✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

with weary eyes and chapped lips, their hair tousled, taehyung and jeongguk stood in their black suits, bowing politely to each guest coming in.

just days away from their high school graduation and here they were, holding a funeral.

jeongguk glanced at his best friend, noticing the exhaustion etched across his face- as if he might collapse at any moment. he had been a pillar of support for taehyung all the way from seoul to daegu, letting taehyung cry on his shoulder during the train journey.

when taehyung received the unexpected call from his mother one early morning, he hadn't expect his mother to cry and tell him his grandmother had passed away.

something in taehyung had shattered that day. he had planned to visit his grandmother back in daegu and show her the graduation pictures he had yet to take. he wanted to talk to her about his boring high school life and about jeongguk.

his grandmother was a tree that sheltered him in desperate times of need. taehyung wasn't ready to lose that shelter, so when he got the news he collapsed to his knees. the tears hadn't even fallen at that time, he just stared down at his pyjamas and the floor- he was out of it.

upon realizing his grandmother was no longer, taehyung's immediate response was to dial jeongguk's number and as soon as his voice came through the receiver, taehyung was overcome with emotion, unable to articulate his grief. his tears drowning out any attempt to speak.

minutes later, jeongguk burst into taehyung's apartment, his eyes filled with concern. seeing jeongguk, taehyung surrendered to the weight of his sorrow. in jeongguk's presence, taehyung's composure crumbled completely, tears cascading down his cheeks as he leaned into jeongguk, hugging him tightly and crying his heart out.

he had cried so much that during the funeral he had no tears left to shed. jeongguk was the only one in between them to cry there. since during their journey, he was holding back while letting taehyung cry- as he wanted to be strong but there was only so much teenage jeongguk could hold back in.

taehyung's grandmother had been like a second grandmother to him, so her sudden passing was obviously a shock. it was hurting him that much so jeongguk could only imagine what was taehyung going through.

at the end of the funeral, jeongguk was handling some of the guests when taehyung's mother asked him where taehyung was, it was only then jeongguk had realized taehyung wasn't by his side anymore.

recalling the exhaustion etched across taehyung's face, jeongguk's unease grew further. he searched the house frantically but taehyung was nowhere to be found which only intensified jeongguk's anxiety. just as he was about to go look for him outside, a thought struck him-he hadn't checked the storeroom in the backyard.

without wasting any time, jeongguk dashed to the storeroom and swung open the door. relief rushed through him as he spotted taehyung sitting on top of a stack of books, his head buried in his arms wrapped around his knees.

"tae..." jeongguk called out to taehyung but taehyung didn't lift his head. deep down taehyung had expected jeongguk to come searching for him, so he wasn't taken aback by his sudden intrusion.

jeongguk moved closer and knelt in front of taehyung, gently gripping his arm to coax him to release his hold and reveal his face.

jeongguk's heart ached when taehyung lifted his head.

he was crying so much that his entire face was red and swollen.

as tears also welled up in jeongguk's eyes, he met taehyung's gaze causing taehyung to break down even further. his sobs echoing in the small storeroom. taehyung threw himself into jeongguk's arms, clinging tightly before he toppled off the stack of books and fell on top of jeongguk but that didn't stop jeongguk from securely wrapping his arms around taehyung and letting the boy straddle him while hugging.

they cried a lot after that and eventually came to just hiccups, sitting side by side on the dirty floor.

"don't go where i can't find you, idiot. i was so worried" jeongguk let out, wiping the last bit of his tears.

"why did she have to leave gguk? i wanted to show her our graduation pictures..." taehyung sniffled, new tears whelming in his eyes.

jeongguk felt at a loss for words. he wasn't the best at comforting others and right then, he wasn't feeling the best himself either.

however after a while, he turned his head to taehyung and gave an assuring smile, "she's in a better place, i'm sure of it"

"i hope so" taehyung sniffled again, resting his head on jeongguk's shoulder.

for a while, there was silence in the storeroom, with taehyung absentmindedly tapping his shoe against the floor and jeongguk mirroring the action. in their closeness, leaning into each other and sharing the silence, the intensity of the pain seemed to subside. perhaps this was the true consolation for taehyung.

in the midst of his grief, all taehyung truly needed was the presence of his best friend, jeongguk.

the one he has fallen for.

during that time, he was still very new to his feelings for his best friend so staying this close to him baffled him, should this be alright for his heart? however, thankfully, he wasn't feeling anything different. seemed like love wasn't so complicated after all.

oh poor taehyung, he had no idea what awaited him in the future.

