✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"it's sure cozy here" taehyung glared at jeongguk, who was sitting on his small bed and glancing around the room.

whatever was happening these days only made taehyung want to push jeongguk away and have some time for himself. however, the male definitely didn't let even one chance arise for that situation. one time jeongguk was hurting him by saying those words, the other time he was hurting himself by slamming his fist on the freaking brick wall- jeongguk just didn't know peace.

since taehyung's house was close to the university, he couldn't waste time in letting jeongguk just stand there hugging him while his knuckles bleed to death. no matter how much taehyung wanted to stay away from jeongguk at that time, he simply couldn't watch his jeongguk bleed. as a result, he brought him to his place and had him sit on his bed while he searched through his small apartment for ointment and bandages.

jeongguk watched him do so with a smile, a very small smile that was barely noticeable.

if hurting himself would make taehyung focus on only him, then guess he might hurt himself whenever its needed again.

just so, taehyung would only care for him and be worried for him. if only that was possible.

looking down at his hands, noticing the dry blood on his bruised knuckles jeongguk tried to hold back a grimace. blood is gross, but for taehyung he might shed others' blood, just as well his.

for taehyung, anything.

he looked up when taehyung came back with some ointment and gauzes. jeongguk watched as taehyung knelt between his legs and held his wrist to get a better look at the bruises.

something in jeongguk burned.

as he gazed down at taehyung between his legs, so focused on his hand, his soft slender fingers ever so lightly brushing against his bloody knuckles with that sad frown on his beautiful face- jeongguk's heart burned.

when taehyung looked up and their eyes locked, jeongguk wanted to look away. when taehyung looks up at him in that position, it looks so erotic.

"still hurts?" taehyung asked in worry and jeongguk almost couldn't catch it as he stared at those heart-shaped lips, watching how the full pink lips moved.

jeongguk gulped.

"gguk?"

jeongguk blinked his eyes, "huh?"

"does it still hurt?"

"mhm, a lot. it burns tae" jeongguk drew out the last words in an exhale as he stared down at taehyung in a haze.

"seriously you act like a wild dog" taehyung let out a heavy sigh as he removed the lid from the ointment. with care, he gently applied the soothing ointment onto the vibrant red bruise that marred jeongguk's knuckle.

jeongguk grinned, "woof?"

taehyung looked up, his glare so strong jeongguk stopped grinning instantly and bowed his head a little. "sorry"

taehyung rolled his eyes before returning to applying ointment to the wound. meanwhile, jeongguk found himself completely captivated by taehyung's long, fluttering eyelashes and the small pout on his heart-shaped lips as he concentrated on the task at hand. so engrossed was he in admiring taehyung that he momentarily forgot about the pain and discomfort of the stinging medicine being applied to his wound.

"still burns?" taehyung asked and jeongguk sighed a bit, still lost in admiring taehyung's face.

"like crazy" jeongguk let out in a whisper, obviously about the pain.

it seemed as though taehyung felt even more guilty, thinking jeongguk was in real pain. the boy was reckless and an idiot to be that violent to himself for no reason but taehyung couldn't deny the fact that jeongguk acted like that only because of him. jeongguk despised the way taehyung treated him and honestly, could taehyung really blame him? jeongguk had always been emotionally attached to him, and taehyung was well aware of how much he meant to jeongguk, yet he let some hurtful words affect him.

however, taehyung knew he couldn't help it. sometimes his own heart becomes more important than jeongguk's. he was only a human, he also had feelings- rather messed up feelings but he couldn't do anything about it.

he is just so in love with jeongguk.

after being done applying the ointment, he grabbed the gauze and finally looked up at jeongguk, only to find the boy already staring intensely at him. taehyung's breath hitched in his throat- for how long was jeongguk staring at him like that?

taehyung wanted to ask jeongguk if he was okay, if it was hurting or not but he couldn't. he stared at those bambi eyes for a few seconds before promptly averting his gaze back to his hand. the tattoo on his hand suddenly more interesting than the boy's face. taehyung's heart was beating fast, just one question in his head.

for how long has jeongguk been staring at him?

his fingers trembled while bandaging jeongguk's knuckle. suddenly all the attention on the wound was gone as taehyung kept messing up the dressing. blame jeongguk for looking at him like that.

