didn't care, he still needed to stay updated on that man's status, even if he preferred not to. no matter how hard he tried to ignore his presence, it seemed to pervade every aspect of his life. the more he'll try to hide, the more he'll get tangled so it was better to know about his whereabouts. whether it's bad, or good.

jeongguk was escorted by his employees to the conference room, where he first met with the head of the hwangs. after the introductions, the meeting began. it lasted for about an hour, and jeongguk was once again impressed by their presentation and what they had to offer, sealing the deal seemed like the best option. so after finalizing the agreement, they concluded the meeting and headed to the ballroom, where the rest of the guests were already gathered. the afterparty commenced, and so far, everything was going smoothly- perhaps too smoothly.

he engaged in a few conversations with the guests, feeling bored already but obviously that didn't show on his ever so professional smiling face.

he hates forcing smiles but a big deal had been made, he couldn't possibly be looking dead into people's eyes and scare them off. especially since fiona had practically pleaded with him to keep smiling, and well, he was trying his best. it seemed to be working too, particularly with the ladies, who laughed at everything he said- even though he hadn't made any jokes, weird.

he was chatting with yet another well known businessman when he felt someone's eyes on him. a shudder ran down his spine and jeongguk immediately turned his head towards a particular direction.

and there, jeongguk saw him - the man he never thought he'd see ever again.

the world stopped for him.

jeongguk's eyes widened.

a while ago:

"god, my back hurts. i've been bowing non-stop for the past hour!" dami whined, hands on her back.

"if you'd stop playing video games while slouched in that chair like a freaking shrimp, maybe then it wouldn't be hurting so much," heejae commented as he placed drinks on the tray.

"i hate you more than i hate my job"

"that's a lot of hate, i'm hurt" heejae laughed but then smacked dami's head when he noticed the girl taking a piece of chicken in her mouth. "that's for the guests, idiot!"

"gimme a break, i'm hungry!"

"oh you two, stop fighting" taehyung appeared from behind, smacking both of their backs.

"ouhh, where have you been hyung?"

"had some urgent work. is everything going alright?"

"yup. but oh, there's a party going in the ballroom right now. i think you should go supervise the staffs there"

"oh shoot, i almost forgot. i should better go" taehyung motioned at them while taking steps back, "no fighting okay? or i'll lock you two in the storeroom again"

"god, no. we will behave, you have our words oppa" dami grimaced, showing her thumb and heejae followed.

taehyung chuckled at their childishness as he hurried to the elevator, heading to the ground floor. he glanced at his reflection in the lift, adjusting his coat and smoothing a few stray hair strands. overwhelmed with work today, he had almost forgotten to oversee the staff serving the special guests the manager had mentioned.

upon reaching the ground floor, he made his way to the ballroom. opening the doors, he started making his way to the staff corner while looking around, making sure everything was going smoothly.

however, his steps soon came to a halt. taehyung's body froze as his eyes locked onto someone in particular.

the world stopped for him.

taehyung's eyes widened.

his lips trembled, not daring to even take the name. even when his eyes met those same, awfully familiar bambi eyes. after all, he could recognize those eyes even in a crowd of a thousand people and right now even though it was hard to believe, he knew who was standing in the distance.

jeon jeongguk.

taehyung couldn't trust his own eyes. his childhood best friend, the man who once used to be his everything that he left five whole years ago, the one who shouldn't be even here in korea was standing there, a wine glass in his hand, looking at him- jeongguk was fucking looking at him.

taehyung stumbled back, not able to tear eyes away from jeongguk. what was he doing here? he asked himself but he knew that wasn't the main concern at the moment. the main concern was that jeongguk had seen him as well, with eyes as wide as his like he also couldn't believe what he was seeing.

and then, something in him screamed, screamed at him to hide. so taehyung turned around, walking out of the room with hurried steps.

jeongguk's grip tightened around the glass, almost breaking it. his first instinct told him to run after taehyung, and so he did.

in all these five years, jeongguk has never felt this way. there was this electricity that went through his entire system, buzzing within him, urging him to not trust his own eyes. how could taehyung be here? he had left the city, the country and most importantly, him.

were his eyes playing tricks on him now like the way it did a few years ago when he had lost himself entirely in depression?

he bumped into people but didn't bother apologizing or even glancing at them. his eyes were solely focused on finding the man who walked out of the ballroom.

his steps slowed when he saw the back of the male walking away. he could never be wrong in recognizing that back. after all, he had seen it haunting him in the dreams so many times that jeongguk had memorized every curve, every detail.

as if the world had suddenly shifted beneath his feet; jeongguk's eyes watered, they reddened and his entire body was numb in shock, trying its best to slow down his steps but he didn't let that happen.

even at the moment with all of his senses heightened, he couldn't believe his eyes. until he gets to touch the male and see him up close, he won't be trusting his own vision. so he pushed himself to run despite the numbness from the shock engulfing him.

jeongguk ran faster in the corridors, just to reach taehyung. his senses clouded with the figure that was walking away, slipping from his sight. he needed to reach that man, to know if it was really taehyung. his heart twisting in his cage with each stride he took.

but just when he was about to get very close to the male, he crashed against a waiter, the drinks splashing over him. his steps halted, feeling the liquid soak into his shirt and even pants.