"remember tae? once i cried to her when we were six because you refused to marry me when we get old" jeongguk reminisced, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

taehyung's heart warmed at that moment, "yeah and grandma told you to wait until we grow up, saying my mind might change by then. that instantly made you stop crying"

jeongguk chuckled, "she even told me to treat you well if i wanted to change your mind"

"oh, is that why you were giving me your banana milk for the next few days?"

"oops" taehyung smacked his arm and they were soon laughing and reminiscing about the old times.

"grandma teased us about it all the time. whenever we visited her, the first thing she would ask you was 'did he change his mind, jeonggukie?"

"oh don't remind me! you two used to bully me for that" jeongguk watched as taehyung continued laughing, his previous gloomy face now a bright happy one.

he just stared at taehyung, in awe before the question slipped from his lips,

"so, did your mind change tae?"

taehyung stopped laughing and looked at jeongguk, his eyes slightly wide as if jeongguk had broached a forbidden topic.

it was forbidden indeed but taehyung knew jeongguk didn't mean the question. yet the reaction that came out of him was something unexpected, at least to jeongguk.

for the first time, jeongguk witnessed a strange look in taehyung's eyes that he wasn't familiar with. before jeongguk could react, taehyung averted his gaze and let out a nervous laugh.

"nope. you need to be nicer to me" he had nudged jeongguk's forearm, wiggling his eyebrows like old times and the strange feeling he sensed from taehyung was long forgotten after that.

jeongguk thought he wouldn't see that strange look in taehyung's eyes ever again.

but he did.

"what if the man i'm in love with... is you?"

jeongguk saw that strange look in taehyung's eyes again, after so many years. a look he wasn't familiar with- a look that twisted his guts.

in the rain, taehyung was drenched to his core. his hair sticking to his forehead. eyes, nose and lips swollen pink, skin so pale jeongguk wanted nothing more than to wrap him in a blanket. but when taehyung looked at him in that strange way and uttered those words he couldn't comprehend well- it left him paralyzed on the spot.

"w-what?" that was the only word that slipped from his mouth, that too in an uncertain way. what the hell was taehyung even saying?

taehyung took a step forward, then another and another, closing the distance between them. when he finally got close to jeongguk, taehyung's next step caused jeongguk to step back.

and fuck, jeongguk never steps back from his taehyung.

taehyung had his answer.

he finally had it.

a chuckle left taehyung's lips, sounding almost menacing. like he had lost everything.

"would i still be different to you? not like the rest of them?"

jeongguk just stared at taehyung in horror.

"i won't be, jeongguk" taehyung shook his head. "if i were to love you, you wouldn't be saying this nonsense, would you?"

jeongguk clenched his fists and looked away. he couldn't hold the eye contact which only proved taehyung's point.

"i'm just like the rest of them. a disease, someone who has the brain of a pig- i'm a harm to this society, aren't i?" taehyung's words twisted jeongguk's heart. he snapped his head back at taehyung and grabbed him by his arms.

"t-then change"

taehyung's heart dropped.

jeongguk continued.

"i'll help you change y-yeah? go on a date with a girl... heck, have sex with one... your mind will change-"

taehyung grabbed jeongguk's hands and pushed them away.

he stepped back and kept backing until the distance between them physically pained jeongguk. he didn't like taehyung so far, it messed up his head.

"you don't have to worry, jeongguk. i don't have feelings for you. i said, 'what if'. it was just a scenario but guess that makes you feel like throwing up."

taehyung took in a shaky breath, feeling as if his legs might give out any moment. he didn't want to do this anymore, this play pretend of best friends- it was killing him. yet he knew that was all he could be to jeongguk.

jeongguk's best friend.

that's his only title.