after some time of struggling, taehyung was finally done as he stared down at the messily done bandaging. well, it was better than nothing at least.

taehyung kept his gaze down, hesitant to meet jeongguk's eyes again as he tried to rise from his seated position but his legs had given up from sitting like that for so long which caused him to stumble over his own feet.

in a split second, taehyung found himself falling forward, catching himself by grabbing onto jeongguk's shoulder for support. but jeongguk was caught off guard by the sudden movement and the unexpected weight, causing him to be pushed backward.

letting out a small scream, taehyung tightly shut his eyes as he collapsed on top of jeongguk. he was too scared to open his eyes and see how they were positioned, but he could sense it. he could visualize them tangled up on the bed, feeling jeongguk's heartbeat in his ear as his face was pressed against jeongguk's chest, their bodies intertwined with his lower stomach touching jeongguk's lower region and their legs tangled together - fuck, taehyung wanted the ground to swallow him.

without opening his eyes, taehyung tried to get up but he was taken aback when he felt jeongguk's arms around him, stopping him from getting up.

first, he heard jeongguk's low chuckle, and then his deep register voice. "got you"

letting out a grunt, taehyung tried hard to get up but jeongguk's arms forbade him from doing so. he could never beat the muscle bunny so soon enough, taehyung gave up and lay against jeongguk's chest.

"we just hugged gguk. are you a koala or something?"

"maybe." but taehyung knew that wasn't true. jeongguk always hated skinship, nobody ever dared to hug him. hell, people always had to maintain a certain distance from jeongguk for him to not glare the shit out at them.

but again, taehyung has always been his only exception.

sometimes which taehyung wished he wasn't.

taehyung lay still, gently resting his hand on jeongguk's chest before closing his eyes. jeongguk nestled closer to taehyung, shutting his own eyes and wrapping his arms around taehyung's body that molded perfectly with his.

they couldn't tell when they fell asleep.

it was one of the best sleep both jeongguk and taehyung had in a while.

╍╍╍╍╍

by the time taehyung slowly woke up from his slumber, he noticed that the sun had already set and darkness had descended upon the room. he let out a yawn and glanced around, only to find himself resting on the chest of someone else. the realization dawned on him suddenly, causing him to jolt upright in surprise. he placed his arms on either side of the still-sleeping jeongguk and stared down at him.

how could he fall asleep on jeongguk's chest without a single care?

this closeness was driving taehyung crazy as he slowly stood up, ruffling his hair, he in a daze paced back and forth in the cramped room after turning on the lights.

i should wake him up... he thought to himself and started calling out jeongguk's name but the boy just grunted and turned to the side, not waking up.

"gguk, hey wake up" taehyung started shaking jeongguk's leg that dangled off the bed.

finally jeongguk stirred in his sleep, opening his eyes drowsily and then looking at taehyung who was standing there, looking at him with a puffed face just like his. they had slept for quite a long time after all.

"get up, it's getting late. you should go home"

jeongguk sat up and rubbed his eyes. "home? no, let me crash here"

"my bed's too small and also i don't have extra pillows or a blanket"

jeongguk grinned in his drowsy self. "so what? you like cuddling. might as well cuddle me while i use your arm as my pillow"

taehyung smiled creepily while showing him his tightened fist, "are you leaving or not?"

"damn, okay i'm leaving. don't beat up an already injured man" jeongguk sulked, massaging the wrist of his bandaged hand and though taehyung felt bad for refusing jeongguk to stay over, he had no other options.

if jeongguk and he sleeps in this small bed which could fit only one person, taehyung can't imagine what would happen to him. sleeping on jeongguk's chest the entire day was already enough, he didn't want them to be doing more and led his stupid heart on.

but he still felt bad seeing that sulking pout so he offered, "eat something before you go"

"you'll cook for me?" jeongguk's eyes twinkled.