"oh my god, i'm extremely sorry sir!" the waiter apologized and two more waiters approached, almost surrendering jeongguk who grimaced, pushing them to step ahead but he halted when the sight of taehyung disappeared.

"where did he go?" his voice was trembling, so was his body. his lips quivered as if he would break into tears again.

was i hallucinating again? did i not get better? no, i was getting b-better... why then... why am i seeing h-him again? jeongguk grabbed his head, sighing.

"i'm extremely sorry sir. you should get change, please come with us" one of the waiters said, appearing scared because of the disturbed look on the male's face.

jeongguk nodded, in a daze. his gaze lingering at the front, where he saw taehyung just now.

taehyung pressed himself against the wall, careful not to make a sound. his heart raced so intensely that he felt it might burst from his chest any moment. he listened to the commotion in the corridors, peeking cautiously from his hiding spot. he saw jeongguk being led away by two staff members, heading in the opposite direction.

he rested his head against the wall and sighed, slowly sliding down to crouch. hiding his face behind his knees, he chewed on his lower lip. every other sound was blocked as jeongguk's shocked face occupied his head.

his hands trembled to even clutch around his own body. he stopped himself from tearing up or panicking, he couldn't let anyone else see him like this. he needed to leave, escape before jeongguk could come find him again. perhaps if he skipped work for a few days, things will be in his favor again.

but what was jeongguk doing here at the first place? he wondered and cursed at himself for not hiding right away when he saw the male. what was he thinking standing there, all frozen and letting jeongguk spot him?

after what felt like eternity, he got back on his feet, deciding to just leave for now. he'll explain everything to his manager later.

he looked around making sure jeongguk was not there as he started walking towards the exit. but just then his manager called out for him.

"taehyung!" the aforementioned male stopped in his tracks, slowly turning to face the man which he of course didn't want to.

"where the hell are you going?"

"i... h-had some work" taehyung stuttered and he hated how this facade he has put on for years can easily crumble just from a mere look from that man. it was clear to him that he needed to hide, he couldn't afford to stay there any longer.

"do you know mr jeon?"

taehyung's heart dropped. the colors draining from his face. he tried his best to stay nonchalant but his voice trembled yet again.

"n-no"

"good lord, then why the hell is he asking for you?"

taehyung gulped hard, his own heartbeat ringing in his ears. "he...he is asking for me?"

"yes! when our staff tried to assist him with his ruined clothes, he asked if there was someone named kim taehyung working here. when they said yes, he demanded to see you immediately. i was there and saw the look on his face- god, he looked like he was ready to commit arson i tell you! exactly what did you do to that jeon for him to be looking this mad, taehyung? he's our special guest, i hope you haven't offended him in any way, i won't expect that from you!"

hearing the man, taehyung realized something crucial: jeongguk had clearly seen him, and he wouldn't leave without confronting him.

there was no escaping jeongguk, his childhood best friend whom he had once loved- he wasn't sure if he still did, the only way to find that out was by seeing him again and taehyung honestly had assumed that the chance for that would never arise. but fate, it doesn't go according to his plans. if anything, it'll fuck him up.

"i... i'll go see him. which room is he in?" taehyung said in a monotonous tone, as if his insides were not thrown into fire.

"third floor. room 304"

taehyung bowed before turning back into the corridors. he entered the elevator, pressed the button for the third floor, and waited for the doors to open. and then the only time his steps slowed was when he approached room 304.

he couldn't quite describe what he felt, but he knew one thing: if his heart continued to beat so aggressively, he might end up with a heart condition. not forgetting how his body had turned cold, and his legs trembled at the thought of going near that room. even when he stood right in front of it, his hand shook uncontrollably. he gripped it with his other hand to steady the trembling.

taehyung closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. if his younger self had known that he would one day be a terrified mess just trying to meet his best friend jeongguk, he would have laughed.

because jeongguk had been that one person he could confide in at any time; he was as essential as the air he breathed. being with him had been so habitual and natural that no one had warned him he would have to part ways one day and then, five years later, meet him again in a hotel room- just like that night he had left him behind. what an odd sense of deja vu.

taking a deep shaky breath, taehyung twisted the door knob, finding it unlocked. he opened his eyes, lifted his gaze up as he pushed the door open, stepping inside.

as fast as taehyung's heart had been beating just moments before, it slowed to the same pace the moment he laid eyes on the man inside. he remained rooted at the door, his eyes wide and glossy as they met jeongguk's piercing gaze.

he was all the more speechless upon noticing jeongguk, stripping off his shirt the minute he walked in.

"oh kim taehyung, we meet again" just hearing that voice taehyung's entire body shuddered. the tone was teasing yet dripping with a kind of madness that made taehyung gulp. perhaps coming here, straight into a wounded lion's den was not the wisest choice. but again, taehyung was never good at making decisions when it came to jeongguk.

he tried not to avert his gaze because those bambi eyes, those eyes that always looked at him with love, were now looking at him with something as cruel as hatred.

jeongguk tilted his head, his eyes squinting and taehyung could swear he saw tears glistening in them but he couldn't focus on it for long as the male added,

"help me undress, kim. i've heard the service here is top notch" jeongguk played with the hook of his belt before he started undoing it as he smirked at taehyung, "say, would you like to start by changing my pants first?"

━━━━━━━━

oh, they have just met again.
next chapter's gonna be intense