"actually, rest fucking assure because i will never ever catch feelings for you. and you know why?"

jeongguk just stared.

"because it will fucking destroy me."

funny.

it already did.

taehyung couldn't tell jeongguk that.

with that, taehyung turned around and ran away, leaving jeongguk standing there, torn and soaking in the rain. his heart ached to chase after taehyung but jeongguk has never been true to his heart.

not then, not now, not ever.

that night,

both taehyung and jeongguk caught severe fever.

⌗⌗⌗

a week passed by.

taehyung was swamped with his semester finals approaching next week. between managing projects, essays, reports and exam preparation, he could barely find time to get a decent amount of sleep.

"you look like a panda with all the dark circles" jimin pointed out while sipping on his milkshake.

taehyung rubbed his eye while going through his notes. he was very much aware he looked like a zombie but his grades mattered the most to him at the moment. after all, he wanted to graduate soon and move out- that was his only goal right now.

fortunately, taehyung has managed to stay focused on his studies so far. studying had always been difficult with a certain someone around-constantly distracting him, inviting him over to play games, cuddle, explore new places, visit arcades and do anything but study.

that certain someone might have troubled him a lot from studying. yet as now that distraction is gone, taehyung didn't feel any better.

in fact, taehyung felt increasingly worse as time passed. each day, it felt like his heart was constricting in its cage- was he having a broken heart syndrome? should he go check up with a doctor?

but he knew no medicine or treatment would make him feel good.

because he knew what he missed.

he missed the distraction.

he missed jeon jeongguk.

a week passed by and he hadn't heard from jeongguk ever since.

was this the end?

is this how their 24 years of friendship ends?

just because taehyung likes men?

taehyung thought that maybe if he distanced himself from jeongguk, things would improve. tragic, the situation only seemed to deteriorate further.

he began questioning whether it was truly his fault. should he have kept his feelings hidden from jeongguk that night, as he always had? but that wasn't possible because the truth had been laid bare in front of jeongguk. well, not the entire truth but at least jeongguk now knew a previously hidden part of him- that he likes men. not knowing taehyung didn't like any men and only him.

what a fool taehyung is, for believing that jeongguk wouldn't take it far after learning the truth-or at least, a part of it. he also regretted sharing that scenario with jeongguk; of course, jeongguk would hate it if he knew taehyung had feelings for him.

despite the disappointment, taehyung saw it as a blessing in disguise. now he knew for certain that he would never reveal his feelings to jeongguk, not even if it meant taking his secret to the grave.

he can try to live his life, having jeongguk as a stranger but if jeongguk begins to hate him- that'd be the day taehyung would like to die.

"hey, you good tae?" jimin asked, seeing taehyung just lost in his thoughts. that's all taehyung has been doing lately, zone out and not respond.

yoongi and jimin couldn't contain their anger when they found taehyung severely sick at home the next day. they vividly remember taehyung crying and pouring his heart out to them, screaming how jeongguk would never reciprocate his feelings. witnessing taehyung in such misery tore at their hearts.

falling for a homophobic straight guy never ends up well. they knew that and that's why they were so hellbent on making taehyung move on. they knew this would happen but sadly couldn't do anything to stop it.

after that rough night, taehyung was seriously ill for two whole days and yoongi stepped up to take care of him most of the time, with jimin dropping by frequently. by the third day when taehyung began to feel a bit better and his head started working like normal, it finally sank in that
jeongguk hadn't reached out to him at all during his sickness.

he couldn't help but wonder if jeongguk was okay-maybe he was sick too but there was no way to find out. he didn't want to contact jeongguk, he didn't have the courage to do so.

amidst jimin's scolding of taehyung for neglecting his health and studying nonstop, yoongi appeared with a chocolate cupcake and placed it in front of taehyung, who looked up at him in confusion.

"i didn't order this hyung"

"on the house, kid. work hard" yoongi ruffled taehyung's hair with a tired smile. the older hates doing his part-time job yet oddly enough, he's very good at it.