"yeah, i'll cook for you. now go wash your face, you are drooling"

jeongguk started wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and got up to use the washroom while taehyung went to the tiny kitchen, thinking of making something jeongguk likes.

apparently, taehyung wasn't particularly skilled in cooking as he made mistakes after mistakes; so the chef in jeongguk woke up and eventually he took charge of the cooking while taehyung observed.

despite feeling a bit embarrassed, taehyung laughed it off and flashed his signature boxy smile which encouraged jeongguk to continue. then they ate while talking about random stuff, about anything but what happened recently. taehyung was thankful jeongguk wasn't nitpicking about yoongi which he assumed he would but he thankfully didn't. maybe jeongguk didn't want to ruin the mood either.

sending jeongguk off was difficult. it was evident that he was reluctant to leave, but taehyung insisted on it- despite knowing deep down that it was a selfish decision to push jeongguk away who had no ill intentions.

the two had always been inseparable, constantly by each other's side, so the sudden distance from taehyung must have been painful for jeongguk to bear.

it was just one night stay, it shouldn't have been a problem. but taehyung was also grappling with his own hurt and inner storm caused by jeongguk's unknowing actions.

after jeongguk had left, taehyung closed the door and sighed. he lay on the same bed where jeongguk sat awhile ago, his warmth still presented. taehyung slept with ease, the fading warmth comforting him.

~~~

the next day, taehyung opened the door to find yoongi also walking to the elevator.

"hyung!" taehyung ran to catch up with yoongi, who turned to find the male already by his side.

"good morning, taehyung." yoongi gave his usual nod, clearly still sleepy.

"good morning" taehyung tensed up a bit. facing yoongi was still a bit awkward considering what happened yesterday. jeongguk just didn't let any chance slip to embarrass him in front of the older.

"about yesterday... i'm sorry i ditched our plan" taehyung bowed his head slightly in apology.

"really taehyung? why are you sorry? that friend of yours should be sorry to you" yoongi scowled and it was the first time taehyung could feel a bit of annoyance coming from the older, which of course wasn't towards him.

"jeongguk... he is like that. please don't mind him" they both got into the elevator. taehyung gazed down at his feet, suddenly remembering jeongguk's harsh words and the way he acted.

yoongi looked at him, softly this time. "are you okay taehyung?"

taehyung looked back at yoongi, slightly surprised to see the worry in the older's eyes. was he okay? absolutely not.

"yes, i'm fine. don't worry hyung" taehyung smiled, the elevator doors opening as he stepped out with yoongi following behind.

"taehyung" yoongi called out and taehyung turned his head.

"yeah?"

"jeongguk will not love you back"

taehyung's fake smile dropped. his tired eyes widening a bit before they blinked to somewhere else, chuckling bitterly taehyung nodded. "i know that very well"

"avoid him"

"huh?"

yoongi walked to taehyung and placed a hand on his shoulder, looking dead into his eyes. "i have been there, taehyung-ah. it will only hurt more."

"i know you can't completely cut him off and i'm no one to tell you to try that either but keep your distance, at times at least. make him realize that being distant is okay sometimes."

"but he... jeongguk doesn't like distance between us" taehyung tiredly let out. it wasn't like he didn't try to be away from his best friend but the boy would never let it happen.

this is why taehyung decided to enlist in the military so early. it was his only way of taking some time away from jeongguk and trying to figure out his conflicting emotions. but even that didn't help when jeongguk was back being all over him, making him feel things he shouldn't, saying stuff he didn't mean in that way, showing him those loveable eyes and care he doesn't mean differently. it was indeed hard to be away from jeongguk but taehyung knew yoongi was right.

the only way he could make it hurt less was to be away from jeongguk.

"i'm not telling you to completely avoid him. no, i want you to give yourself some time away from him. things take time taehyung, eventually the gap between you two might increase if you start doing it now and one day it'll come, you will look at jeongguk and it'll hurt but not as much as you are hurting now."

"attachment is fucking crazy, once that's gone i'm sure even jeongguk will not be upset about you talking to a gay person" yoongi sneered at the end and taehyung wanted to deny jeongguk didn't mean it in that way but he knew that was just a lie.

"i don't know hyung... it's hard" taehyung sighed, looking down at his shoes. he felt so lost, he didn't want to ignore jeongguk neither did he want the boy to be so attached to him. what did he want?

"of course it is. i'm just suggesting but it's completely up to you what you want to do. do what's best for you" yoongi squeezed his shoulder in an assuring manner. "but don't hurt for something that won't be worth it in the end"

taehyung couldn't say anything to that. even as they walked to the bus stop, reached university and went their own way, taehyung stayed silent.

attachment is crazy.

he needs to break this attachment first.

later that day, taehyung did not answer any of jeongguk's calls or texts. fortunately, jeongguk did not try to find him during his classes, perhaps unaware of his schedule. in the evening, jeongguk sent another text and this time taehyung responded briefly that he was busy. okay everything seemed to be going smoothly.

the next day came, he went to uni with yoongi. but that's when luck stopped being by his side. jeongguk was standing by the gates, staring at them with an angered gaze.

taehyung glanced at yoongi, watching the older having a raging look in his eyes as well. before things could get out of hands, taehyung told yoongi to go first and even though the older wanted to protest, he didn't seeing taehyung pleading with his eyes. yoongi sighed and walked past jeongguk, glaring at the boy while doing so.

"oh hey, gguk. you're early today"

jeongguk gazed intently at taehyung, causing tension to build within him. his eyes then shifted downwards towards jeongguk's hand where he noticed that the previous bandage had been removed and a fresh one had taken its place. notably, the new bandage appeared to be neater and more carefully applied compared to his own.

"oh, you changed the dressing. good job, didn't expect from a careless brat like you"

jeongguk glanced down at his hand and shrugged.

"mira did it"

taehyung's smile faltered. "oh"

"i didn't want her to but she was being persistent. didn't want her to nag me all day"

"she was at your place yesterday?" taehyung didn't know why was he asking. it was none of his business. but deep down, he kinda wished mira wasn't at jeongguk's house. it was like he wanted to keep the special feeling of being the only one who had ever been inside jeongguk's home.

"no, she dragged me to hers. made me meet her parents and all. it was annoying"

taehyung's forced a smile up his lips. "that's nice..."

jeongguk just stared.

"l-let's go"

taehyung was about to walk past by when jeongguk grabbed his wrist, stopping him. closing his eyes for a second taehyung deep breathed. he then turned his head to look at the boy who just blankly stared at him.

"what?"

"i missed you" jeongguk's voice was unexpectedly soft. taehyung's heart ached.

ignoring jeongguk was the hardest thing taehyung could ever do.

"you sound weird. we just talked yesterday"

"through texts, dry texts" jeongguk emphasized the word dry. his lips pouty while saying it.

taehyung's heart ached further.

"idiot, who sulks over that? let's go now, we will be late for class"

"don't wanna. let's ditch them" jeongguk offered, a grin on his lips.

in the past, they had bunked so many of their classes. going to cafes, arcades, each other's places, or even going on short trips to the local beach. they would click pictures, eat junk foods, run and laugh, make silly hearts on the beach writing their names together in them, annoy the old lady in the small restaurant they had eat at, get scolded by their parents when they would get to know- just to do it all over again.

jeongguk wanted to do that again, taehyung could tell.

his heart ached further when he had to shake his head.

he couldn't be the same taehyung who was carelessly enjoying his youth with his best friend.

jeongguk's smile faded. he could feel taehyung's coldness when he said no but jeongguk didn't point it out, didn't ask why he felt so distant all suddenly. not even when taehyung tugged on his wrist just once before walking ahead, into the campus, not even bothering to drag him along.

jeongguk watched as taehyung walked further and further away, feeling the distance between them grow larger. he remained rooted to the spot, allowing the gap to widen.

taehyung felt different. a bad kinda different.

as the day went on, they both found themselves caught up in their own busy schedules, resulting in a lack of communication or face-to-face interaction. jeongguk made no effort to reach out through text, which surprisingly relieved taehyung.

the next day was the same. taehyung didn't find jeongguk waiting for him. no texts, no calls, nothing.

however the next day, jeongguk was waiting outside his classroom. taehyung was starlet to find him leaning against the wall, waiting for him.

so jeongguk knew his schedule after all.

"what's up, mr busy guy" jeongguk straightened up, hands shoved inside his baggy jeans. he briefly locked eyes with taehyung, his gaze intense before softening into his usual doe-eyed expression.