"where's mine?" jimin pouted.

"i don't see you studying. don't you also have exams?"

"uh about that-"

yoongi leaned in and massaged jimin's nape while whispering in his ear, "if you do well in exams, there's a reward"

jimin's cheeks flushed as he fiddled with his fingers, trying not to smile.

"i better study my ass off then" jimin promptly brought out his laptop. taehyung watched with a weirded-out face before cracking into a giggle. the subtle flirting they do all the time is cute to watch.

however, his smile faltered soon enough. he didn't know why but seeing them like this reminded of him and jeongguk. actually, everything reminded him of jeongguk- strangely enough even lovers like yoongi and jimin. he must have lost his mind, because the thing yoongi and jimin have, they can never have that.

but there was no point in thinking about that anymore. it might have been a week but to taehyung it felt like an eternity. they had been apart for nearly two years before, yet it didn't feel as agonizing as it does now. taehyung believed jeongguk would come around but deep down he doubted it- he was scared that jeongguk might actually not come back to him this time.

taehyung was afraid he would lose jeongguk.

even though he wasn't ready to face him. what would they even talk about? after learning that one uncomfortable truth, would jeongguk really push it aside and accept taehyung? that night, taehyung saw a side of jeongguk he never knew of, a side he wished he never witnessed in the first place.

finding reasons to hate jeongguk was impossible because even after all he did and said, taehyung couldn't hate jeongguk. heck he even felt bad for the boy.

it wasn't jeongguk's fault he caught feelings and sure as hell, not his fault that taehyung started to slowly distance himself. but what could taehyung do? he didn't want to be just friends. he wanted to be more to jeongguk but when they are apart like this, it makes him realize maybe surpassing his feelings and just staying by jeongguk's side as a friend is far better, even though in reality it's not. at this point, taehyung didn't even know what he wanted.

what he only knew was that he missed jeongguk.

sighing to himself, he continued studying. his exams wasn't going to wait until he felt better- which he might only feel when he's back with jeongguk again.

after finishing their studying session at the cafe, taehyung and jimin stood up, ready to leave. yoongi's shift still had some time left so he accompanied them to the exit. as they reached the door and stepped outside, yoongi subtly gripped jimin's hand before letting go-a small gesture of affection. then he waved goodbye to them.

but just when yoongi was about to go back inside, he halted on his track.

he turned his head to the left, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features as he caught sight of someone out of the corner of his eye. tilting his head slightly, yoongi muttered under his breath, "did i see that right?"

jeongguk pressed his body against the wall and removed his mask to breathe properly. yoongi had come dangerously close to spotting him. he wasn't afraid of yoongi but he definitely didn't want to draw any attention to him right now.

all jeongguk wanted to see was if taehyung was alright, even though his way of knowing was morally wrong. he could care less though.

wearing the mask again and fixing the hood of his hoodie, jeongguk decided to leave but right then,

yoongi appeared.

jeongguk halted and watched as the male walked towards him with a smug face.

"well, well, look who it is. mr anti homo"

jeongguk rolled his eyes and attempted to walk past yoongi but the older was quick to grab his arm. in response, jeongguk shoved yoongi back, lowering his mask to show him his enraged face.

"don't fucking touch me"

yoongi scoffed, "like hell, i want to" before he narrowed his eyes, piercing them on the raging boy. "what the fuck are you doing here? didn't you stalk tae enough?"

"since when do you call him tae?" jeongguk's eyes stilled and the look on his face was menacing. it was broad daylight and there were people on the streets. but jeongguk still managed to look murderous and anyone would shit their pants from seeing him like this- but not yoongi. jeongguk didn't intimidate yoongi, not even a bit.

"since when am i obliged to answer your stupid questions?"

"you-"

"you're fucking things up, you know that jeon?"

jeongguk let out a chuckle at that, "and how is that any of your fucking business? stay the fuck away from tae you bastard"

"and why should i listen to you?"

"if you won't then i will make you" jeongguk snarled, stepping closer with his fists clenching and knuckles turning white from the force. oh boy, he was mad mad but that didn't bother yoongi. he blankly gazed at his angered face and then scoffed.