taehyung sighed in defeat. "what brings you here?"

"come home with me. mom's back and she invited you for lunch"

"but i have one more class-"

"skip it" jeongguk's voice was firm, his expression serious as he demanded. okay, jeongguk was not going to let taehyung refuse.

and taehyung could easily discern the reason behind jeongguk's behavior. it was evident that jeongguk was in a shitty mood- as indicated by the irritation that flickered in his eyes when he mentioned his mother's return. it was no secret that jeongguk despised having his parents around and it was completely understandable.

in moments like these, when jeongguk needed a distraction from that empty house of a home, taehyung was always there to lend a comforting presence.

so how could taehyung refuse this time?

"okay, let's go" taehyung brought out his phone and started to text someone and jeongguk raised an eyebrow.

"who you texting?"

"oh, jimin. we share the same classes so i'm informing him in case"

jeongguk scowled, "that same guy from the party?"

"yeah?"

holding back the urge to roll his eyes, jeongguk started walking off and taehyung followed behind, confused as to why jeongguk suddenly started looking even more pissed.

getting on jeongguk's bike, taehyung resisted to not hold onto jeongguk but jeongguk made him do so anyway. after a while they reached and taehyung watched as with hesitation jeongguk opened the door to his own house. that happens when his parents are at home.

it wasn't like taehyung wasn't nervous either. he was awfully nervous, it's been years and yet whenever he meets mrs jeon, he would get nervous. something about this woman was intimidating and taehyung understood where jeongguk had gotten his awfully intimidating aura from.

they entered the house, noticing mrs jeon sitting on the couch, watching tv. her head turned behind to look at them at the sound of the door opening.

"oh my boys are home~" mrs jeon got up, an elegant smile on her lips as she walked to them who stepped inside further.

taehyung bowed slightly and smiled, "good afternoon"

"taehyungie~ been so long since i last saw you!" mrs. jeon gave taehyung a quick hug and he immediately felt more relaxed. even though jeongguk's mom can be intimidating, she was never like that with him- just like her son.

she then looked at jeongguk who strolled forward, not even meeting her eyes.

"jeongguk" she called out and jeongguk looked at her, bored.

"yes?"

the woman sighed, "freshen up, you two, let's have lunch together"

jeongguk looked at taehyung, "let's go tae"

as the two boys made their way up the stairs, mrs. jeon watched them with a slight shake of her head, feeling disappointed about jeongguk's apparent lack of excitement in seeing her but it was nothing new. she then turned and made her way to the kitchen.

╍╍╍╍╍╍

as taehyung stepped into jeongguk's room, he felt a sudden presence behind him and to his surprise, jeongguk's arms tenderly encircled his body from the back, causing taehyung to let out a gasp.

taehyung's entire being froze in response to jeongguk's gentle action of resting his chin in the curve of his neck and exhaling softly, causing a surge of warmth to spread across his skin, making it feel scorching hot.

taehyung attempted to pry away the strong grip of jeongguk's large hands on his waist but jeongguk only pulled him in tighter, nuzzling his front against his back- enveloping him in a tight back hug.

"g-gguk?" taehyung breathed out, his body turning wobbly from the way jeongguk snuggled to him.

taehyung could sense the warmth of jeongguk's breath on his neck, the brush of his nose against his skin and the pressure of his chest and groin- taehyung wanted to fucking breathe.

"make her leave, tae" jeongguk mumbled, hiding his face in taehyung's nape.

after hearing that, how could taehyung push him away? knowing what was going on inside jeongguk. suddenly why he was hugging him so tightly made sense.

jeongguk wanted to seek comfort from him.

placing his hands over jeongguk's, taehyung gave them a light squeeze, letting jeongguk hug him and not resist anymore.

"don't say that. she's your mother, gguk."

"she doesn't feel like one" jeongguk let out in a broken tone.

all these years spent in loneliness, negligence and without his mother's love who was busy building her career- taehyung understands jeongguk's discomfort towards his own mother.

all jeongguk ever had was taehyung and taehyung simply can't comprehend how on earth did they end up like this- one wanting nothing but friendship and the other wanting something more.

"it's oka-"

all of a sudden, the door swung open, causing taehyung to feel a chill run down his spine as he heard the surprised voice of a woman fill the room.

"jeo- what the hell are you two doing?"

━━━━━━━