"have you looked at yourself? you look like you'll pass out any given moment yet you have the fucking audacity to threaten me" yoongi pointed out.

jeongguk looked truly worn out. his eyes were bloodshot and tired, framed by dark circles that spoke of sleepless nights. his lips were dry, his skin pale and his chin was covered in stubble. his hair was a mess, hidden beneath the hood of his hoodie. it was clear he was still recovering from the fever he had caught that night.

despite his condition, jeongguk had done nothing to aid his recovery. he neglected to eat and drink properly, skipped taking his medicines, stayed awake at night and isolated himself from everyone around him.

despite feeling like crap and wanting to talk to taehyung so badly; to apologize and fix things-jeongguk couldn't bring himself to reach out. stalking wasn't the solution but not seeing taehyung for over a week was driving him nuts.

so here he was, on day two of low-key keeping tabs on taehyung.

"what a loser you are, jeon"

"shut the fuck up" jeongguk's voice seethed with fury, his body nearly trembling with the effort to contain his anger. yoongi's smug expression only fueled the situation, making it incredibly challenging for jeongguk to resist the urge to throw a punch.

"you're the reason tae changed. he wasn't like this- he wasn't gay"

"did you not hear him that night? he said he likes both girls and boys. anyway, it's not his fault you're a homophobic asshole who can't support his friend" yoongi narrowed his eyes,

"if you even consider him as a friend"

"the fuck you mean?"

"friends don't act that way, jeon. and i think we both know, in which way you're acting" jeongguk's eye twitched and his hand moved on its own as he grabbed yoongi by the collar and yanked him closer. his eyes widened in anger and hand raised in the form of a fist.

"guess last time i didn't punch you hard enough that you're here speaking bullshit."

"bullseye" yoongi chuckled under his breath as he deftly grabbed jeongguk's hand that was gripping him. jeongguk was strong as hell- even in his current weakened state. still yoongi somehow managed to slip out of the boy's grasp. stepping back casually, yoongi adjusted his collar nonchalantly, unfazed by the other's rising anger.

"you're a fucking coward who thinks violence is the only answer. instead of blaming others, maybe think about what you have done to this friendship you're oh so possessive about" yoongi taunted, emphasizing the word "friendship" as he stared at jeongguk, as if reading him like an open book.

perhaps that was the reason jeongguk couldn't stand yoongi. he seemed to know something jeongguk didn't want him to know.

"be true to yourself, jeon. enough play pretends" yoongi said, his tone sincere and jeongguk clenched his fists in response.

he had nothing to say to that. jeongguk had no desire to waste his breath explaining himself to yoongi neither did he care what the male assumed. all that mattered to him was taehyung and how he felt, others could literally go to hell.

jeongguk's intense glare bore into yoongi's back as the older started to walk away. his fists clenching further with the urge to let out his frustration on the leaving man.

however, yoongi abruptly halted in his tracks. and then, without a warning,

yoongi whirled around and delivered a hard punch across jeongguk's jaw.

the impact was jarring, catching jeongguk completely off guard. he staggered backwards, his jaw throbbing with pain as he tried to regain his balance. in his weak state, the blow did more than it should.

"payback time, bastard" yoongi grinned before starting to walk away.

and just then, jeongguk started laughing.

yoongi's anger grew thicker by the second. he had made an effort to stay calm and deal with jeongguk in a civilized manner but the younger's relentless behavior was making it incredibly challenging.

he turned his head to look at jeongguk whose lip was bleeding the same way yoongi's bled a week ago. but there was no sign of pain on his face, in fact, the stretched smile on his lips from laughing just made him look crazier.

jeongguk met yoongi's eyes, "does your boyfriend know, that you like tae?"

the urge to punch jeongguk again was there. yoongi didn't know he was so good at controlling himself until he talked to jeongguk.

however, his anger soon turned into a mocking laugh as he pointed at himself.

"me? liking tae? hmm, let's turn the question shall we?"

jeongguk's smile faded.

"say, jeon jeongguk. does your girlfriend know you like tae?"